PnF/MML crossover. The sequel to Double Date!

Ch 1- What's Gonna Work? Not Teamwork.

"Humph. They're all horribly incompetent," Mr. Block huffed. "I can say with complete confidence that they'll screw up the assigned mission with all the grace of a pig on greased roller skates."

Major Monogram rolled his eyes. "I can agree with a quarter of that statement. I don't know your men, so I can't speak for them. But Perry the Platypus is our top agent for a reason. Don't underestimate animals with human intellect."

"We'll see," Mr. Block said. "But don't get your hopes up about that alliance. My agents have better things to do than babysit a petting zoo. With the exception of Costco and Oklahoma of course." The right screen shut off at Block's obnoxious laughter.

Monogram stared at the blank screen, unimpressed. "Remember to bring Lord Doom into the slammer when you've completed the mission. Man, why did that guy have to pick such a stupid villain name?"

Perry saluted as the left screen faded out. He prayed this mission would be smoother than the entire Professor Parentheses incident. They were working with experienced agents this time, so maybe it would over before he knew it and he could snuggle into Phineas' bed before midnight.

"So I never got to mention this last time we met because of societal conventions, but has anyone ever told you that you look like a leprechaun? I mean, you're wearing all green and stuff even when it's not St. Patrick's. And don't even get me started on the actual style of your clothes. You must be really popular at steampunk conventions."

"I do not look like a leprechaun! Do you have any how hard it is to find a good pair of spats in your century?"

Then again, maybe not.

Perry doubted both agencies would have a steady alliance for fighting evil even if their mission was successful. If Block's condescending attitude was anything to go by, his agents likely wouldn't want to be paired with animals. And he definitely hated the way he treated Vinnie and Balthazar during the briefing. He had never seen a superior openly express disdain for their subordinates during briefings.

No wonder Balthazar was irritated all the time if he had to deal with that guy on a near daily basis. However, Perry still disliked him for his treatment of Milo in the restaurant. Interrogating a child in a public place? Either he had to be stupid, crazy, or both.

Vinnie was just as easygoing as he was when they first met, simply enjoying a foot long sub in peace. Perry sat next to him, deciding that it was probably better to let Heinz and Balthazar tire themselves out with their argument.

"How do you manage yours?" Vinnie asked, jerking his thumb towards Heinz, who was currently mocking Balthazar's accent.

With practice. How Vinnie managed his, he didn't have a clue.

After twenty minutes, the argument had finally run out of steam and they were glaring at each other in silence. Perry used the opportunity to review the file with the mission details and map out a plan.

"Balthy, we got a real mission for once. Cheer up," Vinnie nudged a disgruntled Balthazar, who folded his arms and looked away. "This Lord Doom guy made his hideout in an abandoned castle. Typical villain fare. Do you think he's got minions? Most bad guys have them, at least that's what I've heard."

Heinz shrugged. "If he does, I assume they'd be better than Norm. Seriously, he's gotten into the habit of breaking walls whenever he feels like it thanks to a certain platypus-" he jabbed a finger at Perry "-and I'm the one who has to repair it."

"I want all of you to take this mission seriously," Balthazar said, adjusting his glasses. He glanced at the file. "His hideout is all the way in Drusselstein? That backwater country? I sincerely hope we don't have to deal with the locals, because they're kookier than an intoxicated loon."

Perry and Heinz looked at each other, surprised that Balthazar said something they could agree with for a change. "I swear they try to murder you on driving tests. And the instructor doesn't even get in the car with you! What kind of assessment is that?" Heinz grumbled.

He was worried about the mission. Not because of the 'doomsday device to end all doomsday devices' as the file called the invention that needed to be destroyed, but how well they'd actually work together. Perry would be fine by himself. With Heinz, the chances for a slip-up increased, but they could improvise their way out with ease.

However, he had no idea how Vinnie and Balthazar handled themselves in action. Furthermore, being the only animal (discounting Heinz's legal status as an ocelot) complicated matters. He wasn't sure if he could communicate that well with them. Even Monogram and Carl had trouble understanding him sometimes.

Perry pushed a button on the keyboard, and a wall flipped around to reveal a platypus themed plane. OWCA had approved his request for a larger method of transport within a week of the Professor Parenthesis fiasco. If they wanted to assign different agents to work with him, then the small hovercraft wouldn't be enough to fit everyone. He'd learned that lesson the hard way.

"What do you guys think? It's more straightforward than bending space-time so the trebuchets match up," Heinz said. "Perry the Platypus gets all the cool equipment. Monobrow won't let me have more than just the basics. He's afraid I'll put self-destruct buttons on something expensive."

"You bent time?" Balthazar asked as everyone boarded the plane. "How come we were never alerted?"

Heinz shrugged. "Well, the time of day didn't change. It was more or less just changing the distance between North America and Europe to make for a shorter trip."

"We don't exactly have the means to deal with the space-time continuum," Vinnie said. "That's usually reserved for the highest ranks. Besides, they're always warning us to not change history. It's the first thing they drill into your head. Not literally drilling, of course. That would hurt."

Perry entered the cockpit, inputting the coordinates listed on the mission file for Lord Doom's castle into the computer and changing the mode to autopilot. There was no way he was manually piloting this thing for the next four hours.

Everyone made themselves comfortable on the plush chairs. Heinz stretched out his limbs, reveling in all the leg room unavailable to him on commercial flights. Perry sat next to him, claiming the arm rest between them with an elbow. Heinz nudged Perry's elbow off, smirking as he laid his entire arm across it. Scowling, Perry dug a hand underneath his arm so he could grip the edge. They continued the war over the arm rest as the plane rolled down the runway.

As the plane picked up speed, Balthazar gripped Vinnie's shoulder. "I'm just, uh, making sure you're all right since you're not used to flying," he said, chewing his lip. He sank against the seat, squeezing his eyes shut.

Vinnie patted his back. "Think soothing thoughts. Like, uh, jasmine tea. Yeah! A nice, freshly brewed jasmine tea. Bought in a family owned store and made with love. Served in a floral patterned cup and saucer. Bluebells, for instance."

The plane lifted off the ground, Perry holding Heinz's hand the entire time. He wasn't scared. He was just making sure Heinz wasn't scared. That's all. Takeoff sometimes gave even the most seasoned agents butterflies.

Thirty minutes later, a robotic voice chimed in on the intercom. "Welcome. You may get up and move around as long as you do not strip the plane for inventions. I will notify you again when we are close to your destination or in the possibility that we will plunge to certain doom over the open ocean, where no one will be able to find and identify your bodies. Thank you and have a wonderful day."

"Bet you don't have anything as cool as this plane in your agency," Heinz said.

Balthazar scoffed. "We have much more refined methods of transportation than your primitive flying death trap."

Vinnie opened a pack of in-flight peanuts from the supply box. "Depends if you consider double bikes refined. But our agency definitely doesn't supply in-flight peanuts!"

"Your agency doesn't treat you guys well," Heinz remarked. "I mean, OWCA doesn't pay their interns, but from what I've seen they actually enjoy their work. Have you considered quitting?"

"Quitting? Are you daft?" Balthazar stood up, unbuckling himself from the seat and standing up so that he towered over Heinz. "I joined the Bureau to save the world, and if you think I am here to do anything else, you are sorely mistaken."

Heinz leaned back in his seat. "It was a simple question!" Perry chattered in warning, and Heinz shut his mouth before he could say something to set Balthazar off.

"Balthazar, calm down," Vinnie grabbed his coattail, trying to gently pull him back to his seat.

He ripped the cloth out of Vinnie's hand. "This is our chance at a promotion and you two better not ruin it for us."

Perry folded his arms. If anything was going to ruin this mission, it would be Balthazar's attitude. Heinz and Balthazar glared daggers at each other. After several minutes, he huffed and took his seat once more.

Vinnie offered a tentative smile as an apology. Perry tipped his hat in acknowledgement. At least Vinnie wasn't holding anything against them.

"Tch, what's that guy's problem?" Heinz asked, his voice low so that nobody but Perry could hear him. "I say one thing and he blows his fuse!" Perry made several broad gestures. "Look, I'd love to get along with him too but at this rate it's just not happening!"

Perry prayed that he didn't require rescuing at some point during the mission. He'd be doomed if Balthazar and Heinz couldn't set aside their argument in time.

With the exception of Heinz's snores, it was too quiet now. Perry had thought Monogram's animal sensitivity lectures were long and boring. Those paled in comparison to the near silence he could barely endure.

It would be a long four hours.