The Steve Exchange

Author's note: Okay, this is going to be a weird one. First, I have a confession. Until recently, I had never seen the original Hawaii 5-0. I was basically familiar with it. I knew the theme song. But I'd never watched it. After getting hooked on the 21st century version, I've recently gone back to take a look at the old one. It's certainly different. Of course, some of what strikes me about it has to do with the time it was made. I'm just barely old enough to remember the early seventies and watching the show is like a blast from the past. I also can't help noticing, though, the differences in how that show, compared to the modern version, presented the characters' attitudes and relationships with one another. (Kind of stiff and formal, it seems to me.) Then, this morning, I watched The Young Assassins, wherein (if you don't know) Danno gets kidnapped by a group of hippie terrorists who threaten to kill him unless two of their members are released from jail. All I could think of throughout the episode was how 21st century Steve would have handled that situation.

So basically what has occurred to me is that it would be fun to trade Steves between the two groups. To that end, I've come up with a farfetched and scientifically implausible plot device and I'm going to run with it. Hang on. It's going to be a strange ride. I apologize if the original characters are a bit ooc. I'm trying to get them right but, as I said, I've only seen a few episodes.

(Also, I made a deal with myself that I can only work on this after I write a chapter of my next book, so this might be slow to update. I will continue to update until it's done, though.)

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Chapter One: Not My Steven

Iolani Palace. Universe B 2017

Danny Williams was not impressed.

He stood in the middle of the 5-0 Task Force's main work area and glared at his commander. The rest of the task force stood around the central smart table and watched the conversation, the way one might watch a tennis match. Between monkeys. On pogo sticks.

Danny stood with his arms folded and his hands tucked into his armpits, occasionally freeing one hand or the other to point or gesture with. When he was not using his hands to express himself, he was using the rest of his body. He tilted his upper torso at the waist. He tipped his head. He canted his shoulders this way or that and he swayed from side to side. From beyond the windows, where there was no sound, it would have appeared like he was dancing or trying to escape from a straight jacket. Or both.

"Let's say, for the sake of argument, let's say for just one minute that I believed this farfetched bit of nonsensical science fiction-which, by the way, I do not. But let's pretend that I do believe it."

"Its not science fiction," Steven J. McGarrett interjected. "I know it sounds crazy, but at this point it is a proven fact."

"Right," Danny said sarcastically. "It is a proven fact that there are alternate universes that are just like this one, only different. And there are versions of us in these universes. And we can change places with them."

"Exactly," Steve agreed.

"I've read through the theory." Chin Ho Kelly was brave enough to enter the conversation. "Weird, yes. But it does seem sound."

"It's not a theory," Steve said. "They've done it. Two groups of scientists, one in our universe and one in what they're calling Universe A, using some of the stranger principles of quantum mechanics, have built a device to allow a person to swap places with their counterpart in the other universe. It was only meant to be for scientific research purposes, of course. But one of the scientists in our universe and his counterpart in Universe A both went rogue and sold copies of the technology on the black market. So now we have criminals from our world hiding in their world and criminals from their world hiding in our world. Since both universes have a 5-0 Task Force, and both task forces are headed by me, it just seems to make sense for me to trade places with myself to facilitate all of us working together to capture the fugitives and retrieve the missing technology in both worlds."

Danny snorted in disgust. "Did you even listen to what you just said right there?"

"What? What part of this doesn't make sense?"

"Uh...all of it? Look, let's pretend like all this really is real. Why does it seem like a good idea to you to allow yourself to be zapped into an alternate universe?"

"What could happen?"

"Gee. I don't know." Danny made a show of considering it, tilting his body this way and that, rolling his eyes, waving his right hand around in the air. "You could...die? You could get vaporized? You could get beamed into outer space?"

"None of that is gonna happen. They've done this, okay. They've already done this. They tried it with mice, and lizards, and spider monkeys, and a couple of geologists."

"Okay, first, how do they know they exchanged our universe mice and lizards and spider monkeys with Universe A ones? Do they not all look alike? What did they do? ASK THEM? And secondly, geologists? Why would you try this experimental machine out on your fellow scientists?"

Steve shrugged, a little subdued. "Some of the theoretical physicists seem mean," he observed. "Anyway, it's a moot point because the governor has okayed this and it's going to happen. I just have to get to the lab so we can do the exchange in a controlled setting. You guys spend the next week working with Alter-me and seven days from now we trade back. Any questions?"

"What do we know about this Universe A?" Lou Grover asked. "It can't be just like ours or there wouldn't be any point in someone changing places. I mean, say you're in a car chase here. To get away you zap yourself into Universe A, where you're in the middle of a car chase. See what I mean? Doesn't accomplish anything."

"They're not identical," Steve said. "For one thing, there's a time difference."

"A time difference?" Kono Kalakaua asked.

"Yeah. A big one. In Universe A it's 1972. Also, although most of us apparently exist there, we don't necessarily look the same and the relationships aren't necessarily the same. For example, we know that their task force has a Dan Williams-"

"Oh, God. There are two of him," Lou interjected softly.

Danny glared at him. Steve ignored them both.

"Their task force has a Dan Williams and they have a lab technician named Eric Russo, but they're not related."

"If relationships aren't the same, are the people the same?" Kono asked.

"Not necessarily. For example, One of the guys I'm going to be chasing down, with the help of Universe A's 5-0, is Tony Spagghlioni."

"The mob hitman?" Danny asked.

"Exactly. Now, he used the machine to change places with his counterpart. We've already located his counterpart here in our universe. She's a trans woman who's putting herself through medical school by working as a belly dancer. She doesn't want to go back, actually, so we might just throw him in prison there."

"So here's a thought," Danny said. "Assuming, again, that I believe all this-which I don't. Why don't we track down the non-lethal counterparts of the escaped villains in our own respective universes and just use this magic zapper machine to trade them back for their evil twins, who will then be in our custody because we'll set the receiver up inside a maximum security prison."

"I hate to say it, but he's got a point," Lou agreed. Chin and Kono nodded.

"The problem with that," Steve said, "is that we don't know what their counterparts are doing. We could be dropping the innocent doubles out a plane or into the middle of traffic. That's why we're specifically doing this exchange in a laboratory, both ways. So...any other questions?"

"I have one," Chin Ho Kelly said. "If this guy is basically you, does that mean he's going to be in charge? Are we taking orders from this Alter-Steve?"

"No." McGarrett was emphatic. "And I already discussed this with the governor. Consider him a sort of special consultant. I mean, try to avoid an open confrontation, if that's possible. But he's not me and this is my task force. In my absence, Danny's in command. Understood?"

The team nodded and McGarrett nodded back, satisfied.

"Okay, I'm off now. No wisecracks, Danno. Danny's with me and I'll see the rest of you this time next week."

"I'm with you?" Danny asked. "This really is a prank, isn't it? You're just trying to get me to fall for it so you can say gotcha."

"It's not a prank."

"Sure."

"It's not."

"It is."

"It's not."

"Then why am I going with you, hmm?"

"I just need you to drive me to the lab."

"Oh!" Danny reared back, eyes open wide, arms still crossed. "So you're actually going to allow me to drive my own car for a change?"

"Of course not. That was a euphemism. Give me your keys."

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Science Laboratory. Universe A. 1972

Dan Williams, dressed in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, jogged into the laboratory, eyes wide in alarm, to find his boss, 5-0 commander Steve McGarrett, pacing in front of a booth that looked like a phone booth out of a Star Trek episode. McGarrett saw him and frowned.

"What's this?" he asked, waving his hand to indicate his second-in-command's clothing.

"Sorry," Dan said. "It's my day off. I was on my way to the beach when an officer flagged me down. He said it was urgent so I came straight here. I have clothes in the car," he pointed over his shoulder with his thumb. "I can change if-"

"No, I'm afraid there's no time. However, it is unfortunate. I would have preferred that you present yourself in a more professional manner."

"Present myself to whom? What's going on?"

Briefly, McGarrett explained about the alternate universes, the technology, and the impending exchange with his Universe B alter-ego.

Danno was bemused. "Really, Steve? That sounds like something out of science fiction."

"Yes, well, no one asked you," McGarrett said, somewhat harshly. "In about five minutes I'm going to step into that booth and my counterpart from the alternate universe is going to step out. Now, this should go without saying, but you know my feelings on the importance of maintaining a definite chain of command. Even though he's from another universe, this other McGarrett is me and I expect you to work for him just as you would work for me. Understood?"

Danno straightened his spine. "Yes, sir."

"Good man." McGarrett clapped him on the shoulder. "Make me proud."

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Science Lab. Universe B. 2017

"Bad idea. Bad idea. Bad, bad, bad idea."

"But, seriously, Danno. Tell me what you really think."

"Okay, say this is all real-"

"Which you still don't believe."

"Which, God help me, is an idea I'm beginning to entertain. Say this really is all real. It is still a really bad idea. What if you get there and they don't want to give you back?"

Steve grinned, delighted. "You love me."

"What if we don't want to take you back?"

"Won't happen. You love me." He hefted a duffel bag.

"What's that?"

"My luggage. You don't think I'm going to go to an alternate universe without packing first?"

"What did you pack," Danny demanded. "Hand grenades and extra ammo?"

"And socks and underwear. Yeah. Why?"

"Just...be careful, okay?"

"I'm always careful."

Danny snorted. Steve stepped into the booth and grinned back at his friend. "Relax. This is gonna be fun."

"Whatever." Danny sighed. "Love you, babe."

"Love you more."

One of the scientists threw a switch. A low hum filled the room and a glow began to build inside the booth. It reached a point where Danny was obliged to cover his eyes and when it died away and he could see again his best friend had vanished and in his place there stood an older man, tall and dark-haired like his Steven but otherwise largely dissimilar. His face was thinner than Steven's, with prominent features. His hair was longer and he wore it combed back in a style that was almost familiar to Danny, though he couldn't quite figure out why. One lock curled down onto his forehead, above his eye. He wore a light-blue suit (a McGarrett in a suit! Ha! thought Danny) and carried a small bag that could have been either a large briefcase or a small overnight bag.

He stepped out of the booth and looked around.

"I'm Commander Steve McGarrett of the Five-O task force."

Danny stepped forward and offered his hand.

"Detective Danny Williams. You're with me."

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Universe A. 1972.

Danno waited, self-conscious about his inappropriate attire, while one of the scientists threw a switch and a low hum filled the lab. A glow built in the booth, reaching a point where he was forced to look away. When the glow had died down and his vision cleared, he looked back to see his best friend gone and a stranger in his place.

This Steve McGarrett was younger, maybe only a few years older than Danno himself. He held himself tall, with a military bearing and his hair, dark like Danno's own Steve's, was short and straight. He wore a pair of khaki trousers with a truly ridiculous number of pockets and a tight black tee shirt and he carried a duffel bag.

He stepped out of the booth and looked around.

"Steve McGarrett. I think you're expecting me?"

Danno came forward and offered him his hand. "Dan Williams. Pleased to meet you."

The man he had decided to call Steve-B took his hand and didn't immediately let go but stood looking down at him, eyebrows raised.

Danno blushed and gestured to himself with his left hand. "I apologize for the informal attire. It was my day off. I was called in suddenly and didn't have the opportunity to change."

"So...you're wearing those clothes voluntarily?"

Danno felt his face growing hot. "Yes, sir."

"So, ah, what were you planning to do? Since it was your day off and all?"

"Oh, well, um, I was heading out to the North Shore to catch some waves."

"Surfing?"

"Yes, sir."

"Again, voluntarily? No one was, I don't know, holding your grandma hostage or anything?"

"Uh, yes sir. No, sir. I don't think I understand, sir."

Steve-B hoisted his duffel bag up on his left shoulder. It clanked. "How do you feel about pineapple on pizza?"

Danno frowned slightly, confused. "It's great with ham," he suggested.

Steve-B broke out in a huge grin, dropped one arm around his shoulders and squeezed hard.

"We're gonna get along just great," he said.