Synopsis: The paladins make a diplomatic visit to a planet with sexual dimorphism roughly opposite that of Earth. Women are larger and more powerful, while men are leaner and smaller. Cue their horror at gaunt, sickly Pidge and mild disgust with the 'womanly' Shiro. Lance hits the sweet spot. He's got the build and features to draw the eyes and the charm to keep them. Their hosts are quite taken with him, in particular the daughter of the queen, whose forwardness is a comic reversal of Lance's usual dynamic with women. Lance likes the attention and finds her intriguing, but eventually things take a discomforting turn.

Beneath the Champagne Sea
Swiss Army Knife

Chapter One:
Best Behavior, Please

Lance knew things were serious because of the grim expression Coran was wearing as he scanned the latest damage report. Normally when things got bad he would summon up a cheerful, "Never mind!" and recommend a hair-raisingly dangerous solution like infiltrating a Galra occupied planet or collecting crystals from the belly of a giant space worm, but this time even his ingenuity seemed to be at its limit. Shiro was also looking at the data readout, eyebrows drawn together.

"Are you saying we can't fix this?"

The overhead lights gave an ominous flicker, and all of them looked up. They'd been doing that ever since the last warp. "As things stand, no. We're in no danger of losing propulsion, but I haven't been able to do anything about the internal power. Everything is unreliable right now."

Didn't they know it. All nonessential systems were on standby, including the healing pods. Which was a shame, because Lance felt like one giant bruise. Hunk had a concussion, and Shiro was nursing some superficial lasers burns. But at least they could walk. Keith had no choice but to gimp around on a busted ankle. Only Pidge remained mostly unscathed, but unfortunately the same couldn't be said of the castle-ship.

"The castle can manufacture almost anything," Coran went on. "But first we need replacement alloys that must be refined. And, alas, we don't have that capability."

"So we need to go somewhere with people," Hunk deduced. He had been gingerly poking his bandaged head, but perked up at the prospect. "Space mall?"

Of course, Lance had heard all about Hunk's food court enslavement. That it ended with him taking over the restaurant was hardly surprising. Though rarely seen, Hunk had an assertive side when it came to food. Kaltenecker wasn't so bad either. Lance liked to visit the storage compartment they'd converted for her to reminisce about Earth. However, he still felt annoyed about the divot their escape had put in his forehead; it was one of his least heroic scars.

Which is why he griped, "Only you would be excited about going back there. We almost died."

"We didn't almost die," Hunk countered. "Melodramatic, much?"

"We are not going back to the space mall," Shiro interrupted, though as he did a shadow passed over his face. He looked at Allura. "We don't need to go that route, do we?"

The princess folded her hands in front of her. "That won't be necessary. We will almost certainly be better off finding a nearby planet that can supply us. Coran?"

"Already on it, Princess," he said. As the screen cycled through worlds, Lance was drawn to the display, mesmerized as always by the variety of shapes and colors. In the past, he'd always imagined planets would be like those in their own solar system. Not so, as it turned out. Eventually, Coran made a satisfied noise. "I think I've got it!"

He made a selection, and a holographic projection of an alien world appeared in their midst. It hung in space, round and oddly pink in color with two tiny white moons and a band of chartreuse clouds drifting over its surface. Lance broke into a smile. "Is that water? It looks like cranberry soda!"

"More like strawberry champagne," Pidge said.

"Been hitting the bottle, squirt?"

She shot Lance a condescending look. "Some of us grew up in families who had a little sophistication."

"Alright," Shiro intervened before things could devolve. He placed a hand on either combatant, redirecting attention to the problem at hand. "You think these people would welcome us?"

Allura stepped closer to examine the planet, and despite the lines of exhaustion on her face, her lips stretched. "Oh, yes," she said. "I recognize this planet. It's called Eylül. The pink color does come from its oceans, which are some of the most beautiful I've ever encountered. As I recall, the Eylülens had little interest in life beyond their own world, but I believe they will help us. They are a welcoming and unique people."

The way the princess was hiding a smirk made Lance certain there was more to the story. He quirked an eyebrow. "Princess, we've met literal salamander people, dust mops with eyes, purple cat soldiers, an entire race of bug-eating rock monsters –"

"Dude!" Hunk protested.

Lance backpedaled. "Sorry, sorry. Rock people. But really, what could possibly make these guys so unique?"

"Oh, it's not what you're thinking," Allura said. "They actually look quite Altean. Rather, it's their social hierarchy that I found interesting. Eylül happens to be a matriarchy."

Pidge pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and stepped forward, intrigued. "The women are in charge? But surely that isn't all that strange."

"Not really, no," Allura agreed. She went to the computer panel. "However, the people of Eylül display a notable sexual dimorphism that is roughly opposite that of both humans and Alteans."

Lance was puzzled. "Sexual what?"

"Sexual dimorphism," Pidge repeated. "It's when the sexes of a species have really different characteristics. Like in their size, coloring, or behavior. For example, in humans, men usually have denser muscle mass and higher lung capacity."

"Peacocks!" Lance realized. He wiggled his fingers. "And spiders."

Hunk groaned, wringing his hands in disgust. "Lance, just, please don't. The fact that there are no spiders here may be my favorite thing about space."

Considering the crazy things they'd encountered, Lance thought his buddy was making one heck of an assumption. He patted Hunk affectionately on the shoulder. "Your optimism is adorable."

Allura looked puzzled by the proffered examples, but she acknowledged them nonetheless. "I'm sure you are correct about these 'peacocks', though perhaps I can offer a more salient illustration. Here is a stored image of the Eylülens from our last diplomatic meeting."

The hologram changed, shifting to a pair of figures. At first, Lance couldn't see anything remarkable about them. They were both attractive-looking humanoids with skin so densely freckled that it was hard to discern their actual complexion. And they had ears like Chuchule, soft and folded at the center, which peeked out of their hair. If the proportions were to scale, Allura was correct. They were remarkably similar to humans…er, Alteans. So what was the big deal? Lance peered closer, trying to spot the sexual dimorphism that Allura had been talking about. Then, all of sudden, he choked on laughter. "Oh, I see."

Hunk flapped his hands, wide-eyed. "She's twice his size!"

"Not quite," Coran said. His finger punctuated the air. "On average, Eylülens demonstrate a 20 percent difference in weight and height, which is only slightly greater than the difference you'd expect in your own species."

"But she's definitely bigger," Lance said. Now that he was looking closely, he could see that the female Eylülen wasn't just taller. Beneath the loose tunic, her body was muscular and defined. The overall effect was definitely more handsome than pretty, but there was a certain fascination to it. Lance found himself grinning.

Coran was still lecturing. "As you can see, the women tend to be physically dominant, while men are leaner, smaller, and more delicate. Likewise, their political structure favors women in authority, while husbands and sons tend to take supporting roles."

"That might be interesting," Shiro murmured. Most of them were, after all, male.

"I want to see," Keith spoke for the first time. He'd been sitting on the couch with his leg propped up to ease the swelling, but now he pulled himself upright with a grunt.

"Careful," Lance cautioned as he hobbled closer. As a counterbalance, Lance slung an arm around him. He received the expected look of annoyance, but Keith didn't shove him away. He did wedge his unnaturally sharp elbow into Lance's side, however. Ouch.

Shiro sought final confirmation. "How certain are you that these people are trustworthy? We're not exactly in a position to make a mistake."

Allura tilted her head. "They treated Altean ambassadors with unreproachable hospitality. Of course, a great deal of time has passed…"

"Why don't we send them a message," Coran suggested. "If they answer, I say we take the risk. They're certainly the closest possible ally we have outside of Zarkon's influence."

Shiro gave a slow nod. "Agreed. Let's do that and hope for the best."

Allura closed her eyes tiredly. "In the meantime, we should make preparations."

They didn't have to wait long. The Eylülens received their message and, within the day, had offered a cordial invitation to reestablish ties. It wasn't effusive, but nor was it in any way hostile. Allura was much encouraged. "This bodes well, but it's still very important that we make a good impression."

"So we shouldn't look like a bunch of hobos whose ship is ready to fall out of the sky." Lance pointed both fingers. "Gotcha."

Keith looked nonplussed. They'd convened in the common room, where Coran and Allura had assembled clothing and accessories. "I still don't get what all this has to do with anything. We've always worn our suits before."

"The Eylülens are quite refined with elegant sensibilities. The royal family is certain to meet us, and we'll need to convey a similar status."

"Which means no paladin armor," Shiro said, though he looked uncomfortable with the idea. "Too military."

Lance didn't say anything, but secretly he was relieved. Keith wouldn't have been able to wear his boot anyway, but Lance probably could have squeezed into his suit's skintight confines if need be. The loose garment in his hands with its low collar and cinched waist would be much more comfortable. And sandals! Apparently, the capital city had a mild climate, which meant open footwear.

Allura continued her crash course on Eylülen culture. "We should exhibit elegant manners, polite speech, shows of mutual respect. And especially for the boys," she said with a small smile, "a certain amount of charm wouldn't go amiss."

"It seems like you'd be great with all that, Coran," Lance said. Coran had always been kind of fabulous in his mannerisms and dress.

Allura's eyes shone with amusement. "He would be a near perfect emissary, were it not for one small factor. The Eylülens find facial hair revolting. The rest of you will need to remain clean-shaven during our time there, but I won't ask that of Coran."

Coran frisked his abounding moustaches, which had the effect of making them look even fuller and bushier than before. "Much appreciated, Princess. I would feel positively naked without them. No, no. You six will be more than enough, and I'll stay behind to 'man the fort', so to speak."

"We always appreciate having your eyes in the sky, Coran," Shiro said, then turned to the others. "As for the rest of you, you heard Allura. Keep it smooth."

Pidge offered a cheeky wave. "No problem here."

Shiro narrowed his eyes at her lack of helpfulness. "Speaking of which, I want to be clear. I expect all of you play to your strengths, so if you can't be charming – " He seemed to stare especially hard at Keith and Pidge. "– then at least avoid antagonizing anyone. And Lance."

Lance perked up. "Yeah?"

"Don't overdo it with the flirting."

Hunk covered his laugh with a cough, though not very well. Lance put his hands on his hips. "Et tu, Hunk?"

"Ugh, yes," Allura agreed. "It would not do to offend our hosts. Avoid it at all costs."

"Well, not all costs," Shiro put in, ever the voice of reason. "But we don't want to have to bug out just because of a misunderstanding, so best behavior, everyone."

Pidge elbowed Lance in the side. "Hear that, Mister Liability?"

She wasn't trying to be mean, but the nickname had a bitter taste. 'Liability' had been one of Commander Iverson's favorite invectives when Lance had proved particularly incompetent. 'I'll resign my post before I commission a pilot who will get his crew killed,' Iverson had once threatened. That seemed like a long time ago, but Lance had never forgotten, and unfortunately he still had the habit of turning out to be the weakest link among his highly talented friends.

But no matter. He definitely wasn't going to mess things up this time. Best behavior? No problem.

Next Chapter: Lance and Blue get a little carried away and make quite an impression on the royal family, one of them in particular.

Author's Note: Alright, time for an adventure. I had the idea to do an anthology of stories about Team Voltron visiting various alien species because it's fun to write aliens (human-like or not) and because shenanigans. That may happen one day, but this story is definitely its own thing and has turned out to have a more serious tone than I planned. I figure that's not necessarily bad though, right? Thank you in advance for your feedback. I especially enjoy hearing what bits stuck out to you!