Summery – The 'Boy-Who-Lived'… never heard of Harry Potter, and it's all Albus Dumbledore's fault.

Disclaimer – J.K. Rowling, I am not… there are some direct quotes, some mixed quotes, and some indirect quotes from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone in this, but I did try to make it fun to re-read what you've probably read before if you're reading Harry Potter fanfiction.

Segment 1 - Who's Harry Potter?

On November 1st of 1981, Mrs. Petunia Dursley opened the front door of her spectacularly normal house, in the middle of the most perfectly normal town of Little Whinging, Surrey to collect the milk as she did every morning. That particular morning, however, she found the milkman about to knock on her door and a basket on the stoop filled with a baby and a note. Quickly taking the child inside and trying to reassure the milkman repeatedly that everything was "perfectly alright," she shooed him away and ran quickly to her husband.

Mr. Vernon Dursley, surprised that his perfectly normal wife was acting strangely, asked her what the matter was, to which she shockingly stood, with her hand to her mouth, and simply handed him the letter.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Vernon Dursley,

It is my sad duty to inform you that Lily Potter nee Evans and her husband James Potter were tragically killed last evening. As such, I am placing
their child, Harry James Potter, into your care. While he is part of your household, the blood wards I have erected will protect you from mages
who would seek to harm the boy.

My sincerest condolences,

Albus Dumbledore

"I'll not have it! It's straight to the orphanage with this one!"

"But Vernon, dear. If they would seek to harm him, they might harm us as well. Perhaps it would be better to keep the child close… for Dudley's sake."

"Fine! But I'll not use that, that MAN'S name! And you said it yourself last night; Harry is such a nasty, common name."

"We'll call him James Evans then."

"Grrr. Fine. We'll just have to stamp that dangerous nonsense out of him, I won't have that in my house, even if I must put up with it out there!" he said pointing out the window.

And thus, James Evans joined the Dursley household.

-10 years later-

James hated his life.

It was as simple as that.

Take for instance the last month here in his personal hell, otherwise known as the Dursley residence of 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey. On the last day of classes, his cousin Dudley and his gang of friends (Piers, Dennis, Malcolm, and Gordon), took turns throwing rocks at James until one of them knocked James' glasses off and broke them. When a teacher saw this happen, James got in trouble for aggravating his cousin and sent to detention for the rest of the day. A week later, James was punished for knocking Mrs. Figg down and breaking her leg, when he hadn't even been there. Then there was the really strange escape of a Brazilian, Boa Constrictor at the local zoo… James had no idea how that happened, but as usual, he was punished for it.

James hated his life.

At the click of the mail slot, Uncle Vernon asked Dudley to get the mail, but if Dudley wasn't doing what Dudley wanted to do, he refused to do it, and simply said, "Make James get it." To which Uncle Vernon immediately acquiesced and yelled, "Get the mail, Boy!" which is the only name Uncle Vernon ever called James.

On the way to the kitchen, James looked through the mail to sort out the junk as Uncle Vernon demanded be done, and he came across a rather peculiar, yellow envelope addressed to the cupboard under the stairs where James slept.

"Uncle Vernon. Who's Harry Potter?"

"Give that here, Boy! What's rule 1?"

"Don't ask questions."

"Right! Go to your cupboard!"

The next few days, saw Uncle Vernon go nuts. First he actually took something from Dudley and gave it to James, namely Dudley's second bedroom, then refused to return it. Then Uncle Vernon took to sleeping in front of the mail slot, before he nailed it shut that is. Following that, somehow, the mail started shooting in through the fireplace and Uncle Vernon ordered them to pack a bag because they were leaving, muttering something along the lines of "got to shake them off."

Monday, July 30th found them holed up in a tiny, two room shack on a deserted island in the midst of a storm. James was having difficulty sleeping from the gnawing hunger in his stomach (he hadn't eaten in two days because Dudley kept taking his meager food allowances) and the loud rumbling of Dudley's snore. At midnight (according to Dudley's digital watch), the others were awakened by tremendous BOOMs, as someone slammed a knock on the door. Dudley stupidly asked where the cannon was, while Uncle Vernon shouted out threatening that he was armed and waved his shotgun around recklessly. Then the door fell off its' hinges, Uncle Vernon was so startled that he fired into the ceiling dumping the accumulated water on Aunt Petunia's head. A giant of a man stepped into the room and quickly snatched the rifle from Uncle Vernon, tied it in a knot, and tossed it back to him (for the safety of everyone else present).

"Ah, there yeh are, Harry" the giant said, his beetle black eyes dancing with mirth over his thick scraggly beard. "Las' time I saw you, you was only a baby. Yeh look a lot like yer dad, but yeh've got yer mum's eyes."

"Harry? You mean those letters where addressed… to me?" James asked.

"Rule 1!" Uncle Vernon shouted before ordering the giant to leave at once.

"Ah, shut up, Dursley, yeh great prune," the giant said waving him off. "Anyway, Harry. Got summat fer yeh – mighta sat on it a bit at some point, but it'll taste all right. A very happy birthday to yeh."

"I'm sorry sir, you must have me confused with someone else," James said shaking his head sadly, "My birthday is in November."

"Dursley! What've yeh been tellin' this boy? Do you mean ter tell me that this boy – THIS boy! – kows nothin' abou' – about ANYTHING?"

"We swore when we took him in we'd put a stop to that rubbish," said Uncle Vernon angrily, "swore we'd stamp it out of him! Wizard indeed!"

"Wizard?" James muttered.

"Yeh're the worst sort'a muggle I ever seen."

"What's a muggle?" James stared at the giant arguing with his uncle. He really couldn't follow all of it, but got the feeling that the giant knew a lot about his parents, his name really was Harry Potter, and his Aunt and Uncle knew all of the stuff the giant was talking about, though refused to accept. When Dudley snatched the large chocolate cake the giant had given James, James noticed one of the peculiar, yellow letters addressed to 'Harry Potter' that was beneath it. Since the giant, and evidently his Aunt and Uncle, all agree that James' name is really Harry, he decided to open it. Inside was a short form letter inviting 'Harry Potter' to a Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and a supply list sent by the Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall.

"HE'S NOT GOING! I AM NOT PAYING FOR SOME CRACKPOT OLD FOOL TO TEACH HIM MAGIC TRICKS!" Uncle Vernon yelled.

The giant's voice got deathly chill as he replied, "NEVER – INSULT – ALBUS – DUMBLEDORE – IN – FRONT – OF – ME!" then, with a flash of violet light from the giant's pink umbrella, Dudley (who'd already consumed over half the chocolate cake) grew a curly pig's tail through the seat of his trousers and ran squealing over to his mother.

"Comin' Harry?" the giant asked as he turned back to the door.

James hesitated for a second, then looked at his aunt and uncle, remembered that he hated his life, and ran to the giant. Once outside the giant fixed the door, and led James down to the little row boat the Dursleys had used to get to the island earlier that evening. Though James would have sworn the boat would never hold the giant, the tiny water vessel floated along just fine. There was just one thing that was nagging James at that moment.

"Um, excuse me, sir… but… who are you?"

The giant chuckled, rocking the row boat, "I haven't introduced meself, Harry. Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts."

"Pleased to meet you, sir, but please… call me James."

"Tha' was yer dad's name," the giant looked close to tears, "I think he'd be honored to have yeh use it… James."

For the rest of the night, Hagrid told James about his parents, James and Lily Potter, and a bit about how 'Harry' had ended up with his aunt and uncle, but wouldn't give a lot of details. James didn't push, since it looked like the giant was on the verge of tears throughout the whole story.

-Author's Note-

Next installments should be up to Halloween, then through Christmas... yeah, I'm rushing first year a bit probably, but I really want to get to some of the better parts of the story... and I think you'll be a bit surprised by some of the twists I've picked out for this tale.

Like / Review / Whatever... I plan to write on this for a bit either way (I'm also thinking about a title for this... so that will change sometime soon).