I turned to see Jimmy emerging from his car, which suddenly appeared parked at the corner where it hadn't been even a minute ago. That's when it occurred to me that I hadn't seen his car around here for a while.

It was the same car that we spent that last night in. He hadn't traded it in yet. The new 1970 models would be coming out in the fall, and knowing Jimmy's pattern, he'd give it up then. I was as certain of this as I was that his new car would be a Cadillac Fleetwood, painted black. I threw him a short wave of acknowledgement.

"Come here a minute C, I want to talk to you," he waved his hand, gesturing me over.

I tried to avoid all of them. I didn't think I was ready to confront the memories head on just yet. They were mostly good, except for that last night, but even the good memories still hurt bad. To me, everything and everyone in that place revolved around Sonny. He was, in some way, attached to them all, and I just couldn't face them.

But some part of me knew that sooner or later I'd have to deal with and come to terms with the past, instead of running and hiding from it. Maybe I could start slowly, by just going up to one of them who happened to be alone, and saying 'Hi, how are you doing?'

I headed back towards the corner. Jimmy was standing under the lamppost, as he had so many times before, back when this place was a source of pleasure, rather than pain. "Hey Jimmy, how've you been?"

He shrugged, he seemed a little sad, "As good as can be expected. I just wanted to see how you was doing? We haven't really talked since… you know. "

Yeah, I knew. "The funeral. I've been doing alright, I guess. I haven't seen you around much since then."

He glanced over at the bar and shook his head, drawing a sigh before turning his attention back to me. "It's true. I guess I've been kinda staying away. There's a lot of memories here."

I also took a look at the building next to us, then quickly turned away. "I know exactly what you mean."

He walked over to his car and leaned up against the rear quarter panel, much like the way Sonny used to do. "I wanted you to know C, that I tried." He lowered his voice but it didn't soften. I doubted it could. Jimmy had one of those voices that always sounded rough no matter what, most likely from all the cigarettes he smoked. As if he read my mind, he pulled a pack of Winstons from his pocket, tapped one out, and stuck it in his mouth. He went to put the pack away, then seemed to reconsider and extended it in my direction.

I shook my head and politely responded, "No, but thanks."

I used to smoke, but never at home and never at the bar. Sonny used to tell me that smoking was bullshit, and that there was all sorts of scientific medical proof that it damaged your body in countless ways. He most likely knew that I was burning nearly a pack a day. I'm sure he could probably smell it on me, as well as on my clothes. But still, he was the only one at the bar who never lit one up, and out of respect for him, I wouldn't, either. The only time I did smoke was with my friends, but when they died, my smoking habit went with them.

Jimmy tucked the pack away, flicked his silver monogrammed lighter, raised the flame to the tip and inhaled deeply. "I really did try," he slowly exhaled a cloud. "But he wouldn't listen to me. I told him he should avoid the bar for a while. So where does he want to go? I told him to stay in the back. Several times. And every time I turn around, he heads up front. It's like he didn't care what happened."

He shook his head and I could see the sadness and regret in his face before he looked down. "It was more important to him that he be seen, that people knew he wasn't going to change his life or routine for nothing or nobody. In the end, it was his own fucking ego that got him killed."

No, I didn't think it was his ego. "It was availability," I informed Jimmy.

He narrowed his eyes, and cocked his head to the right, "It was what?"

I shook my head. "Never mind." I didn't feel like explaining Sonny's views on Machiavelli, and I knew that I'd never be able to effectively do so, anyway.

He shrugged and took another drag from his cigarette. "For a long time, I sort of blamed myself, you know? Thinking I shoulda done this different, I coulda done that." His hand quickly raised, then fell. "But then I came to realize, it wouldn't have made any difference. That cock-sucking kid was determined. You know who he was?"

I nodded slowly. "I heard he's the son of the man that Sonny shot in the street that day. When I was nine years old."

"Yeah, you believe that shit? You do something, and then eight years later it comes back one day to bite you in the ass. Ain't that the way it always seems to go?"

I couldn't even begin to think of a response to that, so I just let him continue.

"But what I'd really like to know" - I heard the anger building in his voice - "is how that motherfucker even got into the joint, and carrying, nonetheless." He pointed at me and it was obvious he'd now reached his anger and was fast approaching pissed off. "You tell me how something like that happens!"

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I was on the other side of the room. I didn't notice him until after he'd gotten in. Didn't you ask the guys at the front door what happened?"

"Of course I did." He threw his cigarette to the ground before stomping it with his foot and twisting it out. "Useless fucking morons."

"What did they say?" I wasn't just making conversation. I really did want to know.

"What do you think? They lied through their teeth. Then after their teeth were no longer a problem, they still lied. They both gave the same bullshit story - that Sonny had personally okayed it. That he said to let the kid in." He snorted in derision. "That's one of the oldest plays out there. When shit goes wrong, blame the dead guy." He immediately lit up another cigarette. "Useless morons stuck to that story until the very end," he muttered.

I suspected what 'the very end' may have been, but I tried to push it from my mind. "But the asshole who shot him? What happened to him?"

I really didn't know. All I remembered immediately after the gun fired was that within a second or two after Sonny collapsed to the floor, Danny tackled the kid. Then at least six more of the guys had piled on. I couldn't even see him anymore.

The entire place broke out in complete pandemonium. But at the time, I just didn't care. I was too busy kneeling on the floor next to Sonny, bawling my eyes out like a little kid.

Jimmy shrugged. He'd calmed himself down a bit. "No idea. My understanding is that he committed suicide that same night. I heard it was quite messy."

"Really?"

Again, a long drag on his cigarette. "You find it surprising that the asshole offed himself? I don't. He was obviously suicidal, doing what he did in Sonny's bar with all his guys there. Who can figure people out?" He shrugged again.

I knew I couldn't always figure people out, but certain situations didn't seem to difficult. In this case, I suspected this kid's 'suicide' was very much assisted. Not that I could say the thought of it bothered me much.

"Anyway," he went on, "the past is past. We need to get over it, and just get on with our lives. I'm sure that's what Sonny would've told us. It's the right thing."

I nodded.

"I know it's been hard on you, C. It's been hard on me, as well. We aren't like the others." He waved a hand dismissively towards the bar. "Those guys don't give a fuck one way or the other. As long as somebody's paying them, that's all that matters. Me and you, we actually cared about him."

I nodded again. "Yeah." I couldn't say much more. There was a lump moving up in my throat.

With a small, sad smile he shook his head. "Look at us. You know, if he was here right now, he'd smack us both, and tell us we're just a couple of sentimental morons who need to get their shit together." He chuckled at the thought.

I managed a small smile, as well. He was probably right.

"Speaking of getting shit together, I understand you're graduating next week?"

"Yep," I answered proudly, and I was glad to change the subject for a bit.

"That's great. You planning on going to college?"

"Yeah. I'm not absolutely sure of a major yet, but I have a few ideas"

"That really is great. It never hurts to further your education. But I'm sure you know that college is also expensive. You planning on working this summer?"

"Yeah, I'd like to, but I'm not sure where, though. I guess I'll have to see who's hiring."

He nodded. "Well, maybe I can help you out? I mean, if there's anywhere you think you'd like to work at, let me know. I can always go speak to the guy in charge on your behalf. I'll put in a good word for you." He threw me a wink.

I thought it over quickly. That would be a big help and a load off my mind. "Yeah, okay. Thanks Jimmy, I'll let you know."

His smile grew wider. "No problem kid. Anything I can do to help, you just let me know, okay?"

"Thanks again Jimmy, I really appreciate it."

He pushed himself off the car and stood up, giving my shoulder a pat. "Anytime, and it's been good talking to you again. I mean it. I can't really talk to any of these idiots about Sonny. They just don't get it. They can't figure out why I even care. They depend on Carmine now, but just between you and me, Carmine is a fucking prick. He's the other half of the reason I avoid this place. I mean, I know he and Sonny were close, but he ain't nothing like Sonny. Sonny was a tough son of a bitch when he wanted to be, but I'll say he was always fair. This guy" - he jerked his thumb in the direction of the bar - "he don't even know the meaning of the word. I think he just gets off on being a dick.

"You know since he took over, he won't even let the guys sit outside on nice days? He says it makes the place look like some sort of hoodlum hangout and it brings down property values in the area. You believe that shit?" He sighed, "I'm sorry C. I don't mean to dump all this crap on you, it's not your problem. Sometimes I just got to let it out though, but you forget about it."

I sort of understood him. My experiences with Carmine were very limited. I had only met him that one time at Sonny's wake. He was very polite to me then, but I suspected that Jimmy was telling me the truth, and the real Carmine was closer to the guy I heard screaming in the back of the bar.

And as for Sonny, I had no one that I could speak with about him, either. I mentioned him quite a lot to Jane, but she'd never met him and I could tell she just didn't understand the relationship that we had.

I knew now that my father didn't hate him, but still from the one or two times that I brought up Sonny's name, it was clear that he'd rather not hear about him. Jimmy was probably the only one who did get it.

"It's okay, Jimmy. It's good to get it out. If you ever need someone to talk to, about Sonny, or even just to bitch about Carmine" - I gave him a wink - "you can come talk to me. It stays just between us, I won't say a word to anyone. Who would I talk to, anyway? Like you said, none of these guys get it."

He flashed me a smile that reminded me a little of Sonny's 'genuine' one, showing me his top teeth. But unlike Sonny's, Jimmy's eyes didn't crinkle at the outer corners. They just remained relaxed and thoughtful.

"Thanks, C. Sonny always said you were a good kid. I mean, I knew that anyway, but... hey! I just got an idea." He quickly checked his watch. "I have to make a run into Brooklyn in a bit. Just going to pick up some supplies. I was going to take Bobby along, but ah, screw him. Why don't you take a ride with me instead? You just help me load the car, and we'll talk more as we drive. What do you say?"

"I don't know Jimmy. How long is it going to take?"

"It's just Brooklyn kid, it ain't like we're going to Jersey or something." He chuckled. "We go, maybe twenty minutes or so, we load up, and we're on our way back. How long could it take? An hour or so maybe?"

Well, I didn't have much of anything planned, and it would be nice to talk out my feelings with someone who understands. I suppose it could be a good thing, coming to terms with the past.

He continued. "C'mon we'll be back before you know it. Everything's loaded in a box truck. We just pull up next to it, pack some of it into the back of the car and off we go. You don't have to do anything else; I'll deal with the guys there. It's real simple, and I'll tell you what, I'll throw you a C note just for taking the ride and helping me out. I know that you're going to need whatever you can get for when you start college, right?"

Right. I knew that as well. And a hundred dollars to sit in a car for an hour and load a few boxes sounded like a good deal to me. Heck, it really doesn't get better than that, talk about easy money—then it hit me.

I can only describe the feeling as if someone had just sucker-punched me in the gut. A burst of pain that started low, and quickly shot up into my throat. My heart jumped and I felt the air leave my lungs, while my skin turned ice-cold. It was as if I'd been asleep this whole time, and suddenly awoken with a start, realizing that up until this moment I had been dreaming. That this conversation hadn't been real at all, or at least not what I thought it was. Without being aware of it, I took a small step back from him.

Jimmy's smile disappeared, and his eyes narrowed. He turned quickly, casting a sharp glance over his shoulder before directing his attention back to me. "C? What's wrong? You okay?"

Am I okay? Yeah, now I was. But I almost wasn't. Damn, Sonny warned me that you were good. Well, actually, he used the terms 'slick' and 'sneaky'. But in the world that you guys shared, those are probably considered to be good traits. I guess I just didn't understand how good, until now.

I quickly shook my head, as if I was trying to clear my mind, although it hadn't felt this clear in a long time. "I'm okay Jimmy. But I just remembered that I have something I need to do (that is, to get the heck away from you). I'm sorry, I can't go with you today."

He lit up cigarette number three and looked me over for a moment. Then in a convincing voice, he said "Like I said, it'll only take an hour. Then you can go do whatever. I'd really appreciate it."

I'll bet. I put my hands out, palms up and gave what I hoped would appear as a helpless shrug. "I'm really sorry," I repeated, "I just can't. I made a promise."

He snorted through his nose and a small puff of smoke came out. He shook his head. "A promise? A promise to who? Just blow them off this time."

I pretended to consider it for a moment or two, then "No, I can't do that. He's my best friend."

Jimmy smirked. "Your best friend? I just thought maybe we could take a ride together, talk about old times, about Sonny…C'mon, C," he coaxed, "who's a better friend to you than Sonny was?"

Sorry Jimmy. I knew the answer to that one, even if you didn't. I took another step back and looked him straight in the eyes. "No one," I said simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Sonny also said that Jimmy was smart. I knew then, that he was right on that as well. I saw it. Something flashed in his eyes. They widened slightly before he blinked, and it was gone. But I knew in that split second, he had gotten the message.

"Okay," he finally said and flicked away what was left of his cigarette, "No problem and no hard feelings. I'll take Bobby with me. You do what you gotta do."

"Yup, that's what I plan on doing." I offered him a smile, I could afford to. I won this round, and I doubted very much that there'd be another. But even if so, I knew I'd be more than ready.

"You take care of yourself, Jimmy," and I couldn't help it; as I said those words I extended my right hand towards him. My thumb, index finger and pinky pointed straight to him, my middle and ring finger tucked into my palm. Sonny's trademark three-finger gesture.

"I always do, C," he answered, and I believed that may have been the most honest thing he said to me all day. He flashed me another big smile, and this time I saw the lines from the corners of his eyes. "Right back at you." He winked and returned three fingers as well, before he headed into the bar.

I slowly walked back to our building and headed up the stairs, thinking it over. Damn, that was so close. I almost blew it. I came within inches of shaping my life into something that I certainly didn't want it to be. It's a damn good thing I caught on when I did.

Only a short year ago, I would have just jumped into the car with Jimmy without a second thought, much like I had with my friends on the night they died. Maybe I'm learning to be more careful now, to open my eyes and ears a little more. This could be, but if so, I also knew that Sonny's words that night had played a major part in it happening. If this is what he had hoped to achieve, then he succeeded.

You didn't fail, Sonny. I told you that I listened to you. You were right about Jimmy, he is a slick and sneaky bastard. Did you see the way he tried to use you to get to me? Well, yeah, I guess you did and you were probably going crazy trying to figure out a way that you could reach out from wherever you are and smack the shit out of him. But it's okay. You know he's just being Jimmy. We know what he is, and we should just accept him for it, right?

I opened the door to our apartment, and headed for my room. As I lay on the bed, I started thinking again about that last night we had together.

Well Sonny, this is now the second time you saved my life. I don't know exactly when we're going to meet up again, but it looks to me like when we do, I'm going to owe you big time.

Anyway, that probably won't be for a while, but don't worry about me. In the meantime I'll remember everything you said, and I'm going to continue to keep my word to you. I promise I'll always be more aware and careful about my choices, because I really see now how even the smallest ones can shape your life forever.

I closed my eyes, and my mind started to drift. We were once again in the back seat of Jimmy's car, passing through the area 'where it's dark'. When it really took place almost eight months ago, I remember thinking that the silence and nothingness around us was eerie, unsettling, but now it seemed peaceful to me. The hum of the powerful engine, the low steady rhythm of the tires on the asphalt, the absence of anything else but us, and Sonny was right there next to me, still very much alive.

Then I heard it. It wasn't part of a dream, it was in my head. It was Sonny's voice, low, soft, but unmistakably his. "That's fucking right, and don't you forget it."

My eyes shot open, and a small gasp escaped me. Without moving my head from the pillow, I glanced around the room. For a moment, it almost seemed as if he were here, right next to the bed. But of course, there was nothing. I was alone. With a deep sigh, I closed my eyes again.

He's just reminding me that even if he doesn't respond sometimes, he's still always listening. This thought was comforting to me. And as I began to relax, my mind picked up where it had left off.

We were back in Jimmy's car again, traveling through the black void. The Cadillac drove on steadily and deliberately into the unknown darkness, heading towards our future. None of us could say for sure what our fates would be. The only thing that was certain, was that each one of our destinies would be formed by the choices we make.

As I am new to writing, I would appreciate any comments letting me know what is good, as well as what isn't. Any/all constructive criticism is welcomed. Thanks!