You're Not Him

Maggie looked over to her left where Alex was sleeping soundly in her arms. It had been twelve hours since she, with the help of Kara, had gotten her back from a guy whom she had gone to middle school with. Rick Melverne: the guy who had once been a friend to Alex and Kara only to come back years later and kidnap Alex. Maggie let out a small smile wondering how after everything she, they, had been through, how Alex could sleep as if nothing. It hadn't been nothing though. Rick had nearly stolen the one person she'd ever loved.

Sure Maggie had been in other relationships but none had compared or ever come close to what had formed between her and Alex. At the beginning she had been scared, holding onto the belief that a relationship with someone who had just come out of the closet could not work, she'd experienced it herself and she'd experienced it with other newbies, those relationships always failing. Maggie couldn't help but wonder if part of it had to do with age and maturity. Alex was twenty-eight when she'd come out so maybe since a weight had been lifted off her shoulders she could finally be stable in a way she'd never been before. Whatever the reason, Maggie was glad it was Alex by her side and not someone else. She could not even picture someone else and there were times in other past relationships when she had tried. With Alex that wasn't the case.

Maggie had never truly been in love with someone. Whenever a girlfriend said it to her, Maggie would only comply to make the other feel better even though she hadn't really meant it. Alex was different. When Alex had been the first of them to say those three words, Maggie's whole world changed because she had felt the love for Alex too and it was genuine and true and not something that she had to falsify. Unlike Alex who was a badass at just about everything, Maggie couldn't bring herself to say those words first due to a seemingly endless list of reasons and now that reasoning went back to the man who had kidnapped the love of her life and the things he'd said while she and Supergirl had been interrogating him.

'Do you have any idea what it's like to have your mother tell you you're garbage every single night, about whenever you had the wrong opinion?'

Those words rung like a bell in Maggie's mind. Of course she knew. This was the man who was on the wrong side and Maggie chastised herself for feeling any sort of sympathy for him.

Alex stirred in Maggie's arm and woke.

"Hey," Alex said sleepily as she became more alert, "What are you doing up?"

Maggie smiled lightly, "Just watching you sleep."

"I know that look, you're also thinking about something. What's going on?"

"Nothing, go back to sleep, everything's fine."

Alex got up and leaned on her elbow. She moved back a strand of Maggie's hair, "I know when you're fine and this is not fine."

Alex took a moment and watched Maggie. Yes she had been the one abducted by Rick and yes she had been the one in the tank that filled with water and nearly drowned but Maggie's experience had been just as traumatizing. She had to be the one to interrogate Rick, be objective and keep her emotions in check all the while wondering where she was since Rick clearly wouldn't tell her anything in the time had planned for his twisted game. She'd even gone to break Rick's father out of prison to find her had not her sister talked her down and found another way. The toll it must have taken on Maggie, Alex couldn't help but wonder.

"Rick said something to you, didn't he?"

Maggie turned and looked at her girlfriend, "None of that matters, you do. You're here. You're safe, that's all I care about. I'm gonna try and get some sleep," Maggie said turning on her right side, her back toward Alex.

Alex brought her body closer to Maggie's, their skin touching. She placed her arm on Maggie's shoulder and leaned her head on it.

"Babe, don't do that, don't shut me out. Talk to me, what's going on? He got in your head didn't he?"

Maggie rolled over and away from Alex, getting off the bed. She put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and walked to the kitchen. It was late or too early depending for an actual drink so Maggie settled for two glasses of water.

Alex followed suit getting into a shirt and pajama pants and sat with Maggie on the couch. She patiently waited as her girlfriend took a moment to gather her thoughts and then took a deep breath.

"Yeah, yeah he got in my head. Most of it was because of what he was doing to you but there was this moment that came out of left field. Kara was asking what had happened to him because he wasn't the same kid she remembered and he told us what his life had been like: how his mom used to think he was garbage, how she used to tell him that he had the wrong opinion on just about everything and I don't know I guess I found myself relating to that somehow."

"Hey," Alex said taking Maggie's hand in hers. "You are nothing like him. Rick was deranged."

"Maybe but I could still relate. When my dad kicked me out I was fourteen, the same age Rick was when his mother really began hating him. Alex I know what that feels like, to be unloved by your own mother, to feel unlovable. When my parents found out I was gay they gave me a week to change my mind, all the while I had to hear it from my mom how wrong it was for me to have those kinds of thoughts and feelings. She was one of those types who would point out scripture and thought maybe talking to a priest or conversion therapy would work. My dad wouldn't even talk to me unless it was to ask what I'd decided as if it was really a choice. When my mom saw that I wasn't going to change my mind she told my dad and then said or did nothing when he kicked me out.

I was garbage, just like Rick so when he said that it scared me."

"Hey look at me," Alex said as she waited for her girlfriend to turn and face her, "You are nothing like him. You are not garbage and you are not unloved. I'm sorry for what you went through as a kid. I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like but Maggie, it's not like that anymore. You have Jo'nn and Winn. You have my mom who adores you. You have Kara and you have me. You have a family now Maggie, a family that loves you for who you are."

Maggie looked at Alex for a moment. She hadn't realized until this very moment just how lucky she was. Jo'nn was practically a second father to Alex. Maggie had once asked her about that relationship and Alex explained the promise he'd made to her dad, Jeremiah, and how he viewed her and Kara both as daughters. Then there was Winn, a friend of Kara's who had become a little brother to Alex. There was Eliza Danvers who had been nothing but supportive of Alex coming out and in turn she had loved Maggie just as much.

And then there was Kara, Supergirl, Alex's younger sister who was the best sister Alex could have despite being born on different planets. It came with it's challenges to be sure. Maggie had been there when Kara and Rick went at it, Kara telling Rick that growing up she and Alex didn't have it easy because of all that Alex had to sacrifice, a sacrifice that Maggie was slowly beginning to understand since Alex had briefly explained it when she talked about being relied on to take care of Kara, something she still did to this day. Despite all the intense growing up, Maggie would have to ask her about those stories. Alex and Kara were closer than a lot of blood related siblings she knew. And Maggie had grown quite fond of her, their bond strengthening when they worked, albeit in different methods, to save the person they both loved.

Maggie now saw truth to Alex's words. She smiled, "Shouldn't I be the one making you feel better?"

"It goes both ways, Sawyer. I love you."

Maggie, still holding onto Alex's hand, brought it to her lips, kissing it lightly, "I love you too, Danvers."

~END~