Fun fact: This was one of the first chapters I wrote for this fic. I put off publishing it because I wan't some fun light-hearted chapters in between the heavy stuff. As I'm failing at 'fun and light-hearted' I figured I'd publish it anyway. You could probably do with a break from the Clarphy bromance stuff too so...

Thanks to BiaZor-El for the review and prompt - I'm working on it :)

Prompts for fun chapters still welcome.

Contiguity

noun

the state of bordering or being in contact with something.

PSYCHOLOGY

the sequential occurrence or proximity of stimulus and response

Day 317

"So," Raven started from beneath the control desk of the command centre, "are you gonna tell me what's going on?"

"I'm pretty sure you're supposed to be telling me that," I murmured, only half paying attention as I searched through the mess of Bellamy's work station to find the ration list we had made a few days earlier.

"Not with the computer, dumbass. With Bellamy."

I stopped, abandoning my search. "What's wrong with Bellamy?"

Raven climbed out from under the desk and levelled me with an unimpressed look. "You're a lot of things Clarke, dense isn't one of them," I rolled my eyes and helped pull her to her feet. "Thanks. Now, what's going on with you and Bellamy?"

"Nothing," I protested. "We're good, same as always. It doesn't matter how many innuendos you throw at us, it doesn't change the fact that nothing is going on between us."

"C'mon Clarke, you two get more touchy feely by the day," she insisted. "Every time I walk in the game room you guys are snuggled up on the couch together, this is the first time in over a week that I've seen one of you without the other, and," she paused dramatically, smug grin on her lips, "I saw the two of you last night." I froze, trying to keep my expression neutral, but I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. "You know you should really learn to shut the door, anyone could walk by and see you guys curled up in Bellamy's bed. It was adorable, really."

I huffed in frustration. "You're exaggerating. We were on the bed, not in it." Raven raised her eyebrows, clearly unimpressed with my semantics, but I pushed on anyway. "Because we were talking and then we fell asleep watching a movie. If anything more than that was going on, don't you think we would have shut the door?"

"Hmm," Raven considered me for a moment, leaning back in her chair. "Ok, that makes sense I guess."

I relaxed, foolishly believing I was off the hook.

"So what's your excuse for the spooning?"

My head fell back as I let out a sigh of exasperation. "You're not giving this up are you?"

"Not until you admit the truth."

I resigned myself to this fate, and quickly thought of a way to appease my friend. "I'll make you a deal," I scanned the security feed; if I was going to do this, I had to make sure Bellamy wouldn't overhear us.

"What kind of deal?" Raven asked suspiciously.

I finally found him, entering the game room with Monty and joining Murphy and Emori in a round of cards. Satisfied that they would all be occupied for a while, I squared my shoulders and turned back to the gossipy mechanic.

"One conversation, full disclosure from me, then you drop this whole subject and stop with the comments every time Bellamy and I are in the same room. Deal?"

Raven grinned. "I can't promise to stop the teasing, but if you're confessing, I'll stop bugging you about it. Promise."

"Ok," I sighed and reached for the bottle of whisky Bellamy and I found when we first cleaned out the wreckage from the control room. "I'm gonna need a drink for this," I muttered as I collapsed into my seat. "Ask away."

"Well… Establishing the facts is a good place to start," Raven decided and swiped the bottle from me when it had barely left my lips. "Has anything ever happened between you guys?"

"No," I took the bottle back. At least she'd started off easy.

"Really? Nothing?" she demanded sceptically. "What's the closest to something that has happened? I'll decide if it was nothing."

I rolled my eyes but though through everything that had happened between Bellamy and I, for anything that could be interpreted as romantic. "After Mount Weather, when I said goodbye to Bellamy, I kissed him on the cheek. That was it, a platonic goodbye peck on the cheek between friends who had been through hell."

"Urgh," Raven groaned and I smirked at her disappointment.

"Fine, so nothing has happened, but have you ever wanted it to? Do you now?"

"You're asking if I'm attracted to him?" I clarified.

"Sure, we'll stick to the physical stuff for now."

I braced myself for the backlash that was sure to come, but I'd promised full disclosure and that's what she was going to get. "We both know Bellamy's far from ugly Raven, and we've been living in each other's pockets for over a year. So yes, there's an attraction there, and yes, I've thought about acting on it once or twice."

"So why haven't you?" all the teasing and innuendo was gone from Raven's voice, replaced with genuine curiosity.

"It's not worth the risk," I shrugged.

"Is that really what's holding you back?" she asked, surprised. "Fear?"

I considered this for a moment, before deciding to skip straight to what Raven really wanted to know. "Look, what I feel for Bellamy… It's probably the strongest thing I've ever felt for anyone. When my Mom told ALIE to torture him to get to me in Polis, I was terrified that I would break and get us all killed, but when she put the noose around her own neck I didn't waver once." I took another mouthful of liquor, not analysing what that admission said about me. "Back when the dropship was under attack I shut the door and left Bellamy out there to die. It was the right thing to do. It saved the rest of us and I don't regret it, but I'm not sure I could do the same thing today. I can't be pragmatic when it's Bellamy's life on the line because I need him too much.

"So yeah, I feel something for him. I'd even go so far as to say I love him, but I don't know if it's romantic love, or even if I want it to be. And I don't know what he wants either. Until I do, I'm not going to risk everything we have by sleeping with him when there's a chance of us not being on the same page afterwards. Even if we are and we decide to get together, only for us to fall apart a few months later, it's not worth it." I nodded slightly when I finished, somehow glad to have let that out.

"Sounds like you're over thinking things to me," Raven pointed out.

I laughed humourlessly. "Yeah, I probably am," I agreed. "But like I said, I don't know if I want it to be like that with Bellamy. All I know for sure is that I need him. I'm better with him, we're both better together. I couldn't have survived everything we've been through without him. I don't know what's coming next for us, but I know that I'm a better person – and leader – with him by my side."

Raven was quiet for a long time, considering everything I'd said while I just realised what a weight keeping all of this in had been, now that I had let it out.

"That sounds like soulmates to me," Raven whispered, softly.

"Yeah," I agreed. "I guess it does. But I don't believe that soulmates always have to be lovers. Just that they're supposed to be together in whatever way works best for them."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, just thinking over everything that had been said. Was Raven right? Was I overthinking everything out of fear that I might lose Bellamy if we tried to be something more? Before I could decide, the door opening behind us startled me out of my thoughts.

"Hey Clarke," Bellamy greeted with a lopsided grin across his face, "I just found something that you're probably gonna want to claim before Emori does and makes you trade your rations for it."

Bellamy's smile was infectious, so I let him pull me to my feet and followed him out of the control room, to see what this mystery treasure was.

"Clarke," Raven called me back and pulled me into a hug, as an excuse to whisper in my ear. "If you ever do decide you want something more with Bellamy, you don't have to be afraid of losing him," she assured me. "Even if you don't make it as a couple, you guys are too strong to let something like that break you. You'll always find your way back to each other."

I tightened my embrace slightly in thanks, before pulling away with a smile, and following Bellamy out of the room.