I have long been a fan of the story of Steve and Bucky and their epic friendship. I've never gotten around to doing a fic until now, though, so here we go...

(Borrowed some dialogue at the beginning.)

The med tech waved Steve in once they had finished Bucky's examination. The cryo-tube they were prepping him for was sleeker, cleaner, and less intimidating than the ones Steve had seen in Siberia, but he still eyed it with distaste. "You sure about this?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at Bucky. They'd had this argument already.

Bucky shifted on the table he sat on, leaning to the side a little like he was trying to make up for the missing weight of his arm. "I can't trust my own mind," he said softly, looking up at Steve with a quick, sad smile. "So, until they figure out how to get this stuff outta my head, I think going under's the best thing. For everybody." The last was said with a significant eyebrow quirk back at Steve. Because they had had this argument already.

"You'd be safe here, though," Steve pressed. "No one here knows the words, and now that I know what to look out for—"

"You always were a stubborn little punk, you know that?" Bucky interrupted. His smile was less sad this time.

The corners of Steve's mouth twitched up in a small smile. "Hey, Buck…Can I ask you something?"

Bucky nodded in an invitation to go on. Steve sighed and sat down on the table next to him. "How much do you remember?"

"About what?" Bucky asked warily.

"No, not about any of that!" Steve rushed to clarify. Bucky had been through a couple of psych sessions with the Wakandan medics as they tried to establish a starting point for how to remove what Hydra had put into his head. A lot of the questions had, by necessity, centered around the Winter Soldier. Bucky had really tried to cooperate, but those had been a rough couple of days. "I meant about…before. Home and the war and stuff."

"Oh." His expression lightened considerably. He thought for a moment. "Most of it, I think. I mean, if something's missing, it's kind of hard to tell, you know? Every now and then I'll get these flashes of little stuff, but I think most everything's in there."

"Good. That's good," Steve said quickly. "Can I…um, can I ask something else?" he asked awkwardly, looking down at his feet.

Bucky really did smile this time. Forget the extra foot and a half and hundred-fifty pounds of muscle, Steve was swinging his feet and blushing and looking for all the world like he did that day when they were thirteen and he'd asked Bucky if he knew anything about girls and sex. It had taken him about half an hour to get the question out.

"Sure."

"If you…I mean, how long did…If it was all…" Steve must be uncomfortable with the question if he couldn't get past the first five words.

"Are you asking me to give you 'the talk' again?" Bucky teased. "I mean, I know it's been a while…"

"Shut up, jerk," Steve snapped, blushing even deeper.

Bucky laughed. "Come on. What is it?"

Eyes firmly on his feet, Steve sighed. "Why didn't you come back?" he asked softly.

Bucky's smile faded. Okay. He could see why Steve would need to work himself up to ask that one.

After a long silence, Bucky sighed. "I wanted to," he said at last.

Steve looked up again at that.

"That first time," Bucky started. "When I saw you on the bridge and you called me Bucky…That was the first time I'd heard my name since 1945. I didn't know it was my name, and I didn't know who you were, but something stuck in my head. I started to remember a little bit…at least that I should know you. Then Pierce…" His face hardened. "They wiped me again."

"Wiped you?" Steve hadn't asked too much about the technicalities of Bucky's time as the Winter Soldier yet. There hadn't exactly been a lot of time, and Bucky didn't want to talk about it.

"They'd attach this electric crap to my head and burn everything out. They did it any time I was out of cryo too long. It was like a mental reset. I was just…empty, and they could tell me to do whatever they wanted. Hurt like hell," he added as an afterthought.

Nausea churned in Steve's gut as he recalled Rumlow's words in the market, about how Bucky remembered him before they 'put his brain back in the blender'. "I'm so sorry, Buck," he said quietly.

Bucky shrugged. "That's why on the carrier I didn't…" This time, it was Bucky who stared down at his feet. "It came back faster, when you started talking to me. Nothing would settle in, though, it was just all these faces and words swirling around in my head, and it freaked me out. The only calm in the middle of that was my mission, so I just kept hitting you. But then you said…you said…" he stopped, choking on a lump in his throat.

"I'm with you 'til the end of the line," Steve repeated softly.

Bucky nodded, swallowing hard. "I remembered saying that to you. Then you fell. And I remembered you pulling me out of that hellhole in Italy. So I pulled you out of the river. And after that, I didn't know what to do or what was going on in my head, so I just…I ran."

Steve nodded. Bucky was looking down still, ashamed, and Steve nudged his good shoulder with his own. "Saved my life," he told him.

"Right after I tried to end it," Bucky huffed.

"You didn't, though," Steve reminded him. "You stopped." Bucky still wasn't looking up, and Steve nudged him again. "It's okay, man."

"No, it's not," Bucky said quietly. "That's why I didn't come back." He sighed. "The longer I was away from Hydra, the more I remembered. I went to the museum and read about us, and that filled in a lot of holes. After that, the memories just kept coming. I hid out, moved around, making sure Hydra wasn't coming after me. Once I knew I was clear of them…I remembered you, and I knew that you were all that was left that could help me find me again, and I wanted to look for you. I really did. Not that it would have been hard," he huffed a humorless laugh. "Captain America's not exactly low-profile."

Steve smiled encouragingly. "So, why didn't you?"

Bucky finally looked up. "I didn't want to hurt you. The more I remembered you, the worse what I did on the helicarrier got."

"Buck, I don't blame you for that," Steve insisted.

Bucky shook his head. "I didn't know what could set me off again. I didn't know if I was safe. I still don't think I am."

"Bucky—"

"Steve, I could have killed you!" Bucky yelled. The servos in what was left of his shoulder whirred as it twitched, like he'd been going to slam a fist into the table. "Don't you get it!? My whole life, I've been looking out for you, and then I put you in the hospital!? Hell, the Nazis never managed that!"

"Don't go there, Bucky," Steve warned. "The Winter Soldier's not you—he was never you."

"Yes, he is!" Bucky pushed off the table and swung around to face Steve. "He may not be all of me, but he's still me. He's still in here. I don't know what could bring him back! Apparently, it doesn't take much! Hell, forget D.C., last week, I tried to kill you again with a freaking helicopter!" He stopped and swallowed hard. He didn't mean to yell at Steve. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd done it in ninety-nine years, and he hated being the one to put that sad, kicked puppy look on his face.

"I just…" He sighed. "You're all I've got, Stevie. You've been like my brother since I was six years old. And I've done a lot in the past fifty years that keeps me up at night, but if I had killed you?" He shook his head. "I couldn't trust myself. So I stayed away." He met Steve's sorrowful gaze with glistening eyes. "I had to. I'm sorry."

"Don't be, Bucky, please. I get it." And he did. "I still wish you'd come and found me, but I get it. If I was in your shoes…I'd be scared of the same thing too." He pulled his legs up on the table and crossed them, nodding with an encouraging smile at the empty spot next to him. After a second, Bucky sat back down. "I'm not scared of you, though," Steve continued. "You know that, right?"

"Guess I didn't take all the stupid with me then, huh?"

"Shut up, jerk, I'm trying to make a point. I'm not scared of you, because you're you. You're James Buchanan Barnes, and you've been looking out for me my whole life. And if the Winter Soldier does show up, I can hold him off until you find your way back out. And you'll always find your way back out." Steve would make sure of that. He flung an arm over Bucky's shoulders. "I'm not, and never will be, scared of you."

"Never did know when to quit, did you?" Bucky asked softly, leaning into the embrace. He'd always looked out for Steve, but even back when he was a little runt, Steve had been returning the favor. Steve's inability to give up on him had saved him more times than he could remember, and not just during the war.

"You're all I've got too, man," Steve reminded him.

"Well, at least we've got something." After a minute, Bucky sighed, pulled away and sat up straight. "I've still gotta go back on ice, though."

"I know," Steve said. "But I'm not letting up on these guys until they figure out something. There's no way I'm leaving you in there." Not after he'd just gotten him back.

"Thanks," Bucky said quietly.

After a moment of companionable silence passed, Steve smiled. "You know how long it's been since you called me 'Stevie'? I must have been, what, twenty-three?" Bucky only ever did that when he was in what Steve had always thought of as his overly protective big brother mode. He'd missed it.

Bucky shook his head. "If you're thinking of the time that slimeball tossed you into a dumpster and broke your arm, no, you were twenty-four. And I've said it since then. Although, admittedly, it didn't really seem to fit the 'all-American hero'," he said with a smirk.

Just then, both of their eyes jumped to the cryo-tube as it started to make a low humming sound. It was going to take the techs a few hours to get it ready. Looked like they had gotten it powered on.

"You sure you're okay with it?" Steve asked. Bucky's grin had faded again, and apprehension swam in his eyes.

"Not really," Bucky admitted. "I don't see any other way around it, but going back in is the last thing I want to do. I always hated it."

"It's different this time," Steve reminded him. "You're just…just sleeping. No Hydra messing with your head, and when you come out, everything will be fine."

"Just sleeping does sound nice," Bucky admitted.

"And I'll be here the whole time," Steve added.

The chills Bucky was getting just thinking about going into the tube evaporated. It's not like he would know Steve was out there once he was asleep, but knowing he wasn't going to be alone made it more bearable. Steve had his back again, and that felt like home.

"If I come outta that thing and find out you've moved a bed in here, I'm gonna pound you," Bucky said with a smile.

"Yeah, you and what arm?" Steve teased.

Bucky grasped at his chest in feigned shock. "Low blow, man," he chided, unable to stop from smiling. He'd really missed Steve.

Steve grinned. "T'Challa says they're working on putting together another one for you. Pure vibranium this time. If you want it," he added quickly.

Bucky looked at his shoulder. "You know, it was so much a part of me, even once I remembered who I was, I couldn't hate the thing too much. Having one made out of vibranium would be kind of awesome."

The machine beeped and Bucky flinched. He was going back in, but he didn't want to think about it.

"It's still a couple of hours until you have to go in," Steve said, noticing the flinch. "You want to go find something to eat?" Maybe a change of scenery would keep Bucky's mind off his impending freezing for a little while.

"Nah," Bucky shook his head. "Not supposed to eat anything. Tell you what, though…" He grinned and leaned back against the wall, turning to look at Steve. "Before the airport in Berlin, when we were in that ridiculous car…Tell me about that girl."