Chapter 4

Does it matter anymore?

"George I'm freaking out! What if their personalities mix the more they learn about each other? What if Captain Underpants becomes uncharacteristically assertive, or what if Mr. Krupp becomes insane? EVEN MORE THAN THEY ALREADY HAVE!"

"Shush Shh," he put his finger on Harold's mouth, "we won't let it come to that. For now we need come up with temporary solution to all of this."

He felt a sudden bump on his left shoulder, "Hey, could you bozos move? Can't you see I'm trying to throw away my worthless invention that I worked 10 months and five hours on. Not to mention the other four hours I spent trying to find a trash can since I blew up most of them testing it out. Oooor the other 20 minutes it took me to rebuild the thing after you two assaulted me and knocked it over. Anyways, you guys are taking up half the hallway standing there."

"Fine. Whatever," they sighed as they started walking in the opposite direction slumping over. "Coming up with something to wipe away all our problems is so hard."

"Yeah, I wish the answer would just pop up right in front of us." The two stopped for a couple seconds. "Melvin!" the boys raced back down the hallway,"We need you to make us a memory erasing machine can you do that? We swear it will fix everything."

"I Can, buuuut why should I? You guys like to take and mess with my things. You never did anything for me. If anything you plunged this entire school into ruin, and I suspect you are also the ones to make our principal finally crack. I know an education not might not sound too appealing to pea-brain idiots like you, but some of us actually find value in learning. "

"Which is EXACTLY why you should build one," said George winking and nudging Melvin on his shoulder.

"What are you implying?"

George couldn't believe his cluelessness, "School mess. You no like. We have plan. You help fix it. How much do I need to spell it out for you Genius?"

"Hmm yes true...I doubt the school closing down will look good on my future resume. I'm also sick of everyone I pass including the teachers putting these immature labels on me," Melvin turned around a bunch of papers were taped to his backside that had said sayings like Four-eyed Freak, #1 Party Pooper, Snot boy, Carrot top and at least 20 other things he would find offensive. "So you can say I'm in." The boys gladly reached out to shake each other's hands in a truce.

"Y'know It's not so bad having someone like you in our grade," Harold complimented, "especially when it comes to giving us convenient plot devices."

"I'll ignore that last part, but lucky for you I already built an upgrade to my forgetting device called the FORGETCHYAMACALLIT 2000. All you need to do is press this button and it'll erase any short term memories aaanndd Iv'e added a setting so it'll affect long term as well," said Melvin tossing a small ray towards them.

"Why didn't you just use this for the science fair?" asked Harold.

"Ehh it was kind of my back up. I think," he scratched his ear. "How strange, I can't really put my finger on why I built it. I really should put create remembering machine on my to-do list."

"Good to know," said Harold turning the reverse switch on and pointing the Ray directly at Melvin Sneedly.

"Wait! I didn't say you coul- durrrhuhur..." he protested as a yellow beam hit his brain.

"It's working I think, now just change the settings on hours. How long have these shenanigans been going?" George read Melvin's watch. "5 to 6 hours. Days I don't know I wasn't keeping track. Maybe around that time should be good enough." They finished their procedure on Melvin, and left him in a dazed drooling state.

As we informed you last time Mr. Krupp was still keeping himself locked up in his office. He had successfully taken down every sticky note, and placed them in a pile where his trash can used to be along with a couple of drawings that had marine animals and planets on the front. The room was now back to its former dull shade of blue-ish gray. He was absolutely alone with nothing, but the same three tunes from his tape player to accompany him. The loneliness left him to ponder his life in deep introspection.

All this stress for a book created by ten-year olds. They were right. He should've thrown them away, but he didn't because as unprofessionally written and absurd as the premise was he couldn't help find what these kids made to be somewhat entertaining. Perhaps it was in an ironic sense just to see how far off the wall their ideas could go. Maybe he found the caricatures of people he knew being inserted in ridiculous situations and costumes to be a guilty pleasure of his. An English teacher with shark teeth ,and living hair that gives people wedgies. Who wouldn't get a kick out of that? Considering his rivalry with those kids he never quite understood why they never applied him in there the same way they had for most other school members.

Then there was their pranks. He had seen a few pranks in his day, many of which were pulled on him however no one came close to the degree of George and Harold's devotion and creativity. The hypnotism that had to be one of the cruelest tricks yet. He was almost upset at the fact he didn't think of it first. He had done his research over the past couple hours to at least understand how it order for someone to become hypnotized one had to be willing enough to go through with the orders. It's often used for entertainment and medicine alike a sort of awakening of a person's repressed desires, thoughts, and emotions. That had to be the most disturbing thing about it. How far off the deep end had he gone that even when his other half found out the truth of what he really was, he still rather cling onto a lie than face what the reality is. How was he to escape this surreal purgatory? Were the other staff members who have mostly the same routine, and social interactions capable of going through something like this? Or was it just him? When you really think about it becoming a superhero sounded like a fulfillment of a childhood dream. Yes, during the dream it was quite thrilling and dare he say it, FUN. It only felt like a nightmare once he woke up and felt the repercussions of what he had been doing. On the other hand...

Having super powers wouldn't be half bad though.

"They said one of his powers was flying, right?" Out of sheer morbid curiosity he leaned up against the window to test something out. He stepped upon the ledge and looked down. "Oh gosh, I forget this building was two stories," he said while hyperventilating. "Hehe, am I trying to get myself KILLED?"

The principal tried collecting his thoughts to calm himself down. "Okay, worst-case scenario. I don't have superpowers I fall and hurt my back or suffer from internal bleeding and other ailments that will make me wind up in a hospital. Other worst-case scenario…they weren't kidding." Mr. Krupp gulped and leaned the opposite which caused him fall back only to be saved by his shirt snagging on the curtain hooks. A thought that the boys mentioned reoccurred to him. "He usually has one of these tacky curtains on his neck." He awkwardly tied a knot around his head.

If this really was all a mind game like they were suggesting, the key to unlocking that power had to be hidden behind the recesses of his psyche however humiliating it might be to get it out. "I am Captain Underpants, I am Captain Underpants, I am Captain Underpants, I am Captain Underpants," he announced over, and over to himself. "I am Captain Underpants. I am errgh couldn't you boys have given him a better name? Geez, what is it about bathroom humor that kids find it so funny?"

"Alright, Captain Kru- Underpants. It's now or never," he gave himself a head start and jumped. Tra-la- AHHHHHH," he screamed while plummeting to his demise. His untapped ability to fly had failed him as he headed straight for the ground. "Ooof!" What appeared to be grass from the two story window was actually a patch of concrete spray-painted green.

The fall definitely wasn't painless. His face ached at the slightest movement, his arms and legs went limp, and his gut felt like it got rammed by semi-truck. When he finally had the will to get up and check the damage, he was suspended in disbelief. There weren't any scars, cuts, bruises, no fatal head injuries, missing intestines, broken bones, nothing. It was like something straight out of a comic book origin story, the ones he had grown up with.

"Mommy there's that man again. He jumped out of a window" said the small child holding his mother's hand.

"Sweetie, the child psychologist is this way," she tugged on her child's arm and took a glanced at the wreck that was Jerome Hortwitz Elementary, "Oh yeah, that's why mommy told you to go to a different school when all your friends left to go here.

Mr. Krupp shaking with anxiety spotted the couple and leaped over to them. "Hey, you guys over there. Did you see that?" The kid nodded and the mother tugged with more force on her son's arm.

"I fell landed face first from 25 feet in the air and I can't find a single thing wrong with me. Haha, Do you?"

"I can find several things wrong. For starters-" the mother grabbed her kid by the shoulders and shoved him away from the deranged stranger. She picked up her phone "Hello, I like to schedule another appointment. No not for him, FOR ME!" To be fair Mr. Krupp would've benefitted to a degree by joining them at the moment however the principal was wrapped up in a super hero frenzy he couldn't escape from ran loose on the streets of Piqua Ohio proclaiming the truth to everyone.

Back at Jerome Hortwitz George and Harold snuck out of their math class which didn't involve too much effort since half the class was taking a nap, and the other half entertained themselves by doodling on the sleeping victims. They scrambled upstairs with the FORGETCHYAMACALLIT 2000 in arms ready to strike down the intercepting duo as they slid into the room like Tom Cruise from "Risky Business"."We didn't want it to come to this, but as the old saying goes ignorance is bliss."

The room was empty not a single bald fat guy to brainwipe. "No way," Harold exclaimed, "he seemed so stubborn an hour ago and now he decides to disappear."

"Could there be a chance that he saw us coming?"

"George,I don't think Mr. Krupp is the one who ran off," Harold directed him to the window that had both pieces of curtain missing ",but how did anyone get pass the headphones secured on his head?"

"Perhaps he had a hip-hop single that trigger an all too snappy beat like the music produced by the late and great composers of today."

Harold pulled up an eyebrow, "how would you know about that?" George whistled slyly and shrugged.

A rumbling sounded like a mini stampede of cyborg water buffaloes running in a rainstorm with galoshes drowned out the awkward silence. "That can't be good," one commented. That assumption was indeed correct. Once they got their footing back they looked out the window to check outside. People were screaming fearing for their lives and their personal hygiene or not doing anything other than casually watching the horrific event unfold. Building were randomly combusting for no reason like there was a gas station in each of them. The streets were covered with an oozing sea foam colored liquid that was holding up blocks of traffic.

"What happened? The city looks as busted as our school!"

"Ya here news bout the NASA report kids?" asked a passing by bespectacled senior citizen,"There was a crash in Ohio, and they say it might be extra-terrestrials that hitched a ride from one of our spacecrafts," he licked his finger and turned the next page of the newspaper. The two peered at the picture on the front cover.

"Those aren't aliens it's the robo-boogers Carl, Trixie, and Frankenbooger. We sent them all the way to space a few days ago, and they're back?"

"Uggg, I'm so done with all these story contrivances. Can just one thing be in our favor today?" George begged to the sky while Harold simultaneously rummaged through his backpack.

"Sulu's not in my pack. Who is going to stop them this time?"

"Definitely not the police that's for sure, speaking of which…" They spied someone who seemed to be absolutely oblivious to the chaos around them as they were casually strolling along the sidewalk. It was police chief wearing a set of earmuffs that George and Harold recognized right away. "Excuse us sir, where did you get those earphones and tape player?"

"I borrowed it from a friend," he lied George and Harold weren't buying it though as they stood judgmentally with their arms crossed until he spilled the beans."Okay, it's belongs to a person wer'e holding in custody. You see, this guy was raving on and on how he was Captain Underpants earlier and shook us by our collar bones. What a loon, we sent that madman packin into the Piqua Valley home for the Reality-Challenged."

"That's because it was the real Captain Underpants!"

"How am I supposed to know? He was wearing a shirt and pants. He did have the cape, but isn't whole deal that he supports public nudity. If he's going to say that is his shtick, might as well stick with it." Before the two had time to face palm themselves a flying bullet racing through the skies caught the eyes of the masses."What is that up in the sky, is it a bird? Is it a plane? I know it's a egg-"

"Hate to interrupt your insightful observation there, but it's the guy you just locked up, remember? I wonder why he got out? Perhaps he's looking for something or someone, but hey who knows you could always go and ask him personally."

The police officer swallowed hard on lump down the bottom of his throat. "I apologize for the inconvenience. You boys stay safe now," the chief gave the items back, and ran off to retreat into the nearest doughnut shop across the street.

Captain Underpants floated above the site in his classic heroic stance,"Tra la-laa! I was in a comfortable room of sponges when I heard you three booger-filled fiends were looking for a rematch. These are real this time, right?" The panicked crowd nodded anxiously, "Good, just wanted to make sure of it."

"It's the man in his underwear. He's funny," one chuckled."Never mind that, let's get him!" Frankenbooger took a shot and went for the caped crusader's leg his kick however was powerful enough to knock his arm around and make it spin backwards. He flew Trixie up into the air holding it by the eye socket and instantly descended back to the earth slamming it into the ground and shattering one of its glass eyelids in the process.

"Ayy I saw that move on the wrestling channel, who knew we had similar tastes," proclaimed a random bystander.

Carl was next, but being the obvious chicken of the group he bolted at the sight of his other two comrades being knocked down. Those who got knocked down turned out to be very sore losers, and decided to get up while Captain Underpants was preparing for his victory dance."Enough messing around," Trixie and Frankenbooger slammed into each other with the unfortunate Waistband Warrior in between which in turn caused him to be absorbed the into their gelatinous crowd screamed terror-stricken as their savior was now presumably being eaten alive. Harold and George however knew a much worse possibility.

"Quick, what is the consistency of boogers?" cried George.

"Depends, it could range from crusty crumbles to a streaming river of goo. It is allergy season though...and yeah, we're going to die most likely."

Captain Underpants was drowning in the anamorphous pile of mucus and it took all his strength to swim back up to the surface. He gasped for and spewed out the sticky green substance like a drinking fountain that had been clogged for a month. "Not on my watch!" He declared to the bionic beasts as confident as ever.

"It's a Friday miracle!" George and Harold joined hands in celebration of their hineys being spared.

He loosened himself from their grasp and flung himself to the ground. He relentlessly kicked their giant metallic claws while appeared to be wailing out in pain."Acck, Dagnabit!" After that showed no effect it only made him become more infuriated and he tried bashing them up with his fists. Trixie used its tiniest pincher to give him a wedgie wide enough to insert its goo into the opening and snap the underwear back."YeOWCH!"

"Yikes, he's getting slaughtered our there." the two chattered in suspense.

Major discomfort was setting in that area it was as if the mush was sentient and was wriggling on it's own. That gave him an idea. He waddled over to the kids and pulled out the sludge from his briefs handing it to them.

Like any decent human being George refused to put that thing in his hands."No way, that came out of your-"

"Trust me, Okay! I have a plan."

He stood on top of a car and yelled to get the screaming crowd's attention. "What are you random people standing around watching for? Grab these things and help me pull them apart incinerate them, or do you want boogers all over your stuff?" This was a rather unorthodox method in the realm that it had a sense of common logic to it. With that people shoveled stacks of mucous around town and pushed them to the burning buildings where the stark exposure to heat would cause the boogers to bubble up and evaporate. Including George and Harold who tossed their piece in the fire as swiftly as possible. Using vehicles to push the substances away however wasn't enough they had to go right to the source."We've got to separate them from their boogers or else their circuit centers will draw them back in again. Iv'e got to contact the tissue company SNOTCo. to order a special delivery."

The procedure wasn't going as fast as he had hoped. "Ewww, ewww," a couple and blurted out. "Why do we have to do this? Doing the stuff this disgusting should be a superhero only job," a woman said trying not to ruin her nails.

The superhero was getting fed up with their complaints. "Stop your whining, c'mon it can't be that gross. You know our bodies make this stuff on a daily basis."

Learning facts about bodily secretion doesn't always make those substances seem less repulsive in fact sometimes it can increase the gross factor exponentially. "Eww, Ewww, Ewww EEEWWWW!" they squealed. Captain Underpants gave them the eye roll of the century. "Pretend it's jello. Big lumpy piles of jello that you got for Thanksgiving because everyone ate everything as soon as you got there. That was the only thing you brought and even then, it just stayed in your fridge for a month since nobody wanted to eat it.

"The texture is more like pudding."

"Sure, it's pudding."

As a collected mass each took part and carried their own individual pile of snot. Trixie tried swatting them away, "What are these little ants doing?"

"Beats me, Haha STOP That. It tickles." Giggled Frankenbooger now rolling on the ground. Gradually the slime monsters size depleted revealing more and more of their robotic endoskeletons. Just as he predicted.

"Ahh, you look naked, I can see your insides," Frankenbooger yelled to Trixie who tried covering up its indecency with its claws. Frakenbooger moved his massive hands to help in Trixie's endeavor alas he didn't know his own strength and his hands ended up crushing her instead.

Frankenbooger looked like a walking stick figure with the extremely narrow infrastructure that he had. "Free robot parts to whomever catches him first. I suggest you use some form of weapons or artillery to take em apart," Captain Underpants instructed, and the riot ensued.

A band of teenagers who had just come out of a school orientation banded up and chucked mountains of ice-cream that made its circuits shudder and spark. One man was really craving a giant over-sized gauntlet to stuff in an equally large sock crashed his tow-truck into Frankenbooger's wrist, and unscrewed what keeping it attached," Yee-haw looks like I myself a keeper can't wait to add you to put in my world famous giant sock puppet collection." The robotic demon was now twitching on the asphalt as the rest of the mob came to attack. Frankenbooger at its immensely weakened state begged them for mercy ,but these people had no restraint when it came to receiving free stuff. It got so violent that Harold and George couldn't create a description out of words that would do it justice.

"Wow this has to be the most graphic scenes our eyeballs have ever witnessed. Too bad the viewer will never get a chance to see it because someone left his notebook out of his backpack."

"It was STOLEN!" Harold objected.

Frankenbooger and Trixie were no more. The only problem was Carl. Unlike the other two he wasn't so close to the ground, and the people had a hard time reaching up so high. Even the fireman's ladder couldn't get a hold of him. "Anyone got any ideas on how to get this one to fall to its knees?"

"Oooh, ooh," yelled the manager from the prank store down the corner,"we have huge ropes designed for all tripping purposes, and they are on sale for this week only."

"I suppose I could rent one," without the manager's word of permission he ran the rope across the street where an unsuspecting foot got caught in it causing the rest to collapse. Unfortunately, the slime ball on stilts picked up two unsuspecting kids that happened to be wearing a tie and a striped shirt, "Harold! George!" he called to them as Carl got back up.

"You want them Underpants man? Your'e going to have to catch me then Nyahaha," it said taking off at a remarkable speed. The hero wouldn't give up and so he followed the thing on a motorized vehicle that someone left lying around. He was heading down the end of the street when the tracks of the giant cleets stopped midway. He ended up parking right in front of none other than, you guessed it, Jerome Hortwitz Elementary.

Carl scaled the building by digging the bottom of its long metallic feet into the brick foundation of the Underpants got out to climbed and chased after it "Haven't you read the school policy? No one dies on the campus without cleaning it up." The pathetic threat only amused Carl and gave him a raspberry that whistled against its giant buck teeth.

"What are you doing? Fly up here and bash this thing by it's legs already." Apparently, the Waist-banded Warrior was persistent in the idea of climbing up building to get the kids down to safety, and scaled the wall.

Even though he was a superhero Captain Underpant's body wasn't built for this kind of of intense physical activity. He only made it up a quarter there before he began panting and shaking sweaty palms lost it's grip on the brick he was on and he plummeted toward the ground.

He tried another approach he used the stairs of the building to reach the second floor although he kept falling down to the first floor due to them being streamlined with oil. He used the school phone to make a phone call, "Head of the tissue delivery company. Hi, we've got a runny nose on the loose taking a couple hostages. Can you hurry, up I'll pay for extra shipping!"

All of a sudden the Snot Co. licensed helicopter arrived carrying a large crate of their most infamous product. "Were awaiting a signal," said the pilot from inside.

Captain Underpants nodded "Let-A-Rip!" he commanded and the helicopter dropped the crate .A hurricane composed of millions of fluffy white tissues descended from the sky. They attached to Carl sticking to him like paper on glue. With that his layers of mucosa bubbled and drooped.

"Oh no, Tissues my only weakness. What a twisted turn of fate. I never got to tell mother that I love her!" Just as boxers is to water all his boogery outsides soaked into the tissues until there was nothing left but a pair of robo-legs. slime crept down the top of the building

The kids slid off the roof. Captain Underpants dived out of the window hitting the the same piece of concrete on he was on his backside this time. George and Harold landed safely bouncing off of The Waistband Warrior's pile of flesh on his middle abdomen which as expected was very soft and plush. They continued bouncing a few more rounds for the fun of it before he said anything, "Hello, the weight your holding on my gut is making kind of difficult to breath right now . In other words can you GET OFF OF ME!"

"You really saved our hineys back there it was a close one too. Was that all part of that plan you were saying? If so I have to admit it was quite elaborate, yet a decently executed strategy."

"Oh really, you bubs are impressed by me," he said with a smug grin.

The two looked back at each other, "Bubs?" The hero popped his hands over his mouth as if he said a swear. Everything was clear now. They put their fingers together.

!SNAP!

He automatically stuck one of his fists straight into the air, "Tra-la-laaa, you can't keep me trapped forever you monsters. I will defeat you and end your reign of slimy tyranny," he opened his eyes. "Where-where are they? I reassure you I had come from the sponge room. Then I was going hand to hand with those how did I wind up here?" the real Captain Underpants asked flying upside down.

The kids had a good picture of what was really going on, but they had bigger priorities to take care of first."Ya ya you can tell us later, we need your help to clean up the battlefield. Roll up all the leftover boogers, tissues, and bolts and kick it all the way back to Uranus. Hurry, before it realizes tissues don't really affect it and Carl starts regenerating or duplicating."

Captain Underpants sorrowfully, yet reassuringly did as they said. He rolled up all the remains like a worn out carpet and transfigured the bundle into a ball to drop kick. Sadly, when his foot contacted the ball it stuck to it so he grabbed Carl's leg and baseball it out of the earth's atmosphere instead. "Is that planet right there Uranus? If so I might have overdone it on the swing."

"It's not a big deal, don't worry about it." They said while watching a quarter of the moon explode into pieces, "On second thought, you should LOOK OUT!" A moon chunk was hurdling through the atmosphere at speeds of light-years per hour too fast for our hero to turn around and see it coming. The now was a crater below where he had been floating. The smoke dissipated Captain Underpants was still in one piece, but was totally knocked unconscious "He's dead!" Harold shrieked, "We need to preform CPR it's your time to shine George," he went on to push George on top of his stomach.

He pressed his ear against the Waistband warrior's belly as a faint sound rumbled within, "I hear something, it's either a heart beat or a stomach ache. Either way, he's alive. Good thing, I didn't want to make out with him to bring him back to life."

"This could be the perfect opportunity to erase both their memories. First, let's get them out of the open. To the stairs." Up the stairs they went again "Hnngh. How he manages to keep all this weight on him despite going up these stairs constantly, is a mystery to me."

"How do we get him to wake up?"

"Easy, by letting someone else get suspended," George said knocking the nearby door with his foot. A bucket that a curious student hung on a shelf over the door dumped a gallon of water that drenched him. "No-more," Mr. Krupp coughed. "No -more drippy boogers. They are all over me. Get it off!" He frantically wiped off the droplets with his hands."You," he plugged his ears as a precaution, "I'm not falling for that again so don't even try." George and Harold shook their hands to portray a truce promising that they wouldn't attempt to snap in front of him, and he let his fingers up. "Pfft what do you want?"

"Answers maybe, like why you were all of a sudden ready to take on a band of villains five times your size?"

"Simple, I already knew they were coming for me because it was on the paper, Duh. It was only a matter of time before they eventually seek revenge on us, and that one suc-up that's responsible for it. I suspect someone's little game of kickball had something to do with it, and people thought I was going overboard when I put that no balls in space rule in."

"Umm, a ball had nothing to do with it."

"Oh...Well, when a kickball hurdling through space dooms the world, you know who is to blame."

"I just can't get over how you went out of your way to save us. I thought you hated our guts and would be ecstatic to see us be crushed into oblivion."

"I still do, I was trying to save myself and you two meddlers got I the way of that."

"That still doesn't explain why you tracked us down and jumped off a building when you could've let us fall," Harold retaliated, "especially since you are evidently more vulnerable to pain."

"It was all part of the act ,okay? You saw what they were going to do if I didn't prove it. They wanted lock me up , and I knew you would try to get rid of me so you can bring Mr. Happy Underwear Fun-time to play with. Then I would have to wait until I get dunked in mucus to bring myself back. It's the very definition of a loose-loose situation I had no other choice. Also it became personal once they got their gunk all over me. I mean, do you know how long it takes to get these stains out?" Mr. Krupp lifted up his briefs to display the arrangement of green splotches that rivaled contemporary artists.

"Funny, Captain Underpants tried something very similar to that nature…Huh, you guys really are no better than each other."

"No, don't you dare compare that small brain damaged portion of my mind to the rest of me. I'll be taking those thank you very much," Mr. Krupp said spitefully snatching the player and headset away from them, "now can you stop asking questions and just leave me alone…I have ehh important stuff to get back to..." he said solemnly turning his chair away and muttering to himself. "Of course, I don't delight in the death in the death of small children. Kids are incredibly annoying sure, but what kind of psychopath do these bubs take me for?"

Harold obediently made his way to the door however George halted him in his path, "Not so fast there my friend." He counted down something with his fingers "3,…2,…1...and BINGO."

?SNAP?

"Tra-la-la-laaa-lala-lala," said Captain Underpants singing, and snapping along to the beat of the music.

"Snap music. It's no Weird Al ,but it does really spice up the hip-hop genre or at least that's what my parents told me when they gave me that tape for one of my birthdays."

"This is Underpantstastic! I could really use a tune like this for my theme song I've been working on." He then stuck his thumbs out and twisted his body side to side like he was doing some sort of ridiculous dance routine.

"Hold still Captain Underpants," George said pointing the memory erasing ray directly at his face.

"Gahh," he yelped taking the earmuffs off in alarm at the sight of the weapon being held against him. "My own creators brought me back just to end me. I always imagined this is the way I would go out betrayed by my closest allies. I should've seen this coming when they tricked me in the courtyard."

"Can you quit being so dramatic were not going to kill you were just going to make you forget you were ever our principal," George could tell through his eyes that he was still uneasy. "Look, you don't want to keep this job it's boring. Wouldn't you rather not worry about that at all, and focus on fighting crime full-time with a bonus of extended vacation days?"

"Tempting offer, but I can't resign the people at this school depend on me to improve the standards from which they are being held back by," he uttered in a humble fashion.

"Again with this logic. We get it, it's hard for you to understand this, but you overestimate yourself sometimes," he turned on the few functioning security cameras to demonstrate to him."Here,Is this what your perfect idea for running a school looks like?"

The Waist-banded Warrior starred at the countless screens on the monitor detailing the ways the school had fallen into ruin. The bathrooms were over flooding with water, food ,and various wastes. The science room had bunch of holes in the ground from acidic corrosion. The students themselves were either in the nurse's office without a nurse or pulling harmful pranks on each other. He sighed and maybe for the first time in his fabricated life he tried to give a sincere apology, "I really did get carried away didn't I? In reality, I guess he is more help than me. Hehe, by the looks of it even saved the entire city by himself while I sat back here and destroyed the place for you. Can you boys ever forgive me?"

"Ahh, we don't exactly blame you Captain Underpants," Harold said nonchalantly waving his hand by his face. "If we found out we were figments of someone else's imagination forced to play along in someone else's story no matter how cool, it would probably mess us up for a good two weeks."

"And by himself is stretching it. We were the ones doing pretty much all the work he was mostly just bossing us around. I doubt he would've done anything if he didn't believe he could, and that came from you." Captain Underpants wasn't letting up about the ordeal something was still bothering him.

"It's only that, I lied to you guys too. There is people who actually do like him, and I that I wanted that all for myself. A good hero shouldn't act this selfishly," he sobbed wiping his nose in shame.

"Don't let that get to you. I'm sure your a lot easier to get along with, and something they see in him must be something they see in you too. Even Mr. Krupp likes you. See," George said pulling out all the comics, "You wouldn't know anything about yourself if he didn't already read and memorize that information for you. Check it out, he even ranked these issues in order of his favorites. Ha, what a nerd."

"Psst George," whispered Harold, "those numbers are what we used to label the order of the issues."

"Oh… I bet he still does it in his head."

"It doesn't really matter. Even if he tries to get rid of you even if we physically erase you. You will still always linger in our imaginations, and any kid who's inspired by you when they read your biography."

Harold took a the sheet of paper next to the sticky notes, and grabbed a pencil from his pack. "If it makes you happier we could add more characters for you to interact with. There could be a cousin that secretly turns out to be evil or an uncle that lives on earth who's really a narwhal. We could insert a whole bunch of undiscovered relatives that inexplicably survived Underpantyland's explosion to come visit you."

"We can make him team up with other past characters we made-up. Dude, Captain Underpants teaming up with Dogman. That would make one sweet crossover. Or-Or maybe we could come up with a love interest…Nah, that's too cheesy and it wouldn't really sell well with the kids." He looked down by Harold's shoulder who was still coloring. "Were you drawing Mr. Krupp when I said the words love interest? No, not only does that not make any sense, but it's downright disturbing."

"It was a joke." Harold said scribbling it out.

"I know we could insert ourselves into the story to fight by your side. He can be sidekick Cheeseball Wafflefanny and I can be-"

"Don't bother," said the Waistband Warrior clinging to them at a particularly close distance. "Nothing you two can create will ever come close to replacing you. I just regret becoming such a burden on your normal lives, and that the noble hero that you guys fantasized about can't be in it."

Harold nodded no,"it's and not like all your adventures were made-up most of those villains you listed you've battled in real life. You were brave enough to help us out, and never stood back from them once. It's what we've been trying to tell you the entire time stuff like this does not happen 100% of the time."

"On the bright side though, a villain is bound to break out of jail in a week or so. We could call you up then."

"Thanks sidekicks," he said graciously letting them loose."If it's not too much of a hindrance to either of you shall I ask one last request. Can I use the faculty bathroom one last time before I have to go? A hero's duty is never done only postponed, and also don't want any talking toilets ganging up on us while I'm not around."

"You don't have to tell us twice, go ahead." About twenty minutes passed before he came back in the room which was concerning to the the kids, but neither one wanted to pose the question of why that took so long.

"Alrighty, I'm ready for you to send me back from whence I came sooo turn that doohickey on, and Let a rip!" he said giving them the thumbs-up. As he said, they did. Within moments Captain Underpants drooling on the ground with his signature smile still on his face.

"You know what George I think I'm going to miss him." Harold stated with a sentimental gesture.

"What are you talking about? Why do we keep on acting like he's dead? Underpants is just retiring from being our principal." With that being said they walked the partially brain dead principal back into the restroom. They were preparing to dunk his head into the sink when they saw a black figure sitting on top of a stack of toilet paper. "Is that a video tape, what's it doing here?"

"Let me see that. It says 2 K from C and it's got a little symbol shaped like a pair of underwear, if that's any hint for you," Harold put it aside and slammed Principal Krupp's head into unfiltered tap water.

"Bleck," he shook the water off his head and then spotted George and Harold who were aiming the FORGETCHYAMACALLIT 2000 at him. "Firearms really, you bubs know that's against the rules and illegal by federal law!"

"Yep, he's back now."

Mr. Krupp blinked his eyes a couple times. "Did you," he grinned and excitedly clasped his fist together, "get rid of him with that?"

George tipped his hands up and down as his response, "A little bit of yes, and a little bit of not really. Quick, Harold get ready and FIRE!"

Harold hesitated "Not yet George. You have a delivery from a certain someone that has a few words to say to you." He placed a the video tape in the VCR player. Mr. Krupp pressed the play button, and an image of a bald superhero was standing on top of a toilet cover came on screen.

"Greetings, Principal Mr. Benny Krupp I never had the chance to thank you upfront for some things on my mind so I'm using one of your spy thingies. Ahem... here is my list," he held a small roll of toilet paper with some writing on it. "Thank you for archiving all my adventures, and giving me a chance to have them I really appreciate it. Also thank you for being the most gosh darn handsome man who has ever graced the face of this planet. I can see why they chose to model me after you. Thank you for always keeping my underpants dry and ready for action just how I like it. There was much more wanted to say put it appears I have run out of parchment," he stated tossing the rest of the roll. "I used to think you were a bad guy because you yelled at people and punished them. Although those are qualities that a villain would typically have, I now realize that those things can make the world a better place if you use them for the right reason." he winked. "Sorry, I punched you in the face earlier to make-up for it I'm going to give you a big hug, but hehe as you imagine not sure how to-." He attempted to hug the camera, but he ended up slipping on the seat and had his leg knee deep in toilet."Woops,That's not going to work so I just going to-." Captain Underpants wrapped his arms around his shoulders and squeezed tightly, "you should try hugging yourself it might make you feel better it's doing wonders for me. Also as a a side note from me to you, don't be so hard on these kids they are trying their best to look out from you. In a way they are my heroes. It's been a nice one-sided chat, but I have to go now. Literally. I drank all the brown stuff from that machine. Captain Underpants signing out." The static of the video overtook the screen as it cut out.

"Aww, that was surprisingly some pretty good advice coming from him anyway. I'll even ignore all the inaccuracies."

"I know, too bad we have to retcon all of this. Uhh…Are you okay?"

Mr. Krupp was pale in the face from shock. "That was the most bizarre thing I have ever seen. Ahh I've got a headache," he said rubbing his temples slowly rolling his eyes to the back of his head. "Can you do me a favor, and tell him-"

"I ain't your messenger boy. Go tell him yourself," an agitated George activated the FORGETCHYAMACALLIT 2000 zapping his principal's cranium. Krupp put up somewhat of a resistance until his brain had no choice, but to give in. "Sorry, that just slipped out." They threw his clothes on him for the 50th time and left him to attend to the rest of his own business. Meanwhile, George and Harold took over the intercom to project the zappy waves to mind wipe the entire staff and student body.

And did they manage to brain wipe everybody in the school of this incident? To make a long story short.

They did.

Everything was now back to normal they sold the cameras to pay for a better school cleaning staff, and Melvin happily used his TRASH TERMINATOR 2000 on any remaining VHS tapes and the extra garbage once they got all the kids out of the clearing. He also won 1st place at the science fair since everyone forgot that there was one so he won by default. Turns out he was also keeping Sulu on a hamster wheel to power his machine, but don't worry they'll get him later. As for Donny Shoemyer, no one really knows or cares what happened to that kid. Harold got his notebook back, and George made sure the rules were back in order for the most part although it couldn't hurt to lighten up on homework. Even Mr. Krupp was able to catch a good night sleep. That didn't help his overall crankiness however it did give him the energy to yell at other kids instead of starring at George and Harold all day long. The duo even managed to complete scrambling the words on the blackboard that they failed to do earlier. The sign "School Fine Arts Contest" was now the "School Fart Contest".

Mr. Krupp stomped over to witness their masterpiece, "Haha you spelled the word fart how original. How many times do we have to go through this? I told you bubs not to mess with school property. Detention for both of you!" and as usual he left in a huff.

"Welp, we got to have our comeuppance some time," Harold joked.

"Are you kidding me? This story feels like more than enough. We didn't even have paper to make a cool Flip-E-Rama of that last action scene."

"True, but I did manage to make one of Mr. Krupp punching himself over and over during the school-wide apocalypse." He flipped the notebook pages back and forth. The hilarious brutality was so beautiful it brought a tear to George's eye.

"You know what, I love you man." The buddies wrapped their arms around each other's shoulders and waddled off into the sunrise before shortly turning back the other way because they remembered they still had detention.

In his office, Mr. Krupp was pleased to find some posted notes with helpful reminders since he totally lost track of his agenda for the last several days. "1. Sign boring papers" he went to fill out several documents with his approved signature while doing so he replayed messages on his office phone to see if he missed anything important.

One came from the teacher's lounge. "About today's teachers meeting, is there something you want to talk about Ben? I know, I know it's probably personal, a grown man your age doesn't usually have these kinds of problems till at least ten years down the line from now. I know a great store around the corner that my dad regularly goes to for it. I'm letting you know there's better options out there for you man, for cheap prices too! You should really took into it so you don't have to resort to borrowing boxers from our students."

"What the heck was that about?"

He played another. this time it was from the gym locker room "We should have Casual Fridays every week of the YEAR! WOOOHOOO, LIVING THE DREAM BABY!"

A couple from several classrooms downstairs that had virtually the same message of, "Hi, there is a 15ft booger monster outside the building should we be concerned about this?...I guess I'll take your silence as a no…Can I pick up my paycheck after school?"

"Hmph, you people should pay for therapy instead filling up my phone with this garbage. Do they honestly listen to themselves? I swear if I have to listen to another one of these stories."

The last one however didn't have a phone number that had a matching address on his school records list. "Hello, is this Jerome Hortwitz Elementary I'd like to speak to Mr. Krupp, Hello?...I sewed up your pants myself you can pick them up later…Are you there?...Look, I know you're probably busy right now I just called because want to thank you. I've been thinking about that conversation we had the other day and I-I think I'm going to try to attend a public school again. I only made-up a bunch of excuses earlier because I knew you would believe all of them. They said I might have to take junior high again but who knows maybe if I do well my first year I'll be able to catch up. I even hooked up with some new peeps while I was signing up. Turns out they really liked the piggy backs I gave them in my last year there. It's funny that's what they remember me by I ended up treating them to ice cream. Sorry got off topic, but what I'm trying to say is that I think I can handle myself alright. Hey, if you can fight monsters with only skin on ya then what's a couple of tests gonna do to me? Heh, so I'll Catch you later...Uncle Benny."

"Kipper." Krupp said silently to himself for a while, a warm smile came upon his face. He picked the phone back up and dialed a number. "I'm glad to hear it."

In the end all was well and everything went back to normal…except for one thing. As the boys came in to serve their time the saw that Miss Edith Anthrope had come back from her break, and she frolicked into her office. Mr. Krupp was waiting by her desk."I can see that your back from your unwarranted vacation I let you know woman you have this stack of papers you need to fill out for me in return. It better be done by next tomorrow or else!"

"Oh, Captain Underpants you don't have to put up that charade for me," she pulled the toupee off of the principal's head.

"Hey! Give that back."

"Now come on, why don't we get right on down to business and dance," Miss Anthrope declared stripping away her outfit.

"Gahh!" Mr. Krupp screeched covering his face. "Put your clothes back on woman. This is not appropriate behavior for a school environment."

"Guess I'll have to see you after school is out then," she giggled. While imitating a knock-off version of the samba, she snapped her fingers unaware of the potential consequences.

!SNAP!

A light-hearted smile set upon Mr. Krupp's face.

"Uh-oh!" George and Harold explained.

Captain Underpants was ready to let out his booming catch phrase to her and the world,"Tra-la-mmnphblggrhg," but then soggy wet lips landed smack dab onto the unsuspecting hero's face.

"Here we...Go ...again?...Ewwwww."

The End

Author: Finally, I actually finished a fanfic that was more than one chapter. With this concept I could've gone a lot longer, but knowing me though it would probably never get done. I guess it's already four times longer than it originally was like this chapter was literally going to go straight to the brain wiping, but I felt like that was kind of mean so I tried to add some sort of climax. Serves me right for writing this entire thing out of order It was fun though to some extent. I'm not sure I'm as funny as I think I am, but it coming up with stuff was still pretty entertaining. I wouldn't mind though if someone wrote something with this concept so I could actually enjoy myself reading it instead of feeling really stressed out. Well anyways, hope you guys enjoyed it.

I'll keep updating and editing occasionally if something really bothers me.