Olivia tried to pull herself together before Noah began to fully scream. Elliot smiled as she turned into 'mommy mode'. "I think you should go." Olivia said pointedly at Elliot, his face falling in disappointment. "I need time Elliot. I need to figure out if I even want to try to rebuild this. You left me with nothing and with more pain that you could comprehend and I have a great life now," she halfheartedly chuckled as she pictured clips from her friends, her true friends, visiting her, caring for her and Noah. She pictured their beautiful messy life together. She knew she would never compromise that.

"I understand Liv- Olivia." He sighed and stood from where he knelt. The fussing from Noah's room- the child he now knew to be Noah- was starting to escalate and he knew it would only be a few more moments before it became shrieking. "Please, please think about it. We can meet for coffee. Catch up. Please just call me."

It was Olivia's turn to chuckle, "You changed your number." Elliot flushed with color as he remembered the day he had changed it. It was shortly after he had broken his phone beyond repair. He had gone to the store fully intent on replacing the phone not changing the number. He had been caught off guard when the young girl behind the counter looked up the number and went to transfer all the data saying, "Oh wow you have 37 unheard messages." Elliot's mind began to race and he quickly asked the girl to not bother transferring the data- he would rather not have the temptation of listening to her voice again.

Olivia remembered the day like it was yesterday. His phone typically went straight to voicemail after the first few weeks of calls that were never answered, but the shock she felt when his number had been disconnected was too much to bear. She remembered sitting in her dark apartment sobbing for hours after that message reached her ear. She could still feel the pain she felt when her last mode of contact was removed and any hope of their reigniting into friendship was lost.

Elliot pulled out his phone and sent a short message to the number he had called earlier that day. The number that hadn't changed. All the message read was "its El." Her phone dinged indicating the message just as Noah's fusses became wails.

"You can let yourself out." She shot over her shoulder and she scurried down the hall towards Noah's room. She paused before opening the door to catch his eyes one more time. He had a look of pure anguish as his hand reached for the door. His eyes caught hers and she gave a halfhearted smile- more for his benefit than hers. And with that she disappeared into the room, taking on her persona that was so new to him he couldn't yet wrap his head around.

He shook his head as he turned the doorknob and let himself out of her apartment. He closed the door behind himself as he heard her soft mellow voice resonate down the hall, her soothing the sweet baby, Noah, had to be the sweetest sound he'd ever heard. He stopped momentarily and leaned against the now closed door to her apartment. Elliot reflected on how the talk with her went. He knew getting back into her good graces wouldn't be easy but he knew he had to try. She was everything to him and now knowing he was able to form these connections again gave him a great sense of hope and optimism for their future together. He hoped she would feel the same way.

Noah continued to fuss until Olivia lifted him over the crib side and grabbed his pacifier that he had long forgotten under his teddy bear. She wiggled it into his mouth, though she had been trying to wean him off, she knew this was the best comfort for him when waking up or going to bed. She sat in his rocking chair, sighing softly as he began pulling on her long locks. Thinking to herself how this life, their life had just drastically changed in a matter of a few hours. She went from hardly thinking of her former partner to now being all consumed by his presence. He had been here- in her apartment- he had held her. He had apologized, yes, but that was not enough. She wasn't sure that would ever be enough. She had to decide if he was worth the effort, if she could ever see herself trusting him again enough to try and rebuild their friendship.

Her phone dinged again with the forgotten message, "It's El." It read, loudly. She could still smell him, on her clothes. It felt so good to have him close to her again, he had aged just as she had but he still looked like the same man she remembered. She had longed for so many years for him to do what he had just done, for him to show up unannounced begging for her forgiveness. She had pictured it, fanaticized about it, she had imagined he would be on his knees at some point, but not in the way it had just happened, not from anguish. She shook her head trying to rid herself of his memory. She knew it would never be fully rid of him, but his years of absence had definitely helped. Now that he was 'back' if you could even call it that, she knew she might as well have started over.

The phone dinged for a third and final time- so she thought. She finally grabbed it to open the message to quiet it, but there was a second message from this foreign number, from her foreign partner. "I'm sorry." Again he had apologized, in writing, for Elliot this was a rarity, especially as the years went on. He would rarely admit his guilt even when he was blatantly wrong. She thought about it for a while. Her read receipts were on so he would know she had seen his message, but she wasn't sure he deserved any kind of response yet. After all, she had just asked for time and here he was double texting her.

She locked her phone again and scooped a still sleepy Noah in her arms. It was almost time to start dinner and she wanted him to be tired for bedtime.

After their nightly routine she got him down without any trouble. She had watched him for a long while stroking his hair and running her thumb down his cheek. He was absolutely the best thing she had ever done in her life. She would be utterly lost without him.

She lugged herself back into the kitchen and began cleaning up from dinner and from Noah's mess. Again her phone dinged signaling another message. She sighed. It was typical Elliot to not take her requests into consideration.

"I'm sorry for just showing up like that."

She laughed out loud at the message. After years of not hearing from him, the fact that he was triple texting her was almost comical. She couldn't help but reply, "6 years of no word and now you won't leave me alone."

He read the message instantly. He chuckled himself. He was a selfish SOB. Elliot knew once he reestablished contact with Olivia, he wouldn't be able to stop. That was half the reason he left like he did. He knew he could never give her up half way. He needed to give her up 'cold turkey' if you will. She was like a drug to him. The whole way home from her apartment he kept catching whiffs of her sent still permeating his clothes. He knew he couldn't and wouldn't be able to leave her alone after he heard her silky voice again.

He sat on his couch drinking a bottle of water and chucked. He had been sitting with her messages open since he had gotten home. He kept hoping to see those three little bubbles to indicate she was typing. Elliot knew she now had a child and would be busy getting him into bed, which is why he sent the third message close to when he knew most children his age went to bed. His heart had leaped into his chest at the three dots popping up followed closely by her response. A response he should've expected from her. He chucked lightly before replying, "Sorry, I know you said you needed time. Seeing you today was just a lot for me, it made me long for our friendship so much more than I expected." His therapist had been on him to be able to start saying what he is thinking instead of bottling it up. If he was going to make any progress with Olivia he was going to have to start by being honest, 100% open with her.

Olivia sat with her heart in her throat. She had poured herself a glass of wine while waiting for his reply, but she was going to need another after reading his words. "Are you sure this is Elliot? Elliot Stabler?" Replied Olivia, she couldn't wrap her head around the new Elliot; he was so different from the man she had known for 12 years. He was so jaded and closed, though so was she back then. Now, she was an open book- to her close friends- she was still just as tough and badass as she used to be, but motherhood had opened up a completely different side of her that she didn't know existed.

Ding- "Yes, Liv it's me. I told you, while you might be different so am I. I'm working on myself now and I'm trying to be the best father and friend I can be…"

She smiled into the phone thinking of his words. As much as she wanted to pretend she didn't need him and could be done with him, she would never be able to bring herself to cut him off, no matter how much pain he put her through.

Elliot sat on the other side of town watching as she read each message. He hoped the conversation would continue, but knew she was absolutely one to leave him wanting more. Beginning to reflect on the past 6 or so years had been especially difficult for him. He had switched therapists and this one was must more keen on expressing his inner most desires, thoughts, and feelings.

He remembered when he had to re-divulge Olivia's kidnapping story. He tried to get around it with this therapist, but he could read him like a book it seemed. As soon as his therapist noticed his voice change or him clear his throat he knew to probe deeper. It was one of the things that he hated yet loved about this new guy.

Olivia being kidnapped had been traumatizing in many aspects, none more so than how he found out. He could still feel the dampness in the sky that night. He had been working- just minor security jobs- so he hadn't gotten much time to check social media much less watch the news. He felt so tired that night, it was almost as though he was back on the force and was getting off a 48hr shift. His body felt weak, he suspected that he was coming down with something. His heart felt heavier for some reason too- his therapist later surmised he was feeling impending doom. This therapist was also very keen on reading into subliminal messages.

Elliot remembered getting home to his cold apartment and having a strong urge to go check on Olivia. It was very odd for him to feel those feelings especially out of the blue. He normally got them every couple of weeks, he had gone as far as to drive to her apartment once, but saw another man enter and the lights in her apartment dim. That was a feeling he hoped he would never feel again, and he didn't until he flipped on the television.

"Missing person, NYPD Detective Olivia Benson, was last seen leaving her station. She is suspected to have been kidnapped from her apartment by missing suspect William Lewis" Elliot fell back into the couch in a state of utter shock. He watched as her uniformed picture was pasted across the screen directly next to a mug shot of the man he now learned was William Lewis. His head began to spin and the room got fuzzy. He then heard, "Detective Benson was suspected kidnapped after fellow officers checked on her after 48 hours of no word. Long time coworker and boyfriend Officer Brian Cassidy informed channel 6 News exclusively that William Lewis was suspected of rape of more than 6 other woman spanning across the states, with an inept ability to escape law enforcement. He also went on to tell us his victims were found after 12-18 hours of torture including rape and were then left for dead or killed." Elliot couldn't stomach the thought of Olivia being with some sicko like this. How could Cassidy- and of all people CASSIDY- not know she was missing for 48 hours? Elliot became violently sick. He ran from the living room to the adjacent kitchen and wretched into the sink. He could hear the torment continue as the news anchor continued, "She is suspected to be in imminent danger. Police report her apartment was destroyed and blood and hair found on scene was determined to be that of Detective Benson's. Keys and wire coat hangers were found on the stove also covered in skin. One eyewitness, a neighbor of Detective Benson's recalled hearing thuds as well as muffled screams. She also reported the distinct smell of burning flesh." Elliot vomited again. This woman heard her being abused, possibly raped, smelled burning skin, and did nothing to help her. He began to gather himself. He had to do something. She was already gone 48 hours meaning she had already worn out her welcome with this psycho. According to the news, he wasn't one to keep moving his victims either.

Elliot made a call he expected wouldn't go over well, "Tutuola" the gruff voice on the other end answered.

"Fin…" Elliot didn't expect his voice to crack so badly, he tried to clear it, "Fin, it's Elliot."

There was a long pause, "Man, long time. Listen, now is not a good time."

"Fin, Please… I saw the news"

He paused again, "Yeah… It's not good El." Elliot had half hoped they were playing some elaborate prank on him, that is, until he heard Fin's voice crack and confirmation that the worse possible situation he had every imagined had come to life.

"Is- is it as bad as it sounds on the news? Fin is she alive?" He lost it again, this time sobbing openly into the puke-covered sink while Fin clearly went to a more quiet area. Elliot could hear the background noise dissipate.

"Elliot, when we got to her place, there was blood everywhere. This bastard is sick. We know she was alive in the trunk of his car; she left us her necklace by the wheel. She's tough, she will keep fighting, but this guy Elliot, man he's sick. I can't even begin to explain what he has done to other vics. I can't keep thinking about what he's done to Liv." Elliot's pain and anguish turned to guilt.

"I should've been there. I would've noticed she wasn't answering; I never went 12 hours without texting or calling her. What the fuck is Cassidy's problem waiting 48 hours-"

Fin cut him off "Elliot this isn't about you man. We are scrabbling trying to find her. I don't have time for a pity party for you." Fin was right, Elliot had no right to feel this way right now, and this was about her. His Olivia. She was with some psycho freak doing God knows what to her.

"What can I do" He choked out.
"Pray for her Stabler. If I hear anything I'll let you know" His phone clicked off. Elliot sunk to the floor choking back sobs as he dropped his phone beside him. Fin was right, there was nothing he could do except pray for her. He had lost touch with his religion for quite some time after his divorce, but now was not the time to be worried about God's displeasure with something so trivial. He quickly rolled to his knees and prayed through tears. He prayed she would live, he prayed that she wouldn't be raped, he prayed she would make it through this, and then for good measure he prayed she would kill the bastard.

Elliot's memory was interrupted by the ding of his cell. He realized he had nearly been crushing it in his vice grip as he remembered one of the worst nights of his life. He unlocked his phone and read her message, "Get some sleep. We can talk more soon."