Another day on the USS Enterprise...

Scotty casually takes a huge gulp out of a 5000000000000000000000 year old bottle of Scotch then passes out, as per usual with his daily 5000000000000000000000 year old bottle of Scotch gulping charity challenge which he's been doing since the day he was old enough to drink. Age three, by the way. The redshirts in Engineering around him laugh, then die of the dreaded REDSHIRT VIRUS! Of course, this only affects the redshirts which aren't main characters, so they're all dead unless they're Scotty or Uhura. Which they aren't, unless they are.

Up on the Bridge, Chekov is in the corner petting a tribble quietly repeating "my precious..." over and over and over and over and over and over again. He should probably breathe sometime soon... And right next to him Sulu is making a shish-kebab with his sword and fresh air, which is actually the decomposing souls of redshirts who fell victim to the energy beam fluctuation of the antimatter/dilithium transporter malfunction due to an overload in the Jeffries tube that had nothing to do with the energy beam fluctuation of the antimatter/dilithium transporter malfunction about 1.701 billion seconds ago in the previous sector. Heh.

Suddenly, UNICORNS! One is wearing a red shirt on its horn, and proceeds to jump into the airlock where it tramples the redshirt corpses in there and laugh like a maniac. UNICORNS ARE FOREVER! Unless they're this one, because then the airlock opens and it dies.

When Kirk gets out of his quarters, where Spock DEFINITELY isn't, he gasps, says a sentence with 1701 pauses, shows some dramatic acting then has a dramatic close-up. Ah, the privellages of rank. Spock, being his logical, pointy self, photobombs the camera with his bowl cut and green face, making the captain get mad and dramatically yell "I'M CAPTAIN KIIIIIIIRRRRRRKKKK!"into the huge abyss of decomposing redshirt souls surrounding him. It's called air, by the way.

And Spock? He goes to drive McCoy to drink more than Scotty. Not drive with a car, cars are so two centuries ago.

Another day on the USS Enterprise...