Notes

I tried to work out some way of introducing this as a separate story, but considering it takes up where The Walled Garden leaves off, I kinda gave up and so hopefully I can be forgiven for jumping directly in. I won't recommend people read The Walled Garden first, let's face it, it's 150k words, that would be cruel and unusual punishment. Lol But if you've been following it and made it to the end, you'll know that Bickslow just couldn't get over himself no matter how much I wanted him to, and scurried off. And here I am desperately writing in the hopes of getting some kind of happy ending for him.

So this is for you guys. I love you all so much! I doubt its going to get as long as the Walled Garden but you never know. Ali doesn't do apologies.

Three months had become six, and then nine before his guildmates got word that he was arriving back to Magnolia, mission complete and payment eagerly received.

Bickslow was already so used to the frozen tundras up north that the burgeoning spring in Fiore was almost oppressively hot. He was tired; the trip had been miserable and the idea of sleeping in his own bed made his heart actually flutter with excitement. The monastery that had hired him to exorcise their relics, all three hundred of them, had been a quiet and desolate place. They didn't appreciate his humor. They took vows of chastity and obedience. Self punishment was a daily ritual for them. He was a needed, but wholly unwelcome guest in their order; his comings and goings were monitored closely, with a level of paranoia he still hadn't gotten used to by the end.

He missed his friends, he missed being able to go out drinking and partying. Loathed to admit it, but he even missed the hangovers. It had been cold and dark and within the first three weeks he wanted to go back to Fiore, wanted it more than anything; Bickslow regretted ever taking the job. He'd needed a nice vacation, not a mission to gods forsaken nowhere. Beaches instead of glaciers. Sun instead of blizzards. He should have told them to shove it and stop asking.

More than anything, he wished he could go back and have a do over, explain to them why he left so suddenly. Explain to her what he'd been trying to accomplish with a little bit of solitude. He'd needed space. But Laxus was right, he should have had the courage to speak to her himself before leaving. The only reason he hadn't was because he doubted his resolve. Self restraint wasn't one of his strong suits; he'd have changed his mind, he knew that without a shadow of a doubt. But it had been stupid and cruel to leave like he had without looking people in the eye and explaining himself, and whatever punches were thrown his way when he got back, he swore he'd let them land. They deserved that much. He'd had so many opportunities to send a letter or some kind of message but he'd had no idea what he could say to make it right. In the end he'd done nothing, hoping when he got back he'd be able to vocalize himself more clearly.

When the train pulled in, he was surprised to see the Thunder Legion waiting for him. As surprised as he was disappointed not to see her with them. She was undoubtedly still going to be furious with him, but it seemed too angry to welcome him back with the others.

"Long time no see," Laxus greeted him with an outstretched arm and a wide smile that Bickslow happily took. He'd die before admitting it, but he'd been so unbearably lonely the last few months. It was torment. He'd never been so delighted to see his team.

"Yeah, don't even get me started. There was more life in the damn snowmen I made than those stupid monks. They wouldn't know fun if it turned up and bit them in the ass," He smiled and slipped off his visor.

"Did you see much of their temple? I've been told they have extensive libraries," Freed commented, he was still exactly the same as Bickslow remembered.

"Well, I didn't exactly get a tour of the place. Six months in that frozen shithole and they still wouldn't let me see more than a couple of mouldy rooms. The fact that they needed a Seith at all rankled them on principle alone. My money was well fucking earned," He grumbled. He didn't want to say that the monks hated him, but well, they'd really fucking hated him. Maybe he reminded them of all the things they'd sacrificed for their religion, maybe they were just assholes. Bickslow no longer cared.

Laxus smiled in a thoroughly unsympathetic way. After all, Bickslow had pretty much brought this on himself when he left to begin with. The Dragon Slayer was a sporting a few more scars than when Bickslow had seen him last but was otherwise none the worse for wear, and Evergreen?

"Is that an engagement ring?" Bickslow choked out, breathlessly.

She flashed him a smug looking smile, wiggling her fingers and letting the diamond twinkle in the sun. He could already see Mira's taste in the design of the stone. Elfman wouldn't have had anywhere near as much know how to pick out a rock that stunning.

"You've been gone a while, Bixy," She grinned, examining the way the ring looked on her hand.

"I take it I missed some stuff," He laughed.

"Oh, only Lucy's baby being born, Gajeel and Levy's wedding." Her expression was sharp. "Other things," She gave him a sudden, disapproving look he was sure was meant to convey something more important than the anger he picked up from it, but he didn't understand. He'd have used his magic to look closer but her stone eyes were quick, and he knew he'd be living out the Magnolian summer as permanent garden fixture if he tried it.

"What am I not getting here?" He asked Laxus. Freed suddenly wouldn't make eye contact with him at all. Clearing his throat awkwardly. "Did someone die or something?" He asked.

Laxus winced and Bickslow paled. It wasn't the response he was looking for.

"Ali?" He asked, suddenly nervous. "Boss?"

"Yeah, we need to have a chat about how you go about dumping women, Bickslow," The Dragon Slayer sounded jaded.

Bickslow didn't interrupt him to remind him they were never an item, so no dumping ever technically took place but clearly something had happened and despite the urge, he suddenly, desperately needed to know she was okay. Laxus caught his silent plea. "Don't worry, I'm sure she's fine, but that's not here and it hasn't been for a while," He said.

"What're you talking about? She left the guild?" The internalized guilt he'd been trying to ignore for the better part of the year came flooding back to him, gripping his stomach with a cold, painfully vice like grip.

"A few months back. Took a few jobs with us, a few on her own, with Gajeel and Levy, Shadow Gear, but she lost interest in making friends and playing nice," Laxus gave him a measured look. Something between resentment and relief. "We wanted to wait for you to get back before we went looking. We'd have sent you a message but we didn't have the location of the monastery," He finished.

Bickslow had purposefully kept the location from the guild at the Monk's request. And finally Evergreen's glare made sense to him. A silent 'this is your fault' if ever he'd seen it.

The woman was positively glaring sharp daggers at him.

"She snatched up a job I'd my eye on in Stella, and when she got back made some excuse about having some stuff to do, then disappeared," She sounded so bitter but he knew it was a smokescreen. She clearly took umbrage with his behaviour. The way he'd treated them all had been beyond disrespectful. He knew Ever well enough to know she wouldn't have tied the knot without the full team present to witness it. She was probably putting off the wedding till he got back. He felt like even more of a jackass. They'd deserved a decent explanation.

Bickslow refrained from sitting down right there on the platform and just giving up. Had he really expected to just waltz back into the guild nearly a year later and everything to just pick up where they left off? Had he wanted that? He thought he left because he wasn't sure about himself. Everything was so up in the air and he wasn't sure who he was anymore, after everything that had happened. He had issues and he'd wanted a little time for self reflection to sort those out. He now knew he might have wanted more from Ali than friendship and as he stood there, finding out just how badly he'd messed up, he realized that the honest answer was, yes, an enormous part of him had expected to just wander back from his travels, take her righteous anger on the chin and kiss her so hard she forgot how to walk. Show her what a proper kiss was. How stupid could you get? He felt like a fucking idiot. Just who did he think he was dealing with?

"Did she say anything about where she was headed?" His voice shook. In his head he was already gauging how much time he'd need to get himself together for another trip.

"She didn't say much before she left, " Laxus said. "But it didn't take much digging to get a destination."

"I doubt she ran farther than you," Ever sneered.

"Hey, I had some things to work through," Bickslow tried to halfheartedly defend himself. "Besides, why the hell do you even care? I may have missed a few things but I'm positive you getting chummy with her wasn't one of them," He sucked in a breath to try and quell the sudden anger bubbling up. Ever was sticking up for her. The women were like chalk and cheese but Evergreen wasn't heartless and she certainly wasn't the one in the wrong here. How was he going to take Ali's wrath if the mildly indignant comments of his friends were too much?

"I don't need justify anything to you. You left us as well, remember?" She countered, staring at him over the rim of her glasses. Daring him to try her.

"I had to figure some stuff out."

"And you'd to go halfway across Earthland to a frozen wasteland to do that," Laxus hadn't phrased it as a question, it was more of an observation than anything, but Bickslow felt cornered; it was impossible not to feel defensive.

"Of course a vacation to a nice tropical island probably would have been better in hindsight, but I think I already qualify for an award for stupid fucking decisions, boss," He ran a hand through his hair absently. It had been a long trip. He was tired and immediately in need of a stiff drink, but he'd been stone cold sober for the better part of a year and if he started to climb into that bottle right now, it could be next week before he crawled out of it.

"Well, on the bright side you could probably buy an Island with the payoff." Laxus's expression softened. "Let's get back to the guild. Dinner tonight is on you," Laxus smiled. " and I happen to be really fucking hungry. Tomorrow we can talk about your plan to track down your girlfriend."

Well, there went his giant payoff. Soon to be spent feeding a Dragon Slayer the size of a small mountain.

"She's not my girlfriend," Bickslow finally snapped, his temper boiling over.

"And that's pretty much your entire problem, isn't it," Laxus smirked knowingly before turning and making his way out of the station.

Bickslow sighed, slung his bag over his shoulder and followed the others. He frowned. Rattling in the bag he could hear his Totem's muffled, angry chants. They'd been almost unbearable for the entire trip.

"What if she doesn't want to be found? She left for a reason," He was doing it again. Avoidance. He felt like kicking himself. Laxus would see through him faster than anyone.

"She's still a member of the guild, and we haven't heard anything in a few months, so we're gonna go see what's up," Laxus walked ahead, pedestrians parted in from of him.

"We're?" Bickslow drawled.

"Me and Natsu are coming," He stopped and turned to laugh at him. "Someone might need to step in if she decides to stab you." Laxus seemed to find the idea hilarious.

"Natsu's really leaving Lucy and their new kid to go gallivanting around?" Bickslow wanted to avoid thinking about the likelihood of Alma introducing his manhood to a blade.

"Oh, not this again?" Freed bemoaned, immediately exasperated. Bickslow looked at him seriously.

"It's complicated," Laxus rasped.

"Like everything else. So where exactly did she go?" He almost didn't want the answer.

"She went to Atla," Laxus drawled, pleased with the look of burgeoning terror on Bickslow's face.

After nine months of ice, the heat was probably going to kill him long before she got a chance.