Feyre

I thought I was merely struggling to digest the food at the Spring Court when I started vomiting my guts up every morning. That was the lie that everyone believed, including myself for a while. But that month, I didn't bleed. And I knew that I was about to have a very big problem, or a small one for that matter-a small problem in the form of a baby (a FAEby).

I realized it as I was laying awake in bed one night, staring up at the ceiling, imagining I could see the stars through it. I was honestly contemplating the possibility that my food had been poisoned, but shoved the nonsensical thought away. And when it finally dawned on me, I had to refrain from slapping myself in the face for not figuring it out sooner.

For not realizing that I was pregnant with Rhys's child. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. Fae children were rare, and the fact that I had conceived one so quickly was next to impossible.

Panic started creeping in, threatening to consume my thoughts, but I did not succumb. I couldn't give in to fear, not now. Not when there was a war to be fought and a court to bring down. Especially not when there was a child to protect.

But even as I fought against that fear, questions poked at the edge of my mind. How was I to carry a child, be so vulnerable, at a time like this? Would I be able to protect the baby from the horrors of war? How would Rhys react to it?

He had told me once that it would be an honor to have a child with me. But he had also said that he would prefer a child without a war raging around us. Yet here I was-pregnant in an enemy court.

Rhys must have felt my anxiousness and fear down the bond, because I felt him send a comforting rush of love along with a question. Is everything alright?

I chewed my lip and sent what I hoped felt like reassurance. I hesitated, then said, Everything's fine. Don't worry. I love you. I wondered if he could feel the bitter lie. Wondered if he felt the life of his son or daughter thrumming through me.

But his only response was, I love you too. More than the stars and the moon.

I couldn't tell him about the child, not yet. I was his spy, the only one in the Spring Court and possibly the only leverage we had over the King of Hybern. If Rhys found out that I was pregnant, he would extract me from the court without hesitation. There was no way he'd risk his child or Tamlin's wrath once he found out I was carrying the spawn of his sworn enemy. And it made me feel guilty, lying to my mate, to the one person I trusted with everything… But it was for the best. Or, at least, I told myself it was.

Tentatively, I placed a shaking hand on my stomach. It felt no different than before, but I knew. I knew that the life of a child was relying solely on me. I swore I could feel its heart thumping, its fragile body taking form. Was all of this worth it? Would it be justified for me to risk not only my life but the child's life too? I knew that we needed information from Tamlin if we wanted to better our chances of winning this war, and I was our best bet. But I didn't know if endangering my baby was worth it.

A dark, cruel part of me whispered that there was always the option of getting rid of it. I immediately staunched the idea. Rhys would never forgive me for doing that. I didn't think I would ever forgive myself.

I released a shuddering sigh into the deep black, wondering if Azriel's shadows had finally managed to breach the Spring Court. For a heartbeat, I allowed myself to hope that he hadn't. Because I did not want anyone to see me there, sobbing, wondering what the hell I was going to do.

I didn't know how Tamlin hadn't scented it on me already.

Perhaps he just assumed it was remnants of Rhys, or he didn't recognize the smell, but I knew that it was only a matter of time before he pieced it together.

And two weeks after my unfortunate epiphany, I knew that time had run out.

Over the breakfast table, Lucien asked, "Are you still throwing up in the mornings?" An innocent question. Perhaps one inquired to initiate small talk. Maybe even because he was concerned for me.

I merely shrugged. "Occasionally." A lie. Every morning, without fail, I rushed to the bathroom to empty my stomach. I just prayed that he hadn't figured out why.

Tamlin, concern lining his brow, said, "Is it the food? Do I need to have a talk with the cook?"

Always concerned. Always protective. Once, it would have been an endearment. Now, I heard the violence under those words-not directed at me. But I heard the threat, the promise in them. If the cook had messed up the food, even in the smallest and most unintentional way, they would answer to Tamlin. And the results would not be pleasant.

I shook my head. "No, that won't be necessary." Then, I willed fear into my voice. Willed that vulnerable human girl I had once been to take form. Willed my tone to become small, quiet, weak. "It's just… the nightmares. They chase me until morning. I don't-I can't seem to deal with them."

Those words, those lies, washed away all traces of violence from Tamlin's face as he nodded. However, Lucien's face… his remaining eye held nothing short of blunt suspicion. He knew that I was not weak. He understood what Tamlin never could-that I wanted to fight. That I was strong, even in human skin. Perhaps that understanding led him to flare his nostrils in my direction. Whether it was to search for a whiff of that fear or something else, I don't know. But what he found certainly isn't what he was looking for.

"You smell… off," Lucien announced, slowly, cautiously. As if he didn't know what to make of it. My heart started beating a wild rhythm in my chest.

I had no idea if he recognized the smell for what it was, or if he merely smelled something different, but I soothed my face into a calm, confused mask, even as I felt the rising panic, the fear of discovery. If Tamlin found out I was carrying Rhys's child… I didn't want to think about the consequences.

"What do you mean?" Tamlin asked, the concern returning to his features.

"She smells…" Lucien trailed off, not knowing how to describe it. I hoped and prayed that he didn't recognize the scent of a childbearing woman. Pleaded that if he did, he'd keep his mouth shut about it. I made eye contact with him then, his metal eye whirring. And it was a small mercy when he said, "Can you think of anything that could be wrong with you, Feyre?" A mercy, because it gave me an opportunity to lie, to conjure up an excuse.

A gift wasted, because I could think of only one possible thing to say that would lead at least Tamlin away from further questions. And it was not a good one. But I willed a blush to my cheeks and averted my eyes, saying, "Well, there is one thing…"

Tamlin perked up at that. "What? What is it?" I felt his steady green gaze on me even as I kept mine on the empty plate in front on me.

Lucien was already eyeing me skeptically, no doubt smelling my bullshit from a mile away. He was always the smarter one of the two. "Yes, Feyre, what could it possibly be?" And from the way his steady, unflinching glare met mine, I knew that he already had a guess.

No going back now, I told myself as I blurted, "I have a yeast infection." Then internally face-palmed at the stupidity of it. I didn't think Fae could even get infections, let alone vaginal ones. But men were ignorant on feminine affairs-perhaps they'd be struck so dumb by the mere awkwardness of the statement that they'd drop the topic.

Silence. Complete silence as neither male knew what to say. Then, a snort from Lucien, his eyes once again meeting mine as if to say, Really? That's the best you've got?

Tamlin just leaned over and whispered to his friend, "What's a yeast infection?" And of course, Lucien let out a howl of laughter at the question, relishing in his friend's ignorance of female dilemmas.

I glared at him, the blush on my cheeks no longer a struggle to invoke. Lucien ignored me, saying to the Tool, "Oh, it's glorious really. It's usually caused by females wiping the wrong way and sweeping shit into their vaginal openings."

Now it was Tamlin's turn to blush. Then he whispered back, as if I weren't right in front of them, "Uh, what are we supposed to do about it? I mean… Should we put ice on it or something?"

This earned a stronger, more violent howl from Lucien, tears lining the corners of his eyes. He put a hand on Tamlin's shoulder. "No, my friend. Why don't you just leave Feyre to handle this one?" And it seemed that Tamlin was too embarrassed to think of an adequate response, so he just nodded blankly, crimson still coating his cheeks.

Just when I thought I was in the clear, Lucien met my eyes. Something flashed in them-a warning, and a promise. And I knew then that perhaps I had evaded Tamlin's prying, but not Lucien's. Not when my mate had Lucien's own. Not when I could lead him right to my sister, his soul-bonded partner.

So I braced myself for the interrogation that was to come.

Later, I told myself. Later.

Later turned out to be 2 hours after sunset, when I heard a knock on my bedroom door-strong, impatient, unyielding.

I sighed deeply, wondering if faking sleep would be a viable option. That is, until I heard Lucien growl from the other side of the door, "I know you're awake, Feyre." And without further prelude, he burst into the room.

"Don't you know that it's rude to barge into a lady's chambers without her permission?" I drawled to him, sitting on the edge of my bed and picking my fingernails.

He ignored the comment, baldly stating, "You're pregnant." Shit.

I met his stare coolly, not letting a drop of emotion creep its way onto my face. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't lie to me," Lucien hissed, baring his teeth. "I can scent it on you. It's faint, but I know it's there. Not to mention that morning sickness is a clear sign of pregnancy. You should count yourself lucky that Tamlin hasn't noticed or recognized it, otherwise you'd be knee-deep in shit." No hesitation in his voice, no doubt whatsoever-only absolute certainty. He knew my secret. The only thing I could do now was work around it the best I could.

Even as I calculated my next move, I still felt that cold, mind-numbing fear. If he decided to inform Tamlin, I had no doubt that he'd find a way to either kill the child or kill Rhys for impregnating me. Perhaps both.

I stood from my spot on the bed and took a step closer to him. "Please, do not tell him," I said lowly, pleadingly. "You know what he'll do. You know how he'll react. And I can't-" I took a shuddering breath that wasn't entirely faked. "I can't handle any more violence right now. I can't bear any more pain, or suffering." There, the voice of the girl I used to be. The voice that trembled so easily, that knew fear and lived in it.

Lucien's eye softened, but only slightly. "Where is my mate."

I had expected the question to come and gave the same answer that I always did. "I don't know."

He released a feral growl, one far from humane. "Yes, you do. You were in that court for months. You know his moves, his dwelling places. Where would he be keeping her?"

"If I knew, don't you think I'd have gone after her by now?" I snapped at him. "She may be your mate, but she is also my sister. I would lay down my life for her. But I don't know where she is."

"Liar," he snarled, advancing towards me. There was a wild gleam in his eye, a franticness that could only result from a male separated from his mate. "Tell me."

I bristled at his tone, at the male authority and dominance coating it. As if he had the right to control me. "What makes you so sure that I know where Elain is?" I asked quietly, dangerously.

"This eye," Lucien said, pointing to the metal sphere in his skull, "can see through glamours, spells, anything. And I know, Feyre, that you have been trying to hide that tattoo on your right hand since you got here." Involuntarily, I slipped that hand behind my back, as if it would cause him to unsee it. But it was far too late. "I don't know if it represents another bargain or marriage or whatever else, but you are still tied to the High Lord of the Night Court. And he knows where my mate is. So you will lead me to her. Or I will make sure Tamlin finds out that you have a child to protect." He turned toward the door, making to leave, but I grabbed his elbow in an iron grip, feeling the whisper of flames on my fingertips begging to be released.

"Listen to me, Lucien, and listen well," I hissed mere inches from his face. "You can threaten me, my freedom, my happiness, but you will not bring my child into this, do you understand? There are many things I would gladly give up if it meant stopping Hybern, but not this. Never this. So once my business here is done, I will bring you to your mate. But not a whisper of this gets back to Tamlin-not my pregnancy, not my connection to Rhys, nothing. Is that clear, Lucien?"

He just stared at me, metal eye whirring, surprise lighting his face at my ferocity. I was found out, my cover blown, but perhaps I could make it work. Perhaps my mission wasn't completely forfeit if I could just get Lucien on my side. It was silent for a long time as he looked me over, considering. Finally, he swallowed. And nodded.

I blew out a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet," Lucien warned. "The only reason Tamlin hasn't noticed your scent yet is because it's still coated with Rhys, and he'd rather not examine the aroma of his sworn enemy too closely. Perhaps he doesn't even know what a pregnant female smells like. But once he figures it out… I will not be able to stop him."

I didn't respond, averting my attention to the floorboards beneath us. I had to exact my revenge quickly, then. I would not be able to stay long.

"What do you think you're doing here, Feyre?" Lucien asked softly. "Destroying the entire court? There are innocent people in these lands. It doesn't seem like you to do something like that, especially for revenge."

I shook my head, meeting his stare once again. "My goal isn't just retribution, Lucien."

"Then, pray tell, what do you plan to achieve?" He crossed his arms, raising his eyebrows.

I did not flinch away from his skepticism, did not yield to his doubt. "I'm here for the people who look at the stars and wish; I'm here to make sure those dreams are answered."

I should leave, I told myself as I painted in the gardens three days later. I swirled the brush in a blob of cobalt, contemplating what the hell I was supposed to do next.

Lucien's knowledge of my pregnancy made my mission infinitely more dangerous than it was before, with a child at stake that I hadn't accounted for in the beginning. Any normal mother would have evacuated as soon as she figured out that she was pregnant.

But I was not normal, and my circumstances were far from average. The benefits almost definitely outweighed the costs. Just yesterday I had breezed into Tamlin's office-light and dainty and elegant-as he was seated at his desk full of scattered papers. Glancing over his shoulder, I saw pages and pages of information: weapons, armies, numbers, positions. All about Hybern. And of course, Tamlin paid me no mind. Why would he? As far as he knew, I was his loyal bride once again. As far as he knew, I was still illiterate and useless.

I was not that girl anymore. I was faster, smarter, stronger. I could protect my baby while simultaneously reeking havoc on my enemies. And I would see this to the end, child or no. Even if it tore me apart with worry. Even if Rhys throttles me for keeping something like this from him.

For I was a wolf of night and shadow disguised as a beautiful damsel of flowers and sunlight. And the Spring Court did not see me coming.

The next three weeks were a blur of spying and deception. Every so often I would creep into Tamlin's office pretending to want his company, when really I would sneak glances at the papers on his desk for more information on Hybern's movements. I would eavesdrop on Tamlin and the periodic messenger of the king, who came weekly to give requests (orders) and updates. And I was invited to the occasional meeting on planning where, when, and how Hybern would invade. On top of this, I was slowly sowing the seeds of distrust and hatred into his sentries, making it so they would never obey him again, let alone follow him into war.

Of course, there was also Lucien to contend with.

I knew he could hear me throwing up every morning, seeing that his room was right across the hall from mine. And whenever I exited to go down for breakfast, he was always leaning against the threshold of his own chambers, ready to give me a knowing look.

Meals were the true nightmares. It was the only time all three of us were ever together, and Lucien reveled in making it hell for me. He would drop subtle remarks throughout the conversation, things like, "How did you sleep last night, Feyre? I slept like a baby." Or even went so far as to say, "Are you gaining weight, Feyre?" with a pointed glance at my stomach for emphasis. I almost wanted to snarl at that, but Tamlin beat me to it.

I smirked at Lucien as he held his hands up in surrender, but he smirked right back. Oh, it was so on.

That next morning, just before the time I would usually throw up, I knocked on his bedroom door. When he opened it, looking confused and irritated, it took one look at my face to realize what I was going to do. He immediately tried to shut the door on me, but I was faster. I burst into the room, threw up all over his bed, and strutted out with a smug smile on my face. He didn't say a word to me during breakfast.

He never asked when my work here would be done, never asked about Elain again, and never tried to stop me. I found it strange that he was willing to betray his friend so easily, but at the same time, it didn't exactly come as a surprise. Lucien had always lived in fear of Tamlin-to call them true friends would have been a joke to people like Azriel and Cassian and Rhys, who knew true friendship with each other.

I still didn't trust him, of course. Not after everything that had happened. Not when there were such important things at stake. I was always on my toes, always ready to flee should even a whisper of my pregnancy or true intentions make its way back to Tamlin.

So our dance of deceit continued.

The fun and games did not last long.

Ianthe had disappeared from the court in the time that I had been there, but Tamlin told me during one of my trips to his office that she was coming to visit. To "make amends," she'd claimed.

And I knew that I was utterly screwed. Not because I feared her, or because she had any power over me. In any other circumstance, I would have snatched the opportunity to make her suffer.

But I was pregnant. She would no doubt scent it on me. And she would not hesitate to tell Tamlin.

She would be here within the next two weeks, Tamlin had told me.

I made quick work.

A/N: If you haven't read ACOWAR yet, you should not read this fanfic. I leave out the details of many events that occur in the book that pushes the plot forward because I'm assuming that everyone reading this has already read it. Not to mention MAJOR SPOILERS.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy!