So, this is my first bit of published work. Really not that much to it, but if I keep putting it off, I'll never publish anything. Enjoy this little snippet.

Sir Integra Winsgate Hellsing activated her speakerphone. "Hello, Alucard. How was your mission in Japan?"

"Eh, I'd say ninety-nine, point nine percent done. Sup, bitch?"

*A week later*

Hands slammed into a fine oak desk. "Dammit, Alucard! The entire world has been taken over by zombies, and it's all your fault!"

Alucard, being a centuries-old vampire, responded in an appropriately mature fashion. "No it isn't!"

"Yes, it is!"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes, it—dammit, I'm not doing this! Clean up this goddamn mess, right fucking now!"

"Geez, calm down. You'd think the world was ending, the way you're acting." There was a pause. "That or it's your period." There was an enraged snarl.

"Master, the world has kind of ended."

Two voices responded as one. "Shut up, police girl."

"Okay..."

"Alucard, you are allowed to release to level 0. Just… get rid of all the zombies." The master vampire grinned. It had rather far too many sharp, pointy teeth.

"Reaaallly?" Integra sighed as she rubbed her forehead.

"Yes, really."

The bloodsucker threw back his head and laughed, dissolving into a writhing mass of shadows.

*Tokonosu, Japan*

"What do we do, Takashi?" Rei asked her crush as they all stared at the advancing horde of Them.

"I… I don't… wait, do you see that?" They all turned, to see a massive wave of darkness pouring from the west. There were startled cries from the group of survivors as it engulfed them. Suddenly, eyes appeared throughout the blackness. A deep, masculine voice spoke two words, seemingly directed at the girls in the group.

"Nice tits." With that statement, the light returned, showcasing the complete lack of Them around them.

"What was that?" Hirano questioned. The survivors looked at each other, and shrugged.

And there you go. Brief little ficlet, hope you enjoyed.

Drop a review, please. IronWolfe, out!