Two Sides of a Coin
Adapted from Foundry Mission "The Interwarp Experiment" by AstroRobLA

There's some things I should've said
I was too afraid
It was just so hard to let you know
And now it's all too late

What we had was beautiful
I didn't wanna wreck it all
Every day, I think about the truth

I wish I was
I wish I was
Brave enough to love you
Brave enough to love you
I wish I was
I wish I was
Brave enough to love you
Brave enough, brave enough, brave enough to love you

Stripped away the walls I built
Like no one ever has
The hardest part is we'll never know
If we were meant to last

What we had was beautiful
I didn't wanna wreck it all
Every day, I think about the truth

I wish I was
I wish I was
Brave enough to love you
Brave enough to love you
I wish I was
I wish I was
Brave enough to love you
Brave enough, brave enough, brave enough to love you

Brave enough to love you
Brave enough to love you
I wish I was
I wish I was
Brave enough to love you
Brave enough, brave enough, brave enough to love you
— "Brave Enough" by Lindsey Stirling, feat. Christina Perri

I materialize in the transporter room of the USS Destiny and a Bolian in a CO's white-on-black snaps to attention. I guess it's because of the gold braid that's been added to my service uniform recently for the Karagite Order of Heroism; I'm pretty sure she has seniority. "Captain Merkell. Permission to come aboard?"

"Granted, Captain Kanril," Traes Merkell assents, and I step off the transporter pad into the Defiant-class escort's cramped interior. "I'm honored to finally meet you," she says, stepping forward to shake my hand.

I gesture to the trio behind me. "My XO, Commander Phohl, my ops officer, Lieutenant Commander Reshek, and my science officer, Commander Riyannis."

"Sial'alachua, Commander," Captain Merkel says to Tess, brushing a hand across her bald blue temple.

"I appreciate the gesture, sir, but wrong greeting," Tess answers with a sardonic smile. "Imperial Andorii isn't my first language—I'm from the Adris Islands, not Lor'Vela Oblast."

"Sorry. I've got several Andorians on my crew and I guessed."

Tess shrugs. "Well, at least you pronounced it right."

"So what's this about?" I ask. "The admiral was pretty tight-lipped: all I got was a destination and a code word, EXCALIBUR MINT GATEWAY, and Starfleet Intelligence wouldn't clear me for the file."

"Sorry about that; Commander Dalton insisted. This experiment's really taking a toll. As you can see the Destiny's little more than a science experiment at the moment."

"Yeah, I had some questions about… Wait," I stop in mid-sentence. "Dalton? What's his given name?"

"Well, Jerrod Dalton, of course, Captain. Rumor has it the two of you knew each other at the Academy. I infer that's why he requested the Bajor specifically."

I grimace. "Yeah. We knew each other. It's… complicated."

Merkell gives me a rueful grin. "Yes, I've noticed that things are often 'complicated' where Dalton is concerned. Brilliant man, but sometimes brilliance comes at a cost to everyone else."

I grunt in agreement. "Preaching to the choir, Captain Merkell."

She laughs. "Maybe we can trade stories later. Meantime though, we're a little overextended here getting ready for the first field tests."

"Field tests of what, exactly?" Gaarra asks.

"Well, I'm no scientist, but from what I've been told this 'interwarp drive' thingummy is supposed to be a revolution in faster-than-light travel. It's a take-off of a standard warp drive, but instead of producing a warp field only slightly larger than the ship by distorting subspace, it supposedly punches the field into what Dalton calls an 'accessible dimension'."

"I get it," Biri says. Off my look, "Well, it's Shar's Hypothesis—the field is going to snap back into normal space, but with a much greater radius."

"How much greater?" I ask cautiously.

"Well, for our first test, Dalton set a goal of a ten-kilometers diameter. He says he's being conservative." I raise an eyebrow at this and she gives me a look like she can't believe what she's saying. "Yes, he thinks a warp bubble big enough to encompass the entire Fifth Fleet is 'conservative'. And apparently the upper limits could be in the high hundreds of klicks."

"He's right," Biri says with a look of wonder on her face. "If you incorporate Cochrane's Eighth Law and Har'chak's Theorem… Gaunt's hosts, the implications are staggering—you could just move Utopia Planitia Fleet Yards over to Epsilon Eridani in one trip!" She pauses. "He really built this? It's not a mock-up or anything?"

"Well, so his team says. All I know is, I had a junior department head go over my head to Starfleet Science and bull right through a couple parsecs of red tape to volunteer me for this."

Now it's my turn to be sympathetic. "Yeah, that sounds like Dalton."

"So, how do you two know each other? You must've been pretty close if he wanted you specifically, Kanril."

"That's… Can I answer that later after I've had a chance to talk to him?"

"Sure." She points at a door leading aft. "He was in the engine room last I heard. Also, I wonder if you could do me a favor." I gesture for Merkell to continue. "Well, you've got a Galaxy-class starship with full amenities, right? We've pretty much been cooped up in the Destiny for months. If you could loan us some holodeck time—"

"Say no more," Gaarra agrees, and hits his combadge. "Reshek to Ops, have the holodeck schedules cleared for Merkell's crew."

"Many thanks."

We head aft and down the corridor, dodging a rather frazzled Andorian lieutenant who's trying to fix an EPS leak. I hear her grumble something to the effect of "Not again!" as I go past, headed for the aft section of the ship and Main Engineering.

Back in the Academy I did a stint on the USS Fearless, a first-run Defiant-class the Academy uses as a trainer. I know what a Defiant-class engine room is supposed to look like: anything else. The warp core is overgrown with extra cylinders and consoles and supply tubing, and steam is hissing from some of the assemblies. The ship's chief engineer, another Andorian, a chaan by the look of his antennae, is standing by the center console. He snaps to attention at my rank. "As you were. I'm looking for Commander Dalton."

"Around back, sir."

"Captain prefers 'ma'am'," Gaarra corrects him, but I'm already moving past. I duck under a low-hanging conduit and catch sight of a blond human in work grays, hunched over a console.

He doesn't seem to have noticed my approach. I tap him on the shoulder and he turns, and I briefly get a glimpse of his eyes widening before my right cross smashes into his jaw. I feel the pop of a bone giving in my ring finger but the sight of him flying backwards, bouncing off his console, and landing in a heap on the floor is worth it.

"Captain!" Tess cries warningly behind me. Somebody else yells, "Security to Main Engineering!" into a combadge as she and Gaarra grab both my arms and haul me backward.

"It's all right, Chief Howard!" Dalton says. "I deserved that."

"Ye'phekk maktal kosst amojan deserves a lot more than that!" I yell in a mix of English and Kendran. "Get off me!" I shake them loose.

"What the phekk was that about?" Gaarra demands.

"The captain and I used to be engaged." He rubs his jaw. "Whoo, you still pack a punch, sha fe."

"You do not get to call me sha fe after what you pulled," I snap as he clambers to his feet.

"'Engaged'?" Biri repeats.

"Years ago, at the Academy, before this asshole up and shipped off to the phekk'ta Gamma Quadrant in the middle of the night!" I force my fist to unclench. "You've got a lot of nerve dragging me out here when we're supposed to be in the Delta Quadrant reinforcing Admiral Reynolds."

"Look, I'm older now, and a tad bit wiser if I'm lucky. There's a lot I need to explain, but trust me, this wasn't a frivolous request."

"Oh, you want me to trust you?"

"Well, yes," he says in a slightly sheepish tone. "But I'd rather have that conversation somewhere less public," he adds, eyeing the CHENG. "Can you meet me in the officers' mess in about fifteen minutes? You're going to need to hit sickbay anyway, get your combadge set up as a dosimeter."

That gets my attention. "This contraption of yours is radioactive?"

"No," Biri says, "but if I remember the theory right the process does involve triolic waves."

Dalton nods. "The Trill's right. We don't have it powered up right now and the core is pretty heavily shielded, but you never know."

"All right, Dalton, I'll hear you out," I grudgingly agree. "But I reserve the right to break your nose."

Biri laughs. "I think I'll stick around here for a while, talk shop with the crew."

Gaarra's combadge goes off as we head out the door. "Sir, it's Bellevue. We've got a safety trip in Holodeck Two."

"They're trying to mess with the programs already?" Gaarra asks in an exasperated tone.

"Looks like."

"All right, I'll be there in a few minutes." Gaarra looks at me with an irritated expression, nose ridges crinkling. I jerk my head in the direction of the transporter and he nods and starts that direction.

Then I feel eyes on the back of my neck. I grab the back of his uniform and pull him back. "Wha—Mmmf!" he manages as I turn him around and kiss him, hard, lightly biting his bottom lip as his beard tickles my chin. I hold onto him for about six seconds then let him go. Tess is staring at me in surprise, one antenna twitching. "What was that about?" Gaarra asks, looking a bit shellshocked.

"To piss off Dalton. Go; I'll see you later."

Tess laughs at this as we head forward, stepping around the crew in the tight confines of the ship. "So, how long had you known each other?" she asks, still snickering.

"About a year. Admiral Ben-David sent him to pick me up when I got to the Academy, then we met in a nightclub a couple months later, had dinner, and things got serious fast."

"And you were going to marry him?"

I make a face. "Yeah, but the engagement wasn't that official yet. We'd done the Rite of Grasses but there's still half a dozen rituals after that, and we hadn't set a date or had any of the banns read, either."

"Heh. You wanted a traditional Bajoran wedding?"

"My parents did. At that time I'd've been happy being married by Commander Falwell on our midshipman cruise. That was just before he left."

We stop in sickbay to get our combadges set up (and me to get my finger fixed). Tess stays outside the officers' mess and strikes up a conversation with the Destiny's XO, while I steel myself and step inside. Dalton's changed into his service blacks and waves me over to a table where he's replicated some hasperat. "Still can't kick the habit, not since you made it for us that time on spring break."

"Stuff the small talk, Commander."

He half-grimaces. "I guess I deserve that one. You probably have a lot of questions."

"Just the one, really: Why?"

"Yeah. 'Spose that covers it. Why did I leave? Truth is, I left because I didn't want to. I couldn't bear to have you out of my life."

I raise an eyebrow. "Okay, that doesn't make sense."

He laughs. "Yeah, let me try that again. You were… like nobody I ever met. You were a partner and an inspiration; it was getting to the point where I couldn't imagine life without you. But you have to understand, that's not why I joined Starfleet."

I look at him for a moment, trying and failing to read his face. "You're telling me you got scared?"

"Sort of. I was scared that there were things I needed to do that I wouldn't with you around." I unwrap one of the hasperats and wait for him to continue. "You remember I told you how my family moved to Aldebaran when I was twelve, how the liner was hit by the Orions? I'd probably be dead or enslaved if a Starfleet frigate squadron hadn't run off that Syndicate carrier. Three of the four ships were blown away but they saved all our lives."

"Yeah, you told me that's why you joined Starfleet. What's that got to do with—"

"It wasn't just a motivation for me to join. I felt… feel that I owe the Service my family's lives. I joined up to give the Federation everything I could, to be the best I could be. I wanted to do my part to keep other families from suffering disasters that could be avoided." He lets out a breath. "It may sound arrogant but it made me think I might have a destiny to fulfill, something more important than my own happiness. But after I met you I wasn't thinking about that until I got the offer for that deputy science chief gig on the Planck. You realize how rare it is they offer that to a cadet?"

"Yeah, so why didn't you tell me about it?" I ask around a mouthful of hasperat.

"Because I turned it down. I didn't want to leave you."

I nearly choke. "What? What the phekk are you talking about, 'turned it down'? You left without saying a word!"

"Well, that night I was going to tell you about it, and that I'd said 'no'. I wanted you to be proud of me. But then when I saw you, I realized I couldn't have both. We'd both know I'd put you ahead of a unique career opportunity. That's selfish, not something to admire. At worst I might've ended up resenting you for it.

"I barely slept that night, and by morning I'd realized I only had one option, so I went back to Admiral Serrikan and asked if the offer was still open. I decided if I just left without a word, it would hurt and you'd hate me, but hopefully you'd get over me."

I rest my face in my hand. "Did it ever occur to you to just ask? I probably would've said yes! Prophets, Dalton, I'm a space warfare officer—they had me slated for Gunnery on the Betazed! There's no job for me on a research post! It was damned arrogant of you."

"Arrogant? Yeah, probably. Probably selfish, too. But I was afraid that if we talked it out I wouldn't be able to leave, even if you did say yes. There's… there's something almost elemental about you, like… you're like a force of nature and everyone around you just gets pulled along for the ride." He shakes his head. "I mean, don't get me wrong, it's sexy as hell, but it's also kinda scary. I dunno, I'm not trying to excuse myself, and I'm not asking for your forgiveness, but maybe it counts as an explanation? And hell, look at you now. Jay-gee to full-bird captain in two years, and how many medals, again? And your ship's becoming a bit of a legend in its own right. I'm happy for you."

I accept the compliment without comment. "All right. So why did you bring me out here?" He looks around the room, then pulls something out of his pocket and attaches it to the underside of the table. The sound of the ship rapidly dulls. "An anti-snoop?"

"Can't risk being overheard. That's why I needed you. I needed someone I trusted completely. There's been some glitches with the interwarp experiments. Nothing major, yet, but it's got my hackles up. This technology could change the face of the galaxy if it works, and I think somebody's tampering with it."

I raise my eyebrows. "Wow. I've gone from discarded lover to trusted confidant in the space of four minutes. My head is spinning."

"Do you really have to be sarcastic? This is serious. You see, nobody really knows where this tech could go. I've been telling everyone we're at least a week away from the first test, but I was stalling so you could get here."

"And you were stalling because…?"

"Because if enough people think we've got days to go, I think I can maybe derail any interference if we suddenly move it up to tomorrow. Also means we've got a big reserve of crew on hand that I know haven't been compromised, and, well, it's a Galaxy-class starship." He exhales again. "Maybe I'm getting paranoid but there's too much at stake here. This isn't just about warp fields and moving ships. If my math is even close to right, for all practical purposes there is no hard mathematical limit to how big a field you can make—someday we could be moving stars."

My mouth drops open. "Sher hahr kosst," I breathe.

"Yeah, so you can see why somebody might want to steal it or shut us down. Then again, if I am being paranoid, I'm glad it got me to finally tell you all this."

"Well, Dalton, I'm still angry at you. But I'm in."

He slumps back in his chair, visibly relieved. We just sit there eating hasperat for a while, not talking. Finally he says, "So, you and your ops chief?"

"Mmm? Gaarra?" I nod, brushing a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "Yeah. Funny, Gaarra and I met in sort of the same way you and I did. Picked him up at Quark's on DS9, next day I walk into my ready room and he's reporting for duty."

He laughs. "He a good guy?"

"Very."

"I'm glad."

Then my combadge chirps. "Dammit." I put down the hasperat and slap the badge. "Kanril, go."

"Tess here. Hope I'm not interrupting, but Master Chief Wiggin just picked up a blip of a radiation signature out in the asteroid field. Definite triolic wave signature."

I glance over to Jerrod; he shakes his head. "We haven't done any tests out there and triolic radiation doesn't occur naturally."

"Phekk. All right, we'll go check it out."

END OF PART ONE