A/N: I don't own Flash or characters. First story, feedback is welcome!

The Deepest Parts of Me Still Wants You

"You're not Caitlin.
And I'm not Barry."

Deep down, somewhere in his heart he knew that was true. He had a plan. One that had taken years, hundreds of years, to plan and finally his ascension was coming. Iris would die and the Flash would fall. Savitar would be born. It was a cycle.

But he forgot one crucial thing.

How much he truly missed Caitlin Snow. How much he missed her warm smile, her kind eyes and her caring heart. He forgot how much of an impact she had on him. Their friendship was different than others. He had grown a soft spot for her over the years of her patching him up after battles. Her unwavering faith in him, moving him, pushing him to do better. To be better. To be a hero.

When he had returned as Savitar he searched for the things he needed in his plan. All while waiting for the moment he would plunge a blade through Iris' heart. But then he saw her. The struggle she was going through. The pain in her once bright eyes. Everything that she hid from the others.

He didn't think he had himself a heart anymore. Not one filled with love. But he looked upon her and his heart shattered at her pain. So, he decided: he needed her. He would risk his plan. Risk his ascension all for her sanity. Because he missed her. He missed his Caitlin.
But when she had finally snapped, and he approached her, she was different. She was Killer Frost. She was not his Caitlin Snow. His beloved Caitlin Snow. He still wanted her by his side. And with her powers, she would protect him from the speed force.

...

He revealed himself to her and for the briefest moment he saw Caitlin in the cold, blue eyes of the woman before him. Her unyielding trust in him still so very strong.

He remembers when she first lost control. Back in his life as Barry Allen, he held her wrist as she dug the tip of her icicle into the flesh above his heart. The physical pain nothing compared to the heartache he felt looking into her eyes as the ice shattered to the floor and her eyes faded, tears falling, and a sob sounding throughout the pipeline. His arms holding her so close to him he was afraid he would break her entire being with the force of his embrace.

And with the brief glimmer of Caitlin in Killer Frost's eyes, he offered her salvation. Together they destroyed. Together they were powerful. They were simply, together. And he was okay with that.

...

But in one of her attempts to kill Tracy Brand, a plan that Flash and his idiotic team threatened to thwart, she had fallen into battle with Vibe. He had overpowered her and she went flying back towards a wall, falling limp to the ground. Savitar panicked, only slightly, racing towards the building to save his dear Caitlin. The view wretched his heart out. Vibe had a vial of her blood in his hand about to take her away. Take her away from him. Furious, he ran towards Vibe and knocked him over, bantered a bit before picking her up. Her body was so light and frail. It frightened him. Savitar, God of Speed, frightened by an injured woman. He rushed back to the hideout before any of them could protest. Placing her on the single bed they owned. He exited his suit before his hand quickly went to her neck feeling for a pulse.

"Cait." His voice held such emotion he hadn't heard in his voice in a long, long time, "Don't scare me like that." Savitar murmured to her unconscious body. Brushing a few strands of hair from her face before placing a kiss on her forehead.

...

He is not a fool to admit that things had drastically changed between them. She still acted like the fearless and powerful Killer Frost. And he was the ruthless and hateful God of Speed.

But they had grown closer in a way. They had a common ground between them. He still cared about the Caitlin Snow inside of her. She still cared about the Barry Allen she believed to be inside of him. She fervently denies any connection to her past before awakening as Killer Frost. And he reminds her that his goal is to destroy the Flash by killing the love of his life. They throw insults at each other, rubbing their weaknesses in each other's face, watching the other squirm. They took pleasure in watching the anger boil between them.

But neither pushed the other away.

They both needed each other. Caitlin Snow believed herself to be alone. Savitar knew he was alone. Together they weren't alone. They were both twisted and altered. Too different from what they wanted but still altogether what they needed. Who they needed.

...

Their need for each other burned between them. A small simmering flame before it burst into an explosion of feelings they refused to admit. And for one night they were not Killer Frost and Savitar, they were simply people. Not Caitlin. Not Barry. Not an evil ice queen. Not a manipulator of time. Just two people. A man and a woman.

He held her face so gently in his large hands, afraid to break her. She looked up at him with such tender eyes, still a bit of ice within them. Her hands clutched his shirt so tightly, her knuckles turned white. There was barely any space left between them.

"You are not Killer Frost." He whispered to her. The iciness disappeared completely from her eyes.

She had kissed him. But he didn't hold back either. They clashed together in a way all their own. Molding and forming to the other. Maybe it was the Caitlin in her that needed the Barry in him. At least he liked to think so. She was using him for a part of him he destroyed years ago. He was using her for the small piece of her that she hid deep in her heart.

But she believed him still Barry. And he believed her still Caitlin. Both of them were wrong. But none of that mattered now. They didn't need to be anyone. They just needed each other.

His hands were gentle but firm on her waist. Her legs wrapped around him. Her hands weaving through his hair. Their mouths never leaving the others skin; the only exception was clothes being tossed here and there. His mouth would fall to her neck trailing kisses down and back up, driving her crazy. She would moan her head leaning back against the wall she was pressed against. He used his speed to carry her to her bed.

Yes, she still craved his heat because of her powers

He pulled away only to take her in. Flushed face and chest heaving, she reached up her left hand to place it over is scarred face. He closed his eyes and flinched at the touch. She should be repulsed by the hideous scar. The mark the physically proved he wasn't Barry. But her other hand came to rest on his other cheek holding him in place.

"You are not Savitar." She whispered so innocently, her eyes brown and all Caitlin. "You are beautiful." She pulled him closer kissing his scar.

He felt a warmth bloom inside him for the first time in an eternity. He knew that he would squelch that feeling as soon as this moment in time was over. He had a plan, a destiny he had to fulfil. Feeling love will not help him attain that destiny. Love will not make him a God. But for now, he relished in it.

Pulling her closer to him, he kissed her. The kiss was full of passion, and intensity, and every feeling he shouldn't experience. He made love to her knowing that love didn't exist in their lives anymore.

For a moment, they weren't Caitlin and Barry or Killer Frost and Savitar. For just a moment they were a man and a woman in love. It was the longest and shortest moment he had ever experienced in his entire existence. But it was their moment in time. And that's all that mattered.

...
When she had made the comment, "We're a team, right? Barry and Caitlin at it again." Her voice full of mockery and that undertone of despise, it shook him.

He looked up at her. His face so serious. He forced the anger, the faux hatred into his voice. "You're not Caitlin."

Her expression changed. Her eyes were still blue, but he saw Caitlin's warmth hidden deep in the ice on the outside. That small feeling of happiness that she was still affected by his words. That was all Caitlin Snow. His Caitlin could still be saved.

Savitar wanted Caitlin. He had always wanted her. Because he had feelings for her. And looking at Frost sauntering around in her body stirred something inside him. It felt wrong.

"And I'm not Barry." He turned his head.

No, they were not Barry and Caitlin. They were Savitar and Killer Frost. Just shells of the former. They were fakes. But they were fakes together. They were the deepest parts of Barry and Caitlin that refused to surface because of fear and pain and anger and loneliness. But still they had found each other when they were at their lowest. Because deep down they are connected. Maybe not in the way they would like to be. Maybe not in the way they should be. But they were still there. Fighting to be heard.

Killer Frost pulled away from him after that. She knew there was still Caitlin inside of her and he was beginning to see that. She had proved to him she was Killer Frost but a part of her was still Caitlin.

He said that she is not Caitlin but he sees so much of Caitlin in her. He said that he is not Barry but she sees so much of Barry in him. His passion is still the same. Maybe hers is too. Maybe their identities did blur between lines a bit. It didn't matter, Killer Frost and Savitar were only allies. They were not friends, or lovers, or anything else. That is what they told themselves.

Because he wanted Caitlin. And she, though she would never admit it, wanted Barry.

If he noticed her change from then on he wouldn't acknowledge it. She tried so hard to fight being Caitlin, to prove she was Killer Frost, he is afraid he might have actually lost his Caitlin in the end.

...

So, when he was fighting Cisco at the final battle and her ice attack blasted him away. He couldn't help but feel happy that his Caitlin was still there. Caitlin would protect her friends. Caitlin would sacrifice herself, her sanity, for her friends.

Yes, time caught up with him. Yes, Barry Allen succeeded in saving Iris West. Yes, his plans had failed.
But he supposed it was okay.
Caitlin was still Caitlin. Though she was changed and stronger.

To him, she was still Caitlin Snow.

...

Caitlin said goodbye to her friends, to Team Flash.

"I'm not Caitlin anymore."

"You are not Killer Frost." Barry responded with such assurance she closed her eyes and remembered the same caring voice of Savitar whispering that to her in in their moment.

"No, I'm not." She opened her eyes. Her brown, warm eyes. "I'm something else. And I need to figure out what that is, on my own."

She walked away from all of her past that day holding onto the fact that the future is finally hers to control.

Savitar may have faded from existence, but he still lingered there, surrounding all of Team Flash. Haunting them, hanging over all their choices and decisions. But to her, he saved her in ways Team Flash couldn't. He let her choose her own destiny. She may not be Caitlin or Killer Frost but she now had the chance to discover who she was for herself.

To her, he was still Barry Allen.