Hi all! So this is not my first time writing fanfiction, but this is my first with writing in the CPD universe. I originally posted this over on Tumblr (same username and everything!) and I've had some requests to also post here.

This little idea came about as a way to get frustration out from the finale (brb still not okay) and what better way to find the way you wish it could have happened than by writing?!

Hope you enjoy, leave comments, suggestions, critiques, anything!

A million thoughts raced through her head. She had gotten very little sleep the night before because she was worried about what would happen today. What already happened today.

If she was being completely honest, Erin knew in the back of her mind she would be suspended because of her actions the day before in the interrogation room. She knew she went too far, she wasn't really that dumb to forget to lock her gun away before going in. But her emotions were unusually high that day and Jay wasn't there.

Jay Halstead, her ex-partner and ex-boyfriend.

She didn't know what hurt worse.

There was one thing she knew with certainty and that was if he was there, she wouldn't be on administrative leave right now as her unit investigated of her mom. It was taking everything in her to stay in her apartment. She still had no idea what was going on other than the brief information she got from Bunny's phone call. But if she knew Hank and Jay, they were questioning her mom regardless of whether she was innocent or not.

Something told her it was the latter.

The second she walked through her door, the urge to rip off her uniform was high. Never in her life had she ever felt like that, even during her patrol days and she saw some of the worst in humanity. Or the day Jules died. Any day that she ever had to put on her blues, she felt pride because she was doing something with her life and because she was serving the city she called home.

And she owed a lot to the Chicago Police Department.

It brought Hank Voight into her life. Even as she brushed him off in their earliest meetings, there was no denying that him finding and bringing her into his family turned her into the person she was today. He was the reason she joined the force. His family showed her the meaning of family, trust, and unconditional love. Camille showed her what moms are supposed to be like and how supportive a family can be.

It gave her the Intelligence Unit. The unit gave her more people in her life she can call family. Looking back at it, that unit, her unit¸ gave her three more brothers, one older one she could rely with anything and two more annoying little brothers she loved so much. She gained another father figure, someone she can look up to and whose wise words gave her guidance. She gained sisters, even as two left before their time, she still had one that was a shoulder to cry on and a friend to gossip with.

But most importantly, it gave her Jay.

She didn't know who she thanked more for bring Jay into her life: Hank, Antonio, or the man upstairs who's already dealt her a shitty hand. But regardless, Intelligence gave her the best partner she's ever had during her time with the CPD, and over time, that partnership changed. Even as she may no longer be partnered with Jay, he would always be her partner, just in a different walk of life. Jay Halstead taught her so much about herself and relationships that even if they never got back together (it hurt to think that) she would forever be grateful for him.

As she reflected about how much this unit meant to her, she couldn't help but notice her uniform haphazardly laying on her bed. She had been so consumed in her inner thoughts that she never noticed she took it off. Her usually perfectly pressed uniform was now laying in a pile on her bed, leaving her standing in just the light blue lingerie set she pulled on that morning. She remembers the day she bought it. Her attention had first been drawn to the light blue of the lace, her mind registering that it was the same color of the button down of her uniform. The thoughts that followed were mentally planning how and when she could surprise Jay with her latest purchase.

That was the other thing Jay Halstead taught her, how much of a girl, a woman, she really was. Before him, there was never any rhyme or reason to buy lingerie. There were never any guys she felt the urge to buy it for and there was no need when her work clothes consisted of jeans, a t-shirt and combat boots. Even though she knew some single girls still bought it to feel empowered and confident, she got the same rush when she was standing in the booth at the shooting range. Her job gave her a daily dose of female empowerment.

If she thinks hard, she can remember the first time she ever spent money on bras and underwear with lace. It was right after she took the job with the task force and she realized she couldn't get away with her usual work attire. So, she spent the few days off she had before her new job shopping. Erin could count the number of times she had ever been voluntarily shopping for non-necessities on two hands. And sometime during her shopping trip, she found herself wandering into the little boutique idly wondering if Jay was a satin or lace guy, thong or cheeky kind of man. The white bra she had worn that night in his apartment was bought with him in mind, and he confirmed later while tangled under his bedsheets with nothing on that he didn't picture her as a lace girl. But upon the blush she knew was spreading across her chest and cheeks, he whispered that he liked lace before giving her what she thought was her third orgasm of the night.

They lost count after they both hit 5.

Since that night, she found the majority of her savings going towards that little boutique and her intimates doubled overnight. Lace, satin, teddies and bustiers. You name it, she owned it. Jay showed her why girls felt so empowered to be wearing little scraps of fabric barely covering their bodies. Nights that started out with her wearing some outfit always turned out to be the best of her life. All because it turned her on more when she saw the effect it all had on her boyfriend. She knew he thought she was beautiful, gorgeous even, as he told her so on many occasions, but there was something about it because he was the only one to see her like this.

She remembered the last time she wore this set clearly. They both pulled overtime on patrol one night and with each other, so it wasn't as bad as it could be. They had planned to spend the night at her apartment, knowing by the time they got off shift, her building was closer and they would both pass out. But Erin forgot the tiny little detail where she pulled on the light blue set to wear under her uniform, knowing that while patrol would be uneventful, she could have some fun getting him worked up.

They actually got a call, a domestic that sent him to Med. While Erin couldn't imagine doing that kind of damage to Jay, the bastard deserved it when they learned he was cheating on his girlfriend with her sister. Both of her sisters.

It was well after midnight when they got home, and both were about to crash. Jay had already changed into a pair of sweats and made his way to the kitchen to get them so type of food. While Erin was left in the room, her eyes spotted the shirt he just discarded and she smiled, no longer wanting to fall into bed to sleep.

She padded back to the living room, leaning up against the wall as she watched her boyfriend stand over the stove. There was no doubt that he was making those grilled cheeses she loved so much.

"Detective Halstead," she said, her voice suddenly lower and raspier. She knew the effect her voice had when it dropped an octave lower.

He looked over his shoulder at her and dropped the spatula he had in his hand, his mouth falling open at the same time.

"How's your night going?" she asked, tilting her head to the side as her eyes travelled down his body, stopping on his groin as she licked her lips.

Ever the cautious one, he blindly turned off the stove and moved the pan before walking over to her. While his attention was clearly on her body, she took the time to take note of just how her appearance affected him.

"Fuck," he whispered as he got closer, his hands reaching out to grasp her hips, pulling her flush against him.

"Pretty sure that shirt looks better when worn like that," he said, dropping his lips to meet hers. No other words were said, the exhaustion gone as their hunger was replaced by a different kind and they moved back to the bedroom to do everything but sleep.

Erin's day dream was interrupted by a knocking on her door and she let out a frustrated moan when it registered. She looked at her reflection again and saw just what the memory had done. Her chest was flushed and her breasts barely managed to stay in her bra as she tried to control her breathing. She seriously hoped that whoever it was didn't need anything important because she suddenly had more pressing matters to attend to. Hey, she deserved the relief. It had been a stressful morning and she hadn't gotten any in the past two months.

Another thing she learned from Jay, she was addicted to sex, with him. She may have control in their partnership, but he commanded control in their bedroom, and she gave it to him, no questions asked.

Grabbing the robe laying on the chair in her room, she made her way to the door. It was times like this she wishes her front door had a peephole, because then maybe she could ignore who was on the other side.

She had this whole spiel mentally planned, but her mind stopped working the second she saw was on the other side.

"Hey," Jay whispered.

"Hey," she whispered, suddenly conscious that her grip to keep her robe closed was loosening. It was like her body knew that she didn't care what he saw. He had seen it all, inside and out.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

"Shouldn't you be working?" she said, surprising herself with the underlying accusatory tone.

"Took a detour on my way to Med," he explained, "I had to see you. So, can we talk?"

She then nodded, opening the door wider to let him in.

Silence fell between them as he walked towards the living room. He paused when he entered and turned around to face her.

"How'd this morning go?" he asked, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"As well as could be expected," she replied, "I'm on admirative leave. Board's gotta interview everyone else to see what happens next."

"That's what Hank said. I haven't heard when anyone else is getting called in, except Platt came up earlier and told Upton she's up next."

Erin sighed before moving to sit on the couch. Jay just remained standing where he was, but turned to face her again.

"This is so fucked up," she mumbled, resting her elbows on her knees.

"Yeah it is," Jay replied, "but everything will be fine."

"How do you know?" she snapped, heading jerking up to meet his eyes.

She hadn't meant to sound so defensive, but the stress of everything: her suspension, her mother, Jay, was hitting her like a ton of breaks in that moment.

"Because I know you," he replied simply.

He remained quiet as he walked towards her, sitting on the coffee table so he could look at her eye level.

"Because you, Erin Lindsay, will take whatever they throw at you," Jay said, his voice becoming softer as he took her hands in his.

"So what if you get fired? I'm sure there are a lot of other agencies that would take you in a heartbeat, because you're one of the most badass cops I know and one of the smartest."

She couldn't help but smile at his words. Regardless of what was going on between them, he had a way with words.

"But what happens when they see I was fired? That's not something to take lightly."

"You got a little heated while trying to save the life of a young boy. Don't pretend like you're the only one in this unit to get a little intense with interrogation tactics. You think my record is squeaky clean? The stuff I did during my time in the military makes Voight's methods look innocent."

Erin was slightly shocked at Jay's words. Did he realize what he just said?

"Yeah, I did," he said chuckling. So, she'd been thinking out loud.

"I know we are a long way from being fixed, but I'm getting there. It's been easier to open up, but it's still hard. Harder with you because I don't want to disappoint you," he explained, looking down at their joined hands.

"You could never disappoint me," she added without hesitation.

"I'm afraid I already have," he said.

"No, you haven't, you never did," she explained, "I may have been hurt, but a part of me understood. You coped like I did, and were trying to get me out of a situation where I could have relapsed."

It was then Jay looked up at her, the look on his face shocked and Erin knew that's what he had been thinking all along.

"You're right," he whispered.

"Usually am," she joked, finding the opportunity and taking it. It clearly worked because she saw a hint of a smile on his face.

"So what happens next?" he asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I have no idea," she replied, "I really want to talk to my mom."

"Erin, don't" Jay said with conviction, his eyes lit with determination, "don't do anything that can make the situation worse."

"But, Jay," she began to only be cut off.

"But nothing, step-by-step, by the book. Nothing else."

"I'm scared," she admitted, "of everything."

"Er," he whispered, "everything will turn out how it's supposed to."

She nodded and smiled when his hand left hers to cup her face. Her own hand followed to grasp onto his wrist, her thumb finding his pulse point.

Her mind flashed back to that day in the locker room when they cooled it. The atmosphere around them was similar to what it was back them.

Silence once again fell around them as they simply took in each other's presence. It had been so long that both were memorizing every detail of this moment, praying it wasn't the last.

"Jay," she whispered, and that was the end for them both.

Their lips met at the same time, both feeling the need to truly exist in the other's presence. It had been too long.

Lips moved as hands wondered. Erin shivered as she felt warm hands dip into her robe that had definitely fallen open. Her mouth swallowed his groan when he discovered only soft lace was covering her body.

Pulling back, Jay simply sighed, assuming their moment was over, just as soon as it started.

But instead, Erin just stood up, smirking down at her boyfriend. Yep, that's what he was.

"Did you think this would be over?" she asked huskily as she slid the robe off her shoulders.

Jay visibly swallowed as his eyes travelled down her frame. While he was distracted, Erin looked down to see the very noticeable bulge in his pants.

"How long do ya got?" she asked, moving to straddle his lap, arms wrapping around his broad shoulders.

"As long as we need," he replied before he shut them both up. It was then Erin's turn to let out a moan as she fully sat down on his lap, feeling his arousal against her now wet core.

"Bedroom, now" she groaned out.

"Yes ma'am," he replied, kissing her again as his hands came to grasp her ass, effortlessly lifting her and standing up.

Not even 10 seconds later, she found herself being thrown onto the bed. His lips left hers, but she didn't mind, because he was wearing too much clothes.

"Ok we really may need to hurry," he said, as he glanced at his watch while pulling his shirt over his head, revealing his toned abs to her eyes. She was never going this long again without looking at his body. He pulled his gun from his hip, and grabbed hers as well before setting them in the chair. She was glad one of them had the sense to put them out of reach.

"Do your best, Detective," she responded, drawing out the last word.

Jay smirked at that, grabbing the back of her knees and pulling her towards him, letting out a giggle from the woman on the bed. His lips came to hover over hers as he teased her yet again.

"Oh definitely," he said before moving south, trailing hot kisses across her skin. He kissed down between her breasts and across her toned stomach before finding his destination. He wasted no time in pulling her panties off, kissing every inch of skin revealed before his tongue found the spot she needed it most.

His hands were quick to grab her hips, pushing her down into the bed as he devoured her. Every nerve ending in her body was on fire as his hands bruised her hips and his tongue and mouth worked hard to get her off.

She found the silver lining to their time apart.

Her hands moved to his head and her legs moved to keep him trapped between her thighs. She would gladly keep him in that spot forever and doubted he would mind.

Jay's hands moved up her arms to pulled her bra straps down before moving to intensify her pleasure.

He pulled on the cups, instantly freeing her breasts from their lacy confines and his fingers quickly grasped her sensitive nipples, tugging lightly to elicit more reactions from her. It wasn't long until he completely pushed her over the edge.

"Jay!" she screamed, not caring who heard or complained. She needed this just as much as he did.

The command she thought about earlier was back as hips mouth left her clit to find her own. She thought she was done, spent, but the taste of her own release had her wet again.

She was about to say something, telling him to hurry up because she needed more. More of this and more of him. It had been too long.

And she was never letting go again.

But she didn't get any words out before he slid into her in one fluid motion that had her crying out the second she felt him. It wasn't long until he moved again, setting a rhythm that gave them both more than they realized they needed.

His lips found her breasts, kissing around them as he pounded in to her, desperate to speed things along. He teased and nipped and sucked before moving to the spot on her neck that was her biggest weakness.

Her legs wrapped around his waist, her heels digging in his ass for both grip and to tell him to move faster. As he savored her sweet spot, his hands found hers and intertwined their fingers, squeezing tightly and never letting go.

It wasn't long before she felt herself on the edge again and by the amount of pressure Jay was putting on her collarbone, he wasn't too far off either.

The whispered admission of his name at the same time he said hers sent them both into oblivion as he collapsed on top of her, his head falling to rest in the spot his mouth was just worshiping.

Erin released one of their intertwined hands to rub his back, letting him silently know she was still here.

"Wow," was all she said as she tried to catch her breath.

"Yeah," he replied, softly kissing the spot he knew would leave a few marks. She might want to invest in some heavy-duty concealer for the next few days.

They both wished to stay like that forever, in a state of pure bliss and love, but the real world called.

Literally.

The ringing of Jay's phone had him groaning as he moved to slid out of her and stand up. Both let out sounds of their dislike to be disconnected but they knew it was bound to happen.

Jay found his phone as Erin laid there in her bed, her bra around her waist and legs still splayed open for his viewing pleasure. She wasn't sure she could move if she tried.

Jay quickly sobered up when he was who was calling. He locked eyes on hers as he raised the phone to his ear.

"Halstead," he answered.

His gaze remained locked on hers as he listened to whoever was on the other side of the conversation.

"Yeah, I had to stop on a personal, Voight knows," he said, "but I'm heading there now."

It wasn't even thirty seconds later that he hung up, but she didn't catch another word. Her eyes were fixated on this man before her, standing completely naked with one hand on his hip and not a care in the world. Even in her post-sex state, she took the time to admire how open he was being with himself, even if it was just his physical body. Her mind then recognized she was doing the same, making no move to cover herself or at least pull back in her panties and readjust her bra.

If they could be this open in such an intimate way, the same should be said about their emotions and thoughts.

She didn't have time to elaborate on that, and didn't even see him move back to her as he placed to softest of kisses just above her clit. A soft moan escaped her as he moved up to her lips.

"I've gotta go, but we didn't waste any time," he said before pulling back to get dressed again.

It was also not lost to her that instead of pulling on the same boxers he had on earlier, he moved to the dresser on the far wall, reaching into the second drawer on the right (the same side of the bed he slept on) and pulling out a clean pair.

As he redressed, she found the energy to drag herself off the bed, pulling her bra back into place and his now discarded boxers.

She sat on the edge of the bed as he clipped his holster back onto his waistband. He then moved to stand in front of her, pulling her up and into his arms.

"This was not a mistake," he whispered into her hair, pressing a kiss onto her forehead after.

"I wasn't even thinking that," she replied, giving her own kiss just above his heart.

"Good," he replied, pulling back slightly to look down at her, "cause when this is all wrapped up, we need to have another talk."

Erin just nodded and leaned up to kiss him once more.

Neither wanted to move, but she was the one to pull away, grabbing his hand and leading them from their bedroom.

"You have to go," she said, pushing him towards the door.

"But I'll be back," he replied, kissing her once more before walking backwards to leave.

"I'm holding you to that, Halstead."

Jay just smiled that signature smile of his. Even amid this entirely fucked up situation, he still made her feel light and forget everything that was happening around her.

The door closed behind his retreating form, and in a world now filled with uncertainties, there was one thing she knew with absolute conviction.

He would be back.