Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man

Warning: language, canon-typical violence.

I've had this mulling in my head for a loooong time now, and it was only until recently that I finally got enough lore and ideas to put this into a logical narrative. I started the Fusion AU months ago on my badlydrawnyullen blog (Tumblr), and I've been itching to write it into a story. So, here it is! I hope you all enjoy!

A note, though: this fic will have a lot of headcanons crammed into it as it's based off my blog. So here's the main to keep in mind character wise:

Allen: afab; identifies as a nonbinary trans person who is comfortable using he/him pronouns; asexual; in a relationship with Kanda.

Kanda: amab; identifies as an agender asexual person—only reason he calls himself a guy is because that's what they called him when he first woke up; is cool with he/him pronouns; in a relationship with Allen.

Lenalee: cis female (she/her), and really, really loves girls—very gay; in a queerplatonic relationship with Lavi.

Lavi: afab; identifies as a trans-agender person; really doesn't care much about gender, but does not like being called a girl (flip-flops between he/him and they/them); in a queerplatonic relationship with Lenalee; aromantic and asexual.

Chapter: 1—What Did We Do?

Sometimes Kanda wondered if it was even worth it to stick around with the Order, what with all the shit he and the others had to put up with. Missions and annoying people were one thing, but being shrunk down to a child, being infected by some sort of zombie-virus, and losing about a day and a half's worth of his memory was bound to push the limits. The last time his body had been altered to such an extent was during his time in the Lab—I'm not going to think about that. He was just thankful that he was finally in his own damn body and back to normal. The next time he saw Bak, he'd thank him…or at least not being completely mean to him. (1)

He would never say this to the Supervisor's face, but Komui was a good man with a big heart who tried to do his job the best he could. However, for all his positive deeds and wholesome character, the man did not know when to draw the line and limit himself. Kanda doubted that the members of the other branches of the Order had to put up with the shit that went down in the European Branch. From experience, he knew that the Asian Branch reared its head as a close second, but this branch was something on a different level of weird.

As he looked around at the people busy around him, he could see them pause every so often to rub the same spot on their body: the place where they were bitten and infected. From what he had heard from a few others (Allen, Marie, and Lenalee), the bites had scarred over since they were deep. He was the only one without a bite mark, but he was not quite sure how to feel about that—thankful, perhaps, but also bothered as it was a reminder that he was not like everyone else.

Grumbling, he hefted three heavy boxes in his arms, all containing miscellaneous items from the Science Department. He made sure to be especially careful with them, not wanting yet another incident. "We could have already been done packing and loading all this days ago, but someone had to go and make some apocalyptic plague that went and infected everyone," he griped.

"Look on the bright side, Kanda," Johnny grinned at him as he set down the crate he was carrying on the metal cart. They were still packing the last pieces of equipment and such from the Science Department, waiting to get everything loaded on the carts and so that the Arc could be opened. "At least we're all back to normal and not infected anymore. Can you imagine what it would have been like if Bak came a week later? We all probably would have killed each other!"

How fucked up were their lives that the brightest thing that happened to them lately was not dying?

From his spot in the bed of the cart, Allen stood up after setting down a particularly delicate piece of machinery that Kanda had no knowledge of its function. "Cheers, love," he smiled at him, leaning on a stack of sheet metal and loosely taped cardboard boxes, "we're all safe and sound now, so there's nothing to worry about." Coming from anyone else, Kanda would have grumbled their platitudes aside and shrugged them off. However, the white-haired exorcist was one of the few people that didn't annoy the ever-loving crap out of him, or make him want to drown himself in a roaring river (even though his core-heart would just jolt his body back to life after about 580 seconds). That, and the Moyashi was pleasant company, if he had to admit. Kanda guessed he could have picked a worse partner to have in his life, if he really thought about it.

He rolled his eyes as he balanced the boxes in his arms on top of another stack of precariously stacked packages. "This coming from the person who worries about people all the time."

That light in his mercury eyes and quirk of his light pink lips, the one that dimpled his star-scarred cheeks meant nothing good. (2) "Now, now, I could argue that you should worry a little more, Bakanda." That particular flutter of sliver eyelashes was the cherry on top: a blatant show of flirtatious behavior.

Kanda snorted while Johnny laughed, crossing his arms lightly over his graphic t-shirt. "Allen, now is not the time to be flirting, you goof!" The taller man had a few blessings that he could truly count to heart, but he would say that Johnny was one of them…no matter how exasperating he could be with his nearly always chipper attitude. He, like nearly everyone else in the European branch, had no problem with his and Allen's relationship—with "non-biblical" male-female relationships, really. Hell, even Komui was trying to help Lenalee get a girlfriend. The only time any queer person had to worry about keeping their actions in check was when any of the Central idiots came to HQ. Heresy, sodomy, and the like were prime examples for a death sentence (if Central was particularly ornery) or torture (if they were more lenient). Exorcists would get the latter sentence since they were just pretty tools for the Order to use in their War. Can't kill your weapons before you get all your use from them, came the derisive thought.

Who was he kidding? He was a weapon since he took his first breath out of the birthing pool.

Don't think about it, dammit.

Allen grinned, "Now, that can't be true, Johnny. I can flirt with this frowny rock any time of the—oh crap!" He leaned a little bit too much against the sheet metal, causing it to fall off the cart with a loud clamoring. Before anyone could do anything, the boxes tumbled off the cart and crashed to the floor, weak tape not stopping the contents from spilling everywhere. There was a pregnant pause as all three of them stared at the box, then each other. The few other people working around them paused to look at the mess, but continued what they were doing. With wide eyes, Allen grinned sheepishly. "…Oops?" he said as he hefted himself from the cart in order to pick up the mess.

Rolling his eyes, Kanda flicked Allen in the forehead, ignoring the 'ow' that came from him, and started to pick up all the junk that fell out. "Jesus Christ, Moyashi, could you be any clumsier?" It would be best to move the sheet metal first as the pieces were too wide and cumbersome for one person to handle on their own. Get the worse part over with and all that.

"I don't know, Bakanda," he quipped with a vulpine smirk, "I think the view was making me a little distracted." He snickered as Kanda took a swipe at him with the stack of messy papers in his hand. With his own pile of books in hand, he pointed to Kanda as he turned in Johnny's direction. "Do you see the terrible abuse that I have to put up with, Johnny? It's absolutely criminal, a damn shame."

Johnny snorted. "I don't know how you two get anything done," he said as he sifted through and surveyed all the items that fell out of the boxes. "Nothing broken so far, thank goodness—but yeah, I think the only things I've seen you two do lately either fight or flirt, haha."

"Please, all that flirting is all Moyashi. It's almost as if he's turning into a second Usagi."

"I beg your pardon?" came the affronted scoff from Allen. His sounded so slighted that Kanda had to turn his head in order to hide his small smile. Teasing Allen was one of his favorite past times. "I do have standards, you know, unlike Lavi who would flirt with anything that looks even momentarily pretty." Which was fairly odd considering the well-known fact that Lavi did not do romantic or sexual relationships with others. Kanda guessed that Lavi just liked to have fun…or something like that. With the energetic red-head, it was impossible to be certain.

Conversation died down for a few minutes as they continued to gather and reload everything that had fallen from the cart—this time, sans boxes as the cheap cardboard had torn beyond repair in the fall. The first things to go back were the strips of sheet metal, which took two to handle and one to guide. Kanda and Allen were the ones to maneuver them back into the cart while Johnny was doing an excellent job of directing them—it would suck if either of them took the wrong step and slipped, because that would spell trouble for the other person. One slip, and someone would be chopped in half by the almost razor-sharp metal edges. While Kanda wasn't worried about himself, his partner, on the other hand, did not share in his regenerative abilities.

Once the heavy sheet metal was in the cart, they had to figure a way to get the miscellaneous items back in there as well. One of them would probably have to sit in the cart and hold on to the stuff so they wouldn't fall off. Just as he was about to bring up the suggestion, Johnny let out an excited shout.

"Oh wow, it's our lucky day, guys!" he grinned, looking at something in his hands.

"A way to get the Usagi to shut his mouth forever?"

"A way to end the war?"

There was a pause and a look exchanged between Allen and Kanda as soon as their responses left their mouths. Two different people, two different answers.

"No, no, if only," Johnny sighed and shook his head, sounding entirely wistful. They all would have loved to stop fighting for the 'Holy' War and watching their friends die. "I haven't seen this thing since I started here. Look!" He thrusted what looked to be a giant tome in front of them. It was ridiculously huge, being the size of three large Bibles put together, and (from what was sticking out from in-between the pages) was appeared to be a makeshift collection of notes, added result sheets, and other scientific things that made no sense to Kanda.

"What on earth is that?" Allen stared at the tome in Johnny's hands.

It was like Allen asked Johnny what was his favorite thing to do. Eyes beaming behind his thick glasses, Johnny flipped the giant book open as he balanced it in his arms. He pointed to a random page as he started explaining, "We in the science department took it upon ourselves to research fusion more in detail. Even though fusion hasn't had the…best history here in the Order," here everyone grimaced, well aware of the Order's dirty experiments on the exorcists and fusers, "we wanted to help those who could fuse, even though no one has been able to do so in a long time."

As weird as the science department was, they were good people. Fucking oddballs, but good people, he supposed.

Leaning in closer to get a better look at the page, Kanda could see notes on fusion theory concerning the Bible. There were drawings of a giant and the angels, and under those were some diagrams that confused him. "'The Trinity could possibly be considered a fusion as it explains that there are three beings in one God: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit,'" he read from the page. "'Even Goliath the Giant could possibly be a fusion—enormous height, greater strength far surpassing the average man, etc.'" He'd only read the Bible a few times, as required by the Order and their theology classes, but Kanda did remember reading about the story of David and Goliath. Reading this and thinking about the story, it did seem to make sense.

On another page, there were notes about experiments and observations recorded about early Order fusions and fusers. He tried to hold back a disgusted sneer—the damn Order could never stop with their experiments. At least the current people in the science department, like Johnny and Reever, were much more humane. "'Incompatibility in fusions results in inhuman features appearing: tails, odd eyes, extra limbs, extra eyes, distorted voices, mental instability, and so forth. Early experiments lead under Central exploited this instability—lead to failure and lack of compatibility between exorcists trying to fuse. Possible solution: perhaps have fusers work together more and become more understanding towards one another. Greater compatibility = more stable fusion. Class on fusion, maybe?'" As awful at Central was, he could tell even in the notes that the science department was doing their best not to let the awful experiments repeat again.

"That sounds like a good idea—the fusion class, I mean," Allen remarked before flipping to another random page. "'The Archangel Micheal 'rid the earth and its inhabitants of the toxins associated with fear' and he fought Lucifer, casting him out of heaven. Great feat = great power…consider theory: such powerful, celestial fusions are very rare—there are few archangels. In a different vein, also take into consideration that the Millennium Earl could be a fusion—parts of Noah coming together/Noah separating into separate entities.'" He blinked before looking at Johnny. "Wow! I would have never thought about this. That's quite keen of all of you. Then again," he laughed in a cynical manner, "it took me a while to learn how to read."

That seemed to take Johnny by surprise as the curly-haired man leaned back. "Wait, huh? Didn't your parents teach you how to read, Allen?"

Kanda hated that particular smile that his partner plastered on his face—very fake, very misleading, and utterly self-deprecating. "I was an orphan until my foster father, Mana, took me in. Even then, I only learned the basics as we were more concerned about earning our keep than literacy." He had heard Allen talk about Mana only a few times, and even then, they were short tid-bits about their time on the road or acts they performed in the circus. But one thing he did know for a fact: Allen loved Mana with everything he had.

…Just like he loved Alma and 'that person.' And look where that got them…

"Oh dear, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to bring up any—"

Allen waved him off, plastic smile still on his face. "Don't worry about it, Johnny. It's not a problem. I am completely literate now, and I don't regret anything I learned with my time with Mana and the circus."

Johnny looked as if he wanted to say more, but he kept it to himself has he sat on the edge of the cart. "A-Ahh, well, did Mana teach you anything special when you were with him? Any neat tricks?"

Allen's eyes widened and he blinked in surprise; he was not used to being asked questions like that. His surprise soon died down only to be replaced with a comfortable air. Crossing his arms, his face relaxed, eyes half-lidded with memory and a gentle smile tweaking his lips. As he crossed his arms, he leaned against the edge of the cart next to Johnny and looked up. "Wow…I haven't thought about this stuff in a while," he said with a laugh; fond, but with a bittersweet twist. "Mana taught me a lot—how to be a good clown, how not to get mad at every little thing, and how to maintain good balance. Actually, now that I think about it, it was actually Mana that first told me about fusion. I never knew what it was before…"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Wee little orphan, remember?"

Today was just not Johnny's day. He seemed to have near permanent foot-in-mouth syndrome, and Kanda felt a little pity as he watched the man sweat and desperately try to apologize to Allen. "Oh my God, Allen I am so, so sorry!" His curly hair was bouncing all around as he flailed his arms around.

Allen waved a flippant hand, giving the scientist a placating smile. "Johnny, I told you, it's ok. I don't mind. Truthfully, if you want to make me feel better, why don't you tell me about your experiences learning about fusion and such?"

Kanda snorted at Johnny's eagerness to change topics. "Yes, of course! Well, like any other young kid with cousins, most of my brief fusion experiences were with them." He laughed, fondness clear in his tone. "Hahaha, I used to be so excited when I fused with one of my few cousins that didn't need glasses. It was the only time in my life when I didn't need to wear these things!" He grinned as he adjusted the thick glasses in mention.

Wait, so fusion is common among little kids? Kanda thought, perplexed. I thought only adults could achieve fusion. "Johnny," he said, getting the scientist's attention. "You said that you used to fuse with your cousins as a kid. How?"

Confusion was evident on Johnny's face, parallel to Allen's own questioning eyebrow. "'How'? What do you mean how?" He shrugged, as if the answer was the most logical in the world, "We just did, you know? Didn't you ever fuse with your family when you were younger, Kanda?"

He fidgeted with the beaded bracelet on his wrist. Younger…What was age relative to him, really? Mentally he was in his late teens; however, chronologically, he was only nine. I'm not like you all. I'm not normal—I'm barely even a real human. Little nuances in his everyday life made him all the more aware how unlike everyone else he was—lack of scars, regeneration, confusion about people, and apparently, a lack of understanding about the normality of fusion. He hated talking about himself like this, so he chose his words to the best of his ability, "I…don't have any siblings, and I never knew my parents." Family—Alma, Edgar, Twi. "So, no. I've actually never fused with anyone in my life."

That being said, he noticed Allen look sharply in his direction, and Kanda gave him a particular look. To others, it appeared that he was annoyed, but he knew that Allen would read it as concern. What's wrong?

"I'm in the same boat as Kanda," Allen remarked, not looking away from Kanda's eyes. "I've never been compatible with anyone in my life to achieve fusion. I don't know what it's like." For what seemed like an eternity, they held gazes, and Kanda could almost feel the other desire to be understood what it was like to be different, noncompatible, odd (unwanted, was left unsaid). "But," Allen moved his eyes to look back at Johnny, "Mana told me all the time what it was like to fuse with his brother when they were younger."

"Hn, Tiedoll used to blather on about he and his wife fusing from time to time." (3)

Johnny, the ever-emotional man, looked as if he were about to cry. He sniffled, gripping the tome in his hands tighter. "God, I am an awful friend. Here I am blathering on about my experiences when you guys have never gotten to fuse in your lives! I'm so sorry." Both Allen and Kanda knew that the 'sorry' extended past just fusion—their less than stellar childhoods and the like.

Polite as ever, Allen tried to calm down Johnny, but Kanda could see the slight exasperation behind his smile. "It's fine, Johnny. Don't worry about it. Let's just get this stuff packed so I can open the Ark soon, alright?"

"Y-Yeah, okay!"

Just as they were about to finish, Kanda heard rushed footsteps behind them, coupled with, "Walker! Kanda!" It was Link speed walking towards them. The exorcist wanted to roll his eyes. Maybe the lapdog thought he was too dignified to waste his energy running.

Allen smiled as Link neared them, waving his arm in greeting. Why did his idiot have to be so damn friendly, especially to someone like the lapdog? "Link! You here to help us?"

The blonde Inspector stopped in front of them, and it was this close that Kanda could read the urgency in his expression. Looking over to Allen, he knew he could see it as well. "No, Walker. Supervisor Komui has a mission for the two of you—there's been a flood of Akuma two towns over. He wants you in his office immediately."

"Che," Kanda couldn't help but smirk. And here he thought it was something fucking serious. Akuma were child's play at this point—they were probabaly Level Two's and a fewThree's like usual. "Good, gives me a reason to stretch my legs. I was getting bored lugging all this shit around."

He would have expected Allen to chide him about being so lax at the suffering of others or whatever, but he was pleased to see and equally restless and eager grin on his star-speckled face.

"Business calls, sorry Johnny. Got to do what we do best."

No matter what people said, Allen had a particular violent streak about him (buried far beneath that fake, plastic, polite exterior), and fuck if that wasn't attractive.

He cracked his neck. "Well, time to blow some shit up." (4)

This had not been what Allen had in mind.

In fact, it was the exact opposite.

Both he and Kanda had thought this was going to be an easy mission—clear the area of civilians, take out some low-level Akuma, and be on their way back to the Order. Simple, like most of their non-Innocence related missions were. Well, he felt like he should have bitten his tongue before saying this was going to be an easy, by-the-book mission. He swore under his breath as he backflipped away from a spray of bullets from the Level Three targeting him. Of course this would happen, he griped to himself. I was practically asking for this—'This is what we do best', please. Easy my arse, ugh.

Komui had debriefed them that there had been a large swarm of Akuma attacking the agricultural town of Montaigu, near their current headquarters. In order to assure a secure move to the new headquarters, the Akuma threat had to be eradicated—if they chanced moving while the attack was taking place, they could risk the possibility of one following them and alerting the Earl. The mission was mandatory, not only for the lives of the people of the town, but also for the safety of everyone who lived in the Order.

From what he saw when they had first arrived in the town, it used to be bustling—sturdy brick houses lined in neat rows with small farms decorating the green plains. Plenty of wagons and beasts of burden roaming about—fleeing in this case—had informed him of the level of business the town had received. Now, it was just ash, rubble, and burnt debris everywhere. The farms were either burnt or currently burning; most of the cattle were dead or bleeding out; and the wagons, carts, and buildings were completely destroyed. It saddened him to see should gratuitous destruction, such violence and carnage, but this was what he had signed up for.

This was what he had wanted, to be an exorcist.

But what was an exorcist, in truth, if not another weapon to use in war?

People died because they were not fast enough, not strong enough, not enough, enough, enough. Just…not enough. Because they did not arrive sooner, most of the people in the village were dead…the ones they had not evacuated in time. The ash-dust and clothing at his feet were the hallmark of such.

Kanda snarled as he slashed through a handful of stubborn Akuma who had been following him through the fray for the longest. "What the actual fuck?! Komui said this was going to be freaking simple. A hoard of Two's, Three's, and a Four is in no way simple!"

Allen could not help but agree with Kanda, as surprising as that sounded. The Level Four alone had taken both of them to destroy earlier, not to mention the difficulty of trying to do so while not being killed by the other Levels. "Link!" he yelled over his shoulder, twisting just in the nick of time as to not be squashed by a charging Akuma. He hissed when he felt a bullet clip his cheek and the burning poison stars spread across his skin before disappearing. "How is the evacuation going? We're getting pretty run down here!"

He wasn't even exaggerating. He was positive he had a broken rib by the way he felt it shift in his chest whenever he moved, had minor lacerations decorating his entire body, and there was an almighty bruise steadily forming on his back from being thrown through a building. Kanda, for all his regenerative healing, did not have it easy either. Even from tens of feet from him, Allen could see the deep slashes on the other's arms and shoulders trying to knit themselves back together. A bruise that he had received a few minutes ago was coloring one of his gorgeous cobalt eyes a sickening yellow-green, and the tremble in his left leg, the one that's Achilles tendon had gotten swiped by a bear-like Akuma, was particularly worrisome.

On top of that, countless Edge End's had made Allen virtually exhausted, and the use of Triple Illusion was taking its toll on Kanda.

From his field of vision, he saw the blonde-haired CROW running to scoop up a small, crying child. Even in the midst of fighting and trying not to die, he could not help but feel a pang of pity and concern for the young girl. Was her family among the dust and clothes strewn about the village, or did they escape and were waiting for her in a safe area? "This is the last of the civilians!" Link called back, narrowly avowing a huge rogue bullet destroying the brick wall behind him. The girl shrieked and clung tighter to Link. "I've got her, so focus on the task at hand! I will meet with you two after I ensure the safety of her and the other civilians. Make sure you are alive when I return, Walker."

Him? Allen was not worried about himself in the slightest, but oh, how he prayed those two would be safe. He had already seen at least ten souls floating aimlessly over the rubble of their former houses, wailing and shrieking in anguish. (5) Please not another orphan. I can't see another one today, I—

Help us!

Save meee…

Please, please kill me!

My baby, where is she?

Someone please help me!

—Before he realized how spaced out he became in the middle of a battle field, he felt the air shift behind him. Turning with wide, surprised eyes, he felt a cold shock of horror as he saw the maw of an Akuma speeding right towards him. It's large, canine teeth glistened in the sunlight as it grew closer and closer, and Allen knew that he was not going to be able to move in time…even with Crown Clown. His Innocence's web-like cloak would not be able to move him or the Akuma out of the way in time, nor could he deflect the creature with his Sword of Exorcism before contact. Shit, shit, shit! I have to do something!

"Time to die, filthy exorcist!"

"Get your damn head out of the clouds, Moyashi, and move!"

A body slammed into his, but it was not as heavy as he expected. Not Akuma, not death. Rolling with the momentum, he sprang up from the dirt, whirling around to see how in the nine circles of hell he was still alive. He nearly lost it at what he saw. Kanda had been shoved against a broken wall by the Akuma that would have killed Allen, arm trapped in the mouth of the blood-thirsty clown-like abomination. "Kanda!"

"Not today, you damn monster!" The Akuma was damaged enough that a hard, impaling strike from Mugen blew the thing to pieces. Allen heard his partner's cry through the poison smoke.

"Kanda!" He sliced through the last two Akuma before running as fast as his beaten body could. Coughing through the thick, toxic smoke, trying to clear his burning lungs, he fell to his knees once he reached the other exorcist. "Kanda, are you okay? Christ, please tell me the Akuma didn't tear your arm off."

The hesitant answer did not make him feel any better, "…Well, my arm is still attached," he coughed, trying to clear his throat. Thankfully, it did not sound wet, so internal bleeding could be ruled out.

"Then why do you sound like that?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Dammit, he could not see with this smoke, and oh my God why did Kanda's arm feel drenched? Allen swallowed, trying to clear the impending panic that was rising in his chest. Please be sweat or drool, please be sweat or drool. "Kanda, don't play coy—it's not cute …Why do I feel so much liquid on your arm?" His voice was just on this side of high-pitched worry.

Just as the other was about to answer, the smoke cleared just enough to see the absolute, bleeding mess that was Kanda's arm.

"What the hell, Kanda! Look at your arm!"

"I'm not blind, baka. I can see and feel it." Drained, he slumped against the wall, panting as he leaned his head back. Triple Illusion thankfully wore off, and the shorter exorcist watched as his pupils returned to normal and the prominent veins receded back into his skin. Allen hated when Kanda used any of the Forbidden Illusions as he knew they drained his life force, even if it was a little at a time.

"You shouldn't have pushed me out the way. Now look at yourself!

"If you weren't fucking daydreaming while on the field, you could have killed that Akuma yourself! And I'm fine, so don't worry about it, Moyashi."

"'Don't worry about it'? You're bleeding out from your damn hamburger-arm, Bakanda! I can see your bone!"

"That's what regeneration is for, you slow fool. You've seen me take worse." The wince that crossed his face when he shifted did not help his case, the damn idiot.

"That doesn't matter! You shouldn't have saved me."

Kanda shot him a piercing glare that spoke more than just anger. "Why, so I could let you be chewed up? Why the fuck are you so riled about my arm?!"

God, arguing with this man was like talking to a brick wall, he mentally groaned. He spluttered, "B-Because you could die of blood loss, regeneration be damned. If you bleed out before you can make new blood, that's not going to be a lot of help for you!"

"And like I was supposed to watch you be turned into an Akuma's dinner?! You must be out of your goddamn mind!"

The shouting and arguing continued until it reached the exploding point. They both screamed in vexed frustration, "Ughhh, why can't you just understand that I love you, dammit?!"

There was silence among the rubble and dust.

Allen met Kanda's wide-eyed look with one of his own. A warm, but shocked feeling pulsed throughout his body, sending his blood rushing in a way that wasn't all that bad. He's never said he's loved me before…It was in this moment that Allen took the time to really look at Kanda in detail. Even around the ugly bruise fading from one of his almond eyes, they stared at him in wonder while messy, long raven hair fell over his shoulders. His hair tie had slipped off mid-battle. His cheeks were flushed with color, most likely hot to the touch. The cuts on his body were finally knitting shut, but that did not get rid of the blood that was drying on his lightly tanned skin. The man in front of him was dusty, bloody, a mess, and tired.

If that wasn't the most beautiful thing Allen had seen today, he would be lying.

"…You love me?" they ended up asking at the same time, perplexed as all hell.

They abruptly cut off, but ended up dissolving into laughter. Through his own soft giggles (he had to be careful of his rib), tears prickling his lashes, and arm wrapped around his middle, he heard the deep, though embarrassed chuckles roll out of Kanda—he had such a handsome, warm laugh; it was a shame he didn't use it more.

After they had both calmed down from their near high, Allen let out another laugh, shifting to lean right next to Kanda. "I've loved you for the longest, Bakanda."

Kanda snorted, stretch out his weak leg in front of him. "Really, now?

"Yeah," he smiled. He felt like he could fall dead asleep right now, he was so tired. Maybe they could just take a quick rest here for a bit. "And you?"

"The same." He huffed in amusement. "Heh, you would think after dating for as long as we have, someone would have said it already."

"Guess we're both stubborn, then."

"You, maybe," Kanda smirked, side-eying Allen before looking up to the sky. "Don't lump me in with you, Moyashi. You're on your own level of pig-headedness."

Allen rolled his eyes, wincing as a few flecks of dried blood that had clumped on his eyelashes fell into his left eye. That Level Four earlier had not been a pretty sight, the churning, eldritch abomination that it was. Those poor souls, those poor people…He had managed not to be sick, but his eye had bled profusely. But, I shouldn't think about that now. The Innocence purified them, sent them off to be free. It's okay, he had to remind himself. "Well, I guess I'll have to make sure to break that stubbornness by telling you I love you as much as I can."

The blush came back to Kanda's cheeks, and Allen tried (and failed) to hold in his laugh. "Please, don't flatter—"

"You won't get to tell him anymore, exorcist."

The voice alerted him before the sickening, disgusting aura did. He stopped breathing for a moment as he twisted his neck to see one of his worst fear come true. No, no, no! He paid no mind to the warm blood that was welling out of his eye as the sight before him was much worse. Perched on top of the dilapidated wall was a Level Four Akuma, doll-like features smiling at them with an air of twisted glee. "I'm going to enjoy killing you two," the high-pitched, almost fairy-like voice giggled. "I was nearly sick as I watched the two of you from the trees, gushing over one another. Humans are so sentimental, it's so funny!"

He wouldn't be able to move in time, he realized with great trepidation. Even if he had the few extra seconds, his body was too beaten and slow to be effective—he did not even have the energy to stand. Crown Clown wouldn't be able to protect him from all that dark matter with how close the Akuma was to them. The Level Four was less than two feet from them, weapons trained at their heads. With a fleeting glance to Kanda, he knew the other was aware of the same. I'm going to die here, the thought made his heart clench in an unbearable vice, and the little breath he was getting into his lungs rushed out of him once again.

He was going to die.

Kanda was going to die…

"Goodnight, you pests!" The Akuma gleefully wrenched its mouth open. The hot dark matter beam super-charging from the back of its throat could have been almost likened to a star. A supernova, an end—their end.

I can't let him die, he has to live, has to liveliveliveLIVELIVE!

In a surge of desperation, Allen rolled his body—pain be damned—on top of Kanda's just as the other flipped to move closer to him. As Crown Clown's cloak stretched over them, he felt Kanda flare Mugen with as much crackling energy as possible to try and protect them. He couldn't tell if the ringing he was hearing was due to the dark matter beam about to obliterate them or their Innocence's frantic efforts to expend as much power as they could.

He felt heat and crushing pressure engulf his body, swarming around him like a raging inferno. The ringing grew more intense as each millisecond passed, but he could not tell if that was him dying or the energy frying his brain. He screamed, trying his hardest to power up Crown Clown more because Kanda couldn't die!

I love you too much for you to die now!

You have to live!

Heat and encompassing light drowned him out.

The first thing he was aware of was sadistic laughter and crackling energy around him. It was muffled due to some type of fabric that covered his body, warm and light, yet durable at the same time. Crown Clown, his mind supplied.

Opening his eyes, he saw one clawed hand gripping the white, almost glowing cloak close to him, while the other hand, swathed in a cloth arm guard, clutched a ringing sword humming with power. Mugen, the name came to the forefront of his mind. Underneath the arm guard, he could feel the heavy injuries finish healing. As he waited for the pressure and energy of the attack that was being fired at him to dissipate, he stayed low to the ground, protected by the cloak. Minor pain on the side of his chest alerted him to a damaged rib, but he could feel his regenerative ability working to fix it, along with the other wounds on his body like the slashed tendon in his leg.

A moment passed, and the attack disappeared coupled with the surprised sound of the Akuma. "What the hell?" he heard the creature gasp in shock.

With that, he knew it was safe to stand, and he could not help the grin that nearly split his face. He ignored the slight vertigo that came with the change in position—he saw everything from a higher angle now, weird—because God, this feeling was amazing. A type of power that he had never felt before practically lit his cells on fire with the need to expend it. With every tic of his muscles, he could almost feel the power bleed out of his pores, and his fingers were twitching because of it. Even through the debris and smoke around him, he could not hold back the laugh that broke free of his chest.

He felt like he could take on any damn thing he wanted to.

When the smoke cleared, he was delighted to see the shock and confusion on the Akuma's face. "Who the hell are you?" it asked as it hovered back a few inches.

"'S nice to meet you, Akuma," he bared his teeth in something akin to a predator's grin. "My name is Kallen, your end."

The Level Four frowned, then snarled, as if it were insulted he said as much. "Don't get so cocky!" It trained its machine gun arms on Kallen and opened fire, bloodlust clear in its screaming voice. He had to admit, the bullets were fast—any normal person would not have been able to completely dodge them, only block them if they were skilled enough.

But, that was the thing—he was not a normal person in the slightest.

He jumped to the right in order to get out of the path of the bullets, but his own body surprised him with its strength and speed. Flung over several yards away, he had to slam his claw down in the dirt in order to slow himself down and not ram straight into a tree. Skidding to a stop, dust and ash kicked up in the air, he shifted his position and shot off again, this time in the direction of the Akuma. In a flash of a second, he was right in the Akuma's personal space about to pin it on the ground and sever its head. Unfortunately, this Level Four seemed to be one of the craftier ones as it spun, dodging his claw, and latching on to his sword with its teeth.

Kallen was done playing, now.

Just as it began to giggle in delight, Kallen put his flexibility to use. Using the momentum of the lunge, he rolled in a tight ball (one he knew would be disgustingly impossible for someone else), taking the Akuma with him. He was too fast for it to detach, so as he threw and speared his sword through one of the trees, the creature followed suit. Its small body slammed against the already beaten tree, breaking it in half, and the sound of its head cracking against the bark was similar to the breaking of an egg. Time to destroy it like one, too.

A shift in the air alerted him to an attack being charged. Charging with speed like he never felt before, he shifted to his knees and bent backward practically double, dodging the dark matter beam. The burning heat was an inch away from his face and he could practically taste the ill intent in the air. Before the Akuma could attack him again, he lunged forward like a wolf attacking its prey, claw piercing through its chest and sword stabbing right through one of its eyes.

This close, he smirked in its face as he saw its horror and disbelief. Conversely, the closeness also made him even more aware of its awful and repulsive features. With his cursed eye, he was able to see the roiling, agonized morass that was bubbling underneath the Level Four's physical shell. Damned souls were fused and mixed together like some bowl of soup-suffering, and he had to force himself not to physically jerk away from the desperate hands that were reaching for him, phantom hands not really there in the physical plane. Blood leaked steadily out of his eye and dripped on to the lotus blossom on the Akuma's cheek—When did that get there? That, combined with the voices screaming at him to end their suffering—Kill me! Save us! Please, help me!—Kallen decided it was time to end it.

Without preamble, he wrenched his claw and sword opposite ways, destroying the Akuma's form. It was quick to explode, but his reflexes were nothing to complain about—grabbing the corner of Crown Clown's cloak to cover the front of his body took not even a second. He waited for the noxious gas to disappear before uncovering himself and standing back up.

Deactivating Crown Clown and Mugen, he sighed, trying to calm himself. He could still feel the energy pulsing through his veins, wanting him to move, move, move, but the battle was over and won. He looked around the gouged, decimated area, looking for any signs of someone else. Where the hell did Link run off to? With a shake of his head, he chose a direction and began looking for the Inspector. The town was not very large, so he would have to come across the man sooner or later.

Plus, the walking might burn off some of this energy…

Where's my bodyyyy?

I want my mommy!

God, please, don't damn me here forever!

He picked up his pace as the voices of the dead souls, still lingering amongst the destruction and carnage, lamented their miseries and agony. Please, please be quiet. I'm sorry, I can't help you. And why in the hell were there lotus blossoms everywhere?It was not just the excess energy that was making him jittery and shaky. These were Akuma, this was his curse. Why was he bothered this much about the souls? The almost unearthly cries of the souls had not bothered him this much since he was a child, still under Cross—

—But…he did not have the curse, not that particular one, when he was a child…

Did he?

My chest hurts so bad, my head hurts. Why am I breathing so hard?

He had…

He had his tattoo when he was younger. His curse tattoo and his—

—Blood was everywhere, on his hands, his face, his legs. He wanted to live, he didn't want to die, not here. God, why were they doing this to him? Regeneration hurt so bad! It was so hard to breath, the blood in his lungs had not been coughed out yet. Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop —

"Make it stop!"

He didn't realize he had screamed that aloud until he noticed how raw his throat had gotten. He was breathing hard and hunched over, mismatched hands gripping his head and thick hair curtaining him from the outside world. Sweat was dripping down his face and on to the ground, and it was then he noticed a broken pane of glass reflecting his reflection back at him. As he stared at his self, he began to calm down and merely observe.

"Is that…i-is that me?" he whispered, quiet as a ghost.

He…he had never seen himself before.

Slanted, dark eyes, lighter than he knew Kanda had, stared back at him in wonder. He took in his dark skin, marred by star scars and red curse scar that started from his sweaty forehead, bisected his left eyebrow, and continued on to his face. His lips were darker than Allen's or Kanda's, but the shape was a mix of them both. The hair that was hiding him from his surroundings and sticking to his face was so long and thick! Still bent over, it nearly grazed the ground, so it must have been up to his knees if he stood. He had never seen this color on a person before, grayish-blue. The large red ribbon that held some of it back was incredibly loose, thus the mess that was around his face. He slowly touched his face with his Innocence hand (he took note that the dark purple, almost black markings of it that tattooed his shoulder bled into the tattoo of the curse on his chest), then the white-trimmed collar of his sleeveless snug shirt. It was the same navy blue as the arm guard that was around his left arm. Trailing down the arm guard, his eyes went down to his light gray pants and his brown, knee-high boots. The boots were almost exactly like Allen's, even down to the red edging at the ends.

He felt like Narcissus continuously looking at himself in the mirror like this, but he could not help it! A warm, bubbly feeling rose in his chest, and he stood up giggling like a delighted child.

I am me, and I love it!

He was a fusion, and he was beautiful.

Wiping a tear from his eye, still smiling hard—he could not remember the last time he smiled enough to make his cheeks hurt—he breathed deeply as he looked again at the glass. One last look wouldn't hurt.

The smile promptly dropped off his face.

His eyebrows bunched together in confusion as he saw a large lotus blossom on the cracked surface of the glass, and he shivered, knowing that was not there a few seconds beforehand. How did that get there…? His gaze flicked back to himself, then felt ice flow through his previously heated veins when he saw them resting on his shoulders. Quick as all get out, he swiped at his shoulders, brushing them off. However, as he watched those blossoms fall to the ground, he sucked in a breath as he saw petals stuck in the crevasses of his boots and laces. Jolting backward and hopping on one foot, he tried to flick off the petals. Once he had that accomplished, he quickly looked around to make sure he was not going crazy.

He must have been…

…because not there were more lotuses strewn across the field than there had been in the first place.

I shouldn't be seeing this many! He thought to himself as he frantically walked in a different direction. He had to find Link—the lapdog—no, not the lapdog. I've never seen this many before—

—Before? He did not remember seeing these flowers except in ponds. They were so beautiful in the large ponds he had come across in his travels with Cross, but why was he seeing them in the dry, ash-riddled ground?

Can anyone here me?

My son is dead. Why?!

Where's my body? WherE'S MY BODYYY?!

These voices are suffering so much… He shook his head. When did he start hearing voices of…dead people? Souls? When did he start seeing souls? His chest grew tighter and tighter as he began to run, trying to get away from the souls and the flowers. Why am I seeing and hearing these things?! He did not know where he was going and at this point, he did not care. The adrenaline-laced power that had been coursing through his body earlier had vanished, only to be replaced by stabbing, subzero panic.

More and more lotuses flooded his vision and the screams of the dead became near deafening. He couldn't breathe. I don't understand! My chest hurts, my eye hurts, please stop, stOPSTOPSTOPSTOP—

"Make it stop!"

Warmth and light consumed him, and his body felt like it weighed nothing.

He knew no more.

His body hit the ground rolling, and the air was knocked out his chest. Nausea bubbling inside of him, he had to lean over as he retched. Gagging on the acrid sick that came from his body, he coughed, groaning as he rested his sweaty head on the dirt.

What was that? That couldn't have been…He had never been capable of…

The sound of someone else being sick made his head shoot up—although he regretted it due to the dizziness from the swift movement—and he saw Kanda in a similar position as himself not a full foot away from him, moaning. The other's long, raven hair was hiding his face to Allen, but he knew the other was not feeling great in the slightest. Kanda hacked and slowly raised his head, stopping when he locked wide-eyed gazes with Allen. Their noses were inches apart.

Allen could practically read what Kanda was feeling…because it was exactly what he was feeling right now. He knew they were both confused, both a little scared, and a bloody other ton of emotions they had to sift through. They sucked in a shaky, almost heaving breath at the same time, trying to say something, but not sure what to say first.

Should I first as how he is?

…Am I even okay?

Eventually they both rasped out something that neither of them had the answer to just yet.

"What did we do?"

Published: 5/20/17

A/N: If you liked this (the story, the headcanons, and Kallen), I have a bunch of Fusion AU stuff on my blog badlydrawnyullen . tumblr . com. You can search #fusion AU and #Kallen or #Kallen answers if you want.

A/N 2: Oh, I should also note that Kallen, although using he/him pronouns, is nonbinary.

(1) Honestly, I can't clearly remember how Kanda's relationship is with Bak in canon. I know that it's not great due to what happen with the Chan family and the Second Exorcist program, but the details between Kanda and Bak are a little fuzzy for me.

(2) I headcanon that Allen has a bunch of star scars on his body due to being shot so many damn times from Akuma bullets. Parasitic users have them since their body purges the virus from their bodies; the virus leaves but the scars stay. Allen has more than anyone since the Akuma seem to have it out for him, poor boy. (Krory probably has a few as well, but not nearly as much as Allen does.)

(3) I have no idea if Tiedoll had a wife before he came to the Order, but let's pretend he does.

(4) Kanda likes watching Akuma explode, oddly enough.

(5) I headcanon that Allen can see all souls, not just Akuma souls. Akuma souls are the worst in appearance and aura, but Allen could argue that freshly dead souls were the worst—angry, lost, hopeless, shocked, despairing, worried, and even guilty. The newly deceased, especially if dying in a tragic way, were pitiful and sad, and his too big of a heart went out for them. (Also didn't help that these souls often projected their emotions, making him feel ill and…not quite right-of-mind for a period of time…