16/

I pushed Tig's letter aside and pulled my phone from my bag. I pulled up my text messages and found Happy's name.

You busy? I texted then quickly hit send before I could rethink it.

Not overly. Came his reply shortly after. I knew I should know better than to expect anything longer from him.

Could you come over? I texted back deciding not to divulge my reasons why in case I changed my mind.

On my way. My phone pinged with his answer.

I bit my lip and closed my eyes still unsure if I was doing the right thing. I knew Tig's words in his letter were right. He and I could never be what the other needed but did that mean I was ready to plunge myself headlong into something more with Happy. There was no time to dwell on it as I heard his distinct knock against my front door.

I pulled the door open to find him standing on my doorstep pulling his riding gloves off. "What's up?" He asked as he moved past me and into my lounge room.

"I want you to read something." I said motioning to Tig's letter that still lay on the table. He knew my whole history with Tig and I wanted him to read first hand that it was over between us. i think perhaps a part of me also wanted him to read between the lines and realize how heart broken it had made me also.

He crossed the room without a word and cast his eyes downward not bothering to sit and only moving as he pushed aside the first sheet of paper to read the second.

I stood biting my lip waiting for him to finish.

"So it's ended with him?" he asked pushing himself away from the table and turning his attention to me.

I nodded still unsure of what I wanted from this situation. "He's right. We were never right for each other."

"And what do you want us to be?"

"I want it to be like it was before. Just sex. Nothing else."

He nodded slowly as he pushed the letter aside.

"You replied to this yet?" He asked.

I shook my head. "I was gonna go see him."

"Let me know when you have." He said crossing back toward the door.

"Yeah." I said as his hand reached for the door. "I'll call you or maybe come past the clubhouse?" I left my response hanging in the air like a question.

"Yeah. Whatever you want." He answered aloofly.

I knew he was being distant because he didn't want to address any rising feelings between us and I was okay with that because I wasn't ready to either. I meant what I'd said. I wanted to go back to how it had been – no strings attached sex. I didn't want any further emotional attachment to the club aside from family and I hoped that he understood that.

I stood in my doorway and watched him mount his Harley and place his helmet on his head. He didn't look back as he left my driveway and for that I was grateful. I wanted so much to leave behind the emotional investment to the club that being involved with Tig had placed upon me and I didn't want to become so again. I think that was where the appeal of being with Happy lay. Emotion wasn't his strong point and right now that suited me just fine.

"Tiggy." I said quietly as I sat opposite him the following day, watching him sit with his face in his hands. I reached out and touched his arm. He looked up and met my gaze as he dropped one hand and took mine in his other. I knew he hadn't been expecting me to visit and probably wasn't ready to lay all his demons out for me to see in the flesh. "I had no idea you were so torn up inside." I continued.

"There were a lot of things neither of us addressed Kitty Kat."

"I really wanted us to work Tig but I know that's not what we both need."

"What do we need baby?"

"I think you already know the answer to that."

"Not each other."

I nodded slowly. "We bring out the best in each other Tig but clearly also the worst."

It was his turn to nod. "I loved you for what you made me forget about myself Kitty Kat."

"And I loved you for how special you made me feel even if I did think it was because of her."

"Kendra had nothing to do with it baby."

"That's the first time I've heard you say her name."

"It was never about you measuring up to her baby."

"I know that now. I never expected such raw honesty Tig."

He met my gaze. "I knew I had to finally be honest with you Kat. Like I said you deserve better than what I can give you."

"Tiggy. It kills me hearing you say that."

"It's the truth baby."

"Look Tig I've been thinking a lot about your letter these past few days. We loved the idea of each other. We loved what the other brought to our lives but in doing that we suppressed everything we didn't want to be. It's not about you not being able to give me what I deserve Tig, it's about you being able to move on from your past and realize that you're more than what it represents in your life."

"Our baby was my second chance wasn't it?" He asked suddenly.

"I don't know Tig. Maybe. I sometimes think about where we'd be if I hadn't lost it but I believe that everything happens for a reason. I think perhaps it was the catalyst to pushing us in the direction we should always have taken."

"I don't regret us Kitty Kat, not for a second."

"I don't either Tiggy. I loved what we had but I think perhaps we're not destined to be the cure of each others demons."

He took my hand in both of his and raised it to his lips. "I wish I could be what you need Kitty Kat."

"I wish I could be what you need too Tiggy but there's someone else out there for both of us."

"I hope you're right Kat." He said as his lips lingered on the back of my hand. I saw the torture hiding behind his gaze and I knew the toll everything that had happened in his life up to this point had taken on him. Hell I knew I was probably contributing to that in ending things like this but I knew that his words in his letter were somewhat right. It wasn't so much that he couldn't give me what he felt I deserved it was more that I wasn't the right person to help him recognize his own worth.

As I left Stockton that day I knew I'd done the right thing but I think there was also a part of me that knew it would never be completely over between Tig and I. We'd been too close for too long.

As I got into my car and heard the engine purr to life I took a deep breath and hoped that Happy would be at the lot later that afternoon. I had someone else I wanted to talk to first.