/authors note/
It's 1:30 am I just had my birthday party and I decided to shitpost cause I'm on my 12th diet coke. Also for anyone new here read the story "moose tits" first

So pearl was in the kitchen when Steven burst into the room "PEARL HELP I'VE BEEN SEXUALLY HARASSED BY A NAKED MAN!" Then pears suddenly grew a fish head and shouted "YOU WHAT!" and so then pearl, Steven, amethyst and garnet all went to find the naked man.

/420 minutes later/

So they tracked him down to a cave a few miles out of town and when they entered the cave they saw over 9000 rolled up newspapers and atop a hill of newspapers there was a toilet and on that toilet was none other than the man, the myth, the legend... moose tits.

Now was not as impressive looking as I make him seem ya see he was just your average crazy homeless guy doing average crazy things. He looked like a homeless guy and he smelled like a homeless guy but no... is actually the king of all Britons as he crowned himself in a shopping cart at the local walmart. So in his homeless guy mind he thought "these lesbian ass niggas are trying to take mah motherfuckin toilet"

So as the gems charged at him he grabbed a random moist newspaper and he dueled the gems and I'm not gonna lie he was really shit compared to them. But as he was kicked off the hill Sparta style he grabbed something out of his pocket and it was... a dildo

DUN DUN DUNNNNN

A purple dildo to be exact. and so he slapped Steven in the face and then he told everyone to surrender cause moose tits had a dangerous weapon. but sadly amethyst and garnet didn't listen and so they both got slapped in the face with the dildo and then they died of dildo cancer.

"nooooooooo" Steven shouted but then moose tits spoke and said "bitch gtfo of my cave before I beat yo ass" and so pearl said "ok" but as she was leaving with Steven she said "don't talk to me or my son ever again" and then they walked back to they're shitty house

THE END
PART 1 OF 3