A/N: I know, I'm late posting the end of this, but...THAT FINALE KILLED ME, Y'ALL.
And then, writing this killed me some more.
Seriously. Dead dead dead.
...happy reading?
Clarke
Clarke felt Bellamy freeze against her, his entire body tensing as he heard the little boy's voice.
She sucked in a breath, all at once terrified and overjoyed about what was about to happen. It was something she'd dreamed of for so long…and also something she wasn't sure how to go about.
She felt Bellamy pull away from her, his head slowly turning toward the doorway and landing on the toddler standing there uncertainly.
She watched Bellamy's eyes widen, confusion and shock battling for control of his expression.
Disentangling herself from his arms, she took a few steps toward the toddler, then knelt down. "Come here, little man," she encouraged.
He ran into her arms, burying his face in her hair in a move that had always felt so familiar, but she was never sure why. Now, having just been in Bellamy's arms, she knew why, and it made her want to cry.
Bellamy was watching both of them, a thousand different emotions flitting across his face. "Clarke…" he croaked, his voice terrified.
She rubbed the little boy's back. "Can you turn around for me?" she asked him quietly.
He clenched her shirt tighter in his fist, but slowly pulled his head away from her neck and looked at the man standing in front of them warily.
"I'm…sorry," she told Bellamy. "He's…he's never seen anyone except me."
Bellamy had been looking back and forth between them, but then his gaze seemed to laser focus on the child in her arms, no doubt taking in his black curls, piercing blue eyes, and copious amounts of freckles.
Clarke just watched Bellamy, cataloguing every emotion that passed over his face, her hand still rubbing soothing circles over the little boy's back.
She'd waited so so long for this.
Her eyes started welling, her emotions about this moment too much for her to handle.
She opened her mouth, prepared to make the most important introduction she'd ever made in her life…when her son beat her to it.
"Daddy?" he asked questioningly, looking at Bellamy.
Clarke's eyes closed, a choked laugh escaping. She couldn't stop the tears that trailed down her cheeks.
"Yeah, baby. That's your Daddy," she whispered, looking back and forth between her son and his father, her heart swelling at just how much they looked alike.
They were even giving each other similar looks at the moment, both in awe of the other, although Bellamy also looked like his heart was being ripped out of his chest.
Bellamy tore his gaze away from his son, tears in his eyes as he looked at her for confirmation.
She nodded shakily. "Bellamy…this is JJ," she told him, her voice cracking. "…your son."
He closed his eyes, his head tilting forward and tears falling down his face.
When he looked back up at them again, he reached a hand forward, as if to touch his son, but the boy immediately turned his head, again burying it in Clarke's neck.
Clarke opened her mouth to apologize, but Bellamy shook his head. "It's okay. I…"
She smiled softly at him, holding a hand out.
When he took it, she pulled him in.
He wrapped himself around both of them, his head falling to her hair on the opposite side.
Clarke stood there, unable to stop the tears of pure joy that fell, her heart nearly bursting with how much love she felt for the two boys in her arms.
Clarke held Bellamy's hand tightly, just enjoying how close they were to each other for the first time in so long.
They were sitting on the couch, half wrapped around each other, watching their son play with an odd assortment of blocks, miniature construction equipment, and miniature cooking utensils on the floor in front of them.
Clarke couldn't remember the last time she'd been this happy.
"How…?" he asked her quietly, still watching him.
She smiled, shrugging. "I don't know for sure. I still had an implant that night we were…together. But I assume it was either the nightblood or the exposure to radiation…whatever it was…it clearly didn't work."
He nodded absently, still unable to take his eyes off their child. "JJ? After your dad?"
She paused, biting her lip. "Uh…his middle name is Jake…well, Jacob," she confirmed.
He finally turned to look at her. "What's his first name?"
She paused a minute, gathering a bit of courage. "Jasper," she practically whispered.
He tilted his head, his eyes immediately glistening with unshed tears.
He took a moment to absorb what she'd just told him, again glancing at his son before he looked back at her. "It's perfect," he finally said.
She nodded, some great wave of relief sweeping through her that he was happy with the choice she'd made on both their behalves. "Jake was my first instinct. And then I thought about Wells too, but I…" she wiped away a tear, her hand on her cheek as she watched the child on the floor in front of her. "…I couldn't get the thought out of my head that he'd been created just after Jasper died and I…" she shrugged, looking at him helplessly.
He pulled her close, wrapping her in a hug. "It's perfect, Clarke," he repeated. "He would've…" he paused when his voice caught. "…he would've loved him."
The subject of their discussion suddenly stood up, holding up a teddy bear. "Can I go play Dropship, Mommy?"
She nodded. "We'll come in in a bit and play with you, okay?"
JJ nodded, casting a curious but still wary glance at Bellamy before he toddled out of the room.
She turned to meet Bellamy's gaze when she felt it land on her.
"Dropship?" he asked.
She laughed. "I've told him…watered down, kid-friendly versions of things. His current favorite game is to make all his teddy bears create a society around the 'Dropship'…which is the biggest pot from the kitchen."
Bellamy chuckled at that, but after a moment, his face sobered. "Clarke…I'm so sorry."
She furrowed her brow. "For what?"
"I never would have…" he sighed. "How did you do this all alone? The pregnancy…my God, the birth…" he hung his head, guilt washing off of him in waves.
She grabbed his shoulder, turning him toward her. "Bellamy…"
"At least my mom had me. You had no one. I can't even…" he shook his head, self-loathing clear in both his expression and his tone.
"I'm not going to lie…the birth was terrible…but I got through it," she told him, her hand gripping his arm tightly. "It was a few hours of torture…and it gave me the best thing that's ever happened to me."
He was watching her closely, looking like he didn't quite believe her.
"Bellamy…" she asked quietly. "Do you…do you wish I hadn't…" she couldn't even finish the sentence, her voice cracking at the thought.
"No!" he answered immediately. "No. I…" he ran his hand over his forehead. "God, Clarke. I already love him so much."
Her chest immediately loosened, although she'd never really had any doubts. She'd known, from the moment she found out she was pregnant, that Bellamy would be the best father she could've asked for. She'd only started to question his reaction when he seemed so upset.
"I just…I can't believe I did to him…and to you…what some bastard did to my mom and Octavia. If I'd have just kept it in my pants…"
She tightened her grip on him. "Stop it," she commanded. "This is nothing like that. You didn't leave because you wanted to. I know you would have given anything to be here for both of us."
"I would have," he promised. "God, I wish…"
"I know," she interrupted. "I know that, and I've always told JJ that. He doesn't hate you, Bellamy. He's just a little freaked out right now."
Bellamy nodded absently, zoning out a little as he dealt with all his thoughts. After a minute, he turned back to her. "How did he know who I was?"
She couldn't help the shy smile that appeared on her face. "I…drew you."
He looked at her questioningly.
She got up, heading over to the dining room table, which was covered in four or five drawings, all at different stages of completion. She grabbed the one she wanted, then sat back down on the couch, handing it to him.
She watched as he ran his gaze over it. "It's…not finished, obviously." It was really just a basic pencil outline of his most prominent features. She had others that were much more detailed, but this one had been the most accessible at the moment. "I have more…probably dozens of them," she admitted, a slight flush working its way to her cheeks.
He seemed to be at a loss for words. "I…How…?"
She shrugged, staring at the toys JJ had left on the floor, zoning out as she thought about those early days. "At first…I drew you because you were pretty much all I thought about. Then…a few months passed…and I started getting really scared that I was going to forget what you looked like," she admitted, voice cracking. "So, I tried to commit every detail to paper…the cleft in your chin…the scar above your lip…" she reached out a shaky hand, running her fingers lightly over it. "…your freckles. You have a lot of goddamn freckles, you know?" she chuckled, even though her eyes were bright with unshed tears.
He chuckled with her, then pulled her hand closer, kissing her palm. "I know."
He'd done the same thing four years ago, and it made her heart clench both times. "Then…after I had the baby…I realized that he'd grow up not knowing you. I mean, I could tell him about you. I did that when he was still inside me…talked to him about you."
An agonized look passed over Bellamy's face, and Clarke moved her hand to his neck, thumb rubbing his cheek.
"And I kept doing it once he was born. I told him everything about you, Bellamy. But I realized that you'd come back for us one day, and he'd have no idea who you were, and I hated that." She sucked in a breath, remembering the heartbreak she'd felt that day, after she'd come to that realization. She was feeling a similar pang now.
"I started drawing him pictures of you, and I showed them to him every day, even when he was an infant. I wanted…" she paused, searching for the right words. "I wanted you to be as real to him as I was."
Bellamy was shaking his head in disbelief, his face a wreck. "Clarke…I don't even know what to say. I don't know how to thank you for doing that…"
She shook her head, looking at him with some mixture of exasperation and fondness. "You don't have to thank me. He deserved to know you. You deserved to be a part of his life. You're his dad, Bellamy."
He tangled his hand in her hair, looking at her with so much adoration it was blinding. "I love you. So much."
She closed her eyes, letting the sound of those words wash over her and start to heal the damaged parts of her soul. "I love you too," she replied, leaning in to kiss him.
They stayed there for a moment, foreheads touching, before he finally leaned back a little, giving her a hesitant look.
She smiled. "You want to go see him?"
"Yeah. I mean…part of me wants to stay here and kiss you for the next 17 hours or so…but I think I really want to hold your hand while we play Dropship with…our son."
He hesitated a little, tripping over the last two words as he said them for the first time, and it made Clarke want to kiss him again, so she did, albeit quickly.
"I…need to say something first," she told him.
He raised his eyebrows expectantly.
"It's about JJ…the night he was conceived…your guilt…all of it."
"Okay," he agreed, taking a deep breath, as if to steel himself for whatever she was going to say.
"That night we were together…it was the best night of my life. We'd always been so…connected, so…important to each other… I'd thought…or at least I'd hoped…that maybe you…felt that way about me."
"Clarke…I did. I always have."
She smiled, clutching his hand in hers. "I know. But that night…knowing for sure that we felt the same way…knowing how much you loved me…" she looked up, trying to blink back tears. "I've never felt safer or more at peace or more…cherished…than I did that night. And you gave me the greatest gift anyone has ever given me, Bellamy: that beautiful little boy. And every time I saw him…he reminded me of how much you loved me. He reminded me that I wasn't alone. I had him…and I had you, even if you weren't physically with me."
He was just staring at her in awe.
"When I first found out I was pregnant…I should have…terminated," she said, whispering the word. It seemed like such a cruel thing to say about the child she loved more than her own life, but she needed Bellamy to understand. "I was all alone…no one to help me with the delivery…and I wasn't even sure if I could survive. There wasn't even enough food for me for five years, plus the radiation outside, and the radiation I'd already been exposed to…" she sighed, remembering how she'd had to consider all of these factors back then. "I wasn't sure that it would even be a viable pregnancy, let alone that he could survive once he was born."
Bellamy tightened his grip on her hand, watching her sympathetically.
"From a medical standpoint…I probably should have. But I couldn't do it. I wanted him. I'm not going to lie, the prospect of having another human being around…even if it was a baby…was tempting. But mostly…I couldn't do it because…" she bit on the inside of her cheek, trying to keep herself from losing it completely. "He was all of you that I had left."
She heard his sharp intake of breath, and then he was pulling her into his arms, his lips pressing kisses into her hair. "How many times can I tell you I love you before it starts getting repetitive?" he mumbled.
She chuckled against his shoulder. "We've got four years to make up for, Bellamy," she reminded him.
He proceeded to press gentle kisses all over her face—her forehead, her temples, her nose, her cheeks, and finally her lips. There must have been dozens of them, and he whispered an emotionally fraught "I love you," in between each one.
She kept her eyes closed, letting his words and his kisses consume her, the stark contrast between four years of not having him and now, having him so completely, making it even more heart-shattering.
His lips finally stayed on hers for more than a heartbeat, and she gratefully gave in to the kiss, trying to pour all of her own love into it to show him he wasn't alone in his feelings.
He finally sighed, moving to nuzzle her temple.
She enjoyed his closeness for a minute longer before she said quietly, "Dropship?"
It took him a moment, but he nodded. "Dropship."
He stood up, offering her his hand.
She took it, allowing him to pull her up, and they kept their hands clasped as they started to walk to the doorway.
"I hope this version is a lot less…violent…than ours was," he muttered wryly.
She chuckled, leaning her face against his upper arm. "It is," she promised.
They'd just gotten to the hallway when they heard some kind of commotion at the front door.
Clarke sucked in a breath, her first thought being that something had happened to JJ, since he was the only other person she was used to now, but Bellamy quickly reminded her that it was probably their friends, arriving from the rocket.
They sped up, heading for the front entrance, and when they got there, Clarke couldn't contain her enormous sigh of relief to see all of her friends, looking exhausted and sweaty, and maybe a few years older, but otherwise none the worse for wear.
They were standing in the front entryway, looking around, the door still hanging open behind them.
"Close the door!" Clarke insisted, the minute she spotted it.
All of their gazes locked on her, and they all seemed to break out into similar smiles of relief.
Murphy immediately moved to shut the door, muttering something under his breath about how, "Princess hasn't changed, I see. Still giving orders," but he shut the door and turned back, smirk still on his face.
Clarke's eyes locked with Raven's first, and the two girls sort of flung themselves at each other, hugging tightly.
"God, I missed you being a pain in my ass," Raven said, tears choking her words.
Clarke laughed through her own tears, finally pulling away to look at the brunette. "I missed you too, Raven."
They held each other's arms for a second, their care and concern for each other evident in their silent communication.
They'd once been adversaries of a sort, but they'd also experienced a very similar loss together and come out on the other side, and it bonded them in a way that neither of them had with anyone else.
Clarke moved to Monty next, hugging him for all she was worth.
"I'm so glad you're okay," he whispered near her shoulder.
She nodded. "I'm glad you're okay too," she whispered back.
Letting go of him, she moved to the girl standing next to him. 'Harper!" she exclaimed, wrapping her in a hug.
"Clarke!" the other blonde exclaimed back, a chuckle in her voice, along with a tear or two.
The two girls had never been especially close, but right now, they felt almost like sisters; bonded by circumstances and immense relief at finding the other okay after all this time.
Clarke pulled away, wiping off her cheeks. "I missed you guys!"
"Even me?" Murphy asked sardonically, standing just a few feet away, his posture still slouched and standoffish, his face still a carefully composed smirk.
But Clarke looked into his eyes, which were shining with a warmth she was irrationally proud of.
She walked to him, slinging an arm around his neck and pulling him close. "Yeah, Murphy. You too."
He put an arm around her a bit awkwardly, and Clarke almost missed his words, which were barely loud enough for her to hear, even standing right beside him. "Glad you're here," he muttered.
She pulled back, crying again, because that was apparently all she did now, and because his gruff words almost seemed more significant than the ones that were given more freely from her other friends.
Done with their greetings, at least for now, Clarke walked back to Bellamy's side, feeling an almost magnetic pull to be there.
Their hands clasped almost automatically, and Clarke didn't miss the four gazes that all dropped to their joined hands.
There were definite smirks, from Raven and Murphy, of course, but no one seemed that surprised by it.
"The uh…" Clarke gestured to the door, which was now closed. "The house isn't radiation proof, but it does block a considerable amount as long as you keep everything closed up. That's how w…I'm up here, instead of down in the lab."
Raven nodded, her brain already clearly working overtime as she glanced at the structure around her, taking everything in through her scientist's eye.
They all stood there for a second, a little awkward now that they'd gotten the 'so happy you're not dead' hugs out of the way.
They were saved from that awkward silence by a noise coming from a room on the other side of the house.
Four gazes turned in that direction, surprise clear on their faces, while Bellamy and Clarke looked at each other.
"What the hell?" Murphy asked, eloquent as ever and automatically reaching for his gun.
Clarke was still looking at Bellamy…at the expression on his face, which somehow seemed to convey nervousness and pride, all at the same time. "Go ahead," she whispered.
He turned to their friends, although he grasped Clarke's hand tighter. "That's…uh…Clarke and I…"
She put her free hand on his forearm, trying to give him as much support as she could.
He took a deep breath. "We have a son," he said, his voice ringing with a quiet pride that made Clarke's heart happy.
Two pairs of eyes widened almost comically at the announcement, while two other faces were overcome by the smirks to end all smirks, although they both also had raised eyebrows of surprise.
"Seriously?" Murphy asked.
"You…oh my God, Clarke. You had a baby?" Harper asked, voice shocked.
Clarke nodded. "He's…three…obviously. He's…" she paused, trying to think of words adequate enough to describe him. "He's perfect."
Monty was still watching them with a sharp eye. "I knew he was pining over you big time…but that was nothing new. I didn't realize you two had finally…gotten together.
"We..uh…" Clarke paused, wondering if she should talk about their personal lives, but quickly realizing that nothing had really been able to be kept private since they'd landed in that dropship all those years ago. Besides…these people were their family. She didn't want them thinking she'd been hiding her relationship with Bellamy, as if she was ashamed of it. If they'd had more than a few hours together before all hell broke loose, she would've been shouting it from the treetops. "It was just the once. The night before you guys left."
Murphy whistled, stepping forward to sock Bellamy on the arm in a patented gesture of masculine pride that simultaneously made Clarke roll her eyes and blush.
"Shut up, Murphy," Bellamy mumbled.
"I didn't even say anything!" the other man insisted.
Clarke glanced at Bellamy, and found him with a similar blush…and an almost unwilling hint of pride on his face, which she couldn't exactly fault him for.
But as she watched him, she could visibly see the guilt start to creep in.
She tugged on his arm, pulling him down and then pressing a sweet, but definitely not platonic kiss to his lips…right in front of their friends.
It said 'we have nothing to be ashamed of.'
It said 'we're proud to claim each other.'
She only hoped that Bellamy got the messages too, not just their friends.
They pulled away from each other smiling.
"I need to go…prepare him," she told him, then looked at their other friends to explain. "He's never seen anyone but me. He was already a little freaked out by Bellamy. All of you…might be too much for him at once."
She turned back to Bellamy, noticing the worried expression on his face. "He'll be okay, Bell. He's a really smart kid…he just might need some…time."
He nodded, although his face didn't exactly relax.
She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile, although she was already a little hesitant to let him leave her sight, lest she come back and realize none of this had been real.
She leaned up to kiss his cheek, hoping to bolster them both, then headed down the hallway to the playroom.
She found JJ inside, playing with his teddy bears and other toys, and the simplicity of it…the familiarity of it, helped to calm Clarke's brain from the roller coaster it had been on for the past hour or so.
"Hey, little man," she said cheerfully, sitting down on the floor beside him. "You doing okay?"
Her son, ever the tiny little adult, looked at her primly and said, "Daddy came back for us."
She let out a surprised chuckle. "Yeah, baby, he did," she said, running her fingers through his curls. "Are you…okay with that? You don't have to be right away. It's okay if you're scared or shy for a little while. I know it's always just been you and me. But I just want you to remember everything I've told you about your Daddy, yeah? And when you feel more comfortable…I hope you'll let him get to know you, okay?"
He was watching her very studiously, like he always did when she talked to him. Growing up without other children around, and with her as his only companion, he often acted a good decade or so older than he actually was. "Okay, Mommy."
Clarke nodded happily, her hand falling to his shoulder. "There are some other people here too who want to meet you. You think you're up for that?"
She watched his face for his reaction, and while he seemed a little apprehensive, he also looked curious. "Okay," he replied.
She breathed a sigh of relief, standing up and offering him her hand. "Just come say hi to everybody. And then if you want to come back here and play, just you and me, we can do that, okay?
He nodded, taking her hand and heading with her toward the doorway.
It wasn't until she looked up that she realized that Bellamy was standing just outside the doorway and probably had been for some time.
He looked a bit sheepish. "Sorry, I couldn't…"
Yeah, she knew.
He couldn't resist the pull toward them.
She knew because she'd been feeling a similar pull toward him when she'd left him.
She walked up to him, placing a gentle hand on his chest in understanding. "I know," she said quietly.
Bellamy's eyes shifted downward abruptly, and he realized that JJ was tugging on the bottom of his shirt.
Bellamy quickly kneeled down, putting him more at eye level with his son. "What is it, little man?" he asked, careful to keep his voice calm and cheerful, even though Clarke could see the hope and nervous energy in his eyes.
Her heart also stuttered a bit at the fact that he'd already picked up her nickname for their son.
JJ studied him for a moment, and Clarke had the distinct thought that he was cataloguing his features, probably trying to make sure he matched all the drawings he'd seen.
"You're my Daddy," he said, more a statement than a question.
"Yeah, I am," Bellamy answered, although he still seemed to be in awe of the fact.
JJ looked up at her for a moment. "Mommy says…you love me as much as she does," he said, looking back at Bellamy.
Bellamy's face tightened with emotion. "That's right. I do."
JJ nodded, contemplating his next move. "She said that…when you came back…it's like I'd have two of her."
Bellamy nodded. "You do. You have both of us now…always," he said, and he said it as if he was making a solemn oath. "What else did your Mommy tell you?"
The little boy reached a hand out, putting it on Bellamy's shoulder.
"She said you were trying to come back…and you were sad you couldn't be with us."
Bellamy nodded again, voice a little choked as he said, "She was right again." He looked up at Clarke for a moment, his eyes trying to convey everything he was feeling. "Your mom is a very smart woman."
Bellamy's gaze was still on Clarke, which is why he didn't fully realize what was happening until it happened.
JJ had stepped forward, flinging his arms around Bellamy's neck.
Bellamy stood stock still, his eyes widening in surprise before he finally wrapped his arms around his son, holding him tightly.
"I'm sorry you were sad," the little boy said.
Bellamy huffed a laugh, his eyes closing as a tear trailed down his cheek, his face some combination of awe and pure joy that made Clarke's breath hitch in her throat.
She looked down at the two people she loved most in the world, the two people who fate had cruelly kept apart for so long, and the sight of them holding onto each other made some void in her heart fill with the best kind of happiness…a kind she didn't even know existed until now.
"Can I go meet everybody now?" JJ asked.
Clarke chuckled, wiping away her own tears. "Yeah, little man. You can go meet everybody."
JJ pulled back to look at Bellamy. "Is Auntie Octavia here?" he asked excitedly.
Bellamy shot Clarke another look, one that was full of surprise and gratefulness. "No, she's not here yet. We're going to see her really soon though, okay?"
JJ nodded, and when Bellamy stood up, the little boy expectantly held his arms out.
Bellamy only hesitated for a second before picking him up and placing him on his hip.
Clarke noticed how Bellamy kept his hand on JJ's back and his chin resting against the top of his head for a moment, trying to get his fill of his newfound son without being too obvious about it, so as not to freak him out.
Bellamy finally reached out, taking Clarke's hand, and the three of them headed down the hallway toward the living room, where they could hear voices.
The minute they stepped inside, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at the little family in front of them in astonishment.
Clarke took in her friends' faces before turning to look at Bellamy and JJ.
JJ looked beyond curious, studying everyone in front of him with wide eyes and an eager gaze.
Bellamy looked like he was about to burst with fatherly pride, although there was still a bit of incredulity mixed in.
He shifted JJ higher on his side as he introduced him. "This is JJ," he announced.
There was a chorus of answering greetings, mostly from Monty and Harper.
Bellamy started to point out their friends, to introduce them to JJ, but the little boy said, "I know, Daddy!" and started squirming to be let down.
Bellamy obliged, then watched interestedly as he walked over to grab a toy off the floor.
It was some sort of metal action figure, and its arm was currently detached from its body.
JJ walked over to Raven, holding the toy up to her. "Mommy said you'd teach me how to fix stuff," he informed her. "Can you fix my toy?"
Raven looked at the boy in surprise for a moment before her face broke into a gigantic grin. "Of course I can. I think I've got my soldering gun in my backpack in the entryway. Want to come get it with me?" she asked, holding out her hand.
JJ turned around, looking at Clarke hesitantly.
She encouraged him with a smile and a nod, and he immediately grabbed Raven's hand, going into the hallway with her.
"Shit," Murphy said, the minute they were out of sight. "You two really have a kid."
Bellamy glanced at Clarke, small smile on his lips. "Yeah, we do."
It only took a couple minutes for Raven and JJ to retrieve the necessary supplies and come back, and by the time they walked back in, they were in some sort of animated discussion about rockets.
Clarke watched as Raven set everything up on the kitchen counter, and she was about to caution her about the child's safety, but she stopped herself when she saw the other girl scoot JJ's stool to a careful distance, then place protective glasses over his eyes.
Even though he seemed to be in great hands, she kept a careful eye on her son as everyone else started asking her questions, and she them.
The next few hours passed in sort of a blur, everyone trading stories and important information about the last four years, as well as coming up with ideas on what to do next.
Clarke answered everything she could, most notably telling them that she would probably need to give them all nightblood injections to protect them from what were still moderately high radiation levels, that the house was safe as long as it was kept sealed and the oxygen and water purifiers kept working, and that she hadn't had any contact with the bunker in four years either.
She answered questions about JJ, including that he was, indeed, half-nightblood, she'd been very lucky that Becca's mansion had been stocked with an odd assortment of children's clothes and toys, and that no, she didn't recommend going through childbirth on your own, but she'd absolutely do it again if she had to.
The entire time they talked, at least one of their friends was keeping him occupied. Raven spent at least a half hour fixing his toy and then answering every question he threw at her, and then Monty and Harper spent a good bit of time chasing him around the living room in an impromptu game of tag. Perhaps the most surprising though, was Murphy, who must've spent at least an hour on the floor with him, playing whatever game the three-year-old dreamed up at the time.
Weirdly enough, it seemed like Murphy was his favorite.
Clarke also noticed odd glances going back and forth between Murphy and Raven as each one was with the child, and she made a mental note to ask Bellamy about it later.
It was only that thought that made Clarke realize that Echo and Emori weren't there.
She'd noticed they were missing, of course, when her friends had first showed up, but she'd assumed they'd stayed back at the rocket for some reason, or perhaps they were coming later with more gear.
Then, she'd been overwhelmed with telling everyone about her son and making sure JJ was okay with meeting everyone.
The two girls she barely knew had completely slipped her mind after that.
"Where are Emori and Echo?" she asked.
Bellamy started beside her, as if he'd just realized they were missing too.
Murphy scowled for the first time since he'd started playing with JJ. "They tried to steal our sh…stuff," he corrected himself, glancing at the boy in front of him, who was stacking blocks in a complicated pyramid shape.
"What?" Bellamy thundered.
"It's fine," Raven interjected. "Echo pulled out her knife and tried to turn all…Echo…on us. We told them to just take their share of the algae and water and leave…and they did."
Clarke watched Bellamy's face, noticing that, other than a bit of anger, he didn't really seem to care.
She also noticed that JJ seemed to be fading fast, rubbing his eyes every few minutes and yawning, and she realized that the excitement of the day must have gotten to him.
She put a hand on Bellamy's arm, then turned to quietly tell him that she was going to give their son a bath and get him ready for bed.
He nodded, and she got up to collect the toddler, who seemed reluctant to go, but finally did, only after receiving promises from everyone that they'd still be there in the morning.
Clarke carried him down the hall to his bedroom and into the adjoining bathroom, quickly getting everything ready and then running his bath water.
She'd just gotten him into the tub and kneeled down beside it when she felt Bellamy's gaze on them from the doorway.
Turning around with a smile, she motioned for him to come in.
He did, but tried to give them a bit of space, leaning against the counter and just observing.
Clarke kept up a steady stream of dialogue with JJ, trying to make sure he wasn't too traumatized by everything that had happened today as she gently shampooed and then rinsed his hair.
She was extremely relieved to note that he seemed a little overwhelmed, but mostly curious and just grateful to have new playmates and new things to learn from them.
She knew Bellamy was watching their entire exchange, and it made her a little self-conscious…no one had ever seen her be a mother before…but she also felt a sense of relief…because finally someone else was there.
She'd raised her son alone for three years, and she'd always been terrified that something would happen to her and leave him all alone, helpless and unable to fend for himself.
Just knowing that Bellamy was here now…that their other friends were here now…let her breathe a little easier.
She gave him a final gentle rinse, then turned around to grab the towel she'd placed on top of the closed toilet seat…but found that Bellamy was already holding it out to her.
Irrationally…it almost brought a tear to her eye.
She shook off the feeling, grabbing it and wrapping it around JJ, pulling him out of the tub.
Deciding to do just a little interfering, she handed Bellamy their son. "Here, little man. Let Daddy dry you off while I go get your pjs, okay?"
He nodded sleepily, his eyes already half shut as he just burrowed further into Bellamy's arms.
Clarke paused for just a moment, letting herself enjoy the look on Bellamy's face before she walked out into the bedroom to grab his pjs.
After a moment, Bellamy came out, carrying a mostly asleep little boy, and they worked together to get him dressed.
Clarke started to lay him down on the bed, which quickly woke him up.
"Story!" he insisted, eyes blinking exaggeratedly as he clearly fought sleep.
"Okay, baby. Come on," she said, lifting him back up. "Which story do you want tonight?"
He was already shaking his head. "Daddy!" he whined.
Clarke looked at him in surprise. It wasn't uncommon for him to get a little whiny and act closer to his own age when he was tired, but she'd assumed that he'd cling to her in those moments. "You want your Daddy to tell you a story?"
He nodded, reaching for Bellamy.
Clarke felt a couple different pangs in her heart, one at not being her son's choice for the first time in his life, and another at the complete rightness of this moment, because this was how it was always supposed to be. The two of them putting him to bed together, and JJ wanting Bellamy to read him his bedtime story, because yeah, Clarke would want Bellamy to be the one to read to her too.
Bellamy looked a bit flabbergasted, but accepted the squirming boy, then looked at Clarke a little helplessly.
She chuckled. "Go sit over there," she said, motioning to a large sofa chair in the corner of the room.
Bellamy did as she said, then settled JJ more comfortably on his lap, the boy leaning against his chest.
"Which story do you want?" she again asked her son.
He pondered it for a moment, then excitedly said, "The Mountain!"
She nodded, grabbing a large homemade book off the dresser and taking it to Bellamy. She flipped about a quarter of the way through, then handed it to him.
He took it, looking over the page she'd turned to curiously, then flipping to the front, where her own hand had written "The Princess and the Rebel King" in large, sweeping strokes.
He looked up at her, eyes full of surprise.
She gave him a shy smile in return.
"I…uh…I know this story, buddy, but I don't know if I can tell it quite like your mom. We better let her do it tonight, okay?" he asked, voice emotional as he kept staring at her.
Clarke crawled into the chair with them, sitting beside Bellamy and putting her legs over his lap.
She proceeded to tell the same story she'd told JJ hundreds of times before: the one about how the Princess and some of her friends had gotten trapped inside a mysterious Mountain, and the Princess was the only one who realized these new people were not what they seemed.
She flipped through the pages she'd hand-drawn as she went, pointing out the elaborate artwork and plentiful meals inside in one drawing, then showing the Princess's terrifying jump down the waterfall in the next.
The story continued with the Princess making her way home, and sharing an epic reunion hug with the Rebel King, which she'd also immortalized in great detail in colored pencil.
Next came the realization that they couldn't leave their friends trapped and in danger, so the brave Rebel King offered to infiltrate the Mountain and go undercover, putting his own life in danger to save his friends.
The story continued with as many of the facts as possible…except they were all watered down a bit. The Mountain Men looked more like cartoon monsters than terrifying cannibals, Cage Wallace was more handlebar-mustached villain than evil psychopath, and of course…it ended a bit vaguely, with the Princess and the Rebel King freeing their people and vanquishing evil, but no real details on how they did it.
Clarke hadn't wanted to go full Brothers Grimm on her three-year-old.
By the time she finished, JJ was curled into Bellamy's arms, sound asleep.
She closed the book, setting it on her lap, and curled into Bellamy's other side, one hand on their son's back.
Bellamy put his free arm around her, holding her close.
She wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, the three of them curled up together, maybe an hour…maybe more, but she could honestly say it was the best hour of her life.
Eventually, JJ started to flail a little, trying to move around to get more comfortable.
"He'll sleep better in bed," she whispered.
Bellamy nodded, slowly disentangling himself and standing up, oh-so-gently laying JJ in his bed, then pulling the covers over him.
He watched him for a minute, then went back to Clarke, reclaiming his seat and picking the book back up.
He pulled her back into his side, then started flipping through the book, seemingly astonished at what he found there.
It was their story…all of it.
…or at least the parts it was okay to recount to a toddler.
There were drawings of the Ark, the dropship, the supply depot, the Mountain, Arkadia, Polis, Becca's lab…every setting that mattered.
They were sort of broken up into different stories, each with an evil villain the heroes had to fight: first the Grounders, then the Mountain Men, then ALIE, then an unstoppable radiation wave.
But through it all, in true fairytale fashion, was the relationship between the Princess and the Rebel King. They fought, they became friends, they learned to lead together and grew to care for each other. They made mistakes, of course, and they were often separated, sometimes by their own stupidity…but they always found their way back to each other, because that was where they wanted to be.
Bellamy got to the last few pages of the book, which told a kid-friendly version of their last night on Earth, with the Princess and the Rebel King admitting their love for each other and promising they'd always be together.
Then came the radiation wave, the antenna tower, and the Rebel King's brave but heartbreaking decision to leave so everyone could survive.
There were a couple more pages, one of Clarke holding an infant in Becca's lab, checking the radiation levels on the computer screen, and then another of Clarke and an older JJ coming to live in Becca's mansion.
The last page was a drawing of the three of them together, Bellamy holding JJ with one arm and his other arm around Clarke, all three of them smiling as if they were posing for a picture.
Bellamy's breath caught when he saw it, and he looked at Clarke.
"I always told him you'd come back. That was always how the story ended, Bell."
He pulled her close, pressing his lips into her hair.
They stayed there for a while, both just watching their son sleep.
She knew he probably didn't want to let JJ out of his sight, even while the child was asleep, and while she loved him for it…she also needed him to herself for a while.
She stood up, grabbing his hand and pulling. "He'll still be here in the morning, Bellamy."
He nodded, but didn't seem inclined to move yet.
"Bell…I need you," she said quietly.
She didn't just mean in a physical sense, although that was part of it. Mostly, she needed to be able to let her guard down, let herself truly feel everything she was feeling, and she couldn't do that with her son sleeping 10 feet away.
He nodded, his eyes reflecting a similar longing back at her, and got up, following her to their son's bed, where they both leaned over to give him a kiss on the forehead.
She led him out the door, down the hallway just a few feet, and to her bedroom next door…the same one they'd shared for one night all those years ago.
She dropped his hand after they got inside, leaving him to his own devices for a moment as she went to gather her things.
When she turned around, she found him staring at what she liked to call 'The Wall of Pictures.'
There were dozens of her drawings taped to the wall above a long storage cabinet, and Bellamy seemed to be transfixed by them.
She set her clothes on the bed, then walked over to him, putting a hand on his back as she stepped up beside him.
His arm went around her almost automatically, even though his gaze never left the wall.
She looked at it with him, trying to imagine she was seeing it for the first time.
There was a group picture of the gang of delinquents: Monty, Jasper, Raven, Finn, Wells, Miller, Harper, Octavia, Murphy, Monroe, Fox…and, of course, Bellamy and Clarke.
There were other, smaller groupings of people in other drawings: Monty and Jasper in front of their still, Monty and Harper sitting by a fire, Jasper and Maya posing in front of a painting in Mount Weather, Abby and Kane in Arkadia, Clarke and Wells on the Ark, Octavia and Lincoln on Helios, Bellamy and Miller standing shoulder to shoulder in their guard uniforms.
Off to the side a bit was a smaller grouping of drawings: one similar to the one at the end of the story book, with Clarke, Bellamy, and JJ, one of Abby and Jake, and one of Bellamy and Octavia with a woman that was supposed to be their mother.
Clarke watched Bellamy anxiously as his eyes landed on it. She'd never met Aurora, but she'd heard about her a few times, from Bellamy and Octavia, and she'd tried her best to create what she imagined she looked like. Really, she looked a lot like an older version of Octavia.
"Sorry if it's not…if it doesn't look like her. I just wanted to make sure I included her in the family section for JJ," she told him. "If you tell me what to fix, I will.
He closed his eyes for a second, shaking his head as if to clear it. "No…it's…" he cleared his throat. "The cheeks a little fuller maybe? And the jaw a little rounder. But…it's pretty close. How did you even…?"
Clarke shrugged. "I put drawings of you and Octavia side by side and then gave your mom all your common features…filled in the rest by kind of imagining what your sister might look like in 20 years."
"I can't believe you did this, Clarke. They're…amazing."
"I wanted to make everyone real for him…and I wanted to keep everyone alive for myself. Especially you…my mom…Octavia. I wanted to make sure he'd know the people who were going to be most important in his life when he finally got to meet them."
Bellamy pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to her forehead, and they stood there for a few more minutes, just staring at all their loved ones.
Clarke finally turned out of his arms, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the bathroom.
As soon as they were inside, she slid her hands underneath his shirt, smoothing it up his stomach until he got the hint and pulled it off over his head.
As soon as it was off, she pressed dozens of kisses to his chest, and then his back, eager…desperate to kiss as much of him as she could.
They took their time, pulling their clothes off slowly, pausing to kiss each other softly whenever they felt like it…reacquainting themselves with each other.
Finally, Clarke reached in and turned on the shower, then led Bellamy inside.
They just stood there for a minute, standing under the water and staring at each other, Bellamy's hand cupping the side of her face like he couldn't bear to not be touching her, even for a second.
Clarke finally let everything she'd been feeling wash over her…the loneliness, the desperation of four long years alone, the heartbreak of the man she loved being in outer space while she was alone on a radiation soaked Earth…the facade she'd had to wear at times, both for her son and for her own mental well-being…the terrifying thought that occasionally crossed her mind that something had happened to him…
Then came the contrasting emotions from today…the absolute elation…the fondness, the adoration…the overwhelming love she felt for this man, and the responding love she felt coming from him…her indescribable joy at seeing Bellamy with his son…
It all hit her like a ton of bricks.
"Bellamy," she cried.
He immediately pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly against his chest.
She lost herself to the feeling of his arms around her, his bare skin touching hers from head to toe, his hand rubbing soothingly up and down her spine, the scent and the feeling of him surrounding her as the water pounded down on them both.
She was pretty sure they were both crying, and it felt like just another one of those moments that would bond them in a way no one else could understand…one of those moments where they were so in-sync, so in-tune with each other, it was hard to tell where one of them stopped and the other began.
She had a distinct feeling that the water was washing away their pain and their heartache…and that after this, they'd truly be able to begin their lives together, the pain of the last four years only a distant memory.
Clarke felt her tears slow and then eventually stop, and she turned her head, placing a kiss on his chest.
He pulled back a little to look at her. "I missed you," he whispered raggedly. "Every day."
She nodded. "Me too," she replied, and she couldn't help it when her gaze roamed over his shoulders and chest, taking in every part of him she could.
It was just after that that she realized he was doing the same to her.
She hunched a little, trying to shield some of herself from his gaze.
He smiled, but there was confusion on his face as he cupped her jaw, running his thumb over her cheek. "I want to see you. I've been dreaming about it for so long, Clarke."
She looked away. "I've…I've changed, Bell. I had a baby."
His brow furrowed in confusion. "So?"
She didn't say anything else, still looking at the shower wall.
It wasn't that she was ashamed of her body, necessarily, but it had been so long since anyone else had seen it…and now it was the person whose opinion mattered most in the world to her that was seeing it.
He'd also been dreaming about it…about her…for four years, and he was remembering the body she'd had when she was 18 and had never been pregnant.
Honestly, she just didn't want to be a disappointment.
Bellamy moved his hands to her hips, pulling her away from him a bit so he could see her.
She held her breath, knowing what he would see.
She'd actually lost some weight, what with living off the packs of dehydrated and canned food in the lab, and her curves weren't as prominent anymore, but that wasn't really what made her self-conscious.
What made her self-conscious was the stretch marks that zig-zagged along her lower stomach, marring what had been a flawless smooth surface before.
She was pretty sure Bellamy's gaze had found them, because his eyes seemed to have frozen there.
She took a breath, steeling herself for his platitudes.
She knew he wasn't shallow and that he'd still love her, no matter what, but she still wasn't really in the mood to hear how 'they're not that bad' or 'they'll fade in time.'
Of all the possible scenarios she'd been expecting…him dropping to his knees in front of her wasn't one of them.
She looked down at him in confusion, and watched as he leaned forward, his hands on her hips, and pressed a kiss to her stomach.
She shakily let out the breath she'd taken, starting to cry, for seemingly the 300th time today, as he pressed a soft, indescribably tender kiss to every stretch mark she had.
When he was done, he rested his forehead against her stomach for a moment before he looked up at her, adoration in his eyes. "Clarke," he said, voice full of so much love she couldn't hardly stand it. "You carried our baby. You carried our baby…delivered our baby…all by yourself." He pressed another kiss to her stomach. "They're beautiful," he said, voice ringing with awe and sincerity as he stood up, cupping her face in his hands. "You're beautiful."
She shouldn't even have been surprised: that's always what they'd done for each other.
The pieces of herself that she wanted to hide…the pieces of herself she thought were broken…he saw them and loved them anyway.
He thought of them as her strengths.
She couldn't stop the surprised laugh that escaped her, letting out all of her tension and insecurities with it, and leaving, in its place, the bliss that came with knowing the person you loved without reservation also loved you without reservation.
She stood on her tiptoes, kissing him for all she was worth.
They stood there, under the shower, lips and tongues tangling and hands roaming until long after the water had started to run cold.
He finally reached over to shut it off, then offered her a hand out so she wouldn't slip.
They dried each other off, still trading kisses and caresses.
She was a little surprised it wasn't more frantic, given how long they'd been apart, but she was kind of glad it wasn't.
It was as if they both realized that they had all the time in the world together now, so there was no need to rush, and that made it all the more beautiful.
She slipped a large t-shirt over her head and he pulled on a pair of boxers, and they walked back out into the bedroom, still holding hands.
The minute her eyes landed on the nightstand, she knew there was something she needed to show him before she finally made love to him.
Sitting down on the bed, she opened the drawer of the nightstand, then looked up at him. "Sit down," she said, patting the space beside her.
He did, looking at her expectantly.
She pulled out five Polaroid pictures.
"I found an old camera in the lab, but it only had a few empty pieces of film with it…so…"
She handed him the first one, which was a terribly aimed selfie of her at roughly nine months pregnant, shirt tied just under her bra so her massive belly was on clear display.
She heard Bellamy's sharp intake of breath and smiled as she handed him the next one, which was of JJ just a few hours after she'd given birth. He was tiny and wrinkly and wailing for all he was worth, and he was beautiful.
She handed him the rest of the pictures, one at a time, one on each of JJ's next three birthdays.
He fanned them out in his hands, staring at all of them in awe.
"Clarke," he whispered.
"I didn't want you to miss anything," she told him. "You know…you used your head when you saved us all…and I used your heart when I had our baby," she whispered. "I'm so so glad I did."
He turned to her, his face clearly conveying that he didn't know what he did to deserve all of this. "I love you so much, I don't know what to do with it all," he said, voice reverent.
She carefully took the pictures from him and put them back in the drawer, then turned back to him, grabbing his hand and tugging him toward her. "Show me."
And he did.
###
In true fairytale fashion…theirs was the story of a Princess and her Rebel King.
They fought, they became friends, they learned to lead together and grew to care for each other…and, somewhere along the way…they fell in love.
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The End
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You've got all of me
I belong to you
Yeah, you're my everything
###
In case you didn't know
I'm crazy bout you
I would be lying if I said
That I could live this life without you
Even though I don't tell you all the time
You had my heart a long long time ago
Yeah, you had my heart a long long time ago
In case you didn't know
A/N: Leave me thoughts!
Do you love me?
Do you hate me?
Are you indifferent toward my melodramatic ass?
Do you want to track me down and show me how many Kleenexes I made you use?
If anyone needs me, I'll probably still be on my couch, in the fetal position, drinking wine straight from the bottle, watching Friends, and asking my brain what I ever did to it to deserve it coming up with shit like this chapter to torture me with.
Thanks for reading, y'all.