"So, you decided if you're coming out with us Friday night?" Sable asked.

"I haven't really thought about it, no." you replied. "You seem to be really insistent on me joining you."

"Cause it'll be fun. Plus, I'd like to know someone close to my own age will be there."

"Even though I've been a grouch pretty much every day since I started here? Alcohol and pissy attitudes don't mix."

"You're not that bad. You're just not a morning person."

"Especially if I'm gonna be hungover." you responded, remembering the last time you consumed alcohol. Of course this led to you thinking about Beacon, and thinking about Beacon inevitably led you to think about 'her' again. Here she was, making things miserable yet again. It was bad enough you had to face the triskels sign again this morning and until it was removed you would probably have to see it every day for the foreseeable future.

It was her birthday yesterday. Every time she crept into your mind you imagined how you could have been spending the day with her. At least you wouldn't have to go through the hassle of trying to find the perfect gift for her. You never were good at picking out gifts for others. Although now that the thought of getting her the perfect gift was on your mind you found yourself imagining something else; her reaction to it.

Even though it was all in your head, the image of it was so clear it felt like she was right there in front of you. Her lilac eyes widening along with her smile. Then she'd jump straight into your arms, wrapping you the biggest, bone crushing hug you could imagine.

You missed her hugs.

You had to look away from Sable, there was no way you would let her, or anyone else around, see you while Yang was on your mind. Your heart clenched, a lump formed in your throat.

"You okay?" Sable inquired.

"I'm…"

You almost choked on your words.

"… I think I'm after inhaling some dust from the rubble." you blurted out, to her confusion.

"(Y/n), we're not near any rubble." Sable responded. "and I've had enough boyfriends to know when a guy doesn't want to talk because something's upsetting them."

Suddenly she had your full attention. Sable was a chatty person, so much that a notable number of interactions involved her just talking away with you occasionally providing some input; you liked it that way. You were never really in the mood to talk, or listen if you were being honest. But she had just said boyfriends, more importantly she had gone through what you were currently going through, some common ground.

"No, forget it."

Who knew what the context of those breakups were? As far as you knew they all could have ended on good terms, Sable could have even been the one to do the breaking up, and from what little you did know of her it was a safe bet that none of those breakups happened like your own.

"I get it if you don't want to talk about what's troubling you." Sable said, brining you out of your thoughts. In her hands she was holding a brownie, which she proceeded to break in half and offer you a piece. "At least take this. Something sweet usually helps me feel better, even if it's just a little bit."

"Oh. Thanks." You said vacantly before accepting her offer. You gave it a small test bite and then immediately stuffed the entire thing into your mouth.

"I'm guessing you like it?"

You nodded your head and swallowed the brownie before you replied to her.

"It's nice."

"Made it myself. Last boyfriend I had showed me how to make them, he was big into weed."

You froze up for a moment, gaining a quick chuckle from Sable.

"Don't worry there's none in it." she assured you.

"Too bad." you responded once you relaxed again. "I could probably use some, it'd make me less of a grump."

"Well if you're hoping to get some from me, I'm afraid you're shit out of luck. Haven't had any since the breakup and he was the one who knew where to get it."

"Then I guess I'll just have to resort to more junk food then." you joked.

"Better choice in my opinion."

"I guess it would be cheaper as well." you added.

"Know what else helps me feel better?" she asked.

"What?"

"Going out on the town and finding someone to spend the rest of the night with their face between my legs."

"Oh god." you snickered.

"Well it's true. It helps you get to sleep, it makes your brain release the chemicals that improve your mood."

"Oh I'm not debating that."

"So, you're familiar with it?"

Suddenly things felt a little uncomfortable. Not the topic itself, but your own inexperience made you feel embarrassed. Maybe there was a way you could drop the subject.

"When you say 'it', do you mean in general or just the whole face between legs thing?" you asked.

"In general."

"Oh yeah." you lied. "I'm familiar enough with the old lust and thrust."

"Good." Sable chuckled.

"Okay you lied that you're not a virgin, no big deal. It's not like the two of us are gonna be rearranging guts. What she doesn't know won't hurt her."

There was no way he would have stayed with her.

She had to tell herself that. She had to believe it. If she did then it meant she could justify her actions that day to herself.

'It's not your fault.'

She knew that's what others would say to comfort her. It's what both her father and her uncle told her in the past whenever she asked them about her birth mother. They told her the same thing when 'he' left. Of course, that was wrong. For the first time she could say with absolute certainty that it was her fault.

So now she had to find reasons to justify it to herself.

She lost count of all the time she spent looking at herself in the mirror, looking at where her arm used to be. She looked horrible without it and he couldn't stand to look at her like this. It was only a matter of time. He was disgusted the first time he saw her unbandaged stump still seeping the odd bit of blood; he may have asked the nurse to show him how to clean her wound, but there was no way he would have lasted.

Deep down she knew that wasn't true. He had given her no reason to believe he would ever do such a thing. But every second she lingered on the sight of her with just the one arm, she had to question why anybody would want to be with her.

Yang wasn't oblivious to the fact that she was considered a very attractive person, especially by boys her own age. On more than one occasion she had noticed fellow classmates taking a not so subtle glance at her more developed features. She couldn't help but wonder if they'd look at her like that now. If having just one arm wasn't off putting enough, the emotional baggage that came with losing said arm would be the final nail in the coffin.

She imagined what it would have been like if she had tried to make love with him to get him on her side, like she did at the Vytal Festival. The very sight of her would make him throw up.

"Keep telling yourself that." she told herself. The shallower she could make their relationship sound, the less it hurt.

She moved herself downstairs, received her daily greeting from Zwei, greeted him back, and took her usual spot on the sofa. She spotted the remote but struggled to take it. She knew what she would put on. The news she recorded yesterday; she was holding on to it. She wanted anything that would let her see his face. But at the same time she didn't want to see it. She knew what would happen once she saw him. All those horrible feelings of regret, anger, misery, and every other bad thing a person could experience would hit her again like she was experiencing it for the first time. But she still felt compelled to do it, to hurt herself all over again.

"Yang." her father greeted.

"Morning dad."

"Morning? It's almost three in the afternoon."

"Then good afternoon."

He gave her a concerned look and proceeded to take a seat next to her.

"Are you getting enough sleep? he asked.

Yang didn't reply to him, making it clear that she didn't want to talk. She attempted to get up and walk away, only for her father to place a gentle hand on her shoulder, encouraging her to remain.

"You know this isn't good for you." he stated while taking a seat next to her.

"Yeah." the broken brawler replied quietly enough to be a whisper.

"Is your arm hurting you again? We can get you pain killers again if you need them."

"No."

"Then it's something on your mind."

No reply.

"You know you don't have to go through this alone. But I can't start helping you until you talk to me."

Her mouth opened, ready to speak, but nothing came out. Where would she even begin? The breakup? The nightmares? The feelings of being weak and helpless? Insecurities? It wasn't just one thing. Even if she did talk they wouldn't go away, at least not immediately. They'd still be there the next day and she didn't want that, she wanted them all gone now.

She spoke no words, opting instead to simply get up and walk away.

The tower block came into your field of vision, making you pick up your pace for the remainder distance; the faster you reached home, the faster you could lie down. At this point it wasn't even because you were tired, it had just become routine after you came home from work simply because it felt good.

It would be even better if Yang was there when you got home.

Yet again she was back in your head to ruin your day.

"This wouldn't be happening if you had just stayed with her."

"You're such a coward. Is it any surprise you were dumped."

"Not like you ever deserved to be with her."

"If you weren't such a wimp you could've saved her."

"Doesn't matter, she would've dumped someone like you sooner or later."

"You're so pathetic."

"No you did everything right."

"If anyone's to blame it's her."

"You did everything right and she still didn't want you around."

"Fine her mistake."

"That's just how she is."

"Suddenly her mom leaving is making sense."

So now your mind was caught in a back and forth between hating yourself and hating Yang. You needed something to get you to ignore it.

Once you entered the tower block you immediately made a dash to the one working elevator; just as the doors closed and it started going up. Letting out a frustrated sigh you opted to take the stairs instead of waiting, your place was only on the fifth floor, not a long walk up. If you gave it a run you might even reach your floor before the elevator.

You were in full on regret by the time you reached the fifth floor. You were stupid enough to trip not once, but twice on the way up. Adding to that, you were also out of breath from running.

"Idiot." you cursed yourself.

You stopped for several seconds to catch your breath.

The sound of someone knocking on a door caught your attention, someone knocking on your door.

Standing in front of your door was a girl in a purple fleece jacket, short light brown hair. At her side was a decent sized red suitcase. Before she could knock on the door again you called out to her.

"Can I help you with something?"

Then she turned around and once your eyes locked with her weary purple eyes surrounded by dark circles from what was most likely a lack of sleep, you realised this was someone you knew.

"Nima?"

"(Y/n/)." she smiled while giving you a friendly embrace.

"I can't believe you're here."

"Didn't you get my letter?"

"The letter. We got it yesterday, and we forgot to open it."

"You only got it yesterday? I sent it out almost immediately after I read the one you sent me."

"Doesn't matter, I'm glad to see you again."

"Me too. It's so good to see a friendly face again. But how did you know my address?"

"Yeah. When I said 'we' earlier."

You placed a hand on her shoulder.

"This might be a overwhelming."

"What is?"

The letter you sent out to her wasn't written by you, all you did was post it on your way to work. It was only appropriate that Ivan was the one to write it. You knew he had sent her an invitation to stay with you both, it was something you encouraged when he brought up the idea. It was only after you sent it out that Ivan told you he had written it in your name, leaving out his survival.

"It's something you need to see." you responded, opening the door and escorting her in. You were unsure whether or not Ivan was at home, but you figured it would be best for her to see for herself instead of you simply telling her; though there was the off chance that she could spot some of his stuff lying around and piece it together.

"We have a guest!" you called out.

There was silence for several seconds, followed by the sound of your friend wheeling himself out. Once he came into view a small gasp escaped Nima.

"What do you mean guest? We don't get any…"

The two locked eyes in disbelief while you stood there quietly waiting for one of them to talk.

"Oh god." was all Nima, wide eyed and trembling, could get out in one brittle voice.

You remembered the state she was in last time you saw her, begging you to believe that he had survived. She was unfortunate enough to go through it alone. True she had her parents, but they weren't there during the incident, they weren't directly affected by it, they didn't witness loved ones die firsthand, they didn't have their lives fall apart.

"Hi Nima." Ivan greeted in an awkward attempt to be nonchalant.

Nima didn't respond to him. She took a hesitant step forward. If you had to guess she was still full of disbelief, like if she got closer to him it would be revealed that this was just some cruel joke.

After nearly an entire minute more of prolonged silence she finally got enough courage to walk up to him.

"Is that really you?" she asked, her voice wavering while she bent down so she could place a hand on his cheek. Once it made contact and confirmed that this was real the tears finally started, not just from her.

"In the flesh." Ivan replied weakly. "Sorry I didn't let you know sooner."

He attempted to stand up from his chair, but it was apparent that this one sudden movement was too much for him to handle. Even though your view of him was mostly obscured by Nima, you could still see one of his arms trembling in pain. Nima was quick to pick up on this and encouraged him to sit back down. Then gentle arms wrapped around him.

"You did survive!" she cried.

"It's gonna take a lot more than that to keep me down." he sniffed, returning the embrace.

How long had they dreamt about a moment like this? For one it may have been just a dream, a fantasy to avoid the cruel reality of being the only one of her friends that had survived. For the other it was inevitable, no matter what, he would make sure they would see each other again. In a single moment of tears, two souls devastated by tragedy, could finally begin healing.

Finally getting to bed early resulted in a proper night's sleep. Not even Ivan and Nima happily chatting away, which you could hear, didn't bother you. In fact it was like white noise to you; their noisy conversation was certainly better than listening to the dull ambience outside. Some positivity was a much welcome presence.

Still, that didn't stop you from waking up with your usual attitude. Spending the day with your two friends was infinitely better than going work.

You tiptoed out from your room and into the kitchen, careful not to wake up your sleeping guest. Immediately you went for the kettle and to prepare some soup for your lunch. Despite the early night you wound up remaining in bed for a while after you woke up since it felt so comfortable; so naturally you paid the price by having little time to prepare yourself something even remotely desirable for your lunch, and no time to make yourself breakfast, like most mornings.

On the kitchen table were the oyster pail containers from lasts nights takeout. You inspected the three of them hoping to find any edible remainders inside; nothing. But as luck would have it, ironically, a single fortune cookie remained. Not ideal, but the other night you had a rather unpleasant cake for dinner, so a single cookie for breakfast was something you could make do with.

Almost instantaneously the morsel of food disappeared into your mouth. Nothing you didn't expect. Hopefully it would keep you going until it was time for lunch.

Once the cookie was gone you then remembered the little strip of paper that came with it.

The road to happiness begins with a new love

"Really?" you groaned loudly.

"Is someone there?" Nima shot up.

"Shit." you said beneath your breath. "Didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's fine." she assured you while getting up. "I never really get any sleep well the first night in a new place."

"Look, if you don't like the fold out couch, you're more than welcome to take my room, the bed is much comfier." you offered.

"I told you last night it's fine, this is your place."

"And you're our guest."

"I'm fine like this, honestly."

"Offer is still on the table at any time. Even if you just wanna go in now for an hour or two before Ivan gets up."

"There's no point, I'm pretty much up now. At least I know I'll definitely be able get to sleep later tonight."

"Well if you're still feeling tired I normally put extra water in the kettle if you want to use it for tea or coffee."

"That actually sounds good right now."

"So, you and Ivan got any plans for today?" you asked while retrieving a clean mug from the pantry.

"Outside of going with him to physical therapy, not really. I was thinking we might go somewhere for breakfast beforehand though."

"If you want suggestion I'd recommend a place called Desmond's, just down the road from here and on the second right."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Wish I could join you both."

"Hang in there, the weekend is only a couple more days away. Ivan says he has plans for it."

"Did he say what?"

She shook her head.

"Nothing; only that he wants to do something while you're off."

"Something else to look forward to then." you whispered to yourself.

Your exchange came to a stop at the sound of the kettle finally coming to a boil. You haphazardly made your soup and readied yourself to bolt out the door.

"Before you go." she halted you.

Instantaneously you found yourself caught in her embrace.

"I never got a chance to give you this last night."

Her voice almost cracked.

"Thank you so much."

Now things made sense. With this realization you returned the embrace and pulled her in closer, her head burying in your neck. A second later you felt her grateful tears.

For a single moment a world which had become so crazy, so confusing, had some sense of normalcy return. It might not have been Yang's embrace you were in, but after the breakup anything even remotely close to it was welcome.

"You don't have to thank me for anything." you assured her. "You were right."

He had left around two hours ago by the time she woke up. Evidently, she was more tired than she initially thought; even coffee which she had earlier claimed would wake her up did nothing, although she had only gotten through half a cup before going back to sleep.

There was a lot for her to process. In just one night she had bore witness to the deaths of three people she loved, then being an inconsolable wreck afterwards. She couldn't remember much after that, only hours upon hours of crying until a single familiar face showed up, followed by her desperate pleas for him to come with her, believing that one of her teammates had survived. Then everything went black and when she finally came through, she was no longer in Vale. She had woke up in her room back at Mistral, greeted by both her parents.

Since then she had spent many nights crying herself to sleep, reliving the nightmare over and over. It didn't take long for her to give up on the idea that Ivan might have survived, only a week. She felt stupid for even believing it in the first place and having her outburst.

Then 'his' letter arrived.

"Good you're up." Ivan greeted.

Immediately Nima shot up from her bed to offer her assistance.

"I'm fine." he declined, rolling past her.

For several seconds he ignored her, staring blankly, at least that's what she thought, at the gun displayed on the wall.

"Well I was thinking that maybe we could go out somewhere for breakfast before you're off to physio. (Y/n) told me a place we should try. What do you think?"

"Sure." he replied absent minded.

"Speaking of physio, I know you said that you spend hours there everyday, but maybe just today at least you could cut it down a bit. I know you want to get out of that wheelchair as soon as possible, but pushing yourself too hard isn't going to do you any good."

"Okay."

Again his response was absent minded.

"Actually…" he began. "… since last night I was kind of thinking the same thing. At least for a few days."

"That's good." she smiled. "Maybe we could go for a walk around the city when you're done."

"There's something I have to do."

"Sure, whatever you want." she obliged. "What is it you need to do?"

"We're going to Patch."

Got an announcement. For anyone interested, I have a rabbit account where I'm hosting movie nights where I stream some Godzilla movies in celebration of the new one, usually on Friday nights. Next stream is tomorrow night 11pm Irish Standard Time, but there will be a preshow before free to join my group (link below), it's open to anyone.

.it/s/bsrk6o