A Choice

Authors Note/ Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Heartland, that credit is due to the writers/creators.

Summary: She made a choice but it plays on her mind.

One Shot

Lou watched Amy from the barn, watching as she slowly but surely gained the confidence of the horse by running him around and around the pen. She admires it, the concentration and effort that Amy puts into each animal she comes across. She had the nature, the horse whispering gene and absentmindedly Lou runs her hand over her baby bump wondering if this child could inherit it to. She takes a deep breath, trying not to think about it. Sometimes the danger Amy put herself in was enough to give her a heart-attack, she didn't want her own daughter to be…the train of thought disappears and she focuses back on Amy. Lou knew she couldn't let her mind wonder to that. The element they had now as a family was indeed perfect, they fit together and sometimes she did find herself wondering, more so now then ever what things would have been like if she hadn't made the heartbreaking choice.

Lou knows deep down that Amy could never learn the truth so she tries her hardest not to think of it.

Amy Felming was the daughter of Marion Felming. Sister to Lou Felming. Granddaughter to Jack Barlet.

It had been that way since birth and it could never change.

Her hand ran over her baby bump, feeling the flutters of kicks beneath her hand. Pregnant at twenty nine, happily pregnant. Peter was a wonderful guy, a man ready to be a father. Her life was good, but not quiet full. Not when she thought about all the things she could never share with Peter, all the things she could never tell the child growing in her stomach. The secrets she would need to continue to hide, all the lies she had told.

"Hey, honey, what are you doing out here?"

She feels Peter's arms wrap around her and she is greatful for the warmth. "Just watching Amy" She knows where he's been, inside the house butting heads with her grandpa over something trivial. She wishes they could just get along but they won't, not now and probably never because Jack Barlet has never been comfortable with Lou being with men. It reminded him of the past, he let it affect him while she tried desperately not to let it take over her. "She's doing brilliantly with this horse"

Peter hums in agreement. "Your cold. You should go inside, put your feet up"

Lou smiles, he cares about her, deep down that she all she has ever wanted. "Soon. You should get going, your business meeting is important"

"I'll be home tomorrow. You'll call if you need anything?" Lou merely nods her head and he is satisfied. "I love you"

"I love you too, Peter"

She waits for him to leave before turning her full attention back to Amy, the fifteen almost sixteen year old is smiling from ear to ear, gently rubbing the horse that just one day ago wouldn't allow her near. Its a sight to see, Amy's gift coming to life. Lou wishes they could bond like Amy bonds with horses but somehow they always end up fighting. Amy resents her for leaving once she finished high school, resents her because she went away to college and then moved to New York. There is always the question why, and Lou wishes that she could explain but she can't so she shrugs it off and powers on. Leaving Heartland had been the only way to set herself free, it allowed her to overcome all that haunted her but it cost her the relationship which she needed most.

"Lou, you should head inside. To cold for you out here now"

Lou looks up, smiles softly at her grandpa. "Soon" She rubs her belly before pulling her coat around her tighter. "Look at her"

Jack side smiles, he's proud of them both but always harder on Lou. He imagines the past and it haunts him so he pushes and pushes her, he knows it hurts her sometimes, makes her feel as though he favors Amy and then he is disgusted in himself. He doesn't fail to notice that she's rubbing her stomach, he has a gut feeling she's carrying a girl and wonders how she'll cope. He'll support her, be there to lean on because he knows the truth. "She's doing a wonderful job. She's exactly like her mother" The sentence strikes him and he notices her shiver. It was insensitive but truthful yet also hurtful. "Lou…" He should apologize.

Lou shakes her head, not needing to hear his apology because she already knows that he didn't mean to hurt her. "You're right, grandpa. She's every bit like mom" She blinks the tears back that had suddenly swarmed to her eyes.

Jack places a kiss on her head. "You made the right choice"

She doesn't acknowledge his words, doesn't want to face it so she pulls her coat around her again and takes a step out of the barn. "I'll be inside" One final look at Amy and she walks away back up at the house, memories swirling in her mind, the very ones she wanted buried and before long she finds herself standing in her room with her jewelery box in hand. She realises the last time she did this was around the time she discovered she was pregnant, before that it was long ago.

Taking a seat on the edge of the bed she nurses the jewelry box in her hands emotions flooding to her. She opens the box, puts the jewelry on the bed and lifts the false bottom out. Her lip quivers, but she doesn't cry. No, this is a choice she made and had years to come to terms with. She gently pulls it out of the bottom, holding it in her right hand, her left hand resting on her baby bump.

It's one of the only things she kept for herself, her grandfather doesn't know she has it, it's her reminder. A sonogram. The very first one. She brushes her fingertips over it and smiles sadly. The right choice, that is what she reminds herself as she closes her eyes and briefly tries to imagine what it would be like if things were different.

Thoughts?

Much Love. x