(A/N): Season 2 is out, and I wanted to write a little drabble about my boys. u (And a multi-chapter AU coming soon huehue)
You're My Star
Armin had finally perfected the art of walking down a dark hallway without blowing the candle out on the way down. It wasn't so much because he was afraid of the dark; rather in the winter it got dark at five o'clock, and where Eren and Jean were stubborn enough to try to stumble around in the dark - Armin preferred to see where he was going.
Which was why it was unusual to see candlelight from Eren's room.
To most people. Armin, however, recognised the signal. Like a moth to the flame.
"Eren? You okay?" Armin poked his head around the doorway.
Eren jumped, and turned around - his green eyes wide. He was standing at the window. The key he wore around his neck glinted in the candlelight, swinging like a pendulum.
"Armin! Yeah - yeah, I'm fine," he said. He cleared his throat, and it lowered slightly. "I thought I'd keep the light on - for you."
"Oh, yeah," Armin nodded, and tried not to smile. Eren might not do this any more if he thought Armin was teasing him. "That was nice."
Eren nodded, his smile shaky. He shoved the key back into his shirt.
"You know, there's no point me settling down for the night until you come in and ask if you can stay with me or not," he said, one hand absently scratching his ear. Awkwardly scratching his ear.
He wasn't meeting Armin's eyes. In fact, his cheeks were slightly flushed.
But Armin played along. He titled his head to one side, and smiled slightly.
"Eren, is it okay if I sleep here tonight?" Armin said.
Eren made a sound in the back of his throat.
"Tch," he tried to play it off. To be the cool dude. "I guess - if you're really that scared."
"Thanks," Armin smiled, and stepped into the room.
They both knew what had really happened. What had really been asked.
'Eren, do you want me to stay with you tonight?'
But it was easier to pretend that Armin was the scaredy cat. He had been scared of the dark as a kid - and even when they shared a room in Training, there had been nights it had gotten to him. When he had sneaked into Eren's bunk because he was sure there was something in the dark. Waiting. Watching. But, it was never Eren. Eren was never scared. He was always fearless, and headstrong, and brave.
It was easier this way. Especially if someone overheard.
'See Jean, Armin was the one who was freaking out. I was just being a good friend.'
'No, Captain Levi, it was Armin, see? You know me - I'm ready for anything.'
He didn't want Levi to know that he was weak. For whatever reason, Eren was desperate to prove himself. Even if he was just as terrified as everyone else.
Armin guessed being a titan shifter gave him some big shoes to fill. Titan sized shoes, in fact.
And if he could help take the pressure off, he would.
He blew out his candle and placed it on the side, closing Eren's door slowly behind him.
"There's no moon tonight," Eren said. He was leaning on the windowsill, his eyes following Armin. But he already looked more relaxed.
"But is there any stars?" Armin asked.
"A whole bunch," Eren said. "But I would need you to tell me their names."
Armin smiled. He liked this. The gentle voices. Just being themselves. Stepping around the real subject. It made things easier. He could almost pretend that the anxiety in his gut wasn't there. That they weren't facing every day wondering if it was their last. He could almost pretend that they were normal. That they were still in Trost. And that this was how things would have gone.
He stepped up to Eren's open window and looked up at the night sky. It gave him an excited rush in the pit of his stomach. Like he could just swoop straight up and away.
"That's the North Star," he said, pointing up. "You know that, Eren."
Eren's head was on his shoulder, his hands on his waist. Connecting their hip bones together, like a jigsaw.
"Mmm," Eren said, non-commitally. "But that one doesn't have an interesting story behind it."
Armin gave a small, breathless laugh. His hands rested on top of Eren's, hugging his friend's arms around him like a jumper.
"Well that," Armin said. He pointed again. "That's Orion. He was a giant huntsman - and that's his dog, over there. See, Sirius is the brightest star there."
"His dog?" Eren repeated. His chin jutted up and down on Armin's shoulder.
"Well, that's what people think the system looks like," Armin said. "But it could also be Orsiris, or Alhabor1 - that's also a dog. A hound's head."
"That doesn't look like a dog," Eren muttered.
"Of course it does," Armin said. "See, Sirius is the head, and that stars the front paw," Armin pointed out the next star. "And the one over there is the back, and bottom leg, and then that's his tail coming out, see?"
"Why can't it be a cat?" Eren asked.
"Because it's a dog," Armin said.
"But it could also look like a cat," Eren said. His hand pressed over Armin's guiding him to the stars again, like he was painting. "See - cat's head, paw, back, paw, tail."
"But it's Orion's dog," Armin said, but he was smiling. He could see Eren fixing him with a cheeky grin out of the corner of his eye.
"How do we know it's Orion?" Eren pressed. "It could be anyone."
"We call the constellation Orion," Armin said.
"But why can't we call it something else?" Eren said. "Why can't it be Petra - and her cat?"
Armin's smile faded. He pulled Eren's arms tighter around him.
"The legend goes that Zeus put Orion in the sky," he whispered.
"It's a shame Petra isn't up there," Eren muttered.
"Yeah, it is," Armin said. The mood had deflated. He gave Eren's hands a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sure she is. Somewhere. Some stars can only be seen at certain times."
"That means you'll have a lot of teaching me to do," Eren said. The smile was back. He squeezed Armin. Hard. "How do you know so much about all of this?!"
"Whilst you were picking fights with Jean, I studied," Armin said, wryly.
Eren gave a bark of a laugh - like a dog - and suddenly Armin was lifted from the ground.
He squeaked, his hands clasping Eren's hands so that he didn't fall as he hung in the air.
"But you're so smart!" Eren cried, spinning him around in a circle. Armin found himself laughing. "You're amazing, Armin!"
He put Armin down, and whilst he was still dizzy, darted around him so that they were face to face. Eren's brilliant green eyes sparkled at him, still slightly blurry.
"I'm just good at reading," Armin said, with a small smile. "But you're really amazing."
Eren snorted.
"All I'm good for is wrecking things," he said.
The glint in his eye vanished. His face had fallen slightly, even if there was still a grin on his face.
"That's not true," Armin frowned. He cupped Eren's cheeks in his own, meeting his gaze. "You made the top ten of our corps for a reason."
"That was just training," Eren said. "That was just school."
"Yeah, and the first time we went out after school, we lost half of our friends," Armin said. "It's a big deal, Eren. You're talented," Eren rolled his eyes, and pushed Armin's hands away, but Armin gripped his shoulders instead. "And you're brave. You're a very brave person. You're the bravest person I know."
"Because I'm a titan shifter?" Eren asked. Armin's heart lurched at the look in his eyes. Fear. Vulnerability.
Acceptance.
"Because - when you didn't know - on that first mission - you saved my life," Armin said. He still felt a ball of lead in his throat whenever he thought about it. "You pushed me out of the way and you were ready to die for me. That's courage, Eren. And it's much more amazing than knowing a bunch of facts."
Armin could still remember the lurch in his stomach. The way his brain had just gone into lock down. Of how he couldn't think. Couldn't breathe. He had thought that he had lost his best friend. He couldn't let oxygen to his brain because then he would have to accept it.
And he couldn't accept it.
"I was just doing what anyone would have done," Eren muttered.
"You're the most amazing person I know," Armin repeated. He pressed his forehead against Eren's, his hands squeezing his friend's shoulder's.
Eren hesitated, then he slid his arms around Armin, his fingers lacing over the small of Armin's back.
"Even if I can't sleep without a light?" Eren whispered.
"Everyone's afraid of something," Armin whispered back.
"What are you afraid off?" Eren's face was so close that his eyes had merged into one big blur. Armin could count the freckles across Eren's nose.
"Losing you."
Eren kissed him. Chastely. And tenderly.
"You don't have to be scared of that," Eren said. "I'm here."
"You don't have to be scared of the dark," Armin replied. He rubbed their noses together in an eskimo kiss. "I'm here."
Eren closed his eyes, and brought Armin closer to him. So that their bodies were pressed against each other.
"It's not the dark I'm afraid of," Eren murmured into Armin's ear, his lips grazing against his skin.
Armin knew he wasn't likely to get an answer if he asked what it really was. He never had. It didn't matter.
They stayed pressed against each other a moment longer.
"Well," Armin sighed eventually. "We've got a long day tomorrow. Are you ready to get some rest?"
"If, by 'get some rest', you mean, lie in bed and talk, then absolutely," Eren said.
Armin laughed, and stepped away. He didn't need to reply. They both knew the answer was 'yes'.
He blew out another candle, and Eren latched the window shut.
It was as he was carrying the last candle to the bedside table that he froze.
It was - in the dark glass of the window - he thought he saw -
A flash of teeth. Glittering eyes.
A smile.
Eren's hands closed over the bottom of the candle holder, steadying it before the flame could splutter out completely.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
Armin blinked. The face was gone.
"Would it be alright to - close the curtains?" he asked.
Eren nodded. He was watching Armin like he was about to explode.
He pulled the curtains together, and Armin felt his heart settle.
"You've gone white as a sheet," Eren said. He pressed his knuckles against Armin's cheek, and Armin leant into the touch.
"My eyes playing tricks on me," Armin said.
Eren nodded. All too understandingly. Everyone in the corps had moments like that. Moments were they had had to look twice.
Eren took the candle from Armin, and placed it onto his small bedside table.
Armin, on impulse, stepped forward, and wrapped himself around Eren's waist like a baby monkey. Once they stared to hug, he always found it hard to ween himself off of it again. Eren was always so warm. Like sitting in front of a fire.
It must have been all the anger he stored away.
Eren swung himself sideways, and they both collapsed onto his bed in a heap. They giggled breathlessly, staring up at the ceiling. Eren's fingers laced into Armin's.
"What you were saying earlier?" Eren said slowly. As though he was scared to ask. "About Zeus? Do you believe that?"
"You mean if I believe in a higher power?" Armin replied. He stalled for time, brushing Eren's knuckles across his lips. "I guess. Why else would the world be so beautiful?"
"Beautiful?" Eren echoed. Like he was trying the word out for the first time.
"Like, you know, shells, and how intricate they are. Their shape is amazing - hand crafted. And they conform to the golden spiral perfectly - so much in nature conforms to our rules of art - that can't be a coincidence, right?" Armin said.
Eren's fingers twitched.
"So why didn't anyone interfere back in Trost?" Eren said. His voice sounded rough, like he was fighting off a cold.
"I don't know," Armin said. "I don't know if we'll ever know. Maybe there are things we have to do on our own."
"That seems…" Eren trailed off. He didn't have to finish. Armin knew exactly what he meant.
"Sunshine all the time makes a desert," Armin muttered. "I could give you a million possible answers, but I know you'd never feel it justified."
"All I keep thinking," Eren said. His voice sounded stained. "Is if it didn't happen - I wouldn't have known about titan shifting. The Scouting legion wouldn't either. What would that mean, do you think, for Captain Levi and the others?"
Armin was silent. The quiet stretched around them, ringing in their ears.
"I don't know," he said whispered.
"Maybe there is a plan," Eren said. He turned, and pressed his face against the crook of Armin's neck.
Armin absent mindedly ran his fingers through Eren's hair. Their breathing started to synchronise. A rhythm they had begun to learn. Soothing each other.
"Remember," Armin murmured, then cleared his throat. "Remember when we used to share a bed as kids? You would make hand puppets on the wall."
"And you would get scared," Eren grinned against Armin's neck.
"I wouldn't get scared," Armin said. "I would get annoyed - you would always make that wolf try and eat me."
"He's here now, Armin," Eren's voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. "He's coming."
"Eren," Armin said. He tried to take on a warning tone; like Mikasa when she was telling them off.
But the shadow of a wolf appeared on the wall next to him.
"See, he's creeping up on you now," Eren made the wolf's mouth open and close as he brought it closer to the silhouette of Armin on the wall.
"Stop it," Armin said.
"Aw, Armin, you're not still scared are you?" Eren teased, bringing the wolf ever closer.
"I know what happens when he gets me," Armin said, frowning at Eren, who was grinning from ear to ear.
The wolf shadow pounced onto Armin, and moments later, Eren did too, his fingers digging into Armin's sides.
"That's not how you tickle someone, Eren!" Armin cried, trying to fight him off, but only succeeding in squirming helplessly. "That's just poking me!"
"It's the wolf eating you," Eren said, smirking down at him and chuckling.
"It hurts!" Armin pushed Eren's arms away from him, collapsing back on the bed in a fit of weak giggles.
Eren grinned down at him, his arms either side of Armin's head.
"Are you scared of the big bad wolf?" he asked. His voice was low, like a growl.
Armin only laughed.
He wound his arms around Eren's neck, pulling him down into a kiss.
"I'll never be scared of you, Eren," he said. And when Eren tensed, he kissed him again. "Never."
Eren smiled at him, then pressed a kiss against his forehead.
"Armin," he said, pressing their forehead's together. "I love you."
"I love you too, Eren," Armin said.
Eren pushed himself back onto the bed, pulling Armin close to him. They lay for a few moments in silence, listening to each other's breaths. This was good. Fooling around. Forgetting the million worries that plagued them during the day.
Being in love was good.
Eren's fingers ran through Armin's hair. He pressed the gold strands to his face, closing his eyes. The candlelight highlighted his face. Everything seemed to glow.
"It's okay," Armin said. "You can sleep. I'm here."
Eren nodded, Armin's hair still pressed against his mouth. There were dark circles under his eyes. Eren took a breath then rested his head on the pillow. He pressed Armin against his chest like a teddy bear.
Armin stayed there, his ear pressed against Eren's shirt. He could feel the outline of the basement key, but more importantly he could hear Eren's heart beating. Loudly, and slightly quicker than usual -
But a heart beat.
Armin was being crushed.
He opened his eyes to find that it wasn't just in his dream.
Eren's arms were tight around him. Too tight. He could barely breathe.
"Eren," he hissed, his arms trapped. He clutched at Eren's shirt, struggling in the death grip. "Eren, wake up!"
Eren muttered something, and frowned, his eyebrows drawing together in a dark line.
"Eren!" Armin cried again. "Eren!"
Eren awoke with a start. His green eyes flashed in the dying light of the candle.
Then it reached the end of it's wick, and was snuffed out completely.
Armin could hear Eren panting in the dark. Everything was indigo and purple and dark blue. Shades and shades of midnight blue.
"You were dreaming," Armin whispered.
"Are you okay?" Eren said. His fingers fluttered over Armin's face, taking in the details that he had memorised.
"I'm fine," Armin said. His breathing was just as heavy. He caught Eren's hands and squeezed them tightly.
"It's these dreams," Eren muttered. "They just…creep up on me."
Armin brushed the hair away from Eren's forehead. The skin below was damp. The room smelt of sweat.
"I'm here," Armin murmured. Eren leant into his touch like a dog. He gave a small whine in the back of his throat. "I'm here."
Armin kissed his forehead, and rubbed their noses against each other. Eren gently pulled him close, so that Armin's head rested on his shoulder.
"I can't sleep," Eren said. Suddenly, his grip had tightened again, and he was rising from the bed, his breathing still laboured.
Armin gripped Eren as he was carried. His heart was pounding in his chest. But he trusted him.
Eren placed him on the windowsill, then pulled the curtains around them like a shroud. Like a shield. So that they could look out at the night sky.
Eren opened the window, one hand steadying Armin as he crouched on the window sill, leaning against Eren for support. The night air chilled his cheeks, but it cooled the sweat of his cheeks.
Crickets chirped below them. A sound from home.
"Can you see Petra?" Eren said.
Armin turned towards the sky.
"Yeah," he said. He pointed. "See - that's her there, flying through the air on her manoeuvre gear."
Eren frowned, his eyes darting across the sky. Almost desperate.
"I see it," he muttered.
"And that's Marco, over there," Armin said, his finger moved to another star. "There's a space next to him, because he's waiting for Jean."
Eren smiled - Armin could just make out his teeth in the darkness.
"What about Oluo?" Eren said.
"Uh," Armin's eyes darted across the map of stars. "Right over there. Watching over Petra."
"They're all up there?" Eren said.
Armin nodded. He rested his head on Eren's shoulder, his hand playing with the ends of Eren's hair. The curls at the nape of his neck. The rush of air in and out of his ribcage. A lullaby.
"They're all there." Armin said.
"What about us?" Eren whispered. His fingers tightened on Armin's waist.
"Maybe someday," Armin replied. He pointed at a flash of light streaking across the sky. "Look - there's Gunther."
"Is there going to be enough room for us all?" Eren said. "I don't want to be up there without you."
"There's room," Armin said. "It's a big milky way."
Eren sighed. Armin could feel his hair ruffled.
He swallowed. Suddenly, he was finding it hard to keep back tears. They always hit - everyone seemed to suddenly remember something - someone - and need a minute.
Armin fought to think of something else - his eyes searched the sky for a distraction.
"I think that's Mars - that really bright star over there," Armin said.
"Don't look at me," Eren said. "I don't have a clue."
"That one could be Jupiter," Armin continued.
Eren chuckled.
Armin continued to count the stars, and Eren continued to listen, peppering him with kisses when he thought it was a job well done, until the sun started to dye the horizon orange, and Armin's eyes grew heavy. He murmured something about Orion, then leant into Eren's chest and was asleep in seconds.
Eren smiled at him, kissed his forehead, then carried him back to the bed.
A big milky way?
But the brightest star was right in front of him.
"So, Armin, I heard you cry out last night," Reiner said. "Everything okay?"
Armin's gut lurched, and the porridge fell off of his spoon with a splat.
"Y-Yeah," he said. "Just - a bad dream."
"I get those sometimes. A lot of the time," Sasha said, placing a heavily ladened tray onto the table. Three bowls piled on top of each other. "About titans. The abnormal ones."
"Oh no," Armin said. He laced his fingers with Eren's under the bench. "This one was about the big bad wolf."
He saw Eren smile out of the corner of his eye, and his fingers were squeezed.
"You're still scared of the big bad wolf?" Reiner repeated. He looked as though he was about to burst out laughing.
"There's nothing funny with that," Sasha pointed her spoon at him. "Wolves are vicious - you should have seen what I used to fight off of our harvests!"
"Sasha wrestles wolves," Eren muttered. "Of course."
"Sasha would probably fight a titan with her bare hands over food," Mikasa said, arriving to the table.
There was a round of laughter all around. It was good to laugh. It relieved stress.
"You're not really having nightmares about wolves, are you, Armin?" Mikasa said, she turned to Armin with concern in her eyes.
Armin nodded. He was glad a blush crept across his cheeks. He was embarrassed. He wasn't hiding something.
Mikasa seemed unconvinced.
"Don't worry, Mikasa, Eren was there to save the day," Eren said, with a special grin that made Armin's heart flutter like a butterfly.
"You two are so lame," Jean muttered from the end of the table. "Imagine having nightmares and running to your boyfriend's room."
Eren flipped him off, and stuck out his tongue.
He was smacked on the back of the head as Captain Levi walked down the hall.
"Watch the gestures, Yager," Levi muttered, shooting one of his infamous glares at Eren. Despite all his bravado, Eren still withered under one of those gazes, like everyone else.
"He was just defending his boyfriend's honour, Captain," Mikasa said. She had a gift of saying anything with a straight face, and seeming earnest.
"Why does everyone think we're boyfriends?" Eren snapped, turning to them all.
"I can see you holding hands under the table," Sasha said, with a mouthful of porridge. "I think it's cute."
"Yeah, we're getting bored of you guys waiting to tell us," Bert said.
Eren's face was bright red, but Armin found himself laughing.
"Well," he said. "Eren truly is amazing."
He kissed Eren's temple, and could practically see steam coming from Eren's cheeks.
Jean faked gagging, but Sasha made an 'aw' sound. Levi rolled his eyes in disgust, and stalked away.
"Well," Eren muttered. His voice low enough so that only Armin could hear. "You're my star."
(A/N): So, the little '1' is there because Alhabor is what Chaucer called that star, and I'm not really sure how the dates would match up. (He's like 12th century.) But that's just a little not about me being a nerd - stars are cool!
Please leave a comment if you enjoyed - I really appreciate it!
Happy season two! \(o0o)/