Disclaimer: I do not own ANE/BE or any of its characters.

Beta Reader: pll539563 - Thank you for being so fantastic to work with. Your never-ending patience is a true gift.

Warning: This story is rated M for a reason. It contains the misuse and abuse of alcohol and drugs, actions of which I don't condone. It will also cover some other sensitive topics that may be triggering.

Chapter one,

Lapse

It was a dark and dreary evening. Rin was slumped ungracefully across his desk, his face squished against it. He watched through the window as a steady downpour rained down from the sky, occasionally tapping against the window in an uneven tune. The atmosphere was hypnotizing, trying to trick his tired mind to sleep.

He was alone in his dorm room as his brother, Yukio, was out attending a faculty party that the academy put together for the teachers. Rin thought about what it would be like, to be out eating cake or whatever people do in those types of gatherings. Growing up, Rin never got invited to parties. His classmates and their parents thought that he was too destructive and had no reason to go. He'd only cause a ruckus, and that wasn't worth it. The boy was beginning to think causing trouble was the only thing he's known for besides being the son of Satan.

On the other hand, Yukio gets invited to events regularly. Rin suspected it was because either the parents wanted their kids to make friends with the smartest kid in class or the child themselves wanted to become buddies with his brother. Either way, it seemed to suck as much as the rest of Yukio and Rin's life.

The past few months have been especially rough for Rin and Yukio. It started with their adoptive father's death. Shiro had been the closest family they had, and now, he's gone. The loss and ache lingered, reminding them as if it happened yesterday.

After all the heartache, pain, and mourning at his funeral, a strange man claiming to be a friend of Shiro invited Rin to study at the True Cross Academy with Yukio. Well, "invited" is applicable, but it was seriously the only reasonable option seeing as the others were mixtures of "kill or be killed."

When Rin joined the academy, he tried his best to keep his head down and avoid as much trouble as possible, as Mephisto and more people told him to do. He quickly lost that "fit in" phase and started doing his own thing. From there, he slowly befriended more and more people. Though slow, he ended up being successful with it. He finally had friends. That was, until a few weeks ago when an exorcist training camp sent him and his friends into a forest.

Amaimon, a demon king, attacked the camp. Most of the students attempted to save Shiemi, a student Amaimon had taken. Rin, making the mistake of not keeping his secret and running headfirst into trouble to aid his friends and family, drew the flaming sword and burned away his chances to happiness. In hindsight, he should have told them about his parentage, but Rin was just too afraid of what they would think of him. He wanted to have friends for a little longer. Not that any of it mattered now, the damage was done, and now he's walking around uselessly, getting shunned. Just when Rin finally felt that he fit in, he had to go and screw everything up like always.

A loud booming clap of thunder spooked him from his thoughts, making him jump in his seat. Tap! Tap tap, the rain took a hit at Rin's window.

Rin took a second to collect his thoughts. Sitting upright, he stretched his arm over his head. His body was stiff, just how long had he been sitting here? Peering out the window, he noticed that the rain wasn't coming down as hard as before. It was just a drizzle now. Rin felt the sudden urge to go outside in the rain shower to clear his head. Since he was alone, no one would be bothered if he left for a while. Plus, a nice walk in the rain never hurt anyone, right?

The teenager looked at some extra credit homework poking out of his backpack then back at the window, his decision between the two completely clear.

"Screw it," Rin whispered to himself, "I need to get out of here."

Foregoing a coat or an umbrella, Rin dashed down the stairs and out into the rain, going wherever his feet were taking him. The rain soaked his hair and his clothes, but it felt cool on his skin. It made him feel free, even if it was just for a moment.

However, that moment didn't last long. Rin's long strides faltered, and he stopped in his tracks. He had hoped the rain would clear his head but much to his disappointment, the thoughts that Rin wished would leave stayed in the forefront of his mind, bogging him down again.

Walking a little slower, Rin took in the sights of the campus. There were many buildings that he hadn't seen before or didn't recognize. Student cafés, cat restaurants, and different faculty buildings stood before him. He observed building lights and traffic, like an outsider to life. Taking a more transparent look at the place, he sped up his pace, exploring. Eventually, he came across a large, open clearing. It was a park littered with trees and tables. Taking a seat on one of the empty benches, Rin quietly watched as people walked by. Some people rushed past him, seeking cover from the rain. Others squealed in delight because they were just as excited for the rain as the next person was. Some people stood out more than others. Like a mother who dragged along her son, scolding him for splashing her in a puddle. Rin only smiled sadly, listening.

After a few minutes, it started to downpour, with hard droplets of rain splashing against the sidewalk furiously. Even so, Rin didn't mind the rain. His empty room wasn't nearly as relaxing as this place.

Time seemed to slow down. Rin couldn't tell how long he'd been sitting there. It wasn't until the sky started to darken, either from the late hour or an incoming storm, that Rin decided it was time to leave.

He stood up from the bench and stretched his legs, taking his sweet time doing so. Going back was going to be a pain, so he'll probably stroll. Hell, if he was going to start walking again, he was going to take all the time in the world. A few seconds later, Rin began his trip.

The campus had a different vibe to it at night, certain parts of it slept on whereas other parts felt alive in the nighttime, Rin noticed while taking a detour. His journey will be a long one, he thought to himself, wasting more time. He wandered down the darkened streets with no real route in mind.

Despite the heavy rain, a street stood crowded with blinding neon lights cutting through the darkness. Curious to know what kind of buildings these were, Rin pushed through the mob of people. He took a look around, seeing some of the buildings were actually lounges and karaoke bars, then continued pushing his way within the groups of people. Rin came to a stop in front of one of the buildings. There was loud music rumbling from the inside and people hanging around the place giving him a shady atmosphere. Upon further investigation, Rin realized that it was a nightclub.

Out of curiosity, Rin stood in front of the door, tempted to reach for the handle to take a peek inside. He moved for it but quickly pulled his hand back hesitantly. Should he go inside? A nightclub wasn't a place for kids, and could it easily get him into trouble. Though he wasn't wearing a student uniform so they might not be able to tell that he was underage. He could go in, take a look at what it's like in there, and leave right after. Curiosity had got the best of him, and he opened the door and stepped in. How no one ever asked him if he was a minor, he'll never know.

Loud music immediately blocked out his hearing. Oh yeah, this would be the perfect place to drown out the negative thoughts in his head.

Rin squeezed past some rowdy dancers and "drunkies" attempting to find a spot to sit. He was definitely out of his element here. The place was deafening enough to distract him from anything and everything he thought. That was because every 3 or so seconds, he'd dodge an incoming drunken slap.

Hey, he saw someone getting drunk slapped a few minutes ago, and that was not a pretty sight to see.

Soon enough, he found something that looked close to a booth and took a seat, observing the people there.

After a few seconds, through the loud music, a silky voice made it to his ear, "Hey there."

Rin flinched, startled.

"Sorry I scared you," said the silky voice near him.

"You didn't," Rin shouted over the music, frowning at the person next to him. This was the first time someone here attempted to talk to him. He didn't know whether to respond or not, but he decided to do so because he felt obligated. The person who spoke to him looked to be a young, curvaceous woman. Her makeup-caked face and smell of cheap perfume gave him bad vibes, making him tense up slightly. That perfume of hers smelled horrible. It gave the boy a small headache.

"You look lost, is something the matter? I know just what will help," she assumed. The woman reached over and grabbed a drink from a server walking by while keeping one of her hands on his shoulder. "Here, have a drink. You seem lonely. Why don't you come to sit with my friends and me? We're playing a game," said the women, with her soothing voice.

She shoved the glass into Rin's hands and watched him expectantly.

The drink felt uncomfortably heavy in his hands. That was the first time all night he wanted to go back to the safety of his dorm room. While he was there, he needed to remain calm and make his way out. What would happen if he refused to gulp down the drink in his hands? Would the woman get angry? Rin wasn't about to find out.

"Actually," he started, "I was just leaving," he said as he pushed the glass back to the woman.

"Nooo," she whined like a child, "You just got here! C'mon, we don't bite."

With that, she shoved the drink up to his mouth and forced him to take a sip. It tasted horrible and burned the whole way down. The bitter taste wouldn't abandon his tongue. Despite his protests, the woman grabbed Rin by the elbow and dragged him over to another table where a couple of other people were sitting. She pushed him down into an empty seat and sat down next to him. Rin was about to say something and get up and off the table, but the lady interrupted him saying, "Finish your drink at least before you go, I did pay for it."

He eyed her carefully, thinking to himself how much he didn't want to be there. Sighing, he tilted his head back and tried to finish the drink quickly so that she'd allow him to leave. Regretting his choice almost immediately, Rin coughed and sputtered a bit as he drank it, wanting to throw it up. With a few more gulps, he finished it.

Then she replaced the drink in his hands with a new one. He looked at it with disgust, everything beginning to get too distracting for him to realize what was going on. Rin gingerly took a sip from it and glanced at the woman's 'friends.'

Something felt off about the people that sat across from them. Their eyes looked glassy and devoid of any emotion. They've been like that ever since Rin showed up at their table, if not longer. Maybe they had too much to drink? They looked dead to him.

Rin took another sip from his drink. It made him feel ever so slightly less nervous, but a buzzing sensation was starting to grow in the back of his head. Did he always feel like this or what's going on? What was in that drink? His thoughts were starting to blur.

"I'll get you another drink, sweet thing," the woman whispered in his ear. For a second, Rin forgot that woman existed and that he was at a club at all. She took the empty glass from his hands and waved over a server and ordered more drinks. He hadn't even realized he finished the glass cup she gave him before. When did he get here?

"What's wrong with them?" Rin asked, gesturing to the people sitting across from him, "They don't look so good. Didn't you mention that you and them are walking a fame?"

"Playing a game, love. Also, don't worry about them. They just had a little too much fun," she laughed sweetly in his ear. Music muffled out her hysterical laughter. Rin didn't even seem to notice she responded at all. "The game was to get someone to come and have fun with us, but you don't seem like you're having any fun."

"It's nothing. It's just been a long day," he commented, this time hearing her changing tone.

"I can help with that," she said excitedly, rolling up Rin's sleeve without him noticing.

Rin was struggling to pay attention. The buzz in his head had gotten thicker. Thicker? Was that even possible? Since when was there a buzz in his head? Rin shook his head and thought, 'It doesn't matter!' Whatever was in that drink may have put him at ease but was unquestionably not good for him.

The lady sitting next to him held Rin's arm to the table, viewing at how clean his arm was. "I remember when my skin looked like this. So pale, and fragile, it's beautiful."

"What?" Rin asked, struggling to hear her over the loud music.

She didn't respond. She was too busy poking and tapping at Rin's arm as if testing it for something. Then, she reached into her handbag and pulled something out — a syringe.

Alarm bells went off in Rin's head, yet he did nothing. He was too busy trying to make out why part of his mind was screaming danger, telling him to leave and pretend none of this ever happened. The other part simply expressed no fear of what would happen next, because really, no one would care if anything happened to him.

Before he could make up his mind, with quick and precise accuracy, the woman stabbed him with the needle and pressed the plunger. Rin tore his arm away from her, his arm burning in pain. He felt his veins burning him up on the inside.

"What the hell are you doing?! What was that?!" Rin yelled over the music, having snapped back into reality.

Either she couldn't hear him, or she nullified his words because she didn't answer his questions. The woman only nursed her drink.

When Rin didn't feel anything strange, he sighed in relief. Thankfully, whatever she had stabbed into him didn't have any effect. He rolled his sleeve back down and stood up, untangling the awful girl from him. Rin's logical part of mind was telling him it was time to go. So, he got up from the table, leaving the woman staring at her cup. Caring not one bit for the people he pushed past, Rin hurried to leave the club.

He was halfway out of the nightclub when a wave of calm washed over him. It was as though all of his inhibitions and worries had just melted away. The feeling of being liberated from all of his troubles brought him immense joy. Why would he go home? He didn't need to! All he wanted to have some fun.

The next few hours were a total blur. Rin vaguely remembered dancing, joking loudly with strangers, and even more drinks. He didn't know how long he had been there, but he sure as hell didn't care.

Suddenly, everything started moving too fast, and the room spun. Someone was talking to Rin, but he couldn't hear them. It felt like someone poured ice water down his back, all happiness had been sucked right out of the air. Feeling lost, he was slowly led back to the table, occasionally stumbling.

"It wore off, didn't it?" The woman asked, facing away from him. She continued, "Unfortunately it doesn't last forever. Once it wears off, you have to take another hit. It's a horrible cycle, really."

Rin looked at her, feeling unsure of what to say. All of the negative thoughts that had plagued him earlier slowly returned to the forefront of his mind. A strange hollow feeling was building in the pit of his stomach. What had she done to him?

She finally looked at him with a knowing expression on her face.

"Here take this," She slipped a small packet into his pocket without him noticing. "It's on the house. I know you'll need it."

It was then that the gravity of what she had done hit him. Drugs. She drugged him. This strange woman that he had never met before, a total stranger, had given him drugs, and Rin didn't stop her. Remembering how he went with it made him feel contaminated, dirty.

Rin didn't say "thank you," he instead turned his head to the exit and attempted to get out of the woman's grasp.

"Ineedtoleavenow," Rin attempted to say, his words slurred together horribly. Listening to himself talk like this was torture and proof the drugs were affecting him. Eventually, the drugged woman let go of the boy, and he ran off.

He pushed his way through the crowded nightclub and walked out into the hectic street, not looking back once. Rin had to get home. He needed to find Yukio. Yukio? What if Yukio was back already? What would he say if he sees Rin like this? Dread washed over Rin, sending a chill down his spine. What if someone he knew had seen him? Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Rin half walked, half stumbled his way through the city and back to the dorm. He walked in, half expecting to meet Yukio at the front entrance, and then he noticed how dark it was. How long had he been away?

At this point, the drugs in his system had worn off, but he was still intoxicated from all the alcohol he had consumed. The boy half jumped over the stairs. It was a miracle how Rin had not fallen down the stairs even once. Maybe his demonic healing was ridding his system of the alcohol and drugs, that's why he didn't fall. Well, Rin hoped it was that.

He snuck up to his room, forgetting to go to the bathroom to check his appearance and if something about him looked abnormal. Then, he quietly opened the door, hoping that Yukio wasn't home yet.

What he wasn't aware of was that Yukio was still awake and had waited for Rin to come back the entire time. When Yukio had arrived back to the dorm room in the late hours of the night, he was shocked to see that Rin wasn't there. He called Rin's phone over and over, anxious like a parent. At one point, Yukio considered going out to look for him but instead waited at the dorm just in case Rin turned up.

"Where have you been?" Yukio asked, with his voice being a mixture of worry and anger.

"Out." Was Rin's only reply. He didn't know what else to say, and he also didn't want to risk answering sloppily and making his drunkenness visible.

Yukio wasn't in the mood for his brother's vague answers, "I called you eleven times! Do you have any idea how late it is? I've been worried sick. Why didn't you answer your phone?"

Rin didn't answer. Instead, he settled for kicking his shoes off and sliding under the covers of his bed, still dressed in his day clothes and pretending that his brother wasn't there.

"Fine. If you're going to act like a child, so be it," Yukio snapped, stalking out of the room angrily. He felt awful for yelling at his brother without knowing what happened, but Rin had him worried sick. He knew that Rin was going through a tough time with everything going on, but he needed to know his limits. If he went missing or even got closed to messing up again who knows what would happen.

After taking a few minutes to cool off, Yukio stepped back into the room intending to apologize to Rin, but Rin was already fast asleep.