TITLE: Burn (1/1)
AUTHOR: Winter
EMAIL ADDRESS: [email protected]
DISTRIBUTION: My site (Kindred Spirits), FF.net, anyone who wants it -- just let me know where it's going.
SPOILERS: General FY events.
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: In the midst of the conflict between Konan and Kutou, Yui comforts the seishi she never knew. (Yui/Nakago)
DISCLAIMER: "Fushigi Yuugi" is owned by Watase Yuu, etc. I make no claims.
FEEDBACK: Would be very much appreciated.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: When writing this, I couldn't help but feel that Nakago is out-of-character, but keep in mind that the whole premise of this fic is his emotional turmoil. To a certain extent, it's hard to illustrate that aspect of him without taking some liberties with his character. I hope you'll forgive me. =)
AUTHOR'S NOTES 2: There's no specific timeline for this fic. Basically, it's just a 'what if' scenario that takes place during some point in the general FY series of events.
BURN
I. Ignition
Yui opened her eyes slowly, flinching at the harsh light that assailed her vision. For the briefest of moments, as she buried herself into the soft, warm blankets wrapped around her slender form, she felt the smallest flicker of hope.
Perhaps it had all been a dream. The longest, most terrifying dream of her life, but still only a dream. Perhaps she would remove the blanket from over her head and find herself back in her own room, lying safely in the comfort of the world she knew.
Each day she hoped, and each day, she was confronted by brutal reality. Today was no different.
As Yui sat up in her bed, the shattered fragments of her heart seemed to crumble further. It wasn't her room. It hadn't been a dream. Despair welled up inside her, as it did every morning, every night, and every moment in between since first arriving in this cursed world.
How many weeks had it been? She had lost count long ago, finding it increasingly painful to tally the days gone by, the days since her horrid experience in the streets, the days since Miaka betrayed her.
Would it end today? That had always been the first question Yui would ask herself in the morning. Would she see her once-beloved friend again? Could she ever make her understand what it meant to suffer? But, above all else, Yui wondered if she would ever return to her own world. That hope had been the only force driving her, the only reason she even bothered to get out of bed in the mornings.
And that hope was steadily dying away.
Lacking the strength to face the day, Yui merely collapsed back against the mattress, staring blankly at the ceiling above her. Like always, her thoughts slowly began to wander back to the day she first landed in Kutou. The feel of rough hands on her skin, the sound of her clothing being torn apart, the sting of fists across her flesh... it all floated to the surface of her mind, causing her to shudder violently and roll onto her side, curling into a fetal position.
Forcefully shaking her mind free of those thoughts, Yui instead struggled to focus on something--anything--else. The image of a pair of warm, chocolate eyes drifted into her vision, eventually giving way to the sparkling gaze of her dearest friend. Miaka... the sun to her moon, the compassion to her intellect, the mercy to her ideals... her other half.
Or so she had thought.
The memory of the deepest wound she had ever been dealt, far more painful than her rape, was etched into her mind, the endless pain dripping from the fragments of her heart, gnawing at her soul.
'I came back for you, Tamahome.'
How could it happen? How could she throw away a lifetime of friendship, promises, secrets, love... for *him*? How could she have just let her stay in this world, withering away? Nothing made sense anymore, nothing felt right anymore. And Yui was far too tired of trying.
A soft rustling next to her bed alerted her to another presence. Gasping in shock, Yui scrambled away before recognizing the face of the man before her.
Nakago.
The sight of him calmed her nerves, and she exhaled in relief. "Nakago," she scolded him mildly, "I've asked you before to say something before you come into my room."
"I apologize, Yui-sama," Nakago's tone was emotionless as always, "I did not mean to frighten you." In truth, Nakago had believed the girl was still asleep, and had purposefully not made any sound. Although his priestess did not know it, he had spent many mornings simply sitting by her bedside, watching her as she slept.
His motives, however, were unclear even to himself. Part of him attempted to rationalize the action, as he told himself he was merely keeping watch over the girl. After all, it had only been recently that she stopped waking up in the middle of the night, trembling from the force of her nightmares.
But another part, buried deep inside his heart, hinted that it was something else, something more. Perhaps it was her features that held him captive, features so like his own, so like the only woman he could ever truly claim he loved. And on this day, those features beckoned to him. Was this the closest he could ever come to seeing his mother again?
"It's alright," Yui smiled at him, still seated on the bed with the covers up to her waist. "Was there something you wanted to talk about?"
Nakago was silent for a moment, merely watching her with his piercing gaze. He then shook his head slowly and took a seat next to her. "I just came to check on you. It's late."
"Is it?" Yui instinctively looked out of the window in her room. Oddly, she had gotten used to measuring the time of day simply from gazing at the sky. After all, having spent all that time cooped up in her room, merely staring out at the city below her, she had become accustomed to counting the hours internally. "I didn't realize I had slept for so long."
"You are entitled to your rest," Nakago said softly, "I understand that these last few weeks have been very difficult for you."
Yui cast her eyes downwards upon hearing his words. She knew all too well what he was referring to: the emotional strain of having made the first move against her best friend, of attempting to sever all ties to the person that had been most important to her...
She felt guilty.
Something in her expression must have tipped off her seishi, because Yui soon felt his warm hand cover her own. She lifted her gaze to look at him once more, waiting expectantly for the words she knew would come.
"You have no reason to doubt yourself. Suzaku no Miko betrayed you first. She left you here to suffer, chose that man over you... why do you mourn for her so?"
Nakago was startled to find that he had to forcefully keep the bitterness from his voice. After everything he had done for her, after all the nights he spent comforting her as she wept in his arms, the girl could still only think of Suzaku no Miko. And even today, when his own tumultuous emotions refused to be reigned in, she still could not see him. "Why is it that you constantly think of her?"
Something in the tone of his voice snapped Yui out of her misery. She couldn't explain it, but it almost felt as if she were being gripped from the inside, as if something was twisting painfully inside of her... as if someone was beckoning to her.
"Nakago..." the look in Yui's eyes froze him momentarily. Could it be that she knew? But that was impossible. How could she know anything of his past?
She continued to stare at him, however, her gaze unyielding in its intensity. All thoughts of Miaka fled from her mind as she examined her most trusted seishi. It was as if, for the first time, she could see past that cool exterior and into a soul filled with anguish. Was it simply her imagination, or did he, too, have something to mourn? And what was this sudden pull she felt?
"Is something wrong?" she finally asked.
Nakago didn't answer her, but he didn't look away, either. Many things were wrong...had been wrong for a long time. But he would fix things. Once his wish was granted, everything would change...
"Not anymore," Nakago smiled at her. "Because you're here now, Yui-sama. You're here to summon Seiryuu."
"And I will," Yui nodded, "but..." she trailed off, unsure if she should even voice her thoughts.
"But?" Nakago inquired, finding that he'd much rather focus on her issues than his own.
Yui looked down at her hands again, her gaze falling on the scar over her wrist. "Sometimes I wonder if it'll change anything. Even if I get revenge, will it make this scar go away? Will it make the past go away? Will it make the hurt go away?" She looked back up at her seishi with tears glistening in her eyes. "That's all I want, Nakago. I just want it to stop hurting..."
"Shh," Nakago whispered as he drew her into his embrace, the gesture familiar now, as he attempted to soothe her. "If I could change the past for you, I would," he murmured into her ear, "but that's impossible. I can only promise you that I won't let anyone hurt you ever again."
Yui struggled to hold back her tears as she buried her face into his chest. He was truly all she had left in this life, and the thought caused her to unconsciously tighten her grip on the man.
As Nakago continued to hold the young woman in his arms, his own words replayed in his mind. It was true that the past could not be changed, but the future... The future could still be his. And yet, that thought suddenly seemed so hollow.
'Will it make the hurt go away?' she had asked. Whatever the answer to that question, it didn't matter. After everything he had been through, he deserved his revenge, and that, too, was something that could not be changed.
Feeling Yui begin to pull away, Nakago released the girl and brought a hand up to gently wipe a few stray tears away.
"I'm sorry," she smiled at him sadly, "I feel like all I ever do these days is cry."
"You have a right."
"What about you?" Yui asked suddenly, not knowing what prompted the question. That burning sensation was still with her, smothering her.
Nakago gave her a questioning look as he replied, "What about me?"
Yui struggled to find a way to explain the emotions she was feeling. "I just feel like... I don't know... like there's something you need... like I could help you, too."
Not sure how to interpret her disjointed words, Nakago simply said, "You are helping me. You're summoning Seiryuu, aren't you?"
"That's not what I meant," Yui shook her head, "I meant...well, just that, if you ever wanted to talk to me, tell me stuff... anything. I'd listen."
Once again, Nakago was left wondering how she could possibly make these perceptions. Was it her role as his miko? Did it bind them somehow? Whatever the reason, he would remain strong. There was no use in displaying any weakness before the miko, before anyone. "I already tell you many things, Yui-sama," he instead reminded her.
"Yes, about Kutou or Seiryuu or Suzaku," Yui shook her head, feeling as though there was a physical barrier between them, "But what about you? You mean so much to me, but I don't know anything about you."
He meant so much to her? Or was it simply what he could do for her that meant so much? Was it his status as her seishi that she desired? Was it the comforting words and soothing embraces that he bestowed upon her? Or was it his presence, his essence that she craved?
"I want to be there for you, too, sometimes..."
"Yui-sama," Nakago whispered, his fingers reaching up to stroke her hair. Suddenly, there was the memory of a little boy tugging happily on his mother's golden locks, her radiant smile enveloping him in its warmth. Perhaps today, he could let go. Maybe, if he just let everything go, just for today, on *her* day, maybe it wouldn't ache so very much...
Blue eyes gazed back at him expectantly as he spoke, "Fourteen years ago, I--"
The sudden realization of what he was about to do slammed into him. Jerking his hand back, Nakago looked at his miko as if he had been burned.
"Nakago?"
Painstakingly, Nakago brought the walls back up. Clenching his fist, he stood quickly and moved to leave. "I should leave you to get ready."
"Nakago, wait!" Yui called from behind him as she scrambled to untangle the covers from around her legs.
But he didn't stop, and in a moment, he was gone from the room. Yui finally managed to free herself and raced after him, throwing the door open in her haste, but he was nowhere in sight.
Sighing, Yui came back into her room and leaned against the wall. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to sink to the ground, suddenly, inexplicably, feeling so hollow. In Nakago's hasty exit, he seemed to have taken a piece of her with him.
It was odd, because Yui could have sworn she had no pieces left to give.
~*~*~*~
II. Combustion
Several hours later, Yui quietly strolled the halls of the palace, unable to get Nakago off her mind. What was it he was about to tell her in that moment? The look in his eyes... it was the most raw emotion she had ever seen him display, and she wanted to know what fueled it. It was true that she was trapped inside of a book, and she had constantly told herself that these were just characters in that book, but how could a character seem so *human*?
It had suddenly struck her in that moment how selfish she had been with his attention. Nakago was, indeed, so much more than an actor in this violent play, and yet he had spent so much time helping her, comforting her, supporting her. And what had she done in return? She had taken all that he had to give without ever returning anything. When had she become that sort of person? In all her years with Miaka, they had given equally...
Miaka. Again, the requisite pang hammered away in her heart. Would it ever stop?
"Yui-sama," the quiet voice, unexpected in its proximity, jolted her.
Yui leaped back, visibly startled, before she registered the source of the voice. "Tomo," she breathed, only marginally relieved.
"You often pace these halls," he remarked knowingly. Indeed, the magician had lost count long ago of the number of times he had witnessed his miko gliding across these floors, like a lonely spirit chained to its resting place.
"Yes," Yui nodded, her gaze, as always, transfixed on her seishi's elaborate face paint. "I find it easier to think here, for some reason. I didn't disturb you, did I?"
"Not at all," Tomo shook his head, mildly bemused at her consideration. "I, too, was merely taking a stroll."
"Oh," Yui looked down for a moment, unsure of what to say next. She had never really spent any time with her seishi, except for Nakago, and so she barely knew any of them. Truthfully, she had never really *wanted* to get to know them, and now, when her eyes were finally beginning to open, she feared that it was too late. War would be upon them soon...
"Is something troubling you?" Tomo asked, also unsure of what to say to the girl. Perhaps he should let Nakago-sama know of the encounter later.
Yui looked up at him again, wondering how to form the questions she was burning to ask. Finally, she simply blurted out, "How well do you know Nakago?"
Startled by the question, Tomo lifted an eyebrow as he replied, "So it is Nakago-sama that is on your mind."
"Fourteen years ago, something happened," Yui barreled forward in her interrogation, "what was it? Do you know? Did he ever tell you?"
This time, Tomo found it difficult to mask his surprise. How had the girl come across that information? It was impossible to obtain, unless Nakago-sama had told her himself. But the shogun was notorious for keeping to himself...
Tomo felt a pang of jealousy at the thought of Nakago opening up to this girl, confiding in her what he never wanted anyone to know, what he would have killed even him for knowing, had he not been a Seiryuu seishi.
"He has told me nothing," Tomo answered honestly.
"That's okay," Yui shrugged nonchalantly, though her disappointment was plainly evident, "I was just wondering--"
"--But that does not mean that I do not know," Tomo interrupted. He watched as the girl's eyes widened in the hope that he would share his knowledge with her, but he instead continued, "Your seishi has many secrets, Yui-sama, but I doubt that he would like to make them known, especially to his miko."
Yui felt herself growing irritated at his evasiveness. "If not me, then who?" she demanded. "Who better to know his secrets, who better to understand him, than the person he's sworn his life to?"
Tomo remained silent, the intensity in his miko's gaze holding him captive. Perhaps she truly cared about Nakago-sama, if not the rest of them.
"Please, Tomo. Tell me what happened," Yui pleaded one last time, her eyes shimmering with loving desperation.
Finally relenting, Tomo merely stated, "Fourteen years ago, a little boy witnessed a tragedy."
Yui felt her heart constrict as her suspicion was confirmed. Nakago... "What happened?"
"That, you must ask Nakago-sama yourself. It was not my place to even tell you that much," Tomo shook his head. "I should be on my way." With a slight bow, he continued down the hall, but was stopped when Yui cried out for him to wait. He turned back slightly to look at the miko, standing there in the fading light, her swirling emotions as palpable to him as her voice.
"Thank you, Tomo," she whispered gratefully.
And somehow, he knew she meant it. "You're welcome," he gave her a small, wry smile, his eyes softening for a moment, before he turned back and disappeared from the hall.
Alone once again, Yui was left to ponder his words. What sort of a tragedy had Nakago seen? And how deep were the scars left behind?
Years ago, she could never have imagined that the knife of betrayal would be thrust so deeply into her back as to not only pierce her heart, but also shatter her soul. She was nothing more than a shadow now, confined to the darkness that consumed her existence.
Could it be that Nakago was a shadow as well? Was he, too, only a pale reflection of the golden angel that she envisioned?
As if on cue, a flash of movement at the end of hallway caught her attention. The figure of the man passing by was unmistakable to her, even at that distance.
"Nakago!" Yui called out, eager to talk to him, and somehow feeling that she could not let this moment slip away. Racing towards him, she noticed his surprise at seeing her. Fortunately for her, he could not simply ignore her and keep going, and so he stood and waited for her to approach him.
"Yui-sama," he greeted her with a slight nod of his head.
"Nakago," she exhaled, catching her breath quickly, "where have you been all day? I wanted to see you--"
"I have been making many preparations. I apologize, but I am very busy. Perhaps we can talk later," Nakago cut her off, then turned to leave again.
"Oh no you don't!" Yui exclaimed, latching onto his arm before he could take more than a step. "You've never been too busy for me before, and I'm not letting you start now."
Nakago was surprised by the commanding words. He had never heard her speak that way before, especially not to him. Was this a glimpse of the girl she had been before this entire misadventure? Strong, determined? So much like her.
"Please just talk to me," Yui demanded.
Sighing, Nakago turned back to face his young miko. "What is it you wish to discuss?" he asked, though he already knew the answer. A part of him hoped, though, that she would ask something--anything--else. He had spent a large portion of the afternoon forcing himself to calm down after their earlier encounter. What had prompted him to even consider divulging his most guarded memories to this little girl was inconceivable.
Something continued to gnaw at him, however, reminding him that he had been the one to seek the miko out that morning. Perhaps a part of him had wanted to talk to her, had wanted to receive some type of acknowledgement from the girl that was his destiny, from the god that she represented.
The question finally came, "What happened fourteen years ago?"
"The past does not matter," Nakago told her fiercely, but the pounding in his heart seemed to indicate otherwise.
"It matters to me," Yui refused to let him get away from her again, "you matter to me."
Nakago closed his eyes as she spoke, trying desperately to block her words, to block the sensations they evoked. He had been so young, and yet the memories were so vivid...
'Do you know how much I love you, my Ayuru?'
"You're all I have."
'You are my entire world.'
"And I just want to be there for you, too."
'And I will always be here for you.'
"Yui-sama," Nakago choked out, half of him wishing she would stop, half of him wishing she would say those words again. Pulling his hand away, he turned his back to her once again, not wanting her to see the agony in his eyes.
Unrelenting, Yui continued, "Just talk to me." She was breaking through that barrier, she realized, slowly but surely. She could feel the pain radiating from him, the waves slicing into her own heart. If she could just crack that final layer...
Nakago jumped slightly as he felt a pair of delicate arms encircle his waist from behind. He stood there frozen as the young miko pressed her body against his back, her fingers locked in front of him, her cheek resting on his shoulder blade. The embrace was so intimate and loving all at once, that Nakago felt his barriers begin to crumble.
"You can tell me anything, Nakago," she whispered, her soft voice like a soothing caress against his charred soul.
Drudging up what was left of his resolve, Nakago gruffly responded, "I am not a child like Suboshi that needs to be comforted for the past, that needs to weep for what cannot be changed." And yet, even as he spoke the words, he could not bring himself to break the contact between them. Would she comfort him against his will, as she did for Suboshi that night not so long ago? The mask was slipping...
"Perhaps that's true. But even if you won't let me see your face, I can see the wounds... The wounds that you've never let anyone bandage. Won't you let me try and heal them now?"
With the last line of his defenses stripped away, Nakago spoke, his voice surprisingly calm, "Can you heal them? Can you heal the wounds of a little boy who killed his own mother? Can you heal the boy that watched helplessly as his entire village was slaughtered before his eyes? That watched as his mother was beaten and violated? Can you heal the boy whose own cursed powers reduced her to ash?" There was a slight pause as he continued in a much quieter tone, "You cannot heal him, Yui-sama, because that boy is dead."
Yui shut her eyes tightly at the horrendous images, each word he spoke like a knife twisting in her gut. But there wasn't a single part of her that regretted asking, regretted knowing what drove this man. He was as vulnerable now as she had ever been, as Suboshi had been on that night he lost his brother and wept in her arms. She had been able to comfort the younger seishi then, and now she had to do the same for him.
But Nakago was right: he was not Suboshi, and a soft embrace and unconditional support alone would not heal him. For once, she would be strong for him. For once, she would find the words to soothe him.
"He's not dead," she spoke, her voice strong and rich and confident, "that little boy still lives inside of you, inside the part that misses his mother, that grieves for her, that loves her. He will always live inside of you, as will she... in your memories, in your heart."
Nakago brought his hand up to rest lightly over hers. "Do you think she's waiting for me in the afterlife?"
"How could she not? You'll always be her beautiful, strong little boy."
"Do you think she forgives me?"
"Have you forgiven yourself?"
"No."
"When you finally do, you'll find the answer to your question."
Nakago lapsed into silence, her words echoing in his mind. After a moment, Yui released her hold on him and stepped around to face him. The absence of her arms around him suddenly left him feeling cold, so he reached out to grasp her hand in his own, needing the contact.
Yui squeezed his hand lightly, attempting to channel as much reassurance as she could. In so many ways, he was just as lost as herself. "Would you tell me about her?" she asked, knowing first-hand that talking helped dull the pain, at least temporarily.
Unexpectedly, Nakago found that the ache that had settled over his heart that morning seemed so much more distant now. "What would you like to know?"
"Anything. What did she look like? What kinds of things did she enjoy? What kinds of stories did she tell you at bedtime? Whatever you want to talk about, whatever you want to remember."
As the long-buried memories bubbled to the surface of his mind, Nakago wondered where he could ever begin, how he could ever justly describe the angel that was his mother. "She was beautiful," he began, his eyes glazing at the thought of her. And as he spoke, he could feel a warmth radiating from inside him, a warmth he could only vaguely remember feeling as a little boy.
It was as if he was once again tucked safely in his mother's loving arms.
~*~*~*~
III. Extinction
Hours later, Yui sighed contentedly as she adjusted her position on the cushions in her room, with Nakago seated next to her. Her seishi had stopped reminiscing long ago, but she couldn't bring herself to break the comfortable silence that had settled between them. So instead, she simply gazed at the candle in front of her, its small flame providing the only source of light in the darkened room.
"It is getting late, Yui-sama," Nakago finally spoke again, "perhaps I should leave you to rest."
"Don't go," Yui shook her head, grasping his hand, "Just sit with me a little longer."
Nakago obeyed, a part of him glad that she didn't want him to leave yet. Although he had spent many nights simply sitting in silence with his miko, tonight was the first time he could do so without burden. Talking about his mother so freely, remembering everything she had meant to him, sharing her with another person... it almost felt like he had brought her back to life, at least for a little while. Because now, she would live not just in his memories, but also in the memories of Seiryuu no Miko.
Though he would be deluding himself to think that anything had changed. His mother was still gone, and he was still the one that killed her. That pain would always be with him, he realized, and so would the anger, and the bitterness. A few moments could not erase fourteen years of anguish, could not destroy fourteen years of plans, but maybe now, he wouldn't be so alone.
"You know the weeks ahead will be very difficult," Nakago warned, his mind inevitably returning to the issues at hand.
Yui nodded in response, "I'll be ready." She had known, sooner or later, that Nakago would bring that up again. Tonight had been a welcome reprieve for both of them, but it didn't change the fact that Miaka had betrayed her, that they had become enemies, that they were now locked in a deadly race for power.
It didn't change the fact that she was still Seiryuu no Miko.
Part of her had never wanted to become the miko, had never wanted to stay here in Kutou when she had the chance of going back with Miaka, betrayal be damned. But her pride had kept her here, her bitterness chaining her to a path she was too afraid to tread.
But now, she knew she wouldn't be walking that path alone. Seiryuu was not simply her goal, but Nakago's as well. After all, didn't he, too, deserve a chance to make up for his past? She would no longer be summoning Seiryuu simply to get revenge on Miaka, but to help the man that meant so much to her. For him, she would summon the dragon god. For him, she would wield His power.
"You know I could handle Suzaku no Miko for you--" Nakago began, but was cut off.
"No, Nakago," Yui implicitly commanded him, "I don't want her dead. I just want her to understand what it means to be betrayed, to suffer, to lose everything in a single moment of naiveté. And that's something I have to do myself."
Nakago, however, continued to argue his point, "But I can see how difficult it is for you, Yui-sama. If you let me, I can keep you away from all of this."
"I can never be away from it," Yui countered, "I've made my choices already, and now all I can do is move forward."
"I would just prefer to spare you the pain," Nakago whispered softly, unexpectedly cringing at the lie. After all, he had caused her so much pain already. But like her, he had made his choices, and it was far too late to change the past.
"I know," Yui smiled at him, "and I thank you for that. But sometimes, it feels like all I have left is the pain. My whole life, I've put my belief in Miaka, and I never, ever thought it could turn out like this."
"Perhaps, then, you simply should not put your belief in anything but yourself."
"You have to believe in something," Yui rejected the statement, "if only for your own sanity. Because sometimes, people just need something to believe in."
Looking his miko straight in the eye, Nakago asked, "And what if that belief is entirely misplaced?"
Yui gave him a sad smile as the painful vision of Miaka embracing Tamahome all those weeks ago replayed in her mind...
'I came back for you, Tamahome'
"Even then," she replied softly, "without belief, we're nothing."
"Then what is it that you believe in now?" Nakago questioned, his gaze boring into her own.
"I believe in you," she answered without hesitation, without doubt.
Normally, he would have been pleased by such deference, as it would have been a testament to how steadfastly his plan was moving along. But tonight, everything felt so different. Perhaps it was the tone of her voice, or the look in her eyes as she held his gaze with conviction, that made him feel satisfied and disgusted all at once.
Her belief in him was misplaced...
Her soft voice broke into his thoughts, "And I couldn't be wrong about that, right Nakago?"
...and he would end up dragging her to Hell.
Nakago closed his eyes and swallowed the lump forming in his throat. How was it that this young priestess could ever cause him to doubt himself, even for a moment?
When she didn't get a response, Yui prodded, "Nakago?" The expression on his face, so tormented, caused her stomach to twist in knots. She knew that look so very well. Relief washed over her as his crystal blue eyes finally opened again, calm and serene as always. "Your words touch me," he spoke softly, half-smiling at her.
Nakago wrapped his arm around Yui's shoulder and drew her towards him, allowing her to rest comfortably against his chest as he leaned back against the cushions. No, in the grand scheme of things, one night meant nothing. He would move forward with his plans, and he would succeed. His young priestess would come through for him.
And that, he supposed, was something he believed in.
Exhaling as she leaned into the familiar embrace, Yui couldn't help but smile at his words. If nothing else, at least she had him. He had always been her sole anchor in this sea of torment and misery, but tonight, she had succeeded in anchoring him, as well. They would always be there for each other, she decided, until the bitter end. So long as he was with her, everything would turn out all right.
Just as her eyes began to drift close, Nakago's soft whisper penetrated the haze around her mind, "If you'd like to get some sleep, I can put out the light--"
"No," Yui shook her head, stilling his movement. Shifting her gaze to the single candle, she declared, "Just let it burn." For tonight, it would be the single witness to their mutual pain, and to their mutual hope.
"As you wish, Yui-sama."
And so the two lapsed into silence once again, entwined in each other's arms, simply watching as the small flame flickered and crackled in the still air, and eventually, finally, died out.
THE END
AUTHOR: Winter
EMAIL ADDRESS: [email protected]
DISTRIBUTION: My site (Kindred Spirits), FF.net, anyone who wants it -- just let me know where it's going.
SPOILERS: General FY events.
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: In the midst of the conflict between Konan and Kutou, Yui comforts the seishi she never knew. (Yui/Nakago)
DISCLAIMER: "Fushigi Yuugi" is owned by Watase Yuu, etc. I make no claims.
FEEDBACK: Would be very much appreciated.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: When writing this, I couldn't help but feel that Nakago is out-of-character, but keep in mind that the whole premise of this fic is his emotional turmoil. To a certain extent, it's hard to illustrate that aspect of him without taking some liberties with his character. I hope you'll forgive me. =)
AUTHOR'S NOTES 2: There's no specific timeline for this fic. Basically, it's just a 'what if' scenario that takes place during some point in the general FY series of events.
BURN
I. Ignition
Yui opened her eyes slowly, flinching at the harsh light that assailed her vision. For the briefest of moments, as she buried herself into the soft, warm blankets wrapped around her slender form, she felt the smallest flicker of hope.
Perhaps it had all been a dream. The longest, most terrifying dream of her life, but still only a dream. Perhaps she would remove the blanket from over her head and find herself back in her own room, lying safely in the comfort of the world she knew.
Each day she hoped, and each day, she was confronted by brutal reality. Today was no different.
As Yui sat up in her bed, the shattered fragments of her heart seemed to crumble further. It wasn't her room. It hadn't been a dream. Despair welled up inside her, as it did every morning, every night, and every moment in between since first arriving in this cursed world.
How many weeks had it been? She had lost count long ago, finding it increasingly painful to tally the days gone by, the days since her horrid experience in the streets, the days since Miaka betrayed her.
Would it end today? That had always been the first question Yui would ask herself in the morning. Would she see her once-beloved friend again? Could she ever make her understand what it meant to suffer? But, above all else, Yui wondered if she would ever return to her own world. That hope had been the only force driving her, the only reason she even bothered to get out of bed in the mornings.
And that hope was steadily dying away.
Lacking the strength to face the day, Yui merely collapsed back against the mattress, staring blankly at the ceiling above her. Like always, her thoughts slowly began to wander back to the day she first landed in Kutou. The feel of rough hands on her skin, the sound of her clothing being torn apart, the sting of fists across her flesh... it all floated to the surface of her mind, causing her to shudder violently and roll onto her side, curling into a fetal position.
Forcefully shaking her mind free of those thoughts, Yui instead struggled to focus on something--anything--else. The image of a pair of warm, chocolate eyes drifted into her vision, eventually giving way to the sparkling gaze of her dearest friend. Miaka... the sun to her moon, the compassion to her intellect, the mercy to her ideals... her other half.
Or so she had thought.
The memory of the deepest wound she had ever been dealt, far more painful than her rape, was etched into her mind, the endless pain dripping from the fragments of her heart, gnawing at her soul.
'I came back for you, Tamahome.'
How could it happen? How could she throw away a lifetime of friendship, promises, secrets, love... for *him*? How could she have just let her stay in this world, withering away? Nothing made sense anymore, nothing felt right anymore. And Yui was far too tired of trying.
A soft rustling next to her bed alerted her to another presence. Gasping in shock, Yui scrambled away before recognizing the face of the man before her.
Nakago.
The sight of him calmed her nerves, and she exhaled in relief. "Nakago," she scolded him mildly, "I've asked you before to say something before you come into my room."
"I apologize, Yui-sama," Nakago's tone was emotionless as always, "I did not mean to frighten you." In truth, Nakago had believed the girl was still asleep, and had purposefully not made any sound. Although his priestess did not know it, he had spent many mornings simply sitting by her bedside, watching her as she slept.
His motives, however, were unclear even to himself. Part of him attempted to rationalize the action, as he told himself he was merely keeping watch over the girl. After all, it had only been recently that she stopped waking up in the middle of the night, trembling from the force of her nightmares.
But another part, buried deep inside his heart, hinted that it was something else, something more. Perhaps it was her features that held him captive, features so like his own, so like the only woman he could ever truly claim he loved. And on this day, those features beckoned to him. Was this the closest he could ever come to seeing his mother again?
"It's alright," Yui smiled at him, still seated on the bed with the covers up to her waist. "Was there something you wanted to talk about?"
Nakago was silent for a moment, merely watching her with his piercing gaze. He then shook his head slowly and took a seat next to her. "I just came to check on you. It's late."
"Is it?" Yui instinctively looked out of the window in her room. Oddly, she had gotten used to measuring the time of day simply from gazing at the sky. After all, having spent all that time cooped up in her room, merely staring out at the city below her, she had become accustomed to counting the hours internally. "I didn't realize I had slept for so long."
"You are entitled to your rest," Nakago said softly, "I understand that these last few weeks have been very difficult for you."
Yui cast her eyes downwards upon hearing his words. She knew all too well what he was referring to: the emotional strain of having made the first move against her best friend, of attempting to sever all ties to the person that had been most important to her...
She felt guilty.
Something in her expression must have tipped off her seishi, because Yui soon felt his warm hand cover her own. She lifted her gaze to look at him once more, waiting expectantly for the words she knew would come.
"You have no reason to doubt yourself. Suzaku no Miko betrayed you first. She left you here to suffer, chose that man over you... why do you mourn for her so?"
Nakago was startled to find that he had to forcefully keep the bitterness from his voice. After everything he had done for her, after all the nights he spent comforting her as she wept in his arms, the girl could still only think of Suzaku no Miko. And even today, when his own tumultuous emotions refused to be reigned in, she still could not see him. "Why is it that you constantly think of her?"
Something in the tone of his voice snapped Yui out of her misery. She couldn't explain it, but it almost felt as if she were being gripped from the inside, as if something was twisting painfully inside of her... as if someone was beckoning to her.
"Nakago..." the look in Yui's eyes froze him momentarily. Could it be that she knew? But that was impossible. How could she know anything of his past?
She continued to stare at him, however, her gaze unyielding in its intensity. All thoughts of Miaka fled from her mind as she examined her most trusted seishi. It was as if, for the first time, she could see past that cool exterior and into a soul filled with anguish. Was it simply her imagination, or did he, too, have something to mourn? And what was this sudden pull she felt?
"Is something wrong?" she finally asked.
Nakago didn't answer her, but he didn't look away, either. Many things were wrong...had been wrong for a long time. But he would fix things. Once his wish was granted, everything would change...
"Not anymore," Nakago smiled at her. "Because you're here now, Yui-sama. You're here to summon Seiryuu."
"And I will," Yui nodded, "but..." she trailed off, unsure if she should even voice her thoughts.
"But?" Nakago inquired, finding that he'd much rather focus on her issues than his own.
Yui looked down at her hands again, her gaze falling on the scar over her wrist. "Sometimes I wonder if it'll change anything. Even if I get revenge, will it make this scar go away? Will it make the past go away? Will it make the hurt go away?" She looked back up at her seishi with tears glistening in her eyes. "That's all I want, Nakago. I just want it to stop hurting..."
"Shh," Nakago whispered as he drew her into his embrace, the gesture familiar now, as he attempted to soothe her. "If I could change the past for you, I would," he murmured into her ear, "but that's impossible. I can only promise you that I won't let anyone hurt you ever again."
Yui struggled to hold back her tears as she buried her face into his chest. He was truly all she had left in this life, and the thought caused her to unconsciously tighten her grip on the man.
As Nakago continued to hold the young woman in his arms, his own words replayed in his mind. It was true that the past could not be changed, but the future... The future could still be his. And yet, that thought suddenly seemed so hollow.
'Will it make the hurt go away?' she had asked. Whatever the answer to that question, it didn't matter. After everything he had been through, he deserved his revenge, and that, too, was something that could not be changed.
Feeling Yui begin to pull away, Nakago released the girl and brought a hand up to gently wipe a few stray tears away.
"I'm sorry," she smiled at him sadly, "I feel like all I ever do these days is cry."
"You have a right."
"What about you?" Yui asked suddenly, not knowing what prompted the question. That burning sensation was still with her, smothering her.
Nakago gave her a questioning look as he replied, "What about me?"
Yui struggled to find a way to explain the emotions she was feeling. "I just feel like... I don't know... like there's something you need... like I could help you, too."
Not sure how to interpret her disjointed words, Nakago simply said, "You are helping me. You're summoning Seiryuu, aren't you?"
"That's not what I meant," Yui shook her head, "I meant...well, just that, if you ever wanted to talk to me, tell me stuff... anything. I'd listen."
Once again, Nakago was left wondering how she could possibly make these perceptions. Was it her role as his miko? Did it bind them somehow? Whatever the reason, he would remain strong. There was no use in displaying any weakness before the miko, before anyone. "I already tell you many things, Yui-sama," he instead reminded her.
"Yes, about Kutou or Seiryuu or Suzaku," Yui shook her head, feeling as though there was a physical barrier between them, "But what about you? You mean so much to me, but I don't know anything about you."
He meant so much to her? Or was it simply what he could do for her that meant so much? Was it his status as her seishi that she desired? Was it the comforting words and soothing embraces that he bestowed upon her? Or was it his presence, his essence that she craved?
"I want to be there for you, too, sometimes..."
"Yui-sama," Nakago whispered, his fingers reaching up to stroke her hair. Suddenly, there was the memory of a little boy tugging happily on his mother's golden locks, her radiant smile enveloping him in its warmth. Perhaps today, he could let go. Maybe, if he just let everything go, just for today, on *her* day, maybe it wouldn't ache so very much...
Blue eyes gazed back at him expectantly as he spoke, "Fourteen years ago, I--"
The sudden realization of what he was about to do slammed into him. Jerking his hand back, Nakago looked at his miko as if he had been burned.
"Nakago?"
Painstakingly, Nakago brought the walls back up. Clenching his fist, he stood quickly and moved to leave. "I should leave you to get ready."
"Nakago, wait!" Yui called from behind him as she scrambled to untangle the covers from around her legs.
But he didn't stop, and in a moment, he was gone from the room. Yui finally managed to free herself and raced after him, throwing the door open in her haste, but he was nowhere in sight.
Sighing, Yui came back into her room and leaned against the wall. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to sink to the ground, suddenly, inexplicably, feeling so hollow. In Nakago's hasty exit, he seemed to have taken a piece of her with him.
It was odd, because Yui could have sworn she had no pieces left to give.
~*~*~*~
II. Combustion
Several hours later, Yui quietly strolled the halls of the palace, unable to get Nakago off her mind. What was it he was about to tell her in that moment? The look in his eyes... it was the most raw emotion she had ever seen him display, and she wanted to know what fueled it. It was true that she was trapped inside of a book, and she had constantly told herself that these were just characters in that book, but how could a character seem so *human*?
It had suddenly struck her in that moment how selfish she had been with his attention. Nakago was, indeed, so much more than an actor in this violent play, and yet he had spent so much time helping her, comforting her, supporting her. And what had she done in return? She had taken all that he had to give without ever returning anything. When had she become that sort of person? In all her years with Miaka, they had given equally...
Miaka. Again, the requisite pang hammered away in her heart. Would it ever stop?
"Yui-sama," the quiet voice, unexpected in its proximity, jolted her.
Yui leaped back, visibly startled, before she registered the source of the voice. "Tomo," she breathed, only marginally relieved.
"You often pace these halls," he remarked knowingly. Indeed, the magician had lost count long ago of the number of times he had witnessed his miko gliding across these floors, like a lonely spirit chained to its resting place.
"Yes," Yui nodded, her gaze, as always, transfixed on her seishi's elaborate face paint. "I find it easier to think here, for some reason. I didn't disturb you, did I?"
"Not at all," Tomo shook his head, mildly bemused at her consideration. "I, too, was merely taking a stroll."
"Oh," Yui looked down for a moment, unsure of what to say next. She had never really spent any time with her seishi, except for Nakago, and so she barely knew any of them. Truthfully, she had never really *wanted* to get to know them, and now, when her eyes were finally beginning to open, she feared that it was too late. War would be upon them soon...
"Is something troubling you?" Tomo asked, also unsure of what to say to the girl. Perhaps he should let Nakago-sama know of the encounter later.
Yui looked up at him again, wondering how to form the questions she was burning to ask. Finally, she simply blurted out, "How well do you know Nakago?"
Startled by the question, Tomo lifted an eyebrow as he replied, "So it is Nakago-sama that is on your mind."
"Fourteen years ago, something happened," Yui barreled forward in her interrogation, "what was it? Do you know? Did he ever tell you?"
This time, Tomo found it difficult to mask his surprise. How had the girl come across that information? It was impossible to obtain, unless Nakago-sama had told her himself. But the shogun was notorious for keeping to himself...
Tomo felt a pang of jealousy at the thought of Nakago opening up to this girl, confiding in her what he never wanted anyone to know, what he would have killed even him for knowing, had he not been a Seiryuu seishi.
"He has told me nothing," Tomo answered honestly.
"That's okay," Yui shrugged nonchalantly, though her disappointment was plainly evident, "I was just wondering--"
"--But that does not mean that I do not know," Tomo interrupted. He watched as the girl's eyes widened in the hope that he would share his knowledge with her, but he instead continued, "Your seishi has many secrets, Yui-sama, but I doubt that he would like to make them known, especially to his miko."
Yui felt herself growing irritated at his evasiveness. "If not me, then who?" she demanded. "Who better to know his secrets, who better to understand him, than the person he's sworn his life to?"
Tomo remained silent, the intensity in his miko's gaze holding him captive. Perhaps she truly cared about Nakago-sama, if not the rest of them.
"Please, Tomo. Tell me what happened," Yui pleaded one last time, her eyes shimmering with loving desperation.
Finally relenting, Tomo merely stated, "Fourteen years ago, a little boy witnessed a tragedy."
Yui felt her heart constrict as her suspicion was confirmed. Nakago... "What happened?"
"That, you must ask Nakago-sama yourself. It was not my place to even tell you that much," Tomo shook his head. "I should be on my way." With a slight bow, he continued down the hall, but was stopped when Yui cried out for him to wait. He turned back slightly to look at the miko, standing there in the fading light, her swirling emotions as palpable to him as her voice.
"Thank you, Tomo," she whispered gratefully.
And somehow, he knew she meant it. "You're welcome," he gave her a small, wry smile, his eyes softening for a moment, before he turned back and disappeared from the hall.
Alone once again, Yui was left to ponder his words. What sort of a tragedy had Nakago seen? And how deep were the scars left behind?
Years ago, she could never have imagined that the knife of betrayal would be thrust so deeply into her back as to not only pierce her heart, but also shatter her soul. She was nothing more than a shadow now, confined to the darkness that consumed her existence.
Could it be that Nakago was a shadow as well? Was he, too, only a pale reflection of the golden angel that she envisioned?
As if on cue, a flash of movement at the end of hallway caught her attention. The figure of the man passing by was unmistakable to her, even at that distance.
"Nakago!" Yui called out, eager to talk to him, and somehow feeling that she could not let this moment slip away. Racing towards him, she noticed his surprise at seeing her. Fortunately for her, he could not simply ignore her and keep going, and so he stood and waited for her to approach him.
"Yui-sama," he greeted her with a slight nod of his head.
"Nakago," she exhaled, catching her breath quickly, "where have you been all day? I wanted to see you--"
"I have been making many preparations. I apologize, but I am very busy. Perhaps we can talk later," Nakago cut her off, then turned to leave again.
"Oh no you don't!" Yui exclaimed, latching onto his arm before he could take more than a step. "You've never been too busy for me before, and I'm not letting you start now."
Nakago was surprised by the commanding words. He had never heard her speak that way before, especially not to him. Was this a glimpse of the girl she had been before this entire misadventure? Strong, determined? So much like her.
"Please just talk to me," Yui demanded.
Sighing, Nakago turned back to face his young miko. "What is it you wish to discuss?" he asked, though he already knew the answer. A part of him hoped, though, that she would ask something--anything--else. He had spent a large portion of the afternoon forcing himself to calm down after their earlier encounter. What had prompted him to even consider divulging his most guarded memories to this little girl was inconceivable.
Something continued to gnaw at him, however, reminding him that he had been the one to seek the miko out that morning. Perhaps a part of him had wanted to talk to her, had wanted to receive some type of acknowledgement from the girl that was his destiny, from the god that she represented.
The question finally came, "What happened fourteen years ago?"
"The past does not matter," Nakago told her fiercely, but the pounding in his heart seemed to indicate otherwise.
"It matters to me," Yui refused to let him get away from her again, "you matter to me."
Nakago closed his eyes as she spoke, trying desperately to block her words, to block the sensations they evoked. He had been so young, and yet the memories were so vivid...
'Do you know how much I love you, my Ayuru?'
"You're all I have."
'You are my entire world.'
"And I just want to be there for you, too."
'And I will always be here for you.'
"Yui-sama," Nakago choked out, half of him wishing she would stop, half of him wishing she would say those words again. Pulling his hand away, he turned his back to her once again, not wanting her to see the agony in his eyes.
Unrelenting, Yui continued, "Just talk to me." She was breaking through that barrier, she realized, slowly but surely. She could feel the pain radiating from him, the waves slicing into her own heart. If she could just crack that final layer...
Nakago jumped slightly as he felt a pair of delicate arms encircle his waist from behind. He stood there frozen as the young miko pressed her body against his back, her fingers locked in front of him, her cheek resting on his shoulder blade. The embrace was so intimate and loving all at once, that Nakago felt his barriers begin to crumble.
"You can tell me anything, Nakago," she whispered, her soft voice like a soothing caress against his charred soul.
Drudging up what was left of his resolve, Nakago gruffly responded, "I am not a child like Suboshi that needs to be comforted for the past, that needs to weep for what cannot be changed." And yet, even as he spoke the words, he could not bring himself to break the contact between them. Would she comfort him against his will, as she did for Suboshi that night not so long ago? The mask was slipping...
"Perhaps that's true. But even if you won't let me see your face, I can see the wounds... The wounds that you've never let anyone bandage. Won't you let me try and heal them now?"
With the last line of his defenses stripped away, Nakago spoke, his voice surprisingly calm, "Can you heal them? Can you heal the wounds of a little boy who killed his own mother? Can you heal the boy that watched helplessly as his entire village was slaughtered before his eyes? That watched as his mother was beaten and violated? Can you heal the boy whose own cursed powers reduced her to ash?" There was a slight pause as he continued in a much quieter tone, "You cannot heal him, Yui-sama, because that boy is dead."
Yui shut her eyes tightly at the horrendous images, each word he spoke like a knife twisting in her gut. But there wasn't a single part of her that regretted asking, regretted knowing what drove this man. He was as vulnerable now as she had ever been, as Suboshi had been on that night he lost his brother and wept in her arms. She had been able to comfort the younger seishi then, and now she had to do the same for him.
But Nakago was right: he was not Suboshi, and a soft embrace and unconditional support alone would not heal him. For once, she would be strong for him. For once, she would find the words to soothe him.
"He's not dead," she spoke, her voice strong and rich and confident, "that little boy still lives inside of you, inside the part that misses his mother, that grieves for her, that loves her. He will always live inside of you, as will she... in your memories, in your heart."
Nakago brought his hand up to rest lightly over hers. "Do you think she's waiting for me in the afterlife?"
"How could she not? You'll always be her beautiful, strong little boy."
"Do you think she forgives me?"
"Have you forgiven yourself?"
"No."
"When you finally do, you'll find the answer to your question."
Nakago lapsed into silence, her words echoing in his mind. After a moment, Yui released her hold on him and stepped around to face him. The absence of her arms around him suddenly left him feeling cold, so he reached out to grasp her hand in his own, needing the contact.
Yui squeezed his hand lightly, attempting to channel as much reassurance as she could. In so many ways, he was just as lost as herself. "Would you tell me about her?" she asked, knowing first-hand that talking helped dull the pain, at least temporarily.
Unexpectedly, Nakago found that the ache that had settled over his heart that morning seemed so much more distant now. "What would you like to know?"
"Anything. What did she look like? What kinds of things did she enjoy? What kinds of stories did she tell you at bedtime? Whatever you want to talk about, whatever you want to remember."
As the long-buried memories bubbled to the surface of his mind, Nakago wondered where he could ever begin, how he could ever justly describe the angel that was his mother. "She was beautiful," he began, his eyes glazing at the thought of her. And as he spoke, he could feel a warmth radiating from inside him, a warmth he could only vaguely remember feeling as a little boy.
It was as if he was once again tucked safely in his mother's loving arms.
~*~*~*~
III. Extinction
Hours later, Yui sighed contentedly as she adjusted her position on the cushions in her room, with Nakago seated next to her. Her seishi had stopped reminiscing long ago, but she couldn't bring herself to break the comfortable silence that had settled between them. So instead, she simply gazed at the candle in front of her, its small flame providing the only source of light in the darkened room.
"It is getting late, Yui-sama," Nakago finally spoke again, "perhaps I should leave you to rest."
"Don't go," Yui shook her head, grasping his hand, "Just sit with me a little longer."
Nakago obeyed, a part of him glad that she didn't want him to leave yet. Although he had spent many nights simply sitting in silence with his miko, tonight was the first time he could do so without burden. Talking about his mother so freely, remembering everything she had meant to him, sharing her with another person... it almost felt like he had brought her back to life, at least for a little while. Because now, she would live not just in his memories, but also in the memories of Seiryuu no Miko.
Though he would be deluding himself to think that anything had changed. His mother was still gone, and he was still the one that killed her. That pain would always be with him, he realized, and so would the anger, and the bitterness. A few moments could not erase fourteen years of anguish, could not destroy fourteen years of plans, but maybe now, he wouldn't be so alone.
"You know the weeks ahead will be very difficult," Nakago warned, his mind inevitably returning to the issues at hand.
Yui nodded in response, "I'll be ready." She had known, sooner or later, that Nakago would bring that up again. Tonight had been a welcome reprieve for both of them, but it didn't change the fact that Miaka had betrayed her, that they had become enemies, that they were now locked in a deadly race for power.
It didn't change the fact that she was still Seiryuu no Miko.
Part of her had never wanted to become the miko, had never wanted to stay here in Kutou when she had the chance of going back with Miaka, betrayal be damned. But her pride had kept her here, her bitterness chaining her to a path she was too afraid to tread.
But now, she knew she wouldn't be walking that path alone. Seiryuu was not simply her goal, but Nakago's as well. After all, didn't he, too, deserve a chance to make up for his past? She would no longer be summoning Seiryuu simply to get revenge on Miaka, but to help the man that meant so much to her. For him, she would summon the dragon god. For him, she would wield His power.
"You know I could handle Suzaku no Miko for you--" Nakago began, but was cut off.
"No, Nakago," Yui implicitly commanded him, "I don't want her dead. I just want her to understand what it means to be betrayed, to suffer, to lose everything in a single moment of naiveté. And that's something I have to do myself."
Nakago, however, continued to argue his point, "But I can see how difficult it is for you, Yui-sama. If you let me, I can keep you away from all of this."
"I can never be away from it," Yui countered, "I've made my choices already, and now all I can do is move forward."
"I would just prefer to spare you the pain," Nakago whispered softly, unexpectedly cringing at the lie. After all, he had caused her so much pain already. But like her, he had made his choices, and it was far too late to change the past.
"I know," Yui smiled at him, "and I thank you for that. But sometimes, it feels like all I have left is the pain. My whole life, I've put my belief in Miaka, and I never, ever thought it could turn out like this."
"Perhaps, then, you simply should not put your belief in anything but yourself."
"You have to believe in something," Yui rejected the statement, "if only for your own sanity. Because sometimes, people just need something to believe in."
Looking his miko straight in the eye, Nakago asked, "And what if that belief is entirely misplaced?"
Yui gave him a sad smile as the painful vision of Miaka embracing Tamahome all those weeks ago replayed in her mind...
'I came back for you, Tamahome'
"Even then," she replied softly, "without belief, we're nothing."
"Then what is it that you believe in now?" Nakago questioned, his gaze boring into her own.
"I believe in you," she answered without hesitation, without doubt.
Normally, he would have been pleased by such deference, as it would have been a testament to how steadfastly his plan was moving along. But tonight, everything felt so different. Perhaps it was the tone of her voice, or the look in her eyes as she held his gaze with conviction, that made him feel satisfied and disgusted all at once.
Her belief in him was misplaced...
Her soft voice broke into his thoughts, "And I couldn't be wrong about that, right Nakago?"
...and he would end up dragging her to Hell.
Nakago closed his eyes and swallowed the lump forming in his throat. How was it that this young priestess could ever cause him to doubt himself, even for a moment?
When she didn't get a response, Yui prodded, "Nakago?" The expression on his face, so tormented, caused her stomach to twist in knots. She knew that look so very well. Relief washed over her as his crystal blue eyes finally opened again, calm and serene as always. "Your words touch me," he spoke softly, half-smiling at her.
Nakago wrapped his arm around Yui's shoulder and drew her towards him, allowing her to rest comfortably against his chest as he leaned back against the cushions. No, in the grand scheme of things, one night meant nothing. He would move forward with his plans, and he would succeed. His young priestess would come through for him.
And that, he supposed, was something he believed in.
Exhaling as she leaned into the familiar embrace, Yui couldn't help but smile at his words. If nothing else, at least she had him. He had always been her sole anchor in this sea of torment and misery, but tonight, she had succeeded in anchoring him, as well. They would always be there for each other, she decided, until the bitter end. So long as he was with her, everything would turn out all right.
Just as her eyes began to drift close, Nakago's soft whisper penetrated the haze around her mind, "If you'd like to get some sleep, I can put out the light--"
"No," Yui shook her head, stilling his movement. Shifting her gaze to the single candle, she declared, "Just let it burn." For tonight, it would be the single witness to their mutual pain, and to their mutual hope.
"As you wish, Yui-sama."
And so the two lapsed into silence once again, entwined in each other's arms, simply watching as the small flame flickered and crackled in the still air, and eventually, finally, died out.
THE END