I have tons, quite literally tons of material for DxD: GOTYE that never entered the story. These aspects I cut out for either being too zany, too absurd, too lewd, or just damn creepy. Of course, I couldn't bring myself to delete the material, and it just kept piling up. Rather than let it be covered in dust, I decided to polish it up, give it a new title and post it as this fic.

Which is why I will say this now:

THIS FIC IS NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN TOO SERIOUSLY!

I'm more heavily focused and invested in my other works, which can be scrutinized to your hearts content, but this particular one is just here because I felt like putting it up on a whim and give people some quick laughs with dark humor and ecchi... and because a friend introduced me to the Rance eroge games.

That said, beware of non-con and character rape (NOT SERIOUS) courtesy of a particular slime character and/or the main protagonist.

Hyoudou Issei – True Lucky Pervert of Infinity

Prologue: The First Date

"That's it! I can't take it anymore!"

The Fallen Angel Raynare, had never experienced such an infuriatingly insane mission in her entire life. She knew about Hyoudou Issei, that the boy was an insane pervert who spent his entire time peeking at girls in the shower or beating his meat to x-rated home videos in the comfort of his own home. She couldn't believe that someone like him had a Sacred Gear worthy of any notice, and her plan had been to ask him out on a date, give him some form of hope about his pathetic miserable life, and then kill him.

Except, the date had gone absolutely nowhere near the way she predicted. It had started off innocently enough, with her stumbling and ending up pushing her large breasts into his hands. Then, she found herself tripping on nothing but air as she fell and shoved her breast into his face. Then when they had gotten to the movies, the ice cream machine there had somehow malfunctioned, and caused her to be sprayed from head to toe in the white substance. Her attempts to clean up in the bathroom caused the tap to explode and then drench her in water.

Then everything went downhill from there.

Attempting to dry her clothes with her powers had caused them to all but evaporate, leaving her stark naked. She had eventually changed into her normal leather outfit, and then knocked out an innocuous female who had entered the restroom as she took the girl's clothes.

By the time they finally entered the cinema, the movie they were supposed to watch had finished, and instead, somehow, the Cinema hand knew the boy, and had snuck them in to see whatever was showing on the screen. Of course, it had to have been an extremely lewd, easily R-rated production that made even her blush, but made the pervert merely shrug, claiming he had seen it before.

Then of course, she started feeling a sensation down below, and realized that the clothes she had stolen had a cell-phone within it, which, had slipped from the skirt into the leather she wore underneath and was now against her crotch, whilst so coincidentally being on vibrate.

Her attempt to stand up to make the excuse of wanting to use the restroom was stopped cold when she realized that merely standing would multiply the vibrating sensations, and almost reduced her to a blithering mess.

She had to sit still, for a whole two hours, as the phone constantly vibrated against her womanly parts, whilst watching an extremely lewd movie. It was the single greatest test of her sexual endurance ever posited on her before.

When the movie had finally ended, she had attempted to rush to the restroom, only to slip on a pile of buttered popcorn, landing on the ground, and in view of several people, reared her head back as she suffered from a long string of concussive simultaneous orgasms.

Some had even taken pictures!

Despite being a Fallen Angel and a being who fed on sexual desires of men, she found herself more red-faced than she had ever been, having to immediately delete the memories and incriminating evidence from the minds of everyone who had seen her.

She had attempted scrambling away from the scene, only to be stopped, as several police officers had approached her, and demanded that she be taken in for questioning on accounts of assault and theft.

She was handcuffed before she could delete their memories, and eventually left, only to turn and find Issei staring at her hands, wondering why she was in cuffs, and she could simply not break out of it with her powers without drawing serious suspicion.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, was more infuriating than the boy's calm, somewhat caring gaze, as though he wasn't the source of all her misery! And so, she stormed off, finding herself in the park where she had planned on killing him in the first place, and he had approached, still with that look of innocence that made her want nothing more than to bash his face in.

"I have had it! Now I know what sort of monstrous power you possess that makes Azazel-sama want to keep his eye on you, but I will not let you make a fool of me any longer!"

She broke free of the handcuffs with ease, ripping the false clothes as she revealed herself, clad in the leather armor, ready to once and for all put an end to –

"What are – are you masturbating?"

The boy's pants had dropped to his ankles, and so had his boxers, revealing his member, with long girth and somewhat hitting eight inches, far larger than the average Japanese male, she stared at him with a mix of revulsion and utter bewilderment.

"There's a Fallen Angel in skimpy clothes literally dripping wet in front of me. Either I'm being punked in some a reality TV show, I'm dreaming, or I've somehow become the main character of a hentai. So yeah, I'm masturbating."

"You twisted, piece of –"

He gestured his hand up in motions that resembled someone pushing a remote. "Can we skip the part where you're still in faux denial, and get to the part where you're draped all over me?"

She blanched. "What?"

He gestured his palms towards his rod. "This dick isn't going to suck itself you know."

"You're not in a fucking hentai!"

"Yeah, you say that but…" Issei stared at the liquid flowing down the girl's legs and her clearly erect nipples.

"That's it!" A large light spear formed in her hands and –

"W-w-w-what?! Why is my spear shaped like a dildo?"

She stared at the large phallic object in confusion, dismissing it before summoning another one, and it returned in the exact same shape.

"You know, you might be on to something about this not being a hentai. It's way too poor in quality, and you're a really terrible pornstar, six minutes in and you're just playing with yourself."

She watched as the boy sighed, before dragging up his trousers, zipping up and turned his back to walk away.

"W-w-where do you think you're going?!"

"Home. To some real porn."

She blinked. All at once, she was filled with rage.

"That's it!" She lunged at him, going at full speed with her fist reared back, ready more than ever to kill the infernal, lustful abomination from the darkest pits of hell –

"Oh! A thousand yen bill!"

He bent, at that particular moment, and Raynare's eyes widened as she missed her target, finding herself slamming head first into the cement and ceramic water fountain. The geyser exploded, the resulting shockwave knocking down a nearby lamp fixture.

There was the flash of wires from the lamp post slowly approaching the water and all at once the Fallen Angel swore.

"EEAAARRRGGH!"

The volts of electricity which shot through every inch and every cranny of her body sent her shaking violently for at least three full minutes, until it came to an abrupt stop, and she fell over, eyes rolled into the back of her head in unconsciousness.

Hyoudou Issei stared, rubbing the back of his head as he approached the electrocuted woman. He reached into his pocket, bringing out a small notebook filled with the list of numerous sexual acts and challenges, before likewise bringing a pencil out of his pocket, striking out the entry for necrophilia.

Only to frown as the woman still twitched.

He decided to rub off the error in judgement.

In more ways than one.