Be mine

I have been lost but finally I saw the light. It's so beautiful. I wish you could see it too. For a long time I roamed in the darkness feeling nothing but hatred. My anger was satisfied at nothing. I don't know if you can even imagine the amount of my consuming rage. That much hatred can kill. It almost killed me. I would have died for sure if you wouldn't have been there. You kept me from drowning to my own hatred. And for that I'm grateful to you forevermore. I owe you quite a debt. I don't know if I can ever pay it back.

There's one thing I haven't told to anyone. Not even to you. You see I have always loved you. Always. Even in my darkest moment when I was consumed by excruciating hatred. It took time for me to realize that but eventually I did. Hatred trapped in me couldn't consume my love for you. I don't know how but my true feelings for you kept glowing in the darkest depths of my soul.

I couldn't possibly live without you. Knowing that you exist is enough to make me happy. The fact that you love me too is a miracle. I consider myself the happiest and most fortunate man on Earth. Not everyone is as lucky to have a man like you loving them. I don't know what I would do if I lost you. It's too horrible scenario to think. I had to think it once when you landed in coma after a fierce battle. That made me actually realize how precious you are, how much I love you. When they told me that you may not wake up, I thought of killing myself right there. There's no way in hell I'm going to live in a world without you. But I hope you can carry on if I die before you do. It would make me unbearably sad if you would hurt yourself because of me. I guess the best way for us to go would be in each other's arms, together. I know it sounds cliché. But being away from you even just in death is unbearable thought.

I like to think that you saved me. I know you may not agree with me on that. But does it really matter who saved whom? Truth is it was always you that made me convince myself to wait for another day, to see if tomorrow would be better than today. I couldn't take my life and leave you to that shithole of a place. Though I think I wouldn't have gone away even if I wouldn't have been there physically. I would have stayed just to make sure you are okay. Everything's good now, I have you here safely in my arms. But I know how the memories from Abbey still haunt you. They haunt me too but I don't wake up to my own scream in the middle of the night. I hope that my presence and arms around you make your nightmares go away. It's different for me, I suffer in silence. As you know, I'm not good at talking about my feelings. I only learned how to express hatred. That's why it is so hard for me to tell you how much I love you.

I love you. Well, that's an understatement, there are no words for what I feel for you. I love your red hair, your amazingly blue eyes. I love your pale lips and cold hands. I love your beautiful smile, your winning laughter. I love everything about you. I'm not sorry for the times I have driven you mad. It makes me realize how much I want you to be here with me every time you leave out of the door to cool off. I need you.

I'm sorry it took this long for me to do this (it's our 20th anniversary - kinda pathetic actually) but now that I'm older I understand everything better. I know what I want from life. I want you. I want you more than anything else. I bought this ring to tell you that. I think it would look awesome on your ring finger. Please be mine.

Happy anniversary my dear, dear Tala.