My first submission for SasoDei month and it's full of older kink tsundere goodness. Keep them eyes peeled for more when I get my lazy ass onto it. K thanks.

Deeper

i

In the dimly lit room, the sheen of sweat on Deidara's back marked the intensity of the late-night fuck. They'd been going at it, hard, for over forty minutes now. He was beginning to feel light-headed, all the sensation in his body pooling in his lower half, flaring with every thrust, scratch, pull, and threat of violence should he accidentally come too early. Sasori's hand gripped at Deidara's backside, squeezing the supple flesh between his fingers, nails digging inwards until the blonde was hissing in pain from that and everything else that had been done to him that evening. "Do you think you deserve this?" Sasori spat, the tremor in his voice giving away just how close he was to bursting. He liked to talk a mean game but Deidara had done this enough to recognize when Sasori was close to losing himself. Another thrust and Deidara cried out. Sasori's hand sprang forward, running his fingers through long blonde hair until he had enough within his grasp to make a fist. He pulled it back, like one pulled back the reigns on a horse. "answer me."

"Y-yes master, I deserve this and so much, ahh, more."

"Good." Sasori shoved Deidara's head back forward and the boy crumpled forward onto his elbows, hips still raised high. He tucked his head into his arms and squeezed his eyes shut. He wasn't going to last very long either.

"F-fuck, please, can I?"

"Not yet," Sasori growled, his fingers digging in around the curve of Deidara's hipbones. "Don't you dare." He pushed himself harder and though Deidara had promised to be a good boy and listen this time, there was no stopping the spill of pleasure that left him, its warmth dripping from both his stomach and thighs. He gasped and quivered, and despite breaking orders, this seemed to be just the thing Sasori needed to push him completely over the edge.

Sasori bent forward, a cry falling from his wet mouth as he slumped on top of Deidara, releasing himself in full. Both men, glistening in sweat and seed, collapsed onto the bed next to each other, panting from exertion.

Deidara was the first to move. He sat up and rubbed at his tender scalp. "Did you have to pull that hard?" Pouting, he turned to look back at Sasori. The redhead was lying with his arm thrown over his eyes, looking ready to fall asleep.

"Oh, shut up," he mumbled. "Can you go get a rag? It's your turn this time."

"Tch, fine." Deidara stood and his legs wobbled in protest. He thought about tomorrow's eight-hour shift at the shop and the History test he hadn't bothered studying for, if this kept up he'd have to start putting in time restrictions on their little meet-ups. That man could go all night if he really wanted to. For being sixteen years older than Deidara, Sasori had him beat when it came to stamina. He walked into Sasori's bathroom and opened the cupboard, took two washcloths and damped them. He cleaned himself off first, looking over his body to make sure Sasori hadn't left any marks that couldn't be hidden, and then walked back into the room and tossed the damp rag onto Sasori's stomach. The other jumped as if he had really fallen asleep. "I'm gonna head out," Deidara said as he dressed himself. "Early day tomorrow."

Sasori nodded, not bothering to look up. "That's fine. I'll see you around." Deidara showed himself out, like usual.

When Sasori finished cleaning the mess, he couldn't be bothered to throw the rag in the hamper. Rather he tossed it to the floor and turned off the bedside lamp. Hoping Deidara had remembered to lock the door behind him, he shut his eyes and the world out with it.

ii

Five months prior, Sasori had walked into the coffee shop around the corner from his apartment to find a new face staring haughtily back at him from the register. "A small coffee, black." The young blonde rang up his order, when Sasori had paid and turned to step aside however, the boy cleared his throat. Sasori looked back and the kid smiled then tapped the tip jar against the countertop.

"Have you seen a barista's salary?" He asked, studying Sasori from the feet up. "Sure couldn't buy a nice suit like that." Sasori fixed him with a glare but because he liked this shop more than any others around the area, he took two dollars out of his wallet and crammed it into the cup. "Geeze, how generous." The blonde rolled his eyes and examined the cup dryly.

"That's more than I paid for the coffee!" He looked around, noticing he was beginning to attract the attention of the other patrons. Putting a hand to his head, he muttered to himself and turned away, abandoning the issue. His face felt hot with embarrassment and he snatched the coffee from the blonde when it was handed to him. The whole experience had him in a bad mood for the rest of the day and the longer he thought about it the more riled up he seemed to get. It was for this reason he stormed back into the shop after work and asked for the name of the new blonde employee.

Deidara, what a stupid name he thought.

The next day when he returned Deidara was leaning over the counter engaged in a flirtatious conversation with a young woman, elbows propping him up. He must have thought himself quite the charmer, that much was evident in the way he held himself, seemingly dismissing the work he was being paid to do. Sasori also noticed the tip jar on the counter was full, much to his annoyance. He tapped his foot, impatiently waiting for the conversation to end when the blonde's blue eyes flickered over to him. "Excuse me, looks like we'll have to continue this later." He winked at the girl and she giggled, earning a groan of disbelief from Sasori. When the girl moved and Sasori approached the counter, the dumb, arrogant look across Deidara's face didn't budge. "Heard you were looking for me yesterday," he grinned and Sasori's expression soured.

"Can you just get me my drink? And for the record," he said lowly in an effort to appear threatening. Though being a man barely coming in at 5'3" in a pressed suit the effect was somewhat dampened. "I wasn't looking for you." Deidara took the bills Sasori had placed onto the counter and then grabbed a cup and the hot pot from behind him.

"Then what were you doing?" He asked as he poured.

"None of your business," Sasori snapped. Deidara only smirked in response. Truth was, Sasori didn't really have a good answer. He had stormed in with the intent of making a complaint but after he'd asked for the name he faltered, feeling embarrassed at having such a heated reaction to a three-minute exchange that had happened hours before. He had awkwardly left the shop that evening, hoping they wouldn't let Deidara know he had returned. But they had and he felt his face pinken as Deidara handed the cup to him.

"Whatever you say," Deidara then winked at Sasori who had clearly not been expecting the reaction. The redhead fumbled with his cup, trying not to spill the hot contents over his hands as he took the lid Deidara offered with two fingers. He left promptly, ignoring the light trill of laughter that followed him out.

By the fifth time Sasori returned to the shop while Deidara was working, the blonde scrawled something on the cup before handing it to Sasori. Curiously, Sasori turned it in his hand and frowned. "What's this?" Deidara shut the register door and sighed.

"It's a phone number, what does it look like?"

"I can see that, you idiot. Why are you giving it to me?"

Deidara laughed, unfazed by the insult. "Same reason you keep coming in here, I want something from you."

The man blanched and then shook out his red hair desperately. "W-what? No, no, that's not it at all. I've been coming here-"

"I've got class after work but I'm usually available by eight. Anyways, I do have work to do, you know." He waved a slender hand at Sasori before sauntering off into the storeroom, leaving Sasori standing there with his mouth agape. He swallowed and took a careful look around, nobody seemed to be paying attention but that didn't stop Sasori from feeling humiliated. He rushed through the door as if he were late for work.

The cup seemed to mock him throughout the entire day. Sasori would be in the middle of his work when his brown eyes would sweep over, eyeing the phone number with a mixture of curiosity and disgust. Deidara was much younger than him, the kid barely looked legal, and Sasori could not for the life of him figure out why someone so young would have an interest in a middle-aged man like himself. To some degree it was flattering, thirty-five had been a rough year on him. He was so stressed at times he'd forget to eat and couldn't sleep, something that was beginning to show on his face in the form of dark circles and a pale complexion. But on the other hand, he would now have to look for a new place to get his morning coffee and that inconvenience smothered out any form of flattery he felt.

Still, he couldn't seem to take his mind completely off Deidara. The whole day seemed to run by him and he was as surprised as anyone when he came home and had brought the empty paper cup with him. It sat on the counter as he made dinner, watching him scrupulously as he ate alone at the table, and even somehow could be sensed through the walls as he laid down and tried to sleep. He hadn't called that night, he never intended to, but something still stopped him from throwing the damn thing away.

The next day he went without his morning caffeine. This proved to be a mistake as by midday his head was splitting and he was as foul-tempered as ever. By the time he made it home he had half a mind to call Deidara just to harass him for making his life so difficult, even from a distance. And that's what he did, at exactly 8:15.

"Hello?" Deidara asked. Sasori suddenly realized he didn't know what to say, despite all the confidence he had been fueled by only moments before. "Hey, I can hear you breathing you know, who the hell is this?"

"It's Sasori." Dumb. He hadn't meant to say that. Cringing, he lowered the phone and shook his head out in frustration. He brought the phone back in time to hear Deidara humming curiously.

"Oh! The redhead, yeah? I didn't think you'd actually call!" Just when Sasori had thought he couldn't humiliate himself further, the ball in his stomach dropped, this was all going so, so wrong. "So, I take it you're interested?"

"I'm what?"

"What's your address?"

Sasori's mouth seemed to dry up as he desperately searched the floor. What was he doing? Acting like such a moron at a time like this was unacceptable. "I'm a block up from the coffee shop, on the corner of tenth street, apartment number 25C." Oops.

"I'll see you in twenty," and the line clicked. For a moment Sasori just stared out into nothing, his hand falling into his lap. Had he said twenty minutes? As if a bolt of electricity had shocked him, Sasori flung himself from the kitchen table and began picking up. Not that his place necessarily needed it, he was a relatively neat person after all, but the frantic scrambling helped him avoid the total meltdown he was about to have. By the time Deidara came knocking at the door, Sasori had brushed his teeth twice, tried for far too long to flatten his hair, and rearranged the couch pillows so many times he'd lost count. He opened the door and Deidara grinned at him, leaning against the doorframe so casual and cool.

"Deidara, hi," Sasori breathed. The boy stepped in, sweeping Sasori's chest as he passed.

"Sasori." He looked around the living room, impressed. "Man, look at this place. How much money do you make anyways?"

"That's none of your concern," Sasori snapped, crossing his arms and watching as Deidara probed around the room. The blonde moved towards the couch and plopped himself down, dropping his bag to the floor with a sigh.

"Yeah, whatever." He turned to look at Sasori who was still standing awkwardly by the door. Deidara grinned and patted the space next to him. "You scared or somethin'?" The cold glare Sasori wore on his face didn't budge as he moved to sit down next to Deidara. "You don't do this often, do you?"

Well, he hadn't meant to do it at all in the first place. "No, not really."

Deidara gave a small laugh, "okay, leave it up to me, yeah?" Sasori swallowed, not quite sure what to say, or think for that matter. He stilled when Deidara placed a slender hand on his thigh and leaned forward with a mischievous show of his teeth, his eyes heavy-lidded. As Deidara crept closer and his hand moved higher, Sasori didn't even notice he had been scooting back until his back hit the arm of the couch and he couldn't pull away any farther. "Shut your eyes, you weirdo," Deidara teased. Sasori squeezed his eyes shut just as Deidara carefully laid a kiss onto his parted mouth. Sasori immediately relaxed into the kiss and the slump of his body urged Deidara to press against him harder. Unsure, Sasori brought his arms up to Deidara's and he ran his fingers upwards, slipping them beneath the edges of his sleeves. His skin was hot to the touch. Deidara crawled forward, breaking apart the kiss as he moved to straddle Sasori. The redhead's hands slipped down, resting against the boy's lower back. There wasn't a single thought in Sasori's mind as he stared up into those deep blues, he licked his lips and then pulled Deidara back down, crushing against him.

Deidara rolled his hips against Sasori's erection, forcing the man to grip even harder against Deidara's back. He bit at Deidara's lip, smirking at the small gasp of pain that gave way. It had been so long since Sasori had felt himself get so excited, it was almost difficult to hold himself back. He thought if he wasn't careful, he'd rip the boy to shreds. Banking off this sudden predatory drive, Sasori pushed forward, bringing Deidara to his back against the couch, pressing himself neatly up against him. The blonde's legs wrapped around Sasori's waist and he twisted his fingers through ruffled red hair, "do whatever you want to me," Deidara whispered, nipping up at Sasori playfully.

"You sure about that?" Sasori replied heavily. He did love a good challenge, if that's how the kid wanted to play he'd happily rise to it. He sat up and swiftly unbuttoned Deidara's pants, grabbing them and yanking them down far enough for his stiff cock to slip out. The boy snapped his eyes shut and moaned as Sasori wrapped his fingers around it, slowly rubbing him up and down. Sasori watched his reaction carefully, fond of the way Deidara's mouth trembled and his cheeks flushed, of the way his back arched and his fingers dug into the couch. Wanting to see more, Sasori lowered himself down and lapped at the head of the boy's erection. A small smirk adorned his lips, how he loved those sounds of such helpless pleasure. And then shock, those gasps and desperate breaths that left Deidara as his cock was taken in full and lightly sucked on, they were some of the best noises a human could make. Sasori worked his mouth into a steady motion, following with the gentle squeeze of his fingers pumping boldly after each suck.

"I'm going to come," Deidara gasped and Sasori purred in approval against the burst of cum that filled his mouth, slipping back afterwards and forcing himself to swallow. Deidara panted, watching Sasori with clouded eyes. He melted into the kiss Sasori forced upon him then, tasting himself with every sweep of Sasori's tongue. But the ringing of a phone somewhere near the ground stole his attention away and he broke apart. "Ah, dammit, I'm sorry." Deidara leaned over and dug the phone from his pants, scoffing at the caller ID. "I gotta take this, give me a minute." Sasori sat back with a sigh, feeling both wound and exhausted. "Hey mom," Deidara briefly glanced at Sasori who almost immediately had to stop himself from laughing. "Ah, I forgot. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah. Give me thirty minutes, I'm on my bike." The blonde placed a hand to his head and mumbled, "love you too, yeah, bye mom." He clicked the phone shut and then slumped back, frowning and groaning.

"Is it past your bedtime?" Sasori simpered and Deidara threw him a glare.

"Oh shut it, old man. I could ask you the same thing." This immediately made Sasori sober up and he rolled his eyes. "Anyways, uh, thanks for that. I really owe you one."

"Tch, damn right you do." Sasori slid his gaze back to the boy and flashed him a dangerous smile. "I certainly wasn't doing you any favors."

"Hmm," Deidara returned the expression in full. "Then next time, yeah?"

When Deidara left and Sasori was back in his empty house, he forced himself into the shower and then climbed into bed, for what it was worth yes, he nearly had been up past his bedtime but he had work the next day and he didn't need to defend himself in the first place. But all the same, Sasori fell asleep with a small smile tugging at his lips.

iii

Thursdays became a regular activity for them. Deidara showed up around 8:30 and the two would fuck and abuse one another until both had been satisfied in the loudest most intense ways possible. Afterwards, Deidara never stuck around and in the beginning that was fine for Sasori, he preferred it that way. This amount of human contact was plenty for him, at one point in his life it would have even been too much, but he was growing and adapting and with it came the tolerance for touch.

And maybe even a little more, he'd come to discover.

It was a Tuesday evening when Sasori was looking for the television remote between the cushions of the couch when he found Deidara's hair tie. He flipped it around between his fingers and gave up on his search, sitting instead with his eyes affixed to the rubber band. A small pang in his chest suddenly made him realize just how quiet his home was without all the noise Deidara made. Senseless chatter, tender mewling, heavy panting, all of the sounds that filled his home on Thursday evenings he found himself missing. Sasori stood and placed the hair tie in the bathroom, he'd remind Deidara about it next time he saw him. With much less energy than before, Sasori trudged back into the living room and resumed looking for the remote.

The next morning, Sasori felt a strange nervousness follow him into the coffee shop. It was more obvious than he had wanted it to be as Deidara almost immediately noticed something was off. "What's up with you?" He asked as he poured a cup of coffee. Sasori dug through his wallet for change and glanced up.

"Huh? Oh, it's nothing."

"Hmm, well if you say so." Sasori took the coffee from Deidara and made to leave, halting almost unwillingly before he strayed too far from the counter.

"Well, actually." Deidara looked up from the bar, blinking beneath the curtain of hair that hung in his face. "Are you busy tonight?" Sasori twisted his fingers together, feeling stupid for feeling so anxious.

"Not really, why?"

"Do you want to come over? I've…I've got nothing going on." And the company would be nice, but he didn't let that part slip. Deidara grinned and then leaned over the counter, raising a brow playfully.

"Do you miss me or something?"

Sasori huffed and turned away. "I'm leaving now. See you at the regular time?"

"Yeah, I'll be there!"

Despite the pleasant exchange that morning, Sasori went through the day feeling weighed down by something somber. He couldn't quite place why he felt that way, but he knew that the idea of seeing Deidara seemed to make it ease up a bit. He questioned that too though, because why should it matter? It was just a fuck, wasn't it? The mood followed him home and lingered as he ate dinner. He had found two hair pins on his kitchen counter while he had been cooking and the same hollow feeling returned, they weighed heavy in his pocket. When he was finished eating and cleaning, he placed the pins into a drawer in the bathroom, a new home for all of Deidara's random junk seemingly scattered around. What a mess that boy was.

By 8:30, Sasori felt uncomfortable and hot. He opened the door with a grimace and Deidara walked in, his eyebrows pinched together in concern. "Seriously, are you okay? You look sick." Sasori sharply took in a breath as Deidara's cool hand brushed up against his forehead and cheek. The touch seemed to linger unpleasantly, leaving Sasori feeling clammy instead of sweaty.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He rubbed at his neck. Truth was, he wasn't fine. In the time between dinner and Deidara's arrival, Sasori had laid face first into his bed mulling over what was happening to him. He realized about midway through that what he was feeling was loneliness, something he hadn't felt since his grandmother's passing five years ago. It was a heavy emotion that had a tendency to drive him dull if he left it alone to fester. But fixing it was an entirely different struggle. "Though, I wanted to try something different this time, if you wouldn't mind." He dared to look at Deidara, who was watching him seriously. Sasori tried hard not to wilt beneath the scrutiny.

"Like what?"

"Something, I don't know," Sasori's voice shook, his nerves were reaching him. "Something a little softer, I guess." Deidara dropped his bag and smirked, tilting his head so that his hair hung to the side of his face.

"Interesting choice, I don't mind though, we can try it."

Sasori swallowed the lump in his throat and forced himself to move forward, he slipped his hand into Deidara's and gently guided him towards the bedroom. Deidara moved stiffly at first, as if he hadn't expected such an innocent gesture, but quickly fell into stride and gave a small reassuring squeeze. They stopped near the bed and in the dim light, only lit up by the lights left on in the living room, Sasori locked eyes with Deidara. He bit at his lip, he didn't want to say something stupid but at the same time he needed something to convey what he was feeling. Slowly, he brought a hand up and tucked the fringe of blonde hair behind Deidara's ear. His hand slipped to the boy's shoulder and he trailed it down his arm, gently hooking his fingers into the other's. Sasori took a step forward and gently pressed a kiss to the corner of Deidara's mouth, whose reaction was just as sweet as he leaned over and nuzzled his face against Sasori's cheek. They brought their mouths together, deeply, tasting each other in slow and tempered motions. Sasori broke the kiss to pull Deidara's shirt over his head, Deidara followed suit and they made contact, skin pressed against skin. Their hands slowly explored one another, drifting across rounded shoulder blades and over soft stomachs, through tousled red locks and long blonde strands. Each gentle motion eliciting soft moans and hardened grips.

They drifted towards the bed where Sasori held himself above Deidara, he trailed a line of kisses down the blonde's throat and across his chest, where his fingers made idle circles down towards his hips. Deidara raised them and Sasori gently tugged his pants down over his cock. Sasori removed the rest of his clothes and the sweet swell of happiness and pure pleasure that coursed through him as they rubbed softly against one another had his head spinning. "Deidara," he breathed, laying a small kiss on the younger boy's forehead. "I'm glad you came."

"So am I, we should do this more often." They shared a smile and Sasori laughed, feeling as if every empty space in his chest had been filled with something warm and familiar. Deidara pushed against him, rolling Sasori over to his back and climbing up to sit on his hips. He spat on his hand and slathered Sasori's erection, lifted his hips and then slowly lowered himself down onto it. The redhead gasped and pushed his head back into the pillow as he sank deeper and deeper inside. His hands moved to clutch at Deidara's hips, following the steady grind Deidara was working. Looking up at him and the way he held his hair from his face, the way he looked so lost in sensation with each thrust, Sasori felt that he'd never seen a more beautiful sight. He reached up and pulled Deidara's face closer to his, desperate for another taste.

"Ah!" Deidara broke away and lowered his head to the crook of Sasori's neck, "faster, don't stop!" He ground his teeth together as Sasori picked up his pace, pounding up against Deidara until he felt himself approaching climax. Deidara's fingers wrapped around Sasori's shoulders and he held on tightly, crying out and shuddering as he spilled onto himself and his partner, the other reaching orgasm shortly after with just as much intensity. Deidara kept crouched on top of Sasori, breathing heavily. Without even thinking, Sasori ran his hand over Deidara's back in an effort to calm him.

"Deidara?"

"Hm?"

"Will you sleep here tonight?" Deidara pulled back, looking down at Sasori with a strange expression.

"If you want me to, sure."

Sasori nodded and Deidara returned him a smile. They cleaned themselves off and moved to the living room where Sasori made it thirty minutes into a movie before falling asleep against Deidara's shoulder. While Deidara didn't mind, he felt guilty for breaking his own rule. He never stayed the night at a fling's house, those sorts of things were reserved for serious pursuits, not side grabs. But it was hard to say no to Sasori. Truth was he was behind on his homework and had planned to spend the night catching up, but when Sasori had asked him to come over, his mind seemed to conveniently slip right over that. It's just one time, it doesn't change anything, he reassured himself before leaning his head on top of Sasori's and putting another handful of popcorn into his mouth.

iv

Sasori woke to an empty bed the next morning, something he had expected and yet he felt disappointed. He remembered sleepily clambering to his bed the night before, led in hand by Deidara who teased him and slipped in beside him. He could recall how it felt to pull the boy's warm body up to his, to wrap his arm around his waist and kiss at his exposed shoulder even though sleep was pulling him away. It felt good, more so than that, it felt right. So waking up alone as if it were any other day really put into perspective the lonely life he lived. He hated it.

On his way to work, like usual, he stopped in for his morning coffee. "Are those my clothes?" Sasori asked as he eyed the neat white shirt and pressed navy pants. Those clothes looked far too nice to be anything Deidara owned.

"Mhm, looks pretty good on me, yeah?"

Sasori handed him the money and frowned. "I want those back, you know."

"Well I had nothing to wear! You didn't expect me to put on yesterday's clothes, did you? Yuck."

"Then maybe you should just start keeping some spares at my place," he sniffed. Suddenly realizing what he said he looked at Deidara, the boy flushed and then turned around flustered, looking for a lid. "Er, I mean. Just in case. If you want. I don't know." Sasori could have murdered himself just then, his own face was growing hot and he clumsily took the cup from Deidara's own sloppy hand. Sasori cleared his throat and then looked at the ceiling, the door, the street outside. Anything but the boy in front of him. "Hm, I should get going."

"You're going to be late."

"Seems like it." Sasori turned on his heel and tightly walked towards the exit, coming to a stiff halt as Deidara called out to him.

"Same time tonight?" The heat moved from Sasori's face to his chest and he couldn't stop himself from gaping over his shoulder. He shut his mouth with a small smile and nodded. Deidara looked relieved. "Alright, soon then."

"Sure, soon." And Sasori stole out the door with a different stride.

When Sasori came home he noticed Deidara had left yesterday's clothes crumpled on the bathroom floor. Feeling both amused and irritated, Sasori snatched them up and threw them in with the rest of his laundry. When they finished washing, he so casually folded them and cleared a drawer in his dresser for them to stay. He liked the way Deidara's stuff looked as if it belonged in his home, maybe that was why he kept forgetting to mention all of the small things beginning to pile up, he didn't want to see them leave. His thoughts were interrupted by the vibrations in his pocket, plucking out his phone and seeing Deidara's name flash across the screen, he jumped to answer it.

"Yes?" Too excited, he thought, tone it down. "I mean, hello?"

"Hey you," Deidara drawled over the wind brushing against the mouthpiece. He must have been outside. "Work let me go early, was wondering if I should come early, maybe pick up something to eat on the way?"

"O-oh, I mean, yeah, if you like." Sasori rustled his hair and laughed awkwardly. "What time will you be over?" Deidara grunted and fumbled with something on the other end.

"In like two minutes. I'm already here, just chaining my bike up. Unlock your door!" And he hung up. Sasori opened his front door and leaned against the frame in waiting. He heard the blonde stamping up the stairwell and smiled to himself. "Oi, you owe me eight dollars," Sasori fumbled with the bag of food that was hastily shoved into his arms before scowling at his guest, who had strolled in, kicked his shoes off and was quickly making himself at home.

"Hmph, take it out of all those tips I've been giving you at work, god knows you don't deserve them."

"You're a pretty cheap date, you know that?" Both of them grew quiet at the word and Sasori felt the blush creeping into his cheeks. He hurried into the kitchen and started rummaging through the drawers while Deidara clumsily took the food from the bags, face screwed up and embarrassed.

"Plates, right? We need plates."

"Yeah, good idea."

They sat across from each other picking at their food in a strained silence. Finally, Sasori sighed and looked up. "I don't like this."

"What?" Deidara asked through a mouthful. He looked down at his plate and pointed at it with his chopsticks. "You're crazy, everyone loves this place." Groaning, Sasori placed his utensils down and rubbed at his eyes. He was feeling more tired than usual.

"Not the food, you idiot. This, whatever this is." He motioned at the two of them and Deidara swallowed, looking off to the side guiltily.

"Do we really need to give it a name? It's just fun, right?" He peeked back at the redhead carefully, studying the man's face. The pink stain on his cheeks and the pout playing at his lips made him look much younger, it would have been cute if the situation wasn't making Deidara feel faint.

"Is that all it is?"

"Well, yeah." Deidara could only offer that back and judging by the crestfallen look that passed over Sasori's face, it hadn't been enough. "That's what I thought anyways. You never said-"

"Forget it," Sasori stood suddenly, his chair wobbling as it was shoved back. "Just forget I said anything."

"How am I supposed to do that, hm?" Deidara snapped, slapping his hands to the table as he stood too. Sasori shot him a dirty look and Deidara scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Again with the moods, oh grow up Sasori."

"Grow up? You're one to talk!"

"I'm as grown up as I need to be right now, I'm nineteen, what are you, almost forty?"

"Not even, you brat!" He bit back snidely. Sasori stomped towards the kitchen where he grabbed his keys from the bowl on the counter. "I'm leaving."

"Where are you going? This is your place, I'm the one that should be leaving, you idiot." Seething, Sasori stopped in his tracks and turned to look over his shoulder at the blonde, equally as hot.

"Then go."

"Fine, I will."

"Good."

Deidara stared at him stubbornly before casting his eyes down. "Tch, way to ruin a perfectly fine night." He stalked over to his bag and threw it over his shoulder, slipped on his shoes and then strode to the door. "Call me when you get your shit together, yeah?" he turned his nose up and then left, leaving Sasori once again in a home that was much too quiet. He looked around at the unfinished meal on the table and his stomach tightened, he really had made a mess out of nothing. He cleaned up dinner if not just to take away any reminders of what he'd just done and then went off to the shower. In there, he sat with his head bowed beneath the stream, his fingers weaving through his flattened hair. He could have just kept his mouth shut, if he had at least Deidara would still be here within his reach, but for how long could he have done this for? Sasori didn't want to pretend anymore, he didn't want to quell his loneliness with shallow passing relationships, all that ever did was make him feel worse once he was left to his own again. And he was tired of it. Tired of all the empty drawers, the meals for one, of falling asleep on the couch and having no one there to drag him off of it, he was too old for all of that. For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, he was tired of being alone.

But now he was back at square one, with not a soul around to remind him that he too could be loved or wanted just like anyone else. And the only person he could blame was himself.

v.

It had been two weeks since Sasori had stopped drinking coffee. He had moved on to tea, tea he made at home, tea that saved him money and dignity by keeping him away from any shop looking to rob him of either of those things. He hadn't made the effort to call Deidara and being almost just as stubborn as Sasori was, Deidara didn't try very hard either. Sasori's days were starting to blur together and he didn't bother trying to find something to break up the monotony of his day to day rituals. As far as he was concerned, there wasn't anything better than what he once had and replacing something of such high value was bound to be more trouble than it was worth.

So, everything remained the same. Lonely and quiet. Which was about as much as he deserved considering.

It wasn't until one night almost four weeks later that Sasori began to think otherwise. He had finished his weekly round of laundry and was putting everything in its place when he opened up a drawer he hadn't touched in a while. Deidara's clothes sat innocently in the corner of the drawer, neatly pressed and folded. Sasori picked them up and held them in his hands, studying them when a crushing realization hit him.

He really could be such an idiot sometimes.

Sasori dropped the clothes back in the drawer and looked at the clock, it was a little after 7:30, just enough time to do what he needed to. He threw on a suitable outfit, dabbed some water pointlessly on his hair and then nearly ran out the front door. Deidara's university was only a ten-minute drive from his block, but at the speed he maintained, he pulled up in front of it in five. His watch read 7:53. All he could hope at this point was that he hadn't waited too long, that Deidara could look past all of Sasori's dumb, senseless inexperience and see that at his core he only ever meant well. Sasori looked out of his window as the doors to the front hall opened and a group of students began to dissipate. He searched frantically until his eyes fell upon a familiar blonde head. His heart leapt to his throat but there was no time to consider nerves, he had to at least try to fix this. Leaping from his car, he ran across the grass and waved an arm, "Deidara!" He came to a stumbling halt as the boy fixed his startled eyes on the source of noise. Deidara broke into a quick stride and met Sasori where he stood.

"What are you doing here?"

"I want to ask you out to dinner," Sasori said, no longer trying to filter the words he needed to get out.

Deidara took a step back and shook his head as if he hadn't heard that correctly. "What? What are you talking about?" Sasori reached forward and grabbed Deidara's hands in his, bringing the two of them closer together.

"I mean, I want to do it right this time. I want to take you on a date, I want to talk to you about pointless things, I want to hear your loud, dumb laugh, I want to give you all the things you deserve and I've been such an idiot, I'm sorry-" His apology was cut off as Deidara threw himself forward, wrapping his arms around Sasori's neck. Their mouths met in a heated kiss and all the hesitation, nerves and frustration seemed to melt from him. It was just as nice as he remembered it being, possibly even better. Deidara pulled away first, leaning his forehead against Sasori's.

"I've been waiting for you, you know."

"Have you?"

"Yeah, all month. Stupid. All you ever had to do was ask." Sasori smiled and then laughed, a genuine sound that made the other boy shake with laughter too. "Come on, I have a perfect place in mind." He grabbed Sasori's hand and began pulling him towards the parking lot.

"We're going right now?"

"Okay, now you're really being a cheap date."

Sasori laughed, intertwining his fingers with Deidara's. "Cut me some slack, I'm working on it." And he felt good, like after all this time he too was finally getting what he really deserved.