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Robot From The Future
Trigger warnings: Depression, thoughts of suicide.
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He woke up that morning determined. He walked into the kitchen and smelled her vanilla perfume, recalling the time he had a nightmare and she had run into his room after she moved into Grimmauld Place.
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He was woken up by being gently shaken, and his name being repeated."You were having a nightmare," she softly said, running her fingers through his hair.He sat up, unaware of the way her eyes hungrily roamed his bare chest, "I'm sorry," he stated with no emotion evident in his voice."What to talk about it?" she questioned, moving from her position on the floor to sitting on the bed next to him, their bodies touching."I see your face and only your face, that moment when Hagrid carried me. I see Remus and Tonks, they are screaming at me for not saving them. I see Teddy growing up without a family." He faintly said, reaching to grab her hand. He doesn't tell her anything else, her mind doesn't deserve to know what he is going through. No one does.She said nothing and ignored the tears that streamed down his face; resting her head along his shoulder, she whispered "I'm here for you."He wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed the top of her head. They sat for an hour before they both fell asleep, sitting up with his arms wrapped protectively around her.It was the first of many nights they slept like that. They never spoke of it the next morning and told no one what comfort they gave each other.~OoOoOoOo~
Shaking his head to dispel the thoughts, he fire-called Andromeda and said he was coming down with a cold so he couldn't take his godson today but to remind him that he loved him. He had been watching Teddy for almost a year for her. She clung to Teddy just as much as Teddy did the same to her.
Those four words she said to him before his life changed repeated over and over in his brain since May 3, 1998.
He withdrew after the war - pushed everyone away, pushed her right into the arms of Neville. He couldn't handle looking at the faces of the living to only see the dead. He gave up going to school and finding a job. He didn't really expect to live after the final battle and he couldn't unload his burden onto other people. He spent a ridiculous amount of money on Firewhiskey, hoping that he could dull down his senses. be around people without seeing their loved ones saying that was his fault.
He fell in love with her the first time he saved her - it was an innocent kind of love that only grew after she helped save Sirius. At that moment he knew that he wanted to spend his life with her but she only had eyes for Weasley. He resolved that as long as she was happy he was happy. How he longed to hold her in his arms every morning, give her gentle kisses as she woke up. Her telling her hopes and dreams to him as more than a friend. He couldn't stand to see her every morning and night and she not be his but he apparently lost that right of being alone once he drank himself into a coma. She screamed herself hoarse when he woke up a week later; he could recall how tears gathered in her eyes as she called him every name in the book then she flung herself in his lap and shed the tears. She regulated his alcohol, so he was going to bed without it but what she didn't understand was that was when the demons came out to play with his mind.
He grabbed the only note he wrote, to her, she was the only one who deserve a reason why and put it on his bed where she would look for him. He grabbed his invisibility cloak wrapped it around his body, glancing in the mirror to make sure no part of him was seen and apparated to the Ministry.
Getting down to the Department of Mysteries was as easy as the last time he came here. He heard her laugh as he walked past a group of the Unspeakables, not glancing around he rushed into the death chamber.
He looked around the room to make sure he was alone before he threw off the cloak and started to walk up the stairs. With every step he took he heard the voices of his loved ones coming out of the tattered black curtain. The strongest voice that called out to him was his godfather, he couldn't understand everything he was saying but he heard his name enough times.
He fell to his knees a foot away from the Veil, reaching out his hand but an invisible barrier stopped just short. He cried for the family he lost, his mother, father, and godfather. He cried for the family he would never get to know. He cried for the Weasleys, now that their family was torn apart because of him. He cried for her. He stood up and whispered goodbye before he flung himself into the Veil.
His feet lifted off the ground but instead of going forward he flew backwards and landed at the bottom of the stairs in a cushioning charm.
"Harry James Potter!" Hermione's voice screeched out next to him, "What are you doing?!"
Harry couldn't respond, he couldn't even look at her, he just kept trying to climb up the stairs.
Hermione sunk to the ground next to him, waving her wand to pull out her invisible barrier to the stairs. "You have to get help Harry." She quietly moaned, leaving her head down. Ignoring his frustrated sound at not being able to go up the stairs. "I saw you come in here, the doors don't open by themselves. I slipped in here, I thought you wanted to have some peace with Sirius, if I thought you were going to kill yourself I wouldn't have let you up there.
"I'll go with you." He heard her say, and whipping his head around he stared at her.
"What?" He stammered out, "Don't say those words again!"
She pushed him flat onto the ground and straddled him. "I will go with you to a healer, arsehole." She spoke through her clenched teeth. "I love you," she softened her voice and grazed her lips against his.
He roughly pulled her flush against his body as it was shook with tears. "I love you," he whispered over and over again.