And we're back!
"Do you have to announce all of your new chapters like that?" Zelena questioned as she adjusted her position, impatient for the battle to begin as she sat in Hades's lair.
…Okay, I understand I agreed to let you stay for the sarcasm, but I thought you might target it more at the competitors. Or even Hades. Not just me.
"I believe the saying is, 'you pitch one down the middle…?'"
Fair enough.
"Are you two done bickering yet?" Hades asked, irritated.
Sorry. …What was I saying again?
Hades groaned. "Why do I even keep you around?"
Because I have author powers and you don't.
"Like Regina's boy?" Zelena asked.
Sort of. But mine work with a computer. And give me this cool, bolded text. …Except in Ask!.
The witch looked confused. "What's Ask!?"
Er, never mind.
"Are you going to introduce our wildcard match competitors or not?" Hades asked.
Right, right. On it. Ahem.
Introducing our wildcard match competitors!
A large, shadowy beast appeared in a dark cloud of smoke on one side of the room, its eyes glowing orange as it growled viciously, examining its surroundings carefully.
He's an ancient demon from within Bald Mountain. This bad dude was summoned from darkness in order to protect the Dark Curse from falling into the wrong hands. Too bad he fell victim to inertia. It's the Chernabog!
"Wait," Zelena interrupted before the next competitor could be introduced. "The Chernabog targets the heart with the greatest potential for evil, right? So wouldn't it target me or you?" she asked Hades.
"Don't worry, my darling," Hades assured his love. "It took some unique spells, but I've ensured that the Chernabog will only attack his opponent. He won't even see anyone else in the room."
Clever.
"Thank you. Introduce the next competitor."
Right.
On the side of the room opposite from Chernabog, a puff of purple smoke appeared before fading, revealing a handsome but slightly disheveled man wearing ragged clothing and wielding a sword.
After losing everything he had to a gang of dastards, this man dedicated his life to revenge at any cost. He's a schemer, a murderer, and a master of disguise, but he's a romantic at heart, which proved to be his downfall when he refused to kill an innocent woman. Introducing Edmond Dantès, the Count of Monte Cristo!
Now, tell 'em where we're headed, H-Man!
"I said don't call me-" Hades sighed, stopping himself. "Never mind. And anyway, we aren't heading anywhere. The battlefield is my lair."
…Oh. That's kind of anticlimactic.
Zelena raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you the one who picked the battlefields?"
Well, yeah, but I didn't think about the fact that we wouldn't get a cool transition if we did a battle here.
Ignoring him, Hades once again lifted his and Zelena's chairs to a safe altitude.
…And with that, let the battle… begin!
…
…
…
Seriously? Is this going to happen every time?
"What's the matter this time?" Zelena questioned with a scowl.
"They're frozen," Hades responded. Indeed, Edmond and Chernabog hadn't moved a muscle since their initial appearance.
Ohhh, right. I did that so they wouldn't interrupt us before the battle began. My bad!
"As usual," Zelena mumbled.
I heard that.
"I know."
…Yeah, okay, fine.
A bright flash of light appeared yet again as Edmond and Chernabog snapped back to life.
"My God," Edmond muttered as he examined the massive demon. "What is this… thing?"
"Your opponent," Hades responded. "Have fun."
Edmond drew his sword as the Chernabog roared and took a step towards him.
We really need to have a match between two people who can talk.
"Quiet," Zelena and Hades demanded in sync.
Fine. Sorry.
Chernabog continued to move in Edmond's direction as Edmond backed away, unsure where to begin in fighting it. As he took yet another step back, his foot teetered on the edge of the green river flowing out of the center of Hades's lair.
"Careful," Hades warned. "That's the Acheron, the river of lost souls. You touch one drop of that water, you're doomed to eternal torture. And the Chernabog wins the match."
"Of course," Edmond grumbled, stepping away from the edge of the river. "What about these other rivers? The same?"
Not exactly. The yellow river is the river Lethe, the river of forgetfulness, which will cause you to forget more and more the longer you're exposed. The red river is the river Phlegethon, the river of flame, which is made up of lava and therefore extremely painful. The gray river is the river Cocytus, the river of lamentation, which causes you to become overwhelmed by negative emotions. And the blue river is the river Styx, the river of Charon, which… Actually, I don't really know what it does. Hades?
"Not important," Hades answered. "The point is, stay out of the water or you'll regret it."
During this exposition, Edmond and Chernabog continued to move around the lair, Chernabog edging closer to Edmond and Edmond avoiding the Chernabog and the water at all costs.
"This is boring," Zelena whined. "He's too strategic. Let's just disintegrate him and move onto the next match."
"Is that a possibility?" Edmond asked.
Nah. That wouldn't be fun.
"Although, it becomes more fun than the alternative the longer you take," Hades threatened nonchalantly. "So I'd hurry it up."
"Very well," Edmond said with a sigh. "Come at me, beast!"
In response, the Chernabog spread its massive bat wings, smashing various pieces of furniture within the lair to Hades's dismay, and took flight, flying backward before charging the count. Edmond reacted quickly, building up momentum before dropping to the ground and sliding under the hellbeast limbo-style, holding out his sword to slice it in the stomach as he went. Unfortunately for his plan, the sword crashed into the Chernabog's rock-like skin and was knocked out of his hand.
So that's what happens when you attack the Chernabog physically.
"What do you mean, 'physically'?" Edmond asked, getting to his feet to observe the lack of damage and move to retrieve his weapon.
Well, when Emma, Regina, and Maleficent each fought the Chernabog, they stunned it with magic. No one ever tried stabbing it.
"But I don't have magic," Edmond complained as the Chernabog prepared for another attack.
"Sounds like you're in for a tough fight, then," Zelena replied.
Edmond scowled and leaped out of the way of the Chernabog's second charge, though the beast's claw scraped his legs, knocking him off course and landing him on the edge of the Acheron, the tip of his sword dipped in its water. He grunted as he rolled over off of his stomach and examined the damage to his leg, which, fortunately, was minimal. He then took a look at his sword, watching a drop of the Acheron water run down the blade as he held it upright before puddling on the hilt. "I wonder…"
Before he could finish this thought, the Chernabog roared and took flight for a third attack. Edmond quickly jumped to his feet, sidestepped, and ducked, but pointed his sword upward, causing the Chernabog's wing to collide with the sword. However, unlike last time, the effect of the Acheron caused the wing to begin to dissolve into water starting at the entry point.
Huh. So hellbeasts can be affected by hell-water?
"Seems like it," Zelena remarked.
Unfortunately for Edmond, only the wing dissolved, leaving Chernabog otherwise intact, though now unable to fly and very angry as it paced, moving in an arc to stay at the same distance. "I just need to keep landing hits like that," Edmond remarked.
But without touching the water yourself. Including the water that used to be Chernabog's wing which is now around the river and into the center of the room.
Edmond scowled. "Of course. Although, the Chernabog cannot touch that water either."
True.
"This should be interesting." Edmond's scowl was slowly being replaced by a smirk. "It's time to finish this, one way or another." Edmond dipped his sword in the remains of Chernabog's wing and let the water run over the blade before running towards the Chernabog with his weapon held high.
Chernabog spread its remaining wing and spun, smacking Edmond with the rock-hard surface and sending him and his sword flying in opposite directions. Edmond landed in the center of the room with a throbbing headache and a few new bruises. The sword landed on the other side of the Acheron from Chernabog and slid to the edge of the Phlegethon, teetering on the edge.
"No, no, no!" Edmond shouted, scrambling to his feet and diving for it. Unfortunately, he was too late and the sword was lost to the lava.
"Looks like this battle is just about over," Zelena remarked.
"Good," Hades said. "Hopefully, no more of my priceless furniture will be damaged."
You're a god. Can't you just create new furniture?
"Doesn't mean I want to."
Clearly proud of itself, the Chernabog began to threateningly circle Edmond as the count desperately attempted to create a new strategy.
"What exactly happens if I lose this?" he asked anxiously.
"If we're lucky, your death is slow and agonizing," Hades replied. "Then you go to the fiery depths of Tartarus with the rest of the losers."
"Of course I do," the count muttered. "Very well. Do your worst, hellbeast." He stood firmly as the Chernabog roared intimidatingly before charging at him and swinging its claw to knock him into the air. Edmond grunted as he collided with the wall of the lair and crumpled to the ground, coughing up blood but still standing back up. "Is that all you've got?"
The Chernabog roared again, enjoying the carnage, and charged once more, this time slamming its opponent with its wing and once again sending him flying, this time to the ground on the bank of the river Styx. Edmond's breathing was labored and his face still dripped with blood as he attempted to lift himself up, only to crumple once more and settle for rolling onto his back to watch as the Chernabog towered over him.
Wait… Doesn't the river Styx…?
"Shut up!" Hades shouted.
Edmond tried to sputter a response, though he found it too painful. Instead, as the Chernabog reached to pick him up and devour him, he used all of his strength to roll over, plummeting into the water.
"Wait, I'm lost," Zelena said as Hades scowled. "What does this water do?"
The legend of Achilles. His mother dipped him in the Styx and he became invulnerable, except for his heel, which she held him by.
Zelena nodded in understanding. "But now that Edmond has completely dunked himself…"
As the sentence remained unfinished, Edmond emerged from the water, the damage done to him now healed.
But now he's drenched. If he touches Chernabog, won't he become invincible, too?
"Only in the general area of where he touches me," Edmond answered. "Just like with Acheron's waters."
Oh, we're following consistent rules now? Cool.
"And besides, that is not my plan." Dodging the confused hellbeast, Edmond dashed to the other side of the lair and reached into the lava of Phlegethon, fishing out the now-molten sword.
Oh, I get it. Because lava is just melted rock, that sword should be at just the right temperature to…
Before the author could finish, Edmond hurled the sword at the stone hellbeast, impaling it through the stomach. Chernabog roared in pain as its stomach began to melt around the liquefying metal. The metal and lava puddled in the floor, absorbing the rest of the Chernabog into a molten mess.
…do that. Trigger warning: violence, anyone?
"It appears Edmond is our victor," Zelena remarked.
Hades was clearly upset. "Very well." He snapped his fingers, cleaning up the mess in his lair and returning him and Zelena to the floor. "Wrap it up, author."
Right, right, right. Let's see…
Leave a review if you enjoyed! If you didn't enjoy, leave a review and let me know why! The next wildcard round will be Gabriel VS Bo Peep, so stay tuned for that! And don't forget to vote for your favorite villains to be a part of the main battle!
And one more thing: I now have an official writing Tumblr! Follow me at datnuttykid-writes (dot tumblr dot com). I'll be sharing updates and new stories there, plus some supplemental things, and I'll answer any questions you send me! Until next time, stay wicked!
"Stay wicked?" Zelena questioned.
I'm trying out new goodbye phrases. Leave me alone.