Disclamer: I do not own anything, Cassandra Clare owns the characters.

Alec POV

"Magnus, I'm going to bed" Alec said, leaning against the door frame.

"Mhm" Magnus answered, not looking up from his spell book.

"Are you coming?" Alec asked, knowing what the answer would be.

"Yes, I'll just be a minute" Magnus said, giving Alec a quick smile before turning back to his book.

Alec sighed, he knew what that meant, Magnus would be up all night working. He walked up to Magnus, placing a kiss on his cheek. "Goodnight" Alec said and walked out of the room.

Alec took as long as he could getting ready, brushing his teeth extra slow and walked to the bedroom as slowly as he could. When he finally got into the bed, he spent hours reading. He continued reading even after his eyes started to hurt. He always did this, trying to stay awake, hoping that Magnus would be done soon, he slept better with him.

Magnus POV

He glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost morning again and he hadn't gone to sleep yet. He yawned, he was really getting tired, but he had some more potions to do. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and focused, just an hour more, he thought as he started mixing the potions again. After only a few seconds he heard Alec scream from the bedroom. Magnus immediately stod up, knocking over the potions, something he didn't care about as he rushed towards the bedroom. He needed to check on Alec.

Alec POV

He flew up, screaming, breathing heavily as he realized that it was just a dream. It didn't help much though, he was still shaking and felt like he couldn't get any air. His heart pounded so hard it felt like it would jump out of his chest. He drew up his knees to his chest and held his arms around them, putting his head between them, trying to breath, trying to stop shaking. He felt like crying or screaming, or both, but nothing happened, he just sat there gasping for breath and shaking. He buried his nails in the palm of his hand, trying to shift the pain. He just needed to feel something else, anything but this pressure on his chest.

"Alexander?!" he heard Magnus scream, he was probably on his way to the bedroom. Alec couldn't move, he couldn't answer. Still not getting enough air, still feeling like his heart would jump out of his chest. "What happened?" he heard Magnus again, this time he was closer. Alec still couldn't move or answer him.

He felt Magnus sittning down on the bed beside him, then he felt Magnus hand stroking his back. "A bad dream again?" Magnus asked, Alec tried to nod, not knowing if it actually worked, he tried to focus on Magnus hand stroking his back instead of thinking about not getting air and his heart beating.

"Remember to breath, Alexander" Magnus said as he moved a bit closer, still stroking Alecs back. "In through the nose and out through the mouth, remember?" he continued.

Alec hadn't remembered it, so he tried it. Focusing on taking a deep breath in through his nose, held it for a second, and then out through the mouth. Alec repeated that several times, each time feeling less strained. Magnus didn't say anything, he just stroked Alecs back and waited. They've been through this before, it happened from time to time. Alec had bad dreams about his brother Max's death, always about he himself being the one who killed him. He was aware that it was Sebastian that had killed his brother and that Sebastian was dead, but Alec still felt responsible. He was supposed to protect his brother that day and he'd failed. The dreams also brought back all the other times he'd failed the ones he love.

Finally his heart calmed down a bit and he could at last breath. He didn't feel suffocated and like he was dying anymore. He shifted his position so that he could bury his head in Magnus's chest. Magnus stopped stroking his back and held him, hugged him hard with his arms. Alec curled up against Magnus. This was Alec's safe place, the only place where he could truly relax, the only safe place in Alec's world. Still holding him, Magnus slowly laid down, Alec just followed his movements, he didn't have the energy to do anything.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Magnus asked, still stroking Alec's hair. Alec just shook is head, he really didn't want to talk about it, he just wanted to forget the image of Max's dead, cold and still body on the floor, forget how he held Max's heart in his hand. How he'd ripped it out. He knew it wasn't real, but that didn't take away the pain. He just wanted this all to end, the dreams, the guilt, the pain, everything. He had no idea what he would've done without Magnus, how he could carry on without him, to lay curled up in Magnus's arms was his only safe place. Alec pressed his face closer to Magnus, trying to focus on the scent of him, to force away the bad thoughts, the memories. For minutes they just laid there, Alec with his face buried in Magnus's chest and Magnus gently stroking Alec's hair. Then Alec realized that Magnus was still in the same clothes as he were when Alec went to bed. He hadn't gone to sleep yet, which means he was working.

"You can go back to work now, I'll be fine" Alec said and pushed away, putting all his strength in keeping a straight face, he even managed to force a smile.

"Alexander" Magnus said, cupping Alec's face with his hands, forcing Alec to look at him. "Nothing is more important than you, you're not fine and I won't leave you" he said, looking straight into Alec's eyes, Magnus eyes were tiered and worried, but as always they were filled with love.

Alec swallowed hard trying to convince Magnus he said "No, really, I'm fine" he really didn't want to get in the way of Magnus and his work, Alec wasn't important, certainly not the most important thing, at best he was in top 10. He knew that Magnus had potions to make, important and complicated potions.

"No, Alexander, you're not fine" Magnus said, still cupping Alec face with his hands. Against his will Alec felt the tears coming, he tried to hold them back but it was pointless, they started to fall down his cheek. Magnus wiped them away and pulled him closer again. Alec gave in, he couldn't force Magnus to do anything, he closed his eyes and moved as close as he could. Still not able to stop the tears, feeling how Magnus shirt got wet, he pulled back a bit.

Magnus kissed his forehead and whispered "I love you Alexander" before gently pushing back Alec's head against his chest. Alec couldn't answer, he felt how the air stopped filling his lungs again. He gasped for air. "Deep breaths" Magnus told him again.

He took a deep breath, in through the nose and out through the mouth. What had he done to deserve this amazing man? His safe place was the only reason he didn't give up. "I love you too" he whispered back as soon as the air returned.

They laid like that for hours, Magnus made sure he didn't fall asleep before Alec. To stop himself from falling asleep he played with Alecs messy hair, Magnus knew that this made Alec calm and helped himself to stay awake. When Alec finally fell asleep again, Magnus watched him for a while before falling asleep, just to make sure that Alec was fine.