Hello to all of my Star Wars readers, Juulna here, with lots of love and hugs, first and foremost.

I know this isn't the update you wanted it to be, and I'm sorry for that. I know you've all waited a long, long time for an update—many of you for over a year—and so I wanted to come here and use what is normally reserved for chapter updates, what is normally frowned upon for author updates (but really, there is no better way to reach all of you, my apologies, dear friends), to tell you why there hasn't been one in so very long… and why there won't be one in the foreseeable future.

On Tumblr I recently received an ask wondering if I was going to be continuing one of my stories. I answered it at the time, about a month ago, but since then the answer has been on the edge of my thoughts. It made me realize that I really do need to let you, faithful readers old and new alike (who aren't tapped into my Tumblr), know that I just… well, I can't write Star Wars at the moment. It doesn't really even matter what ship.

And you really should know why.

I've attempted to start writing again, and even had that brief period late last summer where I was lucky enough to begin I'd start a war for you, in fact, and was able to write some other updates for other stories as well. But it soon became clear to me that I was riding the high of literally just leaving my husband. It didn't last for long, as soon reality came sweeping back in, and I was no longer able to hide from the immense trauma that had been caused to my psyche and heart.

Many of you know, but many don't, that there are a lot of really awful memories tied up with Star Wars and my abusive ex-husband (likely hacked and removed my work from AO3, slutshamed me for shipping and writing fic, the list goes on…), as well as with me and the Star Wars fandom and being cyberbullied, both of which contributed to the massive decline in my health, which continues to be an ongoing struggle filled with regular physiotherapy and doctor's visits, constant pain, and sleep that is never restful.

All of that, all of this, got tied up into a rather unpleasant knot inside of me, and it's one I'm still struggling desperately to undo, but I think there's irreparable damage that's been done, outside and inside, and I'll never be able to fully recover. Every time I think of Star Wars it causes problems and, well, that in itself is a problem, but I can enjoy it as a fan on Tumblr in a way that I just can't even possibly hope to touch on as a writer currently. But I can change trajectory, and thus me starting to write in the Marvel fandom, as there is nothing but happiness and passion there for me, and it's filled with beautiful and loving people and memories (well, so far! *knocks on wood*) and even if I'm struggling creatively and physically, it's a safe haven for me in a way that… well, in a way that Star Wars can't be right now.

I may be able to write Star Wars again (I was able to write a little oneshot post-TLJ but even that left a terrible feeling inside me and reaffirmed to me I wasn't ready for more) but it isn't right now. However, I can say that although some of the comments I've been getting, wondering when I'm going to update, are rude, the others I'm getting on these old, unfinished fics… are actually sorting of stoking the fire again. So it's been a good thing for me, healing in a way (comments always make me happy, even if I'm not going to finish the fic!), and I hope that perhaps someday sooner than I thought, I might be able to feel comfortable enough to write Star Wars again. But not soon soon. And maybe not ever. Thus… well, thus this message.

But… there is still that spark of hope in me, because these are my babies. I love these stories more than you can possibly know, and the fact that they've been so irrevocably ruined and tainted for me, twisted by a man whom I once loved, who I trusted, and by others who made me feel unsafe in a place that had become like a second home… it breaks my heart, to be cliché. To be fricking dramatic, honestly. But really, these stories meant… mean so much to me, even still. And it hurts me so much, not to be able to finish them. But I can't write one word without wanting to start crying right now, and that's going to take a long time to heal from.

Yes, I know, "don't let him take this from you," is something I've heard time and again, and it's something I've told myself many times, and I haven't. Not really. I reposted my stories when he didn't want me to. I started writing again, new stories and updates, before and after I left him, and I've fought tooth and nail for what I have right now. For where I am. But I also need to do what is healthy for me mentally. There is being strong, and then there is being too strong, pushing yourself past the shattering point, not knowing when to stop. Right now I need to stop. Need to heal. Then... well, then I'll re-evaluate. See what I can do. See how strong I am, what I can handle. I know I'm strong, that's not the question... but, well... mental health is a tricky bitch, eh?

At least the bastard's finally gone. July 4th, 2017, separated. December 22nd, 2017, divorced. Thank God. And thank you, every single one of you, whether you knew you were doing it or not (simply giving me a kudos, or a comment/review, or a fav/follow/subscription was showing me more love than you know during all of this darkness), for standing by me.

But truly.

Truly.

I understand your frustration, and it makes me really sad and upset, too, believe me—for you as my reader.

Because I get it. Lord, do I ever. I'm a reader, too, right? Or did you forget? ;) But really… how many times have I read a WiP and then it just… never gets updated? It makes me so sad to have to do that here, at least as it stands right now. I know I always a) wondered what happened next in the story… but also b) wondered if the author was okay.

So here I am giving you my answer to (B)— I am okay, and will be okay, I promise. ^_^

And (A)… if you really, really want to know what happens in the rest of whichever story it is you're reading, you can come poke me on Tumblr on the handle 'juuls'.

I do, at least, have a couple of oneshots, drabbles and ficlets that are complete, as well as one complete multi-chapter Reylo fic called Delicious Ambiguity, if you haven't read it already. I hope that that can sate at least some of you. :P

I know that this was a really long message, and I thank any and all of you who gave this a read. Truly, I appreciate it. I wanted to give you all nothing but the truth and, honestly, I've been putting this announcement off for quite a while, scared to tell you, my readers, about what I see as a failure—even if it isn't.

It's cathartic in a way.

Thank you for listening.

With all my love,
Meaghan