Chapter Five

Bilbo woke the next morning with a splitting head and someone's leg wrapped around his torso and head. He groaned again, before gently pushing the offending limb off him and sitting up. Bofur had let go of his hold on his foot in the night, now just grasping it loosely, while Thorin had thrown his arms and legs over Bilbo in his sleep. Bilbo sat up not entirely sure what to make of the situation, as someone started pounding at his door. Bilbo groaned again, as none of his Heartsigns seemed to have noticed the noise yet. He managed to disentangle himself from Bofur and Thorin's arms, before going to the door and opening it. A dwarf with a pickaxe in his head stood outside. Bilbo let out a little yelp in response to being greeted by such a sight and quite forgot his manners for a minute.

"W'ear mahah coooahsan?" The dwarf asked in the most incomprehensible Khudzul Bilbo had ever heard.

What do you want? Bilbo signed making the gestures slowly and the dwarrow glared at him.

I can sign and hear fine, just can't speak well, where's my cousin? The dwarf asked again and Bilbo smiled, Bofur had mentioned something about helping his cousin.

I don't know what's your cousin's name?

B-O-F-U-R

He's still asleep, but I can wake him, if you want. Bilbo offered at the dwarf nodded enthusiastically. Come in and wipe your shoes on the rug, I'll be back soon. Bilbo then walked into the study once more and gently shook Bofur's shoulder, then harder and harder still. Bilbo sighed, as it was clear that Bofur didn't want to wake up, so he went back into the other room. We drank a lot last night and I'm having some trouble waking him. Bilbo then frowned, realizing that the guards hadn't been standing outside the door. Where are the guards?

When Bofur not come, I knocked the guards out and start pounding on the door, wanted my cousin. He said that he'd help me with...with...with something. The dwarf was clearly upset.

Bofur mentioned needing to help you with your shop accounts. Bilbo said and the dwarf nodded. "The only thing I can think of is tossing water on him at this point and that would displease the others a lot.

I can lift my cousin.

Alright Bilbo said and Bofur picked up Bofur, before having Bilbo show him to the bathroom. Bilbo had Bofur place Bofur in the tub before turning the cold water on. Bofur shrieked and woke up punching the air; Bilbo chuckled and turned the water off. "Sorry Bofur but you weren't waking up and your cousin really wanted you." Bilbo said and Bofur nodded.

"Wish you could have come up with something better, I'm freezing."

"I'm sorry, but it was the only thing I could think of. Would you like to borrow one of my waistcoats, it might fit you."

"No that's alright, I'll get my own clothes and start on the invoices." Bofur said and Bilbo nodded, deciding it was better if Bofur didn't have to worry about the guards.

"Since your wet anyway, why don't you take a bath and I'll make breakfast for the two of you."

"I should get going though." Bofur protested.

Is it alright if Bofur takes a bath and I cook breakfast, before you get started on working on the expense reports for your shop?

It's alright Bofur agreed and Bilbo nodded.

See its fine Bofur, Bofur doesn't mind and I'm sure a bath will help you warm up. Bilbo said and Bofur nodded. Bilbo smiled at Bofur, before leaving the room with Bofur. Bofur you weren't supposed to knock out those guards and if Bofur sees he might get worried for you.

I don't want to get in trouble. What do we do?

You carry the guards into the side room and I'll tend to them after you leave. Bilbo offered and Bofur nodded, Bilbo got started on breakfast, as Bofur deposited the guards in the closest unoccupied room, which turned out to be a guest bedroom. Bilbo finished making eggs and was just setting them on three plates as Bofur came back into the room, looking wet and slightly bedraggled. They ate together and then Bofur and Bofur left. Bilbo stacked the plates on the sideboard, before getting out a bag of tonics and searching for some smelling salts. He found them and went back to the room the guards were in. He managed to wake the guards with the smelling salt, their eyes watered at the pungent odor and Bilbo smiled at both of them.

"I'm sorry about what happened, someone wished to see my intended, he was badly injured in battle and not all there in the head. When my intended didn't come at the time they had agreed on, he became worried and confused. When you didn't let him in I suppose he attacked you, but he clearly isn't all there in the head and normally he'd never hurt anyone."

"Where is the King, has anyone been harmed?" The guard on the right demanded.

"Everyone is fine, Thorin and Dwalin are both still asleep and Bofur has already left with the dwarf that knocked you unconscious." Bilbo stated.

"We will inform the King of what has happened, once he wakes up. There is no need to disturb his rest." The guard on the left said.

"Thank you, its early in the day now and we were up quite late last night, could you knock on my door when its time for breakfast and I'll wake the others."

"Of course." Both guards left to go back to their watch and Bilbo hesitated a moment, before deciding to join Dwalin and Thorin in the study. After all since he had slept there all night he had already been extremely improper, there was no harm in further impropriety. Truly all he was doing was trying to convince him to do what he wanted, rather than what was proper for once. He smiled at Thorin and Dwalin a moment, before lying down in between them and sighing contentedly. He smiled softly as Dwalin snorted in his sleep and turned on his side to face Bilbo. Bilbo hesitated a moment, before turning to his back and wrapping the sleeping warrior's hand around him, as he wrapped his own arm around Thorin. He closed his eyes and fell asleep within moments of doing so.

When he woke next it he took a moment to open his eyes, deciding to lie still instead and enjoy the sensation of being held and holding someone. He nestled his face against Thorin's shirt letting out a sigh of contentment. He then realized that it had not been the guards that woke him and he frowned slightly, noticing that both dwarrows were awake. "Good morning." Bilbo said and squeezed Thorin gently.

"How did we get to be here?" Thorin asked and Bilbo smiled softly.

"We got horribly drunk last night and as I was the last one awake, I decided that it would be best to make a makeshift bed in the study, rather than having us all sleep in the chairs." Bilbo said and Dwalin chuckled.

"It was a very pleasant way to wake up indeed, except perhaps for the guards pounding at the door."

"They did knock? Did we miss breakfast?" Bilbo asked concerned.

"No, Dwalin answered the door and then came back here, we tried not to wake you, but it appears we were unsuccessful." Thorin answered and Bilbo blushed.

"Sorry about that, would you care for some hangover tonic, I should have enough in my bag." Bilbo said.

"That would be appreciated." Dwalin said before standing and collecting his stones from the table. Thorin did the same and Bilbo did as well after some hesitation.

"I'll go get them now then." He said and went to his bedroom; he came out a moment later with three vials.

"Will I react strangely to this?" Thorin asked and Bilbo shook his head.

"No these are just herbs that sooth the stomach and mildly relieve pain." Bilbo said and uncorked his bottle draining it. He shuddered at the slightly bitter and unpleasant taste. "I'm going to get dressed, I'll see you both at breakfast." He said and then hesitated a moment. "May I kiss you both?"

"If you want." Thorin said and Dwalin nodded, Bilbo grinned and kissed Thorin first meaning to make it a brief peck on the mouth, but Thorin opened his mouth and after a second of hesitation, Bilbo opened his as well. The kiss was scorching and slightly mind numbing, it felt like it lasted for ages and no time at all. He didn't realize it but his hands went to Thorin's hair as he moaned slightly in pleasure at the kiss, Thorin groaned and deepened the kiss even further. It was a full minute before Bilbo could wrench himself away panting slightly and very aroused.

"Mahuel that was hot." Dwalin said and Bilbo blushed, before he stood on tiptoe and frowned slightly.

"You are going to have to bend your knees or sit down, so I can kiss you." Bilbo admitted and all three laughed.

"Or I could pick you up, I'm pretty strong." Dwalin offered and Bilbo hesitated before nodding, a moment later he was in the warrior's arms and he smiled softly, before meeting his lips with Dwalin's. He sighed melting against the dwarf feeling cherished and protected, he smiled through kissing Dwalin, his hands being unable to resist going to Dwalin's hair and running through it with his fingers. Dwalin shuddered and the kiss became more passionate. Bilbo smiled and responded in kind, it was several minutes before Dwalin thought to set him down.

"That was very nice." Bilbo said and both dwarves laughed.

"Understatement of the century my love." Dwalin said and looked horrified at what he let slip. "That is...I mean..."

"Its alright Dwalin I care for both of you as well, I will have trouble choosing one of you when it comes time."

"Do you truly have to choose?" Dwalin asked and Bilbo stared at him and blushed, looking at the floor.

"You do not seem like the type of men who would eagerly share the one they loved." Bilbo said.

"If it is a choice between sharing you and loosing you, or making you feel incomplete, then we would choose to share you. I think Bofur would feel the same, but you would have to ask him." Dwalin said and Thorin nodded.

"The idea isn't as abhorrent to me, as it was before last night." Thorin said and smiled. "I highly enjoyed myself and I liked having your arms wrapped around me when I woke and my shield brother protecting your back." He said and Bilbo smiled.

"Such a decision shouldn't be taken lightly, we should spend time together, all three of us, as well as time with just me and you, perhaps even time with the three of you without me."

"That isn't necessary, we all know each other very well and we often spend time together, without making it part of courting you. We're not looking to have a relationship with one another, just with you." Thorin said and Bilbo blushed.

"But wouldn't that be a bit unfair though, if I'm erm having relations with one of you, what will the others do."

"Whatever pleases us at that time, I actually enjoy watching bed sport. Dwarves are very through lovers, but we aren't exactly known for our erm staying power." Dwalin said and blushed, Bilbo laughed.

"I know that, it might indeed be good to bond to all three of you as hobbits are rather the opposite as far as that's concerned." Bilbo said and all three blushed, though the dwarves looked slightly interested. "There's a reason for why families are so large in the Shire, we enjoy our bed sport quite often. When I took a dwarves lover, he brought me to spill several times before we had sex and then I brought myself several times after." Bilbo admitted.

"You are being much more candid this morning." Thorin said and Bilbo shrugged.

"I've already been so improper that a bit more impropriety won't make that much of a difference." Bilbo replied. "Now I should be getting dressed."

"Wait will you braid my beard?" Dwalin asked and pressed a stone into Bilbo's hand, Bilbo smiled fondly at the dwarf and nodded.

"Sit down." He said gesturing to a chair. "I'll go fetch my brush." He added and went to his bedroom. He took out his brush and hesitated a moment, before removing two beads from an elaborately carved box. He then went back to Dwalin and gently removed Dwalin's braids, he then brushed Dwalin's hair the warrior let out a sigh of contentment and closed his eyes. "Don't fall asleep again." Bilbo said and Thorin chuckled.

"I doubt he'll be wanting to sleep now and miss having his beard braided by you love." Thorin said and Bilbo smiled softly.

"Would you like the typical warrior braids then and perhaps a courting braid?" He asked and Dwalin smiled.

"That would please me." He said and Bilbo smiled as well.

"I could add a courting braid to your hair as well Thorin."

"Might I braid one into your hair?'

"You both can." Bilbo said and smiled, before braiding Dwalin's beard. He hesitated a moment, before pressing a chaste kiss to Dwalin's forehead, making them both blush. "Now sit down Thorin." Bilbo said and smiled as Thorin sat. This time Bilbo braided a much smaller section of Thorin's hair and secured it with a bead.

"Where did you get this?" Thorin asked admiring the bead at the end of his hair, a small willow tree was depicted on one side and a gemstone on the other.

"I made it, I sometimes carve in the winter months to pass the time, it's only a bit of a hobby and I'm not all that good at it."

"Nonsense this is very fine work indeed." Thorin said and smiled. "Would one of my own beads do for now, I have made beads for my One in the past, but I want to give you something that fits you, when I first give you courting beads." Thorin said and Bilbo smiled.

"I would like that and I would like to carve some that remind me of both of you, once I know you better." Bilbo said and smiled at them both, before sitting down and brushing out his own hair. He noticed that both Dwalin and Thorin were staring slightly.

"I had no idea it was this long." Thorin said.

"I use a series of complicated braids to keep it manageable, I heard that dwarves find long hair to be beautiful and I wanted to look desirable for my future husbands." Bilbo said and felt Thorin's fingers run through his hair. "Not yet, I'm not done working the braids and snarls out yet." He said and continued to work on his hair, when he was finished it came to just below his ass.

"Would you wear it down sometimes?" Thorin asked. "With only your courting braids in it?"

"I wouldn't mind doing that, though not when I want to bake or train, it gets caught on things rather easily, not to mention having food get stuck in it." Bilbo said and both dwarves grimaced looking so upset at the image Bilbo conjured that Bilbo had to hold back a laugh. "I'm finished now, if you would like to add a courting braid, I'll work them into the rest of the braids I do." Bilbo said and smiled as Dwalin braided a section of hair on his left, while Thorin braided a section of hair on his right. Bilbo braided both braids together with the rest of his hair, by the time he'd finished it had returned to hitting just above his shoulders. He stood and turned to both dwarrows surprised at the expression of awe on their faces and desire in their eyes.

"Your braids are very beautiful." Thorin said and Bilbo smiled.

"Thank you. Could I hold your hands as we walk to breakfast?" He asked and both dwarves nodded. Bilbo grinned taking their hands in his and walking with them to the dining hall.

"Move down a seat, so Bofur can sit with us lads." Thorin asked Fili and Kili and both nodded, Bofur looked surprised at the gesture but came all the same. Bilbo smiled at the dwarf and Bofur returned the smile, before Bilbo tucked into his second breakfast. He decided as he ate that he'd start cooking meals more often, he had at the Shire, even though the boys would only join him three times a day, Bilbo still ate the seven meals that it took for him to remain healthy. Glutting himself when he was eating three meals a day, to make up for the meals he'd missed, wouldn't work out well in the long run. Bilbo continued to attack his food, he knew that although he'd been focused on other things, he should also be taking care of himself, it had just been so overwhelming and he'd taken a while to get used to it all.

"Would you like to join me in the training yard today, the dwarrows were as fascinated as I was by your different hand to hand techniques." Dwalin offered and Bilbo smiled.

"I'll join you for the first part of the morning, but afterwards I'm going to have to leave around luncheon or pack something as a snack."

"Luncheon?" Dwalin asked.

"My race burns through food faster than any other of the humanoid races I think, we need seven meals a day to remain healthy and I can't demand that the kitchens take time out of their schedules to see to the needs of one lone hobbit." Bilbo stated and Thorin stared at him.

"You haven't been eating properly?" Thorin demanded and Bilbo nodded.

"First it was on the road and well with everything that's happened recently, I've not had time to consider eating as much as I usually do. I think however I should resume eating what I used to as I've noticed a marked improvement in my ability to function today after having second breakfast. Its not overly healthy for me to eat large portions three times a day, as the food passes through my system at the same time and I don't get the energy I need from doing so. So I'll just make an additional four meals a day and eat as I normally do."

"How will you have time to prepare all that?" Thorin demanded.

"Hobbits love to cook and we're quite efficient in the kitchen, we would have to be given how much we eat." Bilbo replied and finished eating his second breakfast. "I would like to go with you to the training yard, I had fun yesterday." Bilbo said and smiled up at Dwalin who looked a little uncertain at how to respond to Bilbo.

"I'm glad." He said and returned the smile, before Thorin stood and the rest of the dwarves followed.

"Will you hold my hand?" Bilbo asked and Dwalin blushed, he would get teased for it at the barracks but chances were that dwarves had seen him hold hands with Bilbo already. He couldn't stop his feelings from growing or showing around the hobbit. He'd always shown a gruff attitude, he was a guard through and through, but with Bilbo around he couldn't seem to stop acting like a besotted fool, not since the small hobbit had beaten him in sparing. Dwalin had to carefully school his features, so he didn't look like a besotted fool in front of his dwarves. It was one thing to act that way around Bilbo when they were alone; when they were with his dwarves he'd never hear the end of it.

Bilbo smiled and took out a training staff, before warming up his muscles as others did the same around him, although even in the warm ups, dwarves and hobbit techniques varied. Bilbo started with a punching and kicking sequence that left him slightly winded by the time he'd finished the hundred or so reputations. He then moved onto stretching out his arms, legs and back in a series of poses. He felt people staring at him as he continued to move through the poses. "It helps keep the body limber and strong." Bilbo said as he moved his feet up into a headstand, breathing deeply as he maintained the positioning, his mind cleared as he focused on his breathing and maintaining the correct posture. He held it for two minutes, before moving out of it and into a plank position; he bent one arm behind him and then switched arms continuing to breath deeply. He felt centered and smiled as he finished working through his exercises.

"Will you teach us that?" A dwarf asked from the crowd and clearly out of turn.

"If you want to learn a simpler version that we teach our fauntlings, I could teach you that. However just as with the staff and the defensive moves, it takes much longer to master the movements. Neither Fili nor Kili had the flexibility required to pursue the harder techniques, its not an easy set of stretches, it takes will power to maintain the more physically demanding positions." Bilbo said and stretched out his arms, rolling back his shoulder blades slightly. "I am fairly flexible for a hobbit, but I don't know how flexible most of you will be." Bilbo stated and moved one of his feet behind his head, grasping at his heel and pulling it forward a moment, before breaking the stretch and taking his other heel. "I could show you some simple positions if you would all like, but this isn't a defensive technique, this is about centering your body and mind." Bilbo said and everyone stared at him.

"I think we'd all like to learn." Dwalin said and Bilbo smiled.

"Alright first take a deep breath in and raise your arms above your head, then take a deep breath out and slowly roll your body forward until you touch your toes. Then take another deep breath in and go back up to a standing position, raise your arms again and continue to breath deeply. Bilbo said and worked on the stretch he was showing them. "Very good now lets do a plank, this starts with your feet together arms in a crawling position on either side of your head, now when you are ready to, move your body upward, so your weight is distributed to your arms and feet." Bilbo smiled, continuing to go through several more stretches over the course of the next hour. "Its important not to overdo it when you first start, so we'll stop here for now."

"We can handle doing more." Someone said and others nodded.

"Yes, but not everyone can." Bilbo stated careful not to look towards the youngest group of dwarrows, who hadn't yet gotten the muscles that the others had. "Take a brief break and feel the way your muscles feel now that you've completed the set of stretches, focus on your breathing, its good to maintain deep breathing after stretching." Bilbo said and went to get some water; while the exercise wasn't strenuous he was still feeling a bit thirsty from it. He then returned to standing in the middle of the hall. "Now for the next hour, I'll teach you how to take down an opponent in one of the simpler take downs we use." Bilbo said. "Do you have cushions for falling on."

"We're fine with the floor Bilbo." Dwalin stated and Bilbo nodded.

"Actually lets work on falls first, say someone swept one of your legs out from under you, use that momentum to fall backwards like I do, see how my chin is tucked and my arms are positioned, now you use the momentum of the fall to do several things, you could do a roll and then stand, or return to a standing position." Bilbo demonstrated. "Make sure you have plenty of room between yourselves and those practicing around you, take a large step forward and sweep your arms to your right and left, then take a step back and do the same, as you wouldn't want to inadvertently fall into anyone." Bilbo said and watched as the dwarves practiced the movement, moving around the hall and correcting positioning, explaining the movement further to those who needed it. When everyone seemed to be getting the basics, Bilbo's stomach rumbled and he smiled at those in the training hall, as someone arrived from the kitchens. He was surprised to see the dwarrow who carried several stuffed pastries.

"The king ordered me to deliver these to you." The cook said and Bilbo frowned.

"I know your busy preparing lunch, you shouldn't have to worry about my needs on top of feeding the main dining hall." Bilbo protested.

"It is no trouble at all your highness, in fact it is an honor." The cook replied and Bilbo nodded.

"Well then thank you." Bilbo said, deciding that it would be pointless to argue about and it was better to simply eat the meal that had been given to him. There was plenty and Bilbo was surprised at how good they were, he ate and continued to watch the practice. He finished off the pastries and handed the pan back to the cook. He then turned to the other dwarrows. "Good it seems you have the fall down, now for how to force someone to fall." Bilbo said and smiled at Dwalin. "Would you mind helping me with the demonstration?" Bilbo asked and Dwalin nodded.

"Of course." He said and Bilbo nodded, he swept his leg out behind him and stopped just short of Dwalin's ankle. "Sweep your leg forward, before hooking your foot around the other dwarrows ankle and pull your leg to the side like this." Bilbo said and Dwalin wobbled slightly, before correcting his balance. "He's still on his feet because I'm not doing this as one movement, ankles are a weak spot, regardless of how tall the person your fighting or sparring with is. Now when I sweep your leg, I want you to fall backwards like we've been practicing Dwalin." Bilbo instructed and Dwalin nodded, Bilbo swept Dwalin's leg out from under him and Dwalin came back to a standing position. "Did you see how I did it?" Bilbo asked in a lowered voice and Dwalin nodded. "Now we switch, those that practiced the take down, will now be practicing how to get to their feet after a fall." Bilbo said and sent Dwalin back to work with the dwarf he'd partnered up with. He then corrected the form on several of the dwarrows, making sure that they were doing the two moves correctly. This continued for the next several hours until a break was called for lunch.

During the meal Bilbo sat in-between Thorin and Dwalin as he ate and listened to the conversation going around him. Although Dwalin and Thorin were silent themselves. "How was your morning?" Bilbo asked Thorin.

"It went fine, I went to the council hall and held audiences, which will resume after lunch, my voice is a bit tired from the deliberations." Thorin admitted and Bilbo chuckled.

"Some of them were heated were they?"

"You could say that."

"It got that way in Hobbition sometimes as well, I hated having to listen to the petty disputes of my tenants, but its the duty of a landlord to listen and attempt to solve all disputes on his lands in the Shire. Failing that the unresolved disputes are brought before the council every three months or so." Bilbo said and sighed. "I hated going to council because it was always the same hobbits who were complaining about something or other. Is it the same with your audiences?"

"Sometimes, but most know better than to waste the king's time with petty squabbles, those are handled by the guard. Much like with your system, I resolve the disputes that have not been settled elsewhere or listen to different requests that are made by the public at large."

"And how often do you hold audiences?"

"For seven days, every seven weeks, dwarves are fond of the number seven." Thorin said and Bilbo nodded.

"Maybe I'll sit with you sometime."

"I'd like that, I could use your opinion on some of the matters and it would be a customary thing for you to do." Thorin said and Bilbo nodded.

"Maybe not today however, I'm a bit tired from the morning exercises and in the mood to bake."

"I love what I've sampled of your baking." Thorin said and Bilbo smiled at him, giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek, before doing the same with Dwalin, both dwarves blushed at the contact. Bilbo finished his meal and Thorin stood, signaling that the meal was over. Bilbo then walked to the market place to purchase the ingredients for what he wanted to bake and the ingredients to make the tonics he was running low on as well. He then went back to his room and cooked and made tonics until tea. He made his tea and laughed as Fili and Kili burst through the door.

"Can we stay here and have tea with you Bilbo, if I have to listen to one more request, I'll go mad!" Fili said and Kili nodded, both boys were used to running the length and breadth of the Shire, not being cooped up and listening to the requests of others.

"Did you run away from your duties and your Uncle?" Bilbo asked.

"We're hungry Bilbo, please let us eat something at least!" Kili begged and Bilbo sighed, he'd never refuse his brothers a meal if they truly were hungry and both lads knew it.

"Very well but you will go back to Thorin right after tea, I made some caffeinated tea for myself, would you like that or would you prefer some fruit tea?" Bilbo asked.

"The caffeinated please, I need a pick me up, I'm not certain I'll be able to stay awake otherwise. All everyone does in there is drone on and on and its really boring." Kili said and Bilbo laughed, Kili had never been one for staying still, he was very good with defense and his bow, but making the lad sit for his writing, history and arithmetic sessions had been nearly impossible. Fili was only marginally better and Bilbo knew that the boys were bored almost silly with Thorin. That was never a good thing, as both his brothers were known for pranking people when they were bored, more often than not the very person that was causing their boredom.

Bilbo fed his brothers scones and tea, before Thorin burst into the room, his hands were slightly covered in ink and he glared at the brothers. "You don't leave the hall until the deliberations are over."

"They were hungry Thorin!" Bilbo protested.

"They had plenty to eat at lunch and they need to learn to focus on matters of rule, rather than their physical needs. You've babied them for entirely too long!"

"Babied them?" Bilbo demanded. "They aren't fauntlings, but neither should they be forced to stay seated all day. Both of them don't do well cooped up for long periods of time, if you try to do so, your inviting trouble." Bilbo stated.

"Inviting trouble! They are old enough to stay at the council for the day, I was doing so at half their age!"

"And with twice their experience with dwarves law and sitting still for that long. Every dwarrow is different Thorin and Kili simply can't focus for that long, he has a tendency to need to run about, or do exercise drills, otherwise he melts down." Bilbo stated and shook his head.

"I haven't in a while though Bilbo." Kili said and Bilbo nodded.

"However that doesn't mean that you wont if pushed like the council is currently pushing you. You know how you get and it's only been two days, this truly can't keep up." Bilbo protested and both boys looked between him and their Uncle.

"Honestly it is really hard for me to sit still and focus, I've been trying but my mind keeps wandering and I don't understand half of what you're talking about anyway. Why cant I do warrior drills in the mornings and go to the council in the afternoons, its not like I'm going to be king one day, especially after you and Bilbo start having babies."

"We're most likely not going to start right away, you two have put enough grey in my hair for now." Bilbo said and both his brothers laughed.

"There isn't any grey in your hair Bilbo." Kili said.

"Then you made my beard fall out." Bilbo joked and the brothers laughed again.

"You never had one in the first place." Fili said.

"As amusing as all this is, you need to go back to the council now Fili and Kili." Thorin said. "If we wait any longer to return, it would reflect badly upon us."

"Who cares what a bunch of stuffy old dwarves think? All they do is drone on and on and argue back and forth, without even the slightest amount of humor or snacks, like they have in the Shire." Kili said and Bilbo sighed.

"These are your people and they want to do what's right for the good of the kingdom, stay today at least, Thorin could I have them practice with me until elevensies?" Bilbo asked. "That way they should actually be able to focus on the meeting, rather than plotting their next prank or some other form of mischief." Bilbo said and Thorin sighed pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Oh very well, if you truly think it will make a difference, but I expect you to both pay attention for the rest of the day and tomorrow, if you want such an arrangement to continue." Thorin said and both boys sighed.

"Yes Uncle." They both said and Bilbo clearly saw the look that promised retribution in their eyes.

"Smoke a pipe first and let them finish their tea." Bilbo offered and Thorin grudgingly nodded. Bilbo got out the longbottom leaf and lit the pipe for Kili. "I didn't let them have this until they were tweens, but it calms Kili down enough to focus, I'll make some scones for you Kili and you can have them tomorrow at the council."

"Thank you Bilbo." Kili said and smiled, as he puffed on the pipe, his shoulders loosened almost at once and a slight smile pulled at his lips.

"Aren't you drugging him?" Thorin asked concerned. "It made me very relaxed."

"That's what its supposed to do, it helped Kili sit through his lessons once he was a tween, before we had to bribe him to sit still and even that didn't always work." Bilbo said and chuckled, ruffling Kili's hair. Kili passed the pipe to Fili who took a few hits and smiled at Bilbo, before passing the pipe to him. Bilbo smiled and relaxed in his chair, puffing on the pipe, as Fili and Kili finished their tea. He offered Thorin some but the dwarf declined, preferring to keep a clear head while audiences were going on. Bilbo smiled and saw them off, before he started making the scones for Kili, he'd just finished them and some cookies, when a guard knocked and announced it was time for dinner. Bilbo quickly changed out of his flour-covered waistcoat and into a clean one, although there wasn't much to be done for his hair.

He walked to the dining room and sat down beside Thorin and Dwalin. Soon after he sat down they began to serve the food. "You have flour in your hair." Dwalin said and Bilbo nodded.

"I baked all afternoon, so it's only natural to have some flour in my hair." Bilbo said and smiled at Dwalin.

"Next time you should shower before arriving at the table, as it might get in the food." Dwalin said and Bilbo frowned.

"I don't see what the problem is with a little flour, its somewhat expected in the Shire even. Most bake their and so many have flour in their hair upon occasion." Bilbo said. "Still if it is something you wish that I do, I shall oblige you."

"It is not that it is something I wish, it is simply that it reflects poorly upon you as consort and through you Thorin."

"I'm not consort yet." Bilbo stated and smiled through his anger. "Please pass the potatoes. In any event I can hardly be expected to know all dwarves customs, after all the dwarf that taught me of your customs was of middle class in origin." Bilbo stated and shook back his hair rather pointedly. "I am who I am and that is a hobbit, first and foremost, I observe my own culture, you cannot expect me to play the part of a noble dwarf, it would be as ridiculous as me asking you to try to be a respectable hobbit." Bilbo stated flatly and served himself the potatoes, putting the plate down rather forcefully, Fili and Kili turned towards him abruptly staring at him, as he continued to serve himself and poked rather forcefully at a potato. "I am not nor will I ever be a dwarf, you cannot expect me to act as one! Just as I will never grow a beard, I cannot act as you might wish me to, to do so would be a falsehood of the highest order! I am and I will remain a respectable hobbit, so I shall not raise my voice, nor will I storm off as you might if you had been as angered by something I said, as you have angered me." Bilbo stated and both his brothers gave Dwalin sympathetic looks, well acquainted with Bilbo's temper, which he got in spades from his mother's side.

"Dwalin did not mean to offend you, he was simply pointing out something that he thought you should be aware of. You are my one and therefore it will sometimes be expected of you to act according to my station."

"Right so I'm just expected to nod along and look like a pretty sod with no mind of their own?" Bilbo demanded angrily. "Seen and not heard and valar forbid I have a thought in my head contrary to yours or your culture!"

"I didn't say that, simply that your appearance should reflect your position within the court."

"Oh then I should be like a made up doll, some pretty fixture to be put on a shelf?" Bilbo demanded and continued to eat his meal. "Life is not pretty its messy, its dirty and often uncaring of what you desire, or who you love. It takes without mercy and gives little in return. I refuse to pretend that there is not any ugliness in this world, just as I refuse to pretend that things like dirt and flour don't exist. Furthermore I refuse to expect others to wait for me as I wash myself and preen and primp in front of a mirror. I am not a female dwarrow, or will I ever become one and even your women must grow tired of such demands!" Bilbo stated and glared at both dwarves in turn, before picking up his plate and moving to where Bofur was sitting. "You going to say anything about behavior befitting one of my station?" Bilbo demanded. "Because I can eat in my quarters if you..."

"I understand that you are not accustomed to all our customs, if you desire to sit with me you may. It is however unfair of you to accuse me of the actions of others." Bofur pointed out and Bilbo made a frustrated noise, half way between keening and snarling. He sat next to Bofur and suddenly realized how quiet the hall had become. "What's the matter with everyone?" Bilbo demanded.

"Well this could be taken as a public announcement that you prefer me to the others."

"I do at the moment, still that's no cause for such silence, honestly have they never had a fight with their partners? Are all disagreements so benign among your people?"

"Mahuel no, but they usually do it in the privacy of their own home." Bofur replied.

"Mahuel's bloody blue ass!" Bilbo cursed then raised his voice. "MY INTENDEDS HAVE ANGERED ME, I NO LONGER DESIRED TO SIT WITH THEM, ON THIS NIGHT, THAT DOES NOT MEAN I AM REJECTING THEIR SUIT, SIMPLY THAT I WAS AFRAID HOW I WOULD REACT IF FURTHER VEXED BY THEIR WORDS. THEREFORE I WILL FINISH THIS MEAL WITH MY THIRD INTENDED. I AM NOT NOR WILL I EVER BE A DWARF, EXPECTING ME TO KNOW EVERYTHING ONE OF YOUR PEOPLE MIGHT IS RIDICULOUS! FURTHERMORE, I WILL ATTEMPT TO OBSERVE YOUR MANNERS AND CULTURAL NICESITIES BUT DON'T EXPECT ME TO DO SO AS YOU WOULD AS I AM NOT NOR WILL I EVER BE A DWARF. BELIEVING THAT I SHOULD ACT LIKE ONE OF YOUR CONSORTS IS AS RIDICULOUS AS ME EXPECTING YOU TO ACT LIKE PROPERLY RESPECTABLE HOBBITS." Bilbo shouted at the top of his lungs. He then returned to his food and the silence that surrounded the table, it was clear that he'd shocked everyone there and then both Fili and Kili started laughing, Bilbo joined a moment later and smiled at the lads who grinned back at him.

"Bilbo isn't a submissive male, you shouldn't try to make him into one." Fili said and chuckled. "You got him right fit to be tied, oh this is going to be so much fun!" Bilbo groaned at the thought of Fili interfering with his courting.

"Remember our agreement Fili?" Bilbo asked and Fili paled, they had agreed that if the boys didn't interfere with his courting, he wouldn't interfere with theirs.

"Yes battle brother, I remember, I won't interfere but that doesn't mean I won't enjoy watching all of you make a fool out of yourselves." Fili said and Bilbo laughed, pouring himself a flagon of ale, his brothers were always good at cheering him up.

"As will I, when Mahuel sees fit to reveal your One to you." Bilbo said and drained his flagon as both his brothers laughed. For the rest of dinner they bantered back and forth across the table, as everyone else remained silent. After a while of speaking with his brothers, the silence of the other dwarves didn't bother him so much. He could tell his intendeds were angry with him, even Bofur but he found he didn't really care, as he was still mad as well. After they finished their meal and Thorin stood, followed by the other dwarves, Bilbo walked with Fili and Kili back to his chambers, before barring everyone else from entering them. The others knocked and shouted at the door to his chambers, but he had no interest in answering them and so remained quiet. He sighed and Fili and Kili smiled at him.

"You'll have to face them eventually, maybe it would be better to get it over with?" Fili asked and Bilbo frowned.

"I have no desire to fight with them tonight and that's what would happen, given my dark mood." Bilbo said and both boys nodded.

"Well you don't want anger to simmer on a pot, better to hash things out now than wait for later and the pot to overflow and create a mess." Fili said and Bilbo laughed.

"You learned much of my people's culture, I suppose it isn't impossible for me to learn yours. Though honestly I don't know how they expect me to act like a proper dwarves consort." Bilbo said and both boys laughed, he felt better having his brothers there and sighed, squaring his shoulders and lighting his pipe letting the longbottom leaf calm him somewhat, before he got his staff and walked to the door. "Do you wish to talk, or do you want to fight?" He demanded of the three slightly out of breath dwarrows and the other guards. "Because I can do either or both."

"We want to talk Bilbo." Thorin replied and Bilbo gave a curt nod, before going into the dining room and fixing a pot of tea and a plate of scones.

"What are you doing?" Dwalin demanded.

"Following arguments hobbits settle their disagreements with discussions, do you wish for me to be arbiter, or Kili?" Fili asked.

"You can both be." Bilbo called over his shoulder. "Please wait at the table, while I finish with the tea."

"I don't need any Mahuel dammed tea, I need to talk with you Bilbo!" Dwalin said and Bilbo popped his head around and sent Dwalin a glare that made the warrior slightly afraid for the first time in a long while.

"And you will be doing just that, as soon as I have everything properly settled." Bilbo stated and shortly after came from the kitchen with cups of tea and a plate of the scones he had baked earlier that day. "Would anyone like anything else?" Bilbo asked and everyone shook their heads. "Good now then we should get started. Discussions happen in several rounds, the first one person states calmly how they feel, in the second others mirror those feelings back and in the third try to sympathize with the other person, everyone gets a chance to speak and the arbiters are there to ensure that it doesn't get too heated." Bilbo sated and the others nodded.

"Seems a lot like diplomacy, why do you need diplomacy with a relationship?" Dwalin demanded and Bilbo smiled.

"Well my people believe that's where you need diplomacy most, it's important to ensure that others in a relationship understand one another's feelings." Bilbo stated. "Otherwise misunderstandings erupt and can lead to quite vicious fights. Hobbits prefer much like you people to fight in private, but in the heat of the moment that can often be forgotten. I am sorry that I became angry but I'm not sorry for what I said, would you prefer to begin, or should I?" Bilbo asked and when no one else wanted to start he did. "I'm not a dwarf, nor will I ever be, I can't be expected to know how to act as you might wish me to. I am however a respectable hobbit, which means that I endeavor to uphold the beliefs, manners and customs of my people. In addition to which I am quite wealthy and I also a master at three or more crafts. That's not important at the moment however, what is important to me is that you understand that I have my own culture and beliefs, I will respect yours but I can't be expected to act as a dwarf would. Furthermore I'm not someone who simply nods along with whatever their partner says and blindly follows what they might wish them to do. I'm not a submissive little hobbit that you can dress in dwarves finery and get to act the part of a dwarves consort, it would be seen as false the moment you tried. I doubt having me pretend to be something I'm not, would endear me to your people at any rate." Bilbo said and took a hit from his pipe. "As that is the case, as long as you don't expect me to be the perfect consort, I will try to follow your cultural norms in public, however if you feel that I am not following or doing something correctly, please address it in the privacy of my chambers, rather than talking down to me in front of everyone in the dining hall. I am finished now, you state what I said back to me and try to understand where I am coming from."

"You don't want to be treated like a dwarves consort, you want to be treated like yourself. However..."

"This is not your time to speak your own mind, this is your time to reflect upon what Bilbo has said Uncle." Fili said and Bilbo smiled.

"You want to be treated as a hobbit, not as a dwarf and you want us to respect you for who you are and not to expect you to be something you aren't. You feel that attempting to be the perfect consort as you say would read as false to our people." Bofur said and Bilbo nodded.

"You wish to ignore your duties as consort and instead act as you see fit." Dwalin stated and Bilbo frowned.

"I do not mind acting out the duties of a consort, I mind that you expect me to act like a submissive noble dwarf and follow your instructions. I don't demand things of you, please do not demand them of me." Bilbo stated. "You may of course request that I do things you desire, but you can't demand that I act a certain way, or that I do certain things."

"We're all expected to act a certain way Bilbo! Why is it that you feel that you should be free of such responsibilities?" Thorin demanded exasperated.

"This is turning into an argument rather than a discussion, you should be trying to understand where I'm coming from, not insulting or inserting your own feelings now." Bilbo stated and sighed.

"I can understand why you are upset, if you demanded that I act like a respectable hobbit, I wouldn't know where to begin." Bofur said and smiled crookedly at Bilbo, before taking out one of his stones that he'd won in the dice game. "How about this, you take a lesson from Dis in dwarves high court manners, it will take a few hours out of your day and I would appreciate it, as I would prefer the council to be on good terms with the royal family." He said and Bilbo accepted the stone.

"I do not mind learning, merely being told off like I was an errant child." Bilbo stated and all three dwarves looked slightly abashed. "You can't expect me to act like a dwarves lord, I thought my heartsign would be of common birth and so never learned the manners of high court. Would you expect a lower born dwarf to suddenly know how to act as though they were high born?"

"I was base born, before I became rich and you can learn how to act befitting your station if you desire." Bofur said and Bilbo sighed.

"I don't mind acting the part of a dwarves consort, I've already explained that you can't expect me to be perfect at it. I must first and foremost be myself; I can't be expected to constantly act as something I'm not. I would be glad to know of your cultural practices and know how to not embarrass my intendeds as I don't seek to do that, but you can't tell me off in public or expect me to be completely subservient to you. I don't expect you to be subservient to me, so why should you expect me to be so?"

"We can simply moderate the conversation from now on, as no one seems interested in following the order of a discussion." Fili said and Bilbo sighed before nodding.

"It is not a matter of subservience Bilbo it is a matter of what is expected of you, as a consort. I learned to do what was expected of me, first as a prince and then as a king, you should learn to do what is expected of you. My duty is first to my people as their king; I was taught from a young age that my life was not my own but rather belongs to my people. Certain things are expected of you as my consort and if the people are unhappy with their rulers it can lead to unrest."

"Really from not behaving the way they expect?" Bilbo shook his head. "I thought hobbits were sticklers for decorum." Bilbo said.

"You see why it's important that you behave in a manner befitting a consort." Thorin said

"I will try to do so." Bilbo said and yawned. "As we have come to an agreement and I'm tired, I'll have to bid you goodnight." He said and the three dwarves looked between them.

"Might we stay with you?" Dwalin asked and Bilbo frowned.

"It would not be proper." Bilbo protested.

"We did so last night and I for one slept better for it." Dwalin said.

"You slept better for the quarter keg of ale you drank." Thorin teased and Dwalin laughed.

"That may be, but please Bilbo, as we've already been improper by your people's standards what's a bit more impropriety?" Dwalin asked and eyed Bilbo up and down; Bilbo blushed from the heat of his gaze.

"We can't do any err bed sport until after we are bound and once committed to, the binding is for life. I for one need more time to decide if I wish to bind my life to yours." Bilbo stated and the three dwarrows stared at him. "That being said, as long as we simply sleep together and do nothing but sleeping it should not trigger the bond, that requires an exchange of erm fluids." Bilbo stated and Thorin frowned.

"I've already kissed you, does that mean we're bonded."

"No its err, brought about release and the acceptance of the other's bodily juices, a piece of that being is absorbed and through absorbing each other's essence a bond is formed. Well that and the ritual words of course" Bilbo stated and all three dwarves nodded.

"Right we'll keep our hands to ourselves then, are you certain that you are alright with us sleeping together?" Bofur asked and Bilbo nodded.

"Thorin's room is bigger, how about we meet back there after changing into our sleeping clothes."

"Or you could just undo my armor like you did last night, wish I had been awake for it." Dwalin said and Bilbo blushed and laughed a little.

"You were snoring, quite loudly in fact and Bofur grabbed hold of my legs, so I couldn't move." Bilbo said.

"Sorry about that, I have a tendency to grab onto things or people in my sleep. When I was young, it was either my Amad or my favorite stuffed toy, even now sometimes I find myself holding my pillow rather than resting my head on it in the morning." Bofur said and Bilbo smiled at him.

"It was fine Bofur, any way its been a long day and I would like to go to bed soon, that means you need to leave my quarters so I can get changed." Bilbo said and the dwarves left a moment later. Bilbo pulled on his nightshirt, dressing gown and sleeping pants, before unbraiding his hair. In dwarves courtship the only time they fully unbraided their hair, was around someone they were considering courting seriously. Even in sleep dwarves usually kept at least one braid in. Bilbo however found wearing braids to be uncomfortable when he was sleeping and as he had agreed to something he considered to be a big step in their relationship, he thought he might as well show it.

He smiled softly as he knocked on the door. "Come in." Thorin said and Bilbo walked into the room, Thorin stared at him in shocked surprise, as Bilbo took off his dressing gown and got under the covers of Thorin's bed shivering slightly from the chill of the room. The stones in the mountain were cold and although they kept in heat, Bilbo realized that he'd most likely have to special order some slippers soon, as the floors were starting to get cold to the touch. He wondered what they would be like in winter and then realized that Thorin was still staring at him as he huddled under the blankets. Thorin was wearing his sleeping pants and what seemed to be a worn shirt that looked comfortable enough.

"Are you going to join me in bed?" Bilbo asked and Thorin nodded, coming over and getting into the bed as well, Bilbo smiled softly and settled his head on Thorin's chest, smiling softly as he felt the dwarf inhale sharply before he exhaled. Bilbo curled one of his hands in the fabric of Thorin's shirt as a knock came at the door. "Come in." Bilbo said and yawned smiling at Dwalin and Bofur who stared at him as well. Bilbo blushed at their heated gazes and patted the bed. "Get in, I know how cold those floors are." Bilbo said and Bofur nodded, both dwarves were dressed similarly to Thorin, though Dwalin's clothes were more like fighting leathers. "Dwalin, you should wear something more comfortable."

"I'm not in the habit of wearing clothes to bed and this is all I have." Dwalin said.

"Borrow a set of my sleeping pants, we're of a size and Bilbo is right, those do look uncomfortable to sleep in." Thorin said and Dwalin nodded, he came back a little later in sleeping pants that seemed to be slightly more comfortable. Bilbo smiled as Dwalin lay on his side besides Thorin and curled one arm around Bilbo. Bofur blew out the candles, before getting into the bed as well and settling himself behind Bilbo. Bilbo sighed contentedly and nuzzled Thorin's chest, finding the best spot for his head, before closing his eyes and falling asleep, not knowing truly how he had effected the dwarves and how they each lay awake for some hours listening to his breathing and thinking of the future.