This story is part of a series and may be a bit confusing without reading the previous stories - but the main thing you'll need to know is that the boys and Candace can understand Perry via translator, and Monogram is aware of the boys knowing about Perry! Happy reading!

Baby Ned the narwhal waddled onto an empty stage and stood in the very center.

"What you awe about to see may shockily you." He said. "It may howwify you. It may even scaw you fow wife and cause you to hide undew da bed fow da west of youw days. You know why? Becawse dis is an ATTEMPTED MUWDEW MYSTEWY!"

"Woah, woah, woah." Alan the alligator ran onto the stage. "Baby Ned, what are you doing?"
Baby Ned gestured with his fin out at the empty auditorium. "I am wawning da viewews."

"That's very considerate of you, Ned. But this could give them the wrong idea. Nothing in this is going to scar them for life and make them want to hide under the bed. Not to mention you're breaking the fourth wall."

"What's the fowth waw?"

"Talking about the fourth wall breaks the fourth wall. I've said too much already." Alan moved Baby Ned out of the way and stood in the center of the stage. "I'm going to modify Ned's warning a little bit for you all."

"Thewe's no one dere." Baby Ned informed him.

Alan glared at him and resumed speaking. "What Ned meant to say was that this will be an attempted murder mystery, meaning no one's actually going to die. So if you're worried about that, don't be. No one will die, there will be no blood, gore or violence. Well, maybe fistfighting violence, but that's about it."

"But thewe wiw be butts." Baby Ned said.

Alan sighed. "No, Baby Ned. There will not be butts."

"But I just said da word butts. And so did you. So thewe awe awready butts."

"There will be humor, of course, this is pretty much just like normal… as a matter of fact, I don't know why we're warning you, since no one's gonna die and there's no incredibly disturbing violence…"

"Pwus you hawve a butt." Baby Ned observed. "And so do many of da animaws at da O.W.C.A. So thewe wiw be butts."

"…Okay, Ned. …Yeah. So, it's just like normal." Alan said. "Except it will, as Baby Ned said, be an Attempted Murder Mystery. Could be a rather humorous and interesting ride. When it's not suspenseful, I mean. So, if you delve into this tale expecting some sort of play about cows… well, we warned you. Okay, maybe there will be cows mentioned at some point. But still."

"May da butt be wif you." Baby Ned said.

"Okay, cut." Pinky took off his director's beret and wiped his brow. "Alan, that was great. Baby Ned… um… did you make up those lines yourself?"

"I did." Baby Ned said proudly.

"That's wonderful." Pinky sighed. "I can already see my play is going to be a hit."

6

To give them the ability to say that they hadn't been warned would truly have put a dent in my conscience; indeed I am not attempting to in any way cause anyone any kind of unfair grief; and to not warn them would have been just so; therefore I did as anyone would do in this situation. The warning came in the form of the car, the car of Preston Leland's son, to be precise, and in swift movements, I sabotaged the engine quite well enough to satisfy my needs. Not to kill, mind you; to injure, in such a way that would be of a fair warning to them, so that when Preston Leland later stood alone among it all, he would have no more to say other than "I was warned".

Perry turned to chapter seven of his novel and began to immerse himself in the story. He had already been interrupted three times…

"Perry, you've got to help me." Pinky said.

"AGH." Perry threw his book against the wall. "SERIOUSLY? I've been reading the SAME SENTENCE over and over and I just now got to the next one. ANYONE ELSE WANT TO BARGE IN AND GET IT OVER WITH?"

"I need your help."

"Not now, Pinky."

"After that?"

"I'm counting the number of hairs on my body." Perry said.

"PLEASE, Perry. I'm directing the play 'Wait - So No One's Actually Dead?' and I cast Alan and Baby Ned as the lead speakers for the warning at the beginning."

"…Baby Ned?"

"I thought he'd be a cute speaker! But all he wants to do is talk about butts and scarring people for life! He won't do anything I tell him!"

"Baby Ned doesn't take much direction. Why are you directing some play? We don't have any holidays coming up. Besides the New Year. Are we having a New Year celebration or something?"

"I just wanted to try my hand at directing." Pinky said, rubbing his beret. "You never know. I could end up with some hidden talent. Celeste says Chihuahuas have a natural talent for the arts."

"Ohhh. I get it." Perry fished his book out of the trash can it had landed in. "This is about wooing the new girl."

"Well, it's not like you're the only one allowed to have a love life." Pinky folded his arms.
Perry shook a tissue out of his book. "Chase 'em and they run."

"Ignore them and they leave you." Pinky retorted.

"I send her flowers when I can't find time to see her." Perry said. He sat back down in his seat and tried to find his place. "Seriously, Pinky. Don't drive yourself insane trying to impress her. She'll like you on her own. Or at least fire Ned."

"I can't fire him. Haven't you seen his adorable little narwhal eyes?"

"Just give him a pack of fruit gummies and tell him you don't need his help anymore. He'll run off, happy as can be, and try to glue them to Ernest's head. Which is one of the best fruit gummy usage options aside from actually eating them."

"What are you reading, anyway?" Pinky asked.

"A riveting novel about some girl who meets some guy and they start a wool sweater company together."

"Oh, is that 'My Heart Beats Only For Ewe'?" Pinky asked. "I heard that was really good."

"Yeah." Perry shrugged. "The romancey parts are kind of boring. But I like the part when Sheldon Sheep drop-kicks a pizza box. Now get out of here so I can read."

"Sir?"

"What is it, Norm?" Doofenshmirtz asked, tightening the last bolt on his inator. He took a step back and surveyed the results.

Not bad. The cottonball-inator would surely help him take over the tri-state area this time. Perhaps even with time to spare. He could grab a pizza with Perry the platypus afterward.

"You asked me to get the mail." Norm the robot walked into the room. He had a frying pan on his head.

"Yeah, I…" Doofenshmirtz turned around. "What's with the frying pan?"

"It is my new hat." Norm said.

"Remind me to reboot your brain one of these days." Doofenshmirtz said. "Where's the mail?"

"Right here." Norm pulled a letter from his pocket and handed it to Doofenshmirtz.

"What's this? Some letter from…" Doofenshmirtz tore the envelope open and scanned its contents. "Oh, great. My old teacher Dr. Gevaarlijk is coming to visit Danville again. Like I want a repeat of that last visit. Maybe I'll go on vacation real quick or something."

"But sir, you promised me we would go ice skating!" Norm said dejectedly.

"Look, Norm, life is full of disappointment and sometimes we have to just-"

A loud crashing noise sounded outside. Doofenshmirtz jumped. He whirled around to face the balcony.

Smoke was rising from the street down below.

"What the-"

Doofenshmirtz and Norm went over to peer over the edge of the balcony.

Way down below, a smashed car sat next to the building. The left side of the building was missing a chunk of bricks. People and policemen were running toward the car.

One man was running away from the car, holding something above his head. "MY WATERMELON!"

"I didn't do it." Doofenshmirtz called down.

"You know what's boring, Ferb?" Phineas asked, standing on his head.

Ferb shrugged.

"Not having anything to do today. Can't you think of something?"

"We could build a rocket."

"Done it already."

"Fight a mummy."

"Done."

"Climb up the Eiffel tower."

"That's a good one. How were you able to come up with that so fast?"

Ferb shrugged.

"Should we recreate the one we built or climb the one in Paris?" Phineas asked.

"Hm." Ferb said. "Decisions, decisions."

Perry wandered into the room.

"Oh, there you are, Perry." Phineas said. "You can help us decide. Real Eiffel tower, or recreation?"

"I pick fuchsia." Perry patted down a spot on Ferb's bed and curled up.

"Let me guess." Phineas said. "You're too tired to help us with today's project."

"Correct." Perry yawned. "Spent the entire morning fighting Doofenshmirtz and the entire afternoon giving Pinky romantic advice. Ideal morning, not-so-much afternoon."

Perry's phone buzzed.

"Phone." Ferb said.

"Can't reach it." Perry mumbled. "See who it is. If it's from E. Eagle, it's not important. Why are you guys starting on today's project so late?"

"We couldn't think of anything to do." Phineas said. "It was a slow morning."

Ferb checked Perry's phone. "Oh dear. Not gonna be a slow afternoon."

"Why?" Perry asked.

Phineas looked over Ferb's shoulder. "Oh no. The text is from Major Monogram. It says someone named Nicky crashed their car into Doofenshmirtz's building. They're ok, but the Major wants all agents at the agency immediately."

"Nicky?" Perry sat up. "That's the General's son. I'm sorry, boys. I have to-"

"Go." Phineas said. He handed Perry his phone. "We know. Let us know what happened."