Notes

Just a little one shot for Rachel3003. Told you I'd get around to it. ;)

"It's just going to be for a few days, Gajeel."

He held the screaming infant at arms length. The happy gurgling face staring at him with wide eyes, and a large burgeoning snot bubble that expanded and retracted with each breath of its tiny lungs. It would have been comical if it wasn't quite so revolting.

Lucy had come down with the flu, Natsu was on a mission and to his horror, the Dragneel brat was fussy about his caretakers. The six month old having already taken a liking to Gajeel for reasons no one could figure out quite yet. Screaming blue, unholy murder for anyone but his parents and Gajeel. The Iron Dragon Slayer had done everything he could think of to dissuade the baby but his growling, sneering, snarling face succeeded only in causing the infant to erupt into giggles.

The Dragon Slayer leaned back away from its tiny sticky hands while it reached for his head. He'd have had Levy put his hair up for him if he'd have known the child was paying them a visit and he was going to be roped into babysitting.

"You take him!" He whined.

Levy arched an eyebrow, unimpressed.

"I've had him all morning," She growled, looking flustered. "He's just a baby, Gajeel. It hardly constitutes a meltdown," She fussed.

She saw the Dragon Slayer twist his head back and forth, to avoid the small puree covered hands and she sighed, relenting with a laugh

"Here," She gestured him over to the sofa and standing on the cushions for height, she pulled his hair up into a messy ponytail, out of his face and away from the small, freakishly strong infant fingers.

"I just need to drop off this scroll and pick up my pay and I'll be back. Couple of hours at most," She consoled him with a peck on the cheek before hopping down to the floor and grabbing her bag. "You only have to give him a bath and put him to bed. All the messy food stuff is done so it shouldn't be a problem for black steel Gajeel," She flashed him a Cheshire smile and disappeared out the door.

It was the first time he'd been left unsupervised with the child. In all honesty it was a screaming machine that ate, and pooped and happened to look like a peeled, boiled potato with legs and sticky fingers. It wasn't even his own. He didn't see the appeal.

Cradling the baby like he'd been shown, he tried to find some sort of redeeming quality in him. Red eyes met a set of impossibly blue ones and the baby sneezed. Snot and mucus ending up all over the front of the greenish, puree stained bib. Gajeel made a gagging noise eyes widening in horror as something warm ran down his arm and only his hands.

"That better not have been your nappy, kid!" He exclaimed with a quiet growl.

The baby laughed. It was in fact a burst nappy. The sneeze having cause some sort of multi-orifice rupture. Snot and poop and drool. The paste Levy had fed the child at breakfast had run straight through him and had seeped all over his shirt and the arm holding the child, collecting a few old, constipated meals along the way it seemed. It was a monstrously dark, stinking mess that had come out of him. Gajeel had seen some truly horrendous, terrifying things in his days, but he'd never experienced anything like this before.

"Great, now we both need washin', happy?" He wasn't even sure himself why he was addressing the infant. Not as if the baby could understand him either way. Or even control his own bodily functions as it happened.

Gajeel wandered into the bathroom and ran his soiled hand under the tap switching the baby into the other arm. He was wearing his sleeveless shirt. He couldn't figure out why he even owned sleeveless shirts. There was nothing between his skin and the baby poop. He suddenly hated them.

A lot of fumbling and cleaning later and Gajeel had managed to change the destroyed nappy. His violation of grotesqueness wasn't quite over, as the nappy was undone and the cold air hit, Gajeel got blasted with a stream of pee. When he put the baby over his shoulder to clear off the counter, puree dinner got vomited down his back to add insult to injury.

He was a ruined, stained mess of egested and regurgitated baby fluids. He stank. And the baby stank. And his nose just couldn't take it anymore.

As much as he dreaded it though, bathing the baby wasn't nearly as bad as he'd assumed it would be. He checked the temperature of the water carefully and made sure to be as delicate as he could

The baby farted in the water and giggled, and Gajeel found himself smiling despite himself. The kid seemed pretty amused by his own bodily functions.

"Alright, I'll give you that one. Pretty funny, gihi," He chuckled. It took far longer than he'd originally estimated it would to bathe him. The baby kicked and splashed in the water and was as slippery to wrangle as an eel once soap got involved. Honestly caring for the infant left him with no doubts as to why Natsu and Lucy looked so tired and frazzled most of the time. He couldn't even shower himself until Levy got back and could take over. It was tough going.

Dried and dressed for sleep he set him down in his bassinet for the night. Sitting on the edge of his own bed exhausted, watching him carefully. He heard the front door open quietly as Levy crept in. A mop of blue hair peered around the doorframe and he watched her cover her mouth to stop the laughter when she caught sight of the ungodly mess he looked.

The brat was unconscious. Clean and sleeping peacefully.

"Well your afternoon looks like it was more eventful than mine," Levy hushed. Cautiously keeping her voice low. Scroll translated and delivered, money received. A lot of traveling in between.

"Laugh it up, Shrimp," He growled miserably.

She came and sat by him on the bed and took his hand in hers. Leaning against his shoulder. Before pulling back a little with a giggle, covering her nose.

"Remind me again why I'm doing this?" He asked, dumbfounded that he'd even agreed to it.

"Well, he happens to like you..." She started but he shook his head.

"Nah, why am I doing this?" He clarified, interrupting her.

She took his hand and set it against her stomach. Smiling up at him.

"Practice."