Just so you know the flu pandemic theme I have going on in this fic was actually started back in Nov/Dec 2019. There's two reasons I haven't updated in more than six months. Firstly, due to the theme, I didn't feel it appropriate to update given the real life pandemic we're all living through - purely co-incidental as it is. And secondly, I'm actually pregnant, so finding it hard to get up and get motivated enough to do my day job, let alone write fics.

Anyway, hope this is ok. Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter. I've missed you all.

It had been three long days since the coughing had started.

From what Negan had heard, those who were holed up with the flu in the makeshift medical room had already been at it for days.

But now the sound had slowly begun to spread around the large dining hall where the majority of the Saviours were now housed, moving from one person to another, to another. Until finally it sounded like every other person was hacking up a lung.

Everyone looked and seemed miserable. Likely due to lack of sleep, but almost certainly down to worry that seemed to be whispering its way around the cold and drafty building. A worry that things here could potentially get much, much worse for everyone.

Luckily Negan and Blake had been spared from the rattling chesty bark that was passing from person to person.

But someone very close to them had unfortunately had not been so lucky.

It was 2am when the fourth piercing wail in a row hit Negan's ears, causing him to wince and scrunch his eyebrows together at the sound.

Both he and Blake had been up for the past few hours trying as best they could to soothe a very upset Mia.

The toddler had been out of sorts for almost a week, throwing tantrums and bursting into tears at the drop of the hat. He was surprised that he or Blake hadn't made the connection sooner.

For her grumpiness had now turned into a painful sounding cough and a high temperature.

Negan was now freezing his ass off in just a white t-shirt and a pair of black boxers pacing across the floor in the downstairs room they now called their bedroom, as Blake sat on the bed trying to soothe the crying toddler.

"Shhh, baby, it's ok," said the blonde woman, wincing as Mia wailed into her ear once more.

Negan surveyed the pair darkly for a moment, his jaw clenched, before he snatched up his pants from the floor and began tugging them on. "Gonna go see if Carson's got any meds for her," he growled. "Kid's gonna wake the whole damn place up if she carries on like this."

Blake pursed her lips and looked up towards him, both of her arms currently wrapped around a sobbing Mia, rocking her gently.

"You think he'll have anything left?" Blake murmured in reply, worry etched onto her gorgeous fucking features.

Shit, Negan loved her. And the kid too.

And seeing all this unfold like this, like a damn horror story….well, Negan, for the first time in a long time, felt truly fucking helpless.

"Hell, I'll be headin' out there to find some if he don'," he growled before throwing on a pair of pants, snatching up Lucille, and stalking off out of the room.

But it seemed tonight that Negan and Blake were not the only ones kept awake by the near-constant rattling coughs that seemed to echo through the vast downstairs area of the Sanctuary.

Shit, it was freezing out here.

Even in the darkness, Negan could see cold breaths spiralling above the sheets that hung here and there, dividing off the Sanctuary residents from one another.

Jeez.

The place felt like a far cry from the damn castle it was just a month or two ago.

Shit, Negan had been trying his best to keep this crap together but felt each and every day like he was failing fucking miserably.

Not that he was about to show it any time soon. Knowing that one sign of weakness and that would be it. Another wolf would be in to steal his pack out from under him quicker than he could snap his fingers.

He didn't speak to anyone as he trudged through the room and exited into the long hallway that housed Carson's medical room.

Not that anyone had even looked up at him of course, all Negan seeing was heads of his people bowed low or bundled up in blankets.

Fuck, morale couldn't have been fucking lower.

The dark-haired man lifted a hand and ran it down the length of his stubbly chin, giving a huff of frustration as he finally rounded the corner stopping suddenly at the sight that met his eyes in the hallway beyond…

There were bodies everywhere.

Spilling out of the doctors' room and into the narrow and dimly lit corridor.

"What the shit?" Negan muttered out from under his breath, staring around, bewildered at the sight.

It looked like a goddamn war hospital here, with casualties covering almost every inch of the cold concrete floor at his feet.

How the hell had he not realised it had gotten this bad, this quickly?

But in this hell-ridden word why the fuck wouldn't it? Whoever was up there was surely punishing the goddamn human race for something? Because fuck, when things seemed like they couldn't get any worse, another shitty thing was tossed their way.

Negan slowly moved forwards, carefully stepping between the casualties, his heavy boots chinking as he went.

He fucking prayed that these people survived, because with this many people suffering here, all it would take was for one of them to die, and turn, and then the entire place would have another type of outbreak on their hands. With most people too weak and sick to even fight back from the dead now.

He peered around the door to the medical room to find it much the same, with sick coughing people lying, sprawled across gurneys and chairs and even across the grubby lino floor.

But standing in at his desk, with one hand kneading at his temples was Carson, looking distracted.

"Doc?" said Negan in a hoarse voice, causing the strawberry doctor to immediately turn towards him. "What the fuck's goin' on here?"

Carson gave a frown, shaking his head and letting out a puff of air. "I've tried, Negan, I've tried, but people...they're just getting sicker."

Negan had never seen Carson like this before. Carson quite often looked frazzled, but when it came to medical matters always retained his composure. And yet now he looked lost, thin, and the deep circles beneath his eyes told Negan that he hadn't likely slept in days.

"Ain't there any meds you can give them?" Negan said, his eyebrows knotted together, glancing behind him just as someone from the hallway gave an almighty hacking cough.

"Don't you think I've tried," said Carson loudly, sounding strained. "This isn't a hospital and even if it was, with conditions as they are, with how cold it is…"

He shook his head, looking up into Negan's eyes, his own bloodshot and watery.

"I don't know how much more I can do for them, Negan."

The doctor's words were bleak and stark as they left his mouth, causing Negan to falter somewhat.

What the hell was he trying to say? That it was over? That they just let these people die?

And Negan, for the first time in a long time felt something that chilled him to the very core.

Fear.

Not just for him. But for his people.

For his own goddamn family.

Lifting a hand, Negan dragged his fingers down his chin, his frown softening into a look of utter worry.

"Mia's sick," he said in a sudden quiet voice, the realisation of what that possibly meant becoming very real to him now. "S-She's sick too, Doc, been coughin' for days."

Carson pursed his lips together into a firm line for a long moment, staring at Negan, before shaking his head once more.

"Then I'm sorry, Negan…." he said in what was just a whisper, offering nothing else. "I really, really am."

Blake was perched on the edge of the bed, leaning over Mia's teeny sleeping form, brushing the hair back from her clammy temples, when Negan finally got back to their room.

Shutting the door behind him with a snap, the dark-haired Saviour stopped still as the blonde looked up towards him expectantly.

But she knew him too well, reading his expression almost instantly.

"What is it? What's wrong?" she uttered quickly.

Negan stood there still for a moment, a hard lump stuck in his throat that wouldn't budge no matter what he seemed to do.

A frown line appeared between Blake's slender eyebrows as she got to her feet, her green eyes searching his.

"Negan, what's wrong? Y-You couldn't find any meds?" she tried, tilting her blonde head to the side as she moved over towards him.

Negan opened his mouth to speak, but only floundered like a goddamn fish.

"No meds," he finally managed to breathe out, his voice sounding distant and shaky.

Fuck.

He could feel the panic rising inside him.

Negan was always so controlled, no matter what the situation, but right now he felt out of his depth. There was no solution to this. People were going to die. His people. And there was nothing now that he could do to stop it.

Blake took a deep breath in, nodding.

He could see in her eyes that she looked scared. But what the fuck could he say? There were no words of comfort he could give to her now that wouldn't be lies.

The dark-haired man licked at his dry lips.

"It's spreadin'." he said starkly, shaking his head and drawing his hand up and dragging it down his chin once more. "There ain't no meds. Not for Beansprout. Shit. Not for anyone. Carson's out of his fuckin' depth. And I-"

Negan stopped suddenly, trying to swallow that hard lump in his throat, as he looked down at Blake.

"-I don't know what to do. For the first fuckin' time in, hell, my entire damn life, I jus'...what the fuck do I do, Darlin'?!"

Negan's eyes were big and wide now and he knew he likely looked far from the badass leader he usually embodied.

The blonde before him, let out a small breath and stepped into him quickly, placing her palm to his stubbly cheek.

"Negan, it's ok," she said in a quiet soothing voice, her very touch calming him slightly. "It's ok. We'll figure this out."

But as she spoke there came a sudden burst of harsh coughs from behind them and the two adults turned to see Mia, tucked beneath the covers of their bed, red and clammy and wheezing, the coughs coming like barks from her tiny chest.

In an instant, Blake was back at her side, encouraging her to drink a little water and smoothing back the hair from the toddler's sweat laden head.

And without Blake's touch, Negan went back to feeling that panic rise within him once more, feeling helpless for the first time in years. For the first time since Lucille's death.

Fuck. He had to do something.

Mia was sick. His own fuckin' family. And he wasn't gonna let them down, let them die, like he had Lucille.

Negan clenched his teeth together suddenly, making up his mind.

Snatching up his jacket, large coat and one of his guns from the small rickety table that stood in the corner of the room, Negan stuffed the weapon down the back of his pants.

"What are you doing?" came Blake's voice quickly as she stared his way. "Y-Youre not going out there?"

The blonde woman shook her head, her face fixed into a bewildered frown as Negan looked up at her.

"Y-You can't!" she continued. "It's the middle of the night! You'll freeze out there!"

But Negan merely gave a determined huff, grasping up Lucille, throwing on his two layers over his t-shirt and making for the door.

But Blake was always quicker than he gave her credit for, on this occasion literally. And in a flash the tall blonde was stood between him and the door, blocking his way out.

"You're not going anywhere," she said in a whisper, her green eyes fearful and her voice upset sounding as she spoke. "What if you don't make it back, huh? What are we going to do without you?"

She placed one hand to her ever-growing bump, and the other she pointed back to Mia on the bed, almost obscured by the covers now, trying to keep warm in this freezing room.

But all Negan could do was finally gulp away that lump from his throat, shaking his head, his eyes becoming dark.

"Peaches, if I don't go out there an' look for meds...for somethin'...then Beansprout might not be here when I get back. At the end of the goddamn day I'd rather risk my life out there, if there's a chance I could save hers."

And with that, without another word, Negan had shoved Blake carefully aside and hauled open the door.

Leaving the blonde woman he loved so fucking much, calling after him into the echoey Sanctuary hallway, as he disappeared from sight.