"Dwight calling in for Sanctuary. Anyone up yet?"

Dwight released the radio button and took a look over the roof of the elementary school that he and his two companions had chosen to spend the night on. No one was answering. He hadn't really expected anyone to. The sun had just risen and the night shift guy in charge of the radio had probably just tossed the device to the morning shift guy, who was probably now scratching his balls somewhere, chasing an elusive cup of coffee.

We really need to find some fucking coffee. Dwight set the radio on the parapet, dug his eye drops out of one of the pockets of his vest and turned around. The sun had not yet risen over the line of trees at the edge of the small park at the other end of the street, but in an hour or so the roof would be too hot to serve as a hide-out.

After thoroughly hydrating his permanently open eye, he took a look down the street. One townhouse followed the next on both sides from the park to the t-section after which the elementary school stood. All looking like the upper middle class clones that their owners used to be.

Fucking suburgatory.

He used to have epic fights with Sherry, because she had wanted to move off-base into a similar neighborhood. She had thought it would 'improve their status', he had thought it would improve their chances to never pay off their debts.

The area they were observing still looked like Dwight's personal hell, only instead of minivans, the streets were now lined with the undead. Dead undead to be precise. The area had been cleared pretty thoroughly. They had only encountered two lonely stragglers yesterday and nothing else apart from that.

He addressed one of the two men currently crouching behind the parapet, both studying the street below them with binoculars and intensity.

"Any movement yet?"

"Nope. Probably still tucked in.", Seth answered. Dwight felt a pang of pity for the large man with the bald head. Being on your knees for hours yesterday and now having to sit like this again probably wasn't Seth's idea of a good morning. His pity for the other, younger man, had its limits, though. Gavin was an asshole who didn't know shit, but thought he knew a whole bunch of shit. People like him used to be annoying before the world went tits up. Nowadays such an arrogant attitude could get yourself and others killed.

"Maybe we should just go in now, while she's still asleep. Surprise the bitch. I mean... I don't expect much of a fight from her either way, but we can still work with our advantage."

There it fucking is... doesn't know a single ounce of shit. Dwight didn't even deign Gavin with a look, instead keeping his eyes fixed on one of the houses on the right side of the street, about halfway between the school and the park. It looked just like its siblings on either side. Pale blue, picket fence, all in various stages of decay. The only difference were the dead biters hanging over the fence and porch. When Dwight had noticed the unusual display, he had immediately signaled the other two men to be quiet. They had then turned back to where they had come from, had entered the school and put their heads together to discuss the situation

.

Gavin had been convinced that it was nothing out of the ordinary. "Undead fucks probably just stumbled over the fence." and had scoffed at Dwight for explaining that those biters had been put there on purpose and that the whole area was suspiciously lacking any actual undead. Seth had agreed, though, and so they had made camp on top of the school house. Dwight had been quick to give Gavin his most obnoxious I-told-you-so look when they had discovered the source for the morbid décor.

"The boss said to give a report this morning and then to wait for him. What part of his order did you not understand?", Seth asked. Dwight grinned at him and took the radio.

"Dwight here for The Sanctuary. Hello? Anyone there?"

"Good fucking morning Tighty Dwighty" the booming voice on the other side nearly made him drop the radio while fumbling with the volume button.

"What have you got for me? I hope it's something really fucking good, because I have been up all night fucking the wives and there isn't a single fucking drop of fucking coffee to be found anywhere."

Dwight's face got stuck somewhere between a clenched jaw and an eyeroll, making him look like he was having either a very small seizure, or a very large bowel movement. He decided to ignore the stupid nickname and the mention of the 'wives'.

"We observed the house all of last night and this morning. No change. I'm like ninety nine percent sure that the girl is alone."

"Ninety nine percent, huh? Well, let's hope you're fucking right, Dwight. Because I'll only be bringing Connor, since the rest of the men are busy with those fucking solar panels, so you better not fuck this up."

Dwight knew about the solar panels. And that only Connor would come along. And that he couldn't fuck this up. But you were bound to hear these things more than once when dealing with someone who really loved to hear his own voice.

"It's like I said, Negan. The girl went out yesterday around noon and got back to the house just past sundown, obviously with some supplies. There was no movement in or around the house whatsoever while she was gone."

"Fucking fine, then. You're gonna have to wait, though. The boys are scheduled to bring in the panels some time this morning, but since no one here gives a flying fuck about schedules, this might take a while."

"Alright." If Dwight was being honest, he wasn't exactly in a rush. They could settle inside one of the classrooms facing the street if it got too hot on the roof and he was actually grateful for the delay in his leader's arrival.

"Hey Dwight. Is she hot?"

Dwight couldn't suppress the groan rising in his throat. It was a good thing that the radio was push-to-talk.

"I suppose from what I could see from 200 yards away, yes, she's probably reasonably attractive. Can't say for sure, though."

"Heh, fucking A."

Dwight could practically hear Negan rubbing his hands together in glee. One of these days, his eyes would get stuck inside his head from rolling them so much. His leader did have a practical side, though:

"Weapons?"

"Bow and arrows. A machete. No handguns from what we could see."

"Bow and arrows? Who the fuck uses a stupid bow and arrows?"

"Well, I use a crossbow. It's not that different, really. They are silent and have re-usable ammo."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's just fucking hope sexy Robin Hood doesn't have a fucking rifle hidden up her ass or something."

"Well, if that's all... we'll just wait for you inside the school I told you about yesterday. You still know how to get here and where to park the car?"

"Yes Dwight, I'm not a fucking moron. My sense of direction is fucking awesome. I'm like one of those homing pigeons that can deliver mail by using magnetic shit in the earth."

Another eyeroll.

"Alright, we'll wait for your call then. Dwight over."

"See you later Tighty Dwighty."

Gavin snickered, which earned him a slap on the back of his head.

"He's not gonna make her a wife, is he? If that chick really survived on her own out here, she must be really fucking good at scavenging." Seth said out loud what Dwight was thinking.

"Well let's just hope Peter Pan girl down there has some brain to go with those survival skills."

"It was Robin Hood."

"Shut the fuck up, Gavin."