The profanity is strong with this one.
I'm so sorry.
Initial Summary: In which Tsuyu is angry, Tokoyami spends too much time with Mineta and there's a phone with far too many cell phone numbers.
.
..
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Tsuyu wasn't drunk. Really. She wasn't.
Tsuyu was a good child who followed the drinking laws, because if she didn't then her hero career would go up in flames.
Tsuyu was, however, incredibly angry and looking for a physical outlet for said anger. Because some delivery people just couldn't do their jobs right and caused her to waste hundreds of dollars for a stupid pair of shoes.
The best part? Those shoes were on fucking special.
So, as the girl prepared to stampede down the hallway with all the grace of an enraged amphibian, she blindly swiped her phone off the counter in the rec. room before continuing her trek towards the elevator. Sighing loudly, Tsuyu dropped her head against the metallic walls of the transportation device as it began to climb up to the second story. 'Stupid online companies with their stupid shipping services…'
Ping!
Raising her head off the wall, Tsuyu made her way towards the dorms. Slumping over, she practically kicked the door open and let herself collapse onto the soft, cushioned flooring- otherwise known as carpet. A brilliant creation. Kicking her legs out blindly behind her, Tsuyu managed to nudge the door close; stubbornly ignoring the sharp pangs of pain from the points of collision. Flicking open her phone, she simply stared at the home-screen.
'This isn't my wallpaper.'
'Did someone change it?'
'Holy shit, what if they saw those photos.'
A simple hint into the thoughts passing through Tsuyu's mind, after a few moments, the girl simply shrugged and proceeded to go into the contacts. Then…
Oh boy, it was a damn gold-mine.
She grinned.
The first number was Tokoyami.
"Kukukuku…"
o
Tokoyami
o
"Hello?"
"Greetings, who is this?"
"I'm Umi, um… I uh… live nearby, and I had a question?"
"I'm sorry, but most inquiries about the faculty should be directed to the princi-"
"I lost my pet."
"…Oh."
"Have you seen any animals wandering around?"
"What does this pet look like?"
"Human body with a crow head—"
Everything went silent.
"Excuse me."
"…"
"Sir."
"…"
"Did you just fucking hang up on me."
"…"
"Bird-bitch."
o
Tooru
o
"Hi!"
"Heya! Who is this?"
"Oh, this is just an avid fan of yours~"
"Oh my gosh, really?! Do you want an autograph, or a piece of merchandise or—"
"I would like tickets to Fantastic Four 2, please!"
"…"
"Hello?"
"Invisible Woman?"
"Did you just hang up?"
"Wow, rude."
o
Aizawa
o
"Hello!"
"Tsuyu."
"Who the fuck are you calling Tsuyu, asswipe?"
"Tsuyu, I can tell it's you by your voic—"
"Did you just assume my voice?"
"We have class tomorrow."
"I'm not in your fucking class, you shitba-"
"You're staying after-class with me."
"Aizawa. No."
"See you then, Tsuyu."
The connection died.
"Oh my god."
"Aizawa."
"Aizawa please."
"I know you main Reaper but please, for the love of all that is me, play Mercy."
"Mercy on my soul."
o
Tomura
o
"Salutations!"
"How did you get this number?"
"Oh, you know how it is…"
"I really don't."
"Really?"
"Really."
"…Ayyy, lmao."
"What..?"
"Bitch. Scumbag. Crazy shithead."
"Profanity."
"I got this number off Grindr."
Silence.
"Tomura?"
"Did you just reject me over the phone?"
"Well, fuck you too."
o
Tokoyami (again)
o
"Hello?"
"SHE CALL ME MR BOMBAST-"
"Fuck off."
"—IC, SOMETHING FANTASTIC."
"I'm hanging up."
"TOUCH ME ON THE BAC-"
o
Mineta
o
"S'up?"
"Ravish me."
"Gladly."
"…"
"Where you at, babe?"
"This was a mistake."
o
Iida
o
"Hello?"
"GOES FROM 0 TO 60 IN THREE POINT FIVE-"
"This is inappropriate conduct over the phone!"
"BABY YOU GOT THE KEYS-"
"Ma'am!"
"NOW SHUT UP AND DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIV-"
"…Do you know the lyrics to S&M?"
"Fuck yeah I do."
o
Sero
o
"Hel-"
"Sero."
"How do you know my na-"
"Are you into BDSM."
"Oh, this is the uh… special site I contacted a while ago for my needs, right?"
"Oh my god."
"Now, see here, I'm only available from 5PM through till-"
"Sero."
"What."
"This is Tsuyu."
o
Izuku
o
"Hey sweetie."
"Um… Hi?"
"I require aid and… I couldn't help but notice you earlier today in your costume—"
"OH, REALLY? I'LL GLADLY HELP OUT WITH WHATEVER YOU NEED ME TO DO BECA-"
"Oka-"
"-USE I'M GOING TO BE THE GREATEST HERO THERE EVER WAS, BECAUSE I WAS QUIRKLESS BUT NOW I'VE BEE-"
"Dude, chill-"
"-N BLESSED BY ALL MIGHT'S POWER TO BE HIS SUCCESSOR-"
"I want you to All Might all over me."
"AND- wait… what?"
"You heard me."
"U-uh… I-I'm confused…"
"You. Me. 10PM."
"W-what?!"
"Balcony. No clothes."
o
Tsuyu
o
"Bitch."
"Katsuki?"
"Fuck off from Izuku."
"Wha-"
The call died.
"Fucking piece of shit."
"Explosive shit."
"…Katshitki."
End!
This was inspired heavily by Caller IDK by Orange Sherbet, I used to read it all the time- I still do, too! I tried to avoid copying any jokes from their stories, as well. Would seem very disrespectful, to me! This was, honestly, the most enjoyable thing to write.
I dunno if anyone would want more, though.
But anyways, hoped you enjoyed!