Summary:

AU. Slightly OOC. Kagome Higurashi used to be such an innocent 15-year-old. When the zombie apocalypse hits, it takes everyone by surprise. She and her friends need to work together to escape the undead. Will they ever find love in such an environment, or will they get infected first?

~ How To Survive a Zombie Apocalypse ~

panic

As Ayame walks with us, Kikyo lingers in the back, muttering to herself.

"Do you think she's okay?" I ask Inuyasha, who is walking next to me. He rolls his eyes.

"Do you care?"

I shut my mouth after that, because… well, not really.

I am a terrible, terrible person.

Inuyasha chuckles when he sees my reaction. I can sense Kikyo's eyes boring holes into the back of my head. My best friend nudges me slightly, and I know what he's referring to.

Kikyo clears her throat.

"Inuyasha? I know you said no earlier," she begins, "but I was wondering if you were still up for that date?" She snidely looks me up and down before batting her eyelashes at him.

I am furious, but I don't say anything.

"Yeah, uhh… I think I'm good," Inuyasha says, shaking his head and pulling his arm out of her iron grip, and also looking at me for some reason?

"Come on, pleeease?" Kikyo pleads with him. "I can be the… the… the kitten to your puppy!"

I gag. Inuyasha glances and me and snorts.

"You should probably stop," Sango says to Kikyo, smirking a bit. "It seems this puppy's got a kitten of his own."

"What?" Inuyasha looks confused, as does Kikyo.

"Nothing." Sango wordlessly winks at me after she turns around. I blush.

"Stop," I mouth to her, but she just shrugs, smiling evilly.

"Kikyo, do you know how to cook fish?"

She looks at me critically, as if the answer were obvious. "No…?"

I turn around without a word and prepare it by myself. I should've known she wouldn't know.

God, she is such a burden.

Inuyasha has gone with Miroku to find food for us to eat. Sango, Kikyo, Ayame, and I stay behind and kept an eye on our camp.

They came back recently and dumped a bucket of fish for us to cook, then disappeared again. They've been gone for around ten minutes now.

Is it weird that I'm already worried?

I guess Sango could read me better than I thought, because she places a comforting hand on my shoulder, startling me. I jump, turning around to face her.

"Don't worry, Kagome," she says, smiling at me a little. "They'll be back before you know it."

"How'd you…" I don't have to finish my sentence - Sango understands.

"Your hands are shaking," she says quietly. I look down, and sure enough, they tremble violently. Why am I suddenly so hot? A bead of sweat drips down my face, and I bring up a shaking hand to wipe it off.

My heart begins hammering in my chest as a million thoughts race through my head. What if they're dead? What if they were attacked? Did they bring weapons with them? I hope they brought weapons with them… Oh no, what if they were killed by another human being because they thought our boys were zombies? What if the fish grew to the size of a fucking whale and ate them? What if they started eating the fish before they got cooked and now they've got food poisoning and are out in the open throwing up and-

"Kagome!"

When did my chest start to hurt? When had my head begun to pound? I can feel myself trembling even more than before.

The fear had started as a knot in my stomach, but by now it's moving up into my chest. My heart pounds. My head spins.

The panic wells up in my throat. I need to throw up.

"Kagome! Are you okay?"

I'm not even aware of the tears running down my face or my hyperventilating until a soft hand brushes the trails of salt away.

"Hey, Kagome. Kagome, listen to me." The voice is soft, comforting. "Relax. You're gonna be okay, I promise. I promise. Just take deep breaths."

I do as the voice says. The person holds my hand tightly and presses another to my back, urging me to just breathe.

Inhale, two, three, four. Exhale, two, three, four.

"Okay, Kagome. Find one thing you can taste, two things you can see, and three things you can touch."

Okay. Okay. I can taste the fish I just ate. I can see Sango, the voice, holding my hand. I see Ayame, eyeing me worriedly. Things I can touch… how many again? Ah, jeez. Oh right, three! Uh… Sango's hand… my… the… oh no.

As I find myself unable to think of anything I can touch, the panic comes back, and Sango grips my hand tighter.

"Forget it, Kagome. Forget it. I'm sorry. Just look at me, and take deep breaths. Deep breaths. Come on. You can do it."

So I do. I take deep breaths. Sango wipes the tears falling from my cheeks and continues to tell me to breathe.

Finally, after what feels like hours, I can feel the panic slowly dissipating. My breath starts to even out, my body starts to cool down. I welcome a wave of relief that washes over me.

Thank God.

I feel exhausted now, though. Almost as if the panic drained the life out of me.

"Kagome, are you okay?" Sango asks.

I face her and force a smile. "I'm okay now, I think. Thank you."

"Of course," she replies, giving me a look that says, We're talking about this later.

With that, she walks away, seeming to know that I want some time alone.

Sango takes a seat in front of me, setting her bat down gently.

The sound of the river next to us is calming, and I close my eyes for a bit, enjoying it.

We're a few meters away from camp, after Sango asked to talk to me privately.

"Kagome, I've been thinking about what happened yesterday and I think I know what it was. Are you up to talk about it?"

I nod, fidgeting with my hands. I've been anxious all day, and restless. The panic that drained the energy from me yesterday is completely gone, and now I can't seem to stop moving.

I can't stop thinking about what will happen if something like that happens again and there's no one around to help me.

Suddenly I have developed a fear of being alone.

Maybe we shouldn't talk about this after all… but it's too late, because Sango is ready to talk and I already said yes… shit.

"Okay." Sango takes a deep breath. "I already have my suspicions as to what it was, but I'd like to ask you a few questions just to make sure."

I nod my consent, and Sango begins practically interrogating me. I feel much like a patient, answering my doctor's questions.

After a while, Sango's questionnaire ends, and she looks me in the eye.

"Kagome, I think you had a panic attack."

A what? I've only heard of those in books.

"I can't possibly be having those," I told her, shaking my head immediately.

"No, Kagome, you have to listen to me," she says, looking at me in concern. "I really do think it was a panic attack. And they can happen to anybody. Just because you have it once doesn't mean you have the disorder." She stops. "Was that your first one?"

"I think so."

"Let's hope you were just feeling extremely overwhelmed that day then."

"Yeah."

There's a silence, and then Sango reaches over to take my hand into hers gently.

"I'm always here for you if you need anything, alright?"

I nod.

"Do you want me to do anything for you?"

I'm about to shake my head, and then stop, rethinking.

"Actually, yes… is it okay if you don't let me be alone while the apocalypse is going on? I'm afraid - terrified - that I'm going to have another panic attack. If you weren't there to calm me down yesterday, I probably would have completely lost it, gone missing, or died. I'm scared of being alone because I don't want to have another attack while everyone else is away from camp, or I'm the only one away from camp. And I want either you, Miroku, or Inuyasha to be with me. I don't trust Ayame or Kikyo."

I'm a bit embarrassed that I have just rambled to her about my fear, but I don't regret it.

She nods. "Of course. I don't trust them either; I understand. Do you want to tell Miroku and Inuyasha?"

"Tell only Miroku," I tell her. I'm not sure I want Inuyasha to know yet.

Sango and I walk from the river back to camp, where everyone is waiting for us.

Inuyasha gives me a worried look. Are you okay?

I send him a reassuring smile, to which he nods and turns back to the fire.

"You're just in time," Miroku says. "We just finished preparing the rest of the fish. Have some."

Sango and I thank them before sitting down on the logs surrounding the fire. I find myself sitting next to Inuyasha, Sango next to Miroku, and Kikyo next to Ayame.

Kikyo is - surprise, surprise - glaring at me from across the fire. I just ignore her in favor of eating the fish, which is cooked perfectly. Miroku is an excellent cook. He should think about going to culinary school after he graduates from high school. I tell him this.

"Nah," he says. "Cooking is more of a hobby than something I'd want to pursue as a career. Thank you though."

I shrug, going back to my fish.

Inuyasha suddenly rotates slightly in his seat before leaning against me to eat his fish. His head ends up propped up against my shoulder and I can feel his back pressing against my side. My face heats up, and I dutifully avoid looking at Sango, who I know is smirking at me.

"What're you doing?" I ask him. He shrugs.

"Getting comfortable," he replies through a mouthful of fish.

I shake my head and go back to eating my fish, pretending to be completely okay with the new position.

I guess Kikyo finally snapped, because she jumps up from her seat, glaring at me furiously.

"How dare you?" she yells at me. "Inuyasha is my man! It's so low of you to just steal him from me like that!"

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong," I tell her calmly, waving my fish-kabob at her. "He's not your man. I can't steal something that was never yours."

Kikyo's face turns red. Miroku snickers quietly before trying to hide it with a cough. Sango grins, not looking up from her fish. Inuyasha settles more heavily against me.

In response, I lean my head on his, and wrap my arms around him. He stiffens a bit, so I think about retracting my arms, but then he relaxes, and continues to eat his fish.

Hell yeah - go me. I'm mentally cheering.

Maybe it was petty. Maybe I just did it to make Kikyo angier.

But whatever the reason for that was, it was also because I just wanted to do it since he started using me as a pillow.

"Oh my God," Kikyo snarls. "That's such a hoe move, Kagome."

I just smile sweetly at her. Kiss my ass.

Inuyasha growls, a gutteral, threatening sound, and finally sits up. Immediately my body feels cold, having lost his warmth.

"Don't say something like that," he snarls at her, glaring right back at her. "I was the one who leaned against her - she didn't initiate anything. It's none of your business anyway."

She pouts, but doesn't sit down. Instead, she fights back. "Either way, you're still my boyfriend. I'm hurt by your intimate contact with her, but it's okay, I forgive you. Just promise to take me out on a date once this is all over and you cut her out of your life?"

She flashes him a perfect, white smile, all teeth. I stop myself from thinking she has a pretty smile. And then I notice it's fake, because her eyes don't crinkle at the corners like they're supposed to.

Suddenly her smile doesn't look as beautiful anymore.

Inuyasha rolls his eyes, shooting her another death glare. "I'm not your anything. I don't even like you. I don't need your forgiveness, and I would rather die than take you out on a date, thank you. I'm not even going to bring up cutting Kagome out of my life, because that's completely out of the question. Period."

Kikyo gapes at him, and turns on me, furious. I can only shrug.

"Sorry - His Majesty has spoken."

Inuyasha casts me an annoyed look, and I giggle.

"Fine, Inuyasha! Be that way! But you know what? Once you're done fooling around with that… that slut, you'll realize how much better a choice I am, and you'll come running after me in no time! I still forgive you, and I'll still love you. I'll give you time, because I know you're just confused and would never actually go after someone like Kagome if your life was at stake."

She finishes her monologue by blowing him a kiss and happily proceeding to paint her nails.

I want to take that bottle and shove it down her throat.

From the looks of it, Sango does, too.

"Don't slut-shame people," I tell her. "That's so disrespectful."

"I didn't slut-shame anyone," Kikyo says, to which I respond, "You literally just said, 'once you're done fooling around with that slut'! How you think that's not slut-shaming is beyond me."

"It wasn't slut-shaming because I didn't say it to your face!"

"What kind of…? Okay, so using your logic, if I were to call Sango a cunt behind her back, that doesn't mean I'm talking shit because I didn't say it to her face, right?"

"Right!"

"I actually - you know what, I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you. It's fine. Sorry I said anything." With that, I just take a deep breath and continue to eat my fish.

"Oh my God, there she goes again!" Kikyo snarls. I look up startled, as does everyone else.

"What? There who does what again?" Miroku asks her. Kikyo wordlessly flings an accusing finger in my direction. I flinch.

"What the hell did she do?" Inuyasha has stood up and stalked over to Kikyo, who is pointedly ignoring him in favor of glaring at me.

My heart starts to pound again as I become hyper-aware of the fact that everyone's eyes are now on me.

Why? Stop looking at me! Why did she have to call me out?

"Don't do that," I tell her, my voice suddenly very quiet.

Not threatening, as everyone else would have expected. No, my voice has become timid, and weak. Even I am surprised as I touch two fingers to my throat.

Oh, now I've done it. Because now everyone's eyes are definitely on me, and I'm becoming increasingly uncomfortable with all the attention.

Suddenly I am hit with the urge to escape as fast as I can.

I need to get away from here.

I start to sweat, and my hands start shaking. I grab one of them and start rubbing them against each other to try to stop the trembling, but it doesn't work much… in fact, it makes them tremble even more, somehow.

Immediately Inuyasha knows something is wrong, and walks right back to my side, grabs my hand, lifts me up, and with me in tow, flees into the depths of the trees.

a/n: a slightly lengthy one. i hope this turned out okay. this is definitely not my best piece but i've been trying to get back into writing now. i'm becoming more focused on my schoolwork, however, so i'll be very busy. however i'll try my best to continue to upload.

as always, please review and let me know what you think!

пока,

shadow