Wishing on that star

Verse: Mass effect

Genre: Angst/family

Rating: PG-13

Pairing(s): Hanna Shepard/Femshep

Song: Airplanes by B.O.B ft Hayley Williams

Summary: All she ever wanted was for her daughter to start her own family. But standing there in their shared pain, she figured out she had already found it.

The air was sucked from her.

The day was already waited for with dread. The moment Hackett called her, the moment she heard the news, she knew this day would be the darkest she had ever seen.

Despite her years working up through the alliance and hearing all the horror stories her daughter told her about her time as the first human specter, nothing could prepare her for the news that her daughter had been killed in the line of duty.

In her mind, there was no duty that would deem her daughter's life a necessary payment.

There was a moment from when she first entered space, as a child, when the force stole her breath and she was sure she would never get it back again. The day her daughter died was a thousand times worse.

Like every mother, she wanted only the best for her child, wanted her to thrive in whatever she wanted to do and settle down and enjoy the warmth a family could bring her. But just like a long line of Shepard's before her, Commander Jane Shepard was stubborn and dedicate to her job. Family would come later.

But now was too late. Watching those shuttles zipping around like shooting stars, she could only wish that her daughter had found peace.

"Hanna" the voice that had brought her the news was now intruding on her wishing, but she didn't hate Hackett or Anderson. They had pushed her daughter but they had also held her in such high praise after everything she had been through that she felt she owed them something more than contempt.

"Admiral" she saw the proud stance, the solider molded by war and the man who gave his life to the navy. And she hated that man. But she saw the man feeling the pain of losing someone close to you and she felt he deserved to be there.

"It's time; the last group has just landed" the sorrow in his voice makes her swallow back the anger she had been feeling lately, what she had been told was normal, or as normal as mourning your child's death can be.

"I never thought I would be burying my daughter or what they were able to bring back to me" her voice is strained from the screaming she had done the day before. When she had held the images of her daughter sitting on her father's knee. At least Jane was with him now, flying their own ship.

The walk from her room on the citadel to the lifts were mournful and she felt her heart in her throat each beat. Anderson may have spoken comforting words or he might have met her military steps with his own, she didn't know nor did she care.

It was only when they entered the lift and Anderson jabbed a button did the panic rose up in Hanna; the thought of the silence her daughter had died in. Anyone who spent any time in space could taste the fear of being spaced; it had been no different for Hanna nor her husband and was one of the reasons they returned to planet side when they could for Jane's sake.

They had given up a lot of promotions and furthering their careers for their daughter and with a strangled breath Hanna knew in an instant it had been for nothing because her daughter had died alone and in silence.

She was grateful when Anderson moved his fingers over the controls and paused their ascent while the hot tears streaked down her face.

Her baby girl who had been so full of life when they spoke last had died in the blackness of space and she couldn't undo that. She couldn't go back in time and just clutch her daughter.

After several moments she knew that in reality her daughters funeral would never start without her and for a moment she honestly thought that if they didn't hold a funeral then maybe her daughter wouldn't be dead. But that would not be fair, not that any of it was fair but she knew she had a duty and her daughter believed in duty.

She had given her life for duty.

She should have given up duty for her life.

With a stiff nod towards the controls, Hanna knew that she needed to mourn for her daughter. Anderson resumed their ascent and sniffled back his own emotions. Hanna cocked an eyebrow at the man and almost screamed at him but knew it wasn't his fault. It wasn't anybody's fault that her baby died protecting her crew; the only ones she blamed was those who were at the controls of the ship that had torn the Normandy apart.

She would do so much worse to them than just ripping them apart.

With a gust of wind, the final tears on her face dried and she could show the galaxy just who she was to them. She was the Captain who had shone through her career; only a few saw her as anything else and one of those people were gone.

Stepping out she felt Anderson's hand at her elbow and she took a steadying breath. She looked at him and saw the tears, the one's he fought hard against. How she wished that her husband could hold her now; hold her like she wasn't breaking apart, threatening to never be able to pull herself together.

But he had a more important job; he had to hold their baby girl.

"Captain Shepard" a voice, an alliance officer called and for a moment Hanna is confused because there is too many people, too many people to have known her daughter and actually care about her.

"Please ma'am" he nodded to Anderson who steered Hanna towards the seated and non-seated crowd. It was almost deafening when those who were seated stood and their clothes rustled. So many people and yet they were nobody to her; they may mourn Commander Shepard but none of them knew Jane Shepard a girl who mapped out every ship her parents joined and made her shuttles fly.

The sob crawled back up her throat and she was grateful for Anderson when her foot halted for a second. No Shepard ever ran away but Hanna wanted nothing more in her life than to turn and run.

To beg and plead for time to unravel and just to go back to when she and her family were whole.

And that was when she saw them, a rag tag group of people, some of whom looked like they had escaped from the hospital; one was even in a wheelchair.

None of them were looking at her; not like the crowd. No; the group of three humans, a Krogan, an Asari and a Turian all stared at the projected picture of her daughter in her N7 armor.

And not one of them looked at the picture in some false mourning or awe they looked like that picture held a piece of them. It was their missing piece and looking away from it might lose it forever.

Anderson noticed her stare and gently lead her to the seats near but so far away from the small group.

"Her crew" Anderson whispered as the group slowly glanced her way and she felt the breath hitch in her throat and her feet to still. No one rushed to her and she was thankful that no one commented when a single tear rolled over the swell of her eyelid and made it's slow path downwards.

Each of the group stood to attention under her gaze, even the one in the wheelchair sat up straighter.

A sob choked out from her lips and she understood her daughter so much better then; she understood her final moments.

"No David" Hanna whispered as she offered a nod to the small group, her heart breaking at seeing their losing battle with their sorrow.

"I thought she kept putting off a family; something to come later" Hanna whispered allowing herself to guided to her seat, her words been snatched up by the man who had as much help in guiding her daughter as her husband and herself.

"She already found her family" Hanna declared and she gave a watery smile when the Krogan and Turian both bowed their heads in agreement.

She would still willingly rip the galaxy apart if she thought she could bring her daughter back and anyone who stood in her way but she could know with a warmth that her daughter didn't die not knowing of having her own family.

Her daughter had found her own version of family.

And she had died protecting that family.