Astrid was going to kill herself. She surely was. Right now. She could grab her fork and draw it to her neck. It wouldn't be difficult. She wouldn't miss anyone. The only thing that was in her head at the moment was how stupid her date was, how stupid his jokes were and how disturbing his duck tie was; really, who the hell wore a duck tie to a date? Not a sane person, that much was clear.

Snotlout kept on talking, unaware of Astrid's suicidal thoughts. "So, you see, I have this cousin—super silly, he doesn't even know how to hold a stick, very pathetic—and he's totally in love with his cat—"

That made Astrid snort—her best friend was totally in love with his cat, too. She didn't think that made him pathetic, but she didn't dare contradict Snotlout; he'd already laughed at two waiters for wearing ponytails and shouted at a waitress for telling him they were out of steak. Who knew, if Astrid told him her opinion, maybe he stabbed the fork in her neck for herself… thinking in retrospective, that wouldn't be so bad anyway.

The guy stared at her with furrowed eyebrows, as if trying to comprehend was she was snorting about. Then he shook his head and continued rambling, "Anyway, he's been such a pain in the ass, you know? He's been telling me that no girl wants to hook up with me because I'm an insensitive brat. And you know what? I told him yesterday, 'Well, then explain me why I have a date with a chick tomorrow?' and he thought I was bluffing! Can you believe that? He's so annoying I swear I could—"

"Hey, Snotlout," interrupted Astrid, who was starting to think if pretending to faint would be too exaggerated.

Snotlout seemed lost for a second, then smirked, "Yeah?"

"I have to go to the toilet." Before he could answer, she stood up and almost ran to the bathrooms. She was physically tired of hearing him talking about how horrible, how silly and how pathetic was his cousin. He hadn't asked much about her—what was her name, if she'd fallen from the heavens, because she was sure an angel, and if she'd like some wine; he'd just started bitching about his mysterious cousin.

She was going to kill Heather. When she had suggested Astrid to go on a blind date with one of her friends, Astrid had thought he would be handsome, cool like Heather. Her friend surrounded herself with people that didn't obsess about family members. She didn't surround herself with people like Snotlout.

Astrid sighed and looked at herself in the mirror. She'd chosen the red dress, the one that showed her cleavage and made her look curvier, the high heels that made her legs skinnier and longer. She'd spent an entire hour making her hair. And all for that creep Snotlout to keep looking at her boobs. Oh god, she wanted to gag. It had to be a joke. Was it April's Fools?

She picked up her phone from her purse and typed a quick message to Heather—You better explain this to me later—and then called the one person she knew would be available for her. "Yeah? Astrid?" he shouted, music blaring in the background. Astrid took a second to compose herself, trying to imagine her best friend in a party.

"Hiccup?" she babbled. She thought about Snotlout staring at her with his mouth parted and his brows furrowed and shook her head, clearing her thoughts. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he repeated. "I'm just hanging… around. You okay?"

She thought about how much it would bother him to hear about her disastrous date when he was partying, so she bit her lower lip and mumbled, "Yes, yes. I just—nothing, you have fun for the two of us." And then she hung up.

Maybe she could escape through the window. It was little, but Astrid was sure she could make it if she tried hard enough. She was starting to take off her heels when her phone buzzed; it was Hiccup again. "Yeah?" she said.

"What's wrong?" Hiccup asked, and he seemed truly concerned. The music was no longer there, and Astrid felt kind of lame. She didn't want to ruin his night was because she was having a bad one.

"Nothing, I just needed to hear a familiar voice." Not the truth, but not a lie either. "The guy Heather set me up with, this Snotlout is—"

Hiccup started laughing before Astrid could even think of how she was going to end that sentence. It was not the giggles type of laugh or the that's-lame kind of laugh but the oh-my-god-you're-so-screwed type of laugh. He was laughing at her. For something Astrid didn't understand. Astrid coughed, and Hiccup's laugh changed to hard breathing. Then he was just in silence.

"What?" she asked.

"Snotlout Jorgenssen? You're dating Snotlout Jorgenssen?"

"Um," she stole a glance at the door before answering, "yes. That's him. What's the matter?"

Hiccup's laugh boomed through the phone again. "Oh gosh Astrid," he laughed. "He's my cousin."

"No way." Of course. There couldn't be another soul in the whole world who was as in love as Hiccup with his cat. He couldn't even lift a stick. He'd told Astrid about an 'annoying cousin who never shut up about him banging invisible girls' more than once. She should have connected the dots easily. "Hiccup. Shut the hell up."

"Why did Heather thought you two would make a good pair?"

Astrid whined. "I don't know. But he's been talking about his stupid cousin the whole night. I think I'm going to die of boredom."

"Hey, I'm not that boring," Hiccup complained.

"It's not that. Believe me." She told him about the things Snotlout had said, and Astrid could hear Hiccup laughing some more. "I don't know how to get him off me. He's been so… touchy, too. God, he's tried to hold my hand every time I looked the opposite direction."

"I've told you about him," he sighed, and Astrid could almost hear the mechanisms in his head spinning before he asked her the name of the restaurant. Astrid gave it to him, and Hiccup said cheerily, "I'll be there in five minutes, wait for me. Just told him your mom has fallen off her bed or something like that; he's stupid enough to believe it."

Astrid hurried to say, "Hiccup, you don't need to—"

"Are you enjoying yourself with him?"

"Of course not."

"Then wait for me." He said, and then the call ended.

Thanks for reading! I really hope you liked this, and that you'll be around for the next chapter!