Harry and Severus are both aromantic and asexual, although they never use those terms. Forget almost all of the Harry Potter plotline and just go with whatever's implied in the snippets. Timelines... don't exist. Everybody's alive, yay. We're not sure what happened to Voldie.

This is unbeta'd, so if you notice any mistakes, please let me know.

I do not own Harry Potter.

"What are we, Harry?" Hermione looked at him with wide, hopeful eyes.

Harry wasn't sure what she was talking about, but he couldn't just tell her that. Hermione would get upset. They were wizards, and students, and fifth years, and humans, and any number of things. Nothing in the context of their conversation helped, either. She had only just recovered her breath from a laughing fit due to Harry's spin on the story of the twin's last prank.

Hermione rolled her eyes when Harry failed to answer immediately. "To each other, Harry. What are we to each other?" After getting her annoyance out of the way, Hermione once again got that hopeful, sweet expression on her face.

Harry was still confused. "Friends? Best friends, of course."

Hermione crumpled. "Oh. Right. Of course." She mustered a weak smile. "How did they get Seamus's hair regrown in time for the feast?"

"That's the great part!" Harry enthused, glad to be back in familiar territory. "They didn't!"

"Enera!" A sharp flick of his wand set the air crackling, followed swiftly by a branch falling. Harry caught it in a spell before it hit the ground, not foolish enough to make such a loud noise in the Forest. He was tempted, though. A good fight with a Jabberwa sounded good right now. Maybe he'd be able to think clearly, then.

Harry gave his wand a swish and brought the branch flying toward himself, catching it as easily as he would a disarmed wand. After a few moments of inspection he set it in the pile to his left. A little too bendy for what he wanted. That's what he got for choosing trees from a distance. Better to spend his temper with cutting curses at trees than people, however.

A soft rustling of leaves warned Harry that he had attracted a visitor, and he whipped around, wand at the ready, stunner on the tip of his tongue.

His gaze found narrowed black eyes and Harry relaxed.

"This is your last free pass of the week, Mr. Potter, and it's only Thursday," Snape remarked dryly.

Harry hunched his shoulders, letting the overlong sleeves of his sweater fall over his hands. He didn't have to be at the ready with Snape there to look out for threats. "It's not been a great few days."

Snape lifted one eyebrow. The man would never invite Harry to confide in him, but managed to offer it silently anyway.

Harry picked up his tiny bundle of selected branches and took a few steps to fold himself among the roots of a nearby tree. He wasn't sure Snape wouldn't just dismiss Harry's concerns as overblown teenage drama. The professor did that sometimes, and it always stung. A few weeks hindsight usually showed that the dismissal was deserved, but Harry really wasn't in the mood to decipher the concern Snape hid in harsh - cruel - words.

While Harry stewed, Snape investigated the pile of rejected branches, taking one or two out to test for himself. "You've become more discerning."

"Or I'm just not in a generous mood," Harry retorted.

Snape's sidelong glance clearly indicated that he expected Harry to elaborate, but Harry refused on principle.

"Were the Timberwilly tracks there on your way in?"

Harry picked at his sticks. "I wouldn't have noticed if there was," he admitted.

"Potter," Snape growled.

"Yeah, I know. Sorry, Professor." Harry lifted his glasses to rub at his eyes. "It's been a really not great few days."

"That does not excuse carelessness, Potter. Awareness of your surroundings is even more important if you are not working at your best." Snape flicked his wand, vanishing the discarded branches to who-knows-where.

"Yeah. I'll be more careful." Harry sighed. "Any chance you'll need to be out here to collect some more herbs tomorrow night?"

Snape studied him carefully before deciding, "Yes, Mr. Potter. And I think the lesson will stick best if you join me for detention tomorrow. We will meet in my classroom after supper."

"Thanks, Professor." Harry smiled warily and let his head thump back against the tree. He breathed in the mixed scent of furious life and continual decay, so distinctive to the Forbidden Forest. His most joyous memories may have taken place in Hogwarts, but contentment had come to be equated with that smell pricking at his nose.

Harry hauled himself up to follow Snape back out of the forest. After a few minutes of walking in silence, Harry eventually asked, "Professor, is there something wrong with being friends?"

Snape stopped immediately, glaring at Harry and opening his mouth to reply with a sneer. Then he paused. "Context, Potter."

"Right, yeah." Harry rubbed the back off his head. "Hermione's been avoiding me lately, and, when I asked her why, she told me that if we're 'just' friends, she can't spend all her time with me."

"You and Granger were not a couple?"

"No!" Harry shuddered, thinking of himself involved in any of those gooey, starry-eyed relationships. "We aren't like that. Weren't," he corrected with a wince. Harry squeezed the bundle of branches in his arms like some sort of spiky stuffed animal.

"Then perhaps the issue is that she wanted to be," Snape offered. He looked uncharacteristically sympathetic.

"Why would she? We were fine how we were. And even if she did, we were still friends. Why would that just stop?" Harry shook his head. Snape was probably the wrong person to ask about interpersonal issues. Then again, usually Harry would ask Hermione, and that wasn't an option anymore.

Snape gave a put-upon sigh. "Have you not noticed, Potter, that most people, particularly teenagers, place a great importance on romance?"

"Well, they're always showing off with all the couple-y stuff, but it's not like it's really that big of a deal. It's like bragging about a new toy." Harry stopped, stunned by a sudden thought. "Please tell me they're just bragging. They can't be serious about all that-" Harry made vague gestures in the air to articulate his point.

"Just because you do not care about that drivel does not mean that they do not. Even the closest of friends may abandon you for a chance at the idiotic concept known as 'true love'."

Harry stared up at Snape, devastated. Another way in which he was a freak. "But Hermione's not… she's not even with someone!"

"That is because she thought she was with you, Potter," Snape snapped. He continued, with a mix of disdain and relish, "You gave her attention and affection, but most of all, you made her a priority in your life. And because she associates those things with romantic attraction, she assumed that you did as well. Then you crushed her hopes."

"But I didn't - I never - Merlin!" Harry strangled a frustrated scream and blinked away tears. He'd lost his best friend over a stupid misunderstanding? What had he done to make her think that way? Had Harry led her on?

Was this Harry's fault?

"You sound like a wounded animal. Get up. We're going back to the castle before you attract something nasty."

Harry laughed weakly, thinking that surely the nastiest thing in the Forest was already here and on his side. Nevertheless, he obeyed and stood. "Professor? Do you - That is, did you lose a friend like this?"

Snape studied him. "Not precisely. My childhood friend was never attracted to me. Rather, she could not imagine the possibility of remaining so close to me while pursuing a romantic relationship with her beloved. She distanced herself, but in the end it was my own fault that our ties were severed completely."

"Oh. Um. Thanks for telling me." Harry blushed absurdly, lowering his eyes. Then he looked back up at Snape, pleadingly. "Will I ever… will I ever feel like that? Like being someone's boyfriend is the most important thing in the world?"

"I cannot speak for you, Potter," Snape replied severely. "But for myself, no. I never have."

"Your go." Harry passed the board back to Severus, idly studying his professor's rooms while he waited for Severus to take his turn.

"Clever," Severus muttered, intent on the board.

"A compliment, Professor?" Harry teased. "Should I get out my wand? Is the end of the world immanent?"

"Oh, shut up."

Harry laughed. It was strange, being friends with his professor, but spending time with Severus was easier than interacting with any of Harry's 'peers' had ever been.

Severus smirked as he made his move and passed the board back to Harry.

Harry stubbornly stared at the board for several minutes before conceding defeat. "You've gotten good at this."

"Yes, well, when one's opponent is you…" Severus mocked, but all soft around the eyes in that way that made Harry melt.

Before he could blurt out something stupid, Harry began resetting the board.

"Have you confirmed your holiday plans?" Severus asked.

Harry nodded. "I'll be staying here. Fred and George said I was going to be invited back to the Burrow, but apparently Hermione still isn't as okay as she says she is. Thinks I must be jealous of her and Ron."

"You are jealous."

"Yeah, because she actually talks to him! And I don't need commentary, I already feel like crap for being willing to settle for whatever scraps of attention she gives me, I don't need to feel worse for begrudging Ron."

"Very well." Severus made his first move without contemplating more than a moment. "I've been invited to Germany for the solstice. Hollybrein flowers only bloom in the wild, and only once a year. A new field of them has been discovered."

"Oh." Harry swallowed his disappointment. He was excited for Severus. He was. The Potions Master rarely got to go farther than the Forbidden Forest for ingredient collection these days, and Harry knew the man missed travelling. And he was getting the opportunity to access rare, fresh ingredients. "What are the flowers used for?"

"Nothing at all. The pollen, however, is invaluable to combat allergies and the common cold. If Hollybrein could ever be cultivated, there would be no more flu season."

"That's great! Pollen to fight pollen. Very cool. When. Um. When will you leave, do you know?"

"That, Potter, depends on whether the assistant I want agrees to come with me."

Harry fumbled the board. "Me? You want - Yes! Yes, can I? Will Dumbledore agree? Is it safe?"

Severus chuckled. "Completely." He looked over at Harry, who was correcting the board. "One square to the right, don't cheat."

"We can't all have perfect memories," Harry groused, fixing the pieces into their proper positions. He made his move. "So, when are we leaving?"

"December twentieth. We'll be cutting it close, but I'd rather be able to stay after to process the pollen before transporting it. And you have assignments to finish, so we can't simply flee to Germany for the entire break."

"As if you don't have essays to grade."

"It's hardly time consuming to give you dunderheads Trolls," Severus drawled. Then he frowned at the board. "How've you done that?"

"Great skill," Harry advised him sagely. He wasn't bothered by Severus's marking anymore. He'd spent afternoons in the man's office while he slogged through the essays with far more care than Harry had originally expected.

Two moves later, Snape sighed. "You've won. Now show me that trick again."

"Of course, Professor."

"So Harry," Fred began, appearing at his elbow.

"We heard a rumor," George continued, bracketing him between them. It wasn't unusual, when they all were on their way to Quidditch practice.

"You've been spending an awful lot of time with the Dungeon Bat."

"Want to tell us a little something?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Shove off. I heard a rumor that Lee came back from the holidays this time with a two-tailed scorpion that breathes fire."

"The fire may be a - " " - slight - " " - exaggeration."

"You three are ridiculous."

"Come on, Harry."

"Give us something juicy."

"We won't tell."

In sync, the twins waggled their eyebrows absurdly. They arrived at the locker room and the twins collided with the doorway, jostling each other to get past.

"I'm his assistant for collecting potion ingredients. We had to go to Germany over the holidays." Harry shoved his books in his locker and pulled out his gloves. "Juicy enough for you? Swear you'll never, ever tell?" he added wryly.

"Cross our hearts," Fred agreed.

"And hope to lie."

Harry laughed. "Ridiculous," he sang, leaving them behind in the locker room.

After practice they caught him again, a bit more serious. "If there's something between you and the greasy git, you know you can tell us, right, Harry?"

"We won't snitch on you." George was never able to resist a pun.

"We're not involved like you're implying," Harry snapped. "Snape is a friend, okay? Nothing else."

Fred held up his hands. "Alright, mate. Just wanted you to know that we support you, or whatever."

"No matter who you like, Harry," George agreed. "From bookworms to Hufflepuffs. Even greasy old Slytherins."

"I don't like -!" Harry cut himself off and took a deep breath. "I don't like Snape like that. I didn't like Hermione or Cedric like that. I don't like anyone like that. You want to support me? Join the impossibly small club of people who don't imply that I want to date anyone I talk to for more than ten minutes."

The twins exchanged a skeptical look, and George shrugged. "Sure. But when you do, you'll tell us, right?"

Harry made a sound not unlike a boiling kettle. "That's not going to happen. If it ever does, I'll let you know, so you can check me for love potions."

"You're serious?"

"Yes! Assume love potion or charm until proven otherwise. And make sure to let Snape know. He'll know all sorts of weird curses to check for."

"Right. So you're not gay?"

"No. I'm not gay. Or straight. I'm nothing. I'm disinterested."

"Severus?" Harry asked tentatively.

The man snorted. "Don't look so terrified, Harry. I thought you might appreciate chocolate that you don't have to check for wayward spells."

"So, it's not…"

"No."

A wave of relief sent Harry crashing down on a chair. "Thank Merlin." He shook his head clear. "What flavors've we got, then?"

"Malt, almond, and coconut."

"A present for yourself as well? Go on, take the coconuts." Harry set the box of chocolates on the table between them. It was disturbingly pink, with a red bow printed on.

Severus examined his chocolate clinically before popping it in his mouth. He wrinkled his nose. "Overpriced."

"I've heard that the best deals are actually a few days after. Want to sneak down to Hogsmeade this weekend? We can probably triple this for the same cost."

"One, I do not sneak. Two, us in Hogsmeade buying chocolate together would raise some eyebrows. And three, we'll have decontaminated your worshipers offerings by then, eaten them, and sworn off all sugar."

"One, you totally sneak. Two, their faces would be hilarious. And three, don't call them worshipers."

"What would you prefer? Rabid fans? Potterheads?"

Harry groaned. "I almost wish I'd had another nasty article published about me last week, just so there would be less of them."

"Then you'd be receiving poison as well as love potions."

"I'm probably getting some of both anyway."

Severus held out the last chocolate, a malt. "Good that you have a Potions Master on hand to combat any malicious plots to romance you, then."

Harry plucked the chocolate from him and ate it in two bites, to savor it. "Do you ever think we're weird? For not wanting all that, I mean. You'd be an awesome boyfriend."

"Never attempt to apply the term boyfriend to me again, Potter. And no. I've made my peace with it." Severus drummed his fingers against the arm rest. It left some chocolate smudges, but Harry didn't say anything. Severus would just get irritated at himself for no reason, since the house elves would clean it up.

"My mother was dosing my father with love potions for years," Severus eventually said. He ignored Harry's choked-off, "What?" and continued, "I always wondered whether my disinterest was a side-effect. There are no reported cases either way, due to the illegality, so I suppose I'll never know. But I am as I am. When I was a boy I sometimes wished that I could feel that way for someone, to have all that fascination, that adoration focused on me. I haven't wished that for years, however."

Harry couldn't think of anything sympathetic to say, so instead he teased, "I'm plenty fascinated with you."

Severus chuckled. "Is that why I can't get rid of you? I'd wondered."

"Shut up. You know you'd be lonely without me here to annoy you."

"I'd be utterly bereft."

"Devastated."

"Shattered."

They snickered like children. "Want to start sorting through my loot? You can take the sweets and I'll start drafting replies to the love letters."

"You don't want me rejecting your lovelorn hopefuls for you?" Severus mocked.

"They would either cry or not understand your insults. Or both. Besides, I wouldn't risk infecting you with feelings."

"Merlin forbid."

"Harry." Severus sniffed. "Why do you smell of sex?"

Harry groaned. "You're letter said it was urgent. I didn't have time to shower."

"Valkyrie interrupted a tryst, then?" Severus sneered.

"Merlin no. It's bad enough having to use my hand. I don't want other people touching me there. Or having to touch them. Gross. Why are we talking about this in the hall? Let me in. What was urgent?"

Severus's robes billowed as he led Harry toward a large cauldron in the back of his lab. "It's about to be finished."

Harry sucked in a breath. "Seriously? And the color's still right?"

"Everything's perfect. We will soon be in possession of the only completed Stone-eye potion since Merlin's time."

"You insane, brilliant man." Harry swallowed. "How long?"

Severus cast a Tempus. "Seven minutes."

"You owled me with only thirty minutes to go! What if I'd been at Hagrid's? Or busy? I could have missed it!"

"It only changed color an hour ago. I had to prepare the flasks and check over the distillery."

"Is there anything left I can do?"

Severus smirked and pulled a short, thick piece of metal from his pocket. "You designed the symbol. Only fitting that you be the one to make the seal."

"Yes!" Harry took out his wand and bit his lip. He tapped the metal and transfigured it into an inverted stamp of a snake eye with a sword as the slit pupil.

"Excellent. Now we only wait."

Harry bounced in place. "I can't believe you actually managed this. I mean, I totally knew that you could. But two years of obsessive timing and tweaking. I can't wait to read the letters from posh old Potion Masters begging for your notes."

"That will be a treat," Snape agreed. Then he said, almost idly, "You would have been in time if you'd taken a shower."

"But I didn't know that, now did I? If I smell that bad I'll use the lab one, but you have to Accio me some fresh robes."

"Yes, yes. I don't want this moment associated with the scent of sweaty Potters."

"Fine, geez." As he stripped for the shower, which was really just a showerhead in the corner with a drain beneath, Harry kept talking. "You never have to use your hand? How do you get rid of it? Willpower? That can't feel as good."

Severus sighed. "On the rare occasion that 'it' comes up, I ignore it." He flicked his wand and the shower started.

"'Comes up'," Harry cackled, stepping into the water. "Nice. My housemates have implied that daily is normal. Is it rarer 'cause you're old?"

"I'm not old, Potter. And my age has had no effect on its frequency."

"Really? Huh. Less time wasted, I guess. But it is does feel good."

"I had assumed that its lack correlated with my disinterest."

"Maybe for most people? I won't traumatize you with the discussions I've heard about what my housemates fantasize about, but they do seem to get aroused due to attraction as much as anything." Harry shut off the water and accepted a towel from Severus. "I just enjoy all the sensations my body gives me until it's over."

"That sounds awful," Severus informed him.

"Whatever works, I guess. Time?"

"Two minutes."

Harry dressed and sat on a lab table, ignoring a glare from Severus. "It's weird talking about sex things with an adult. But it'd be even weirder to avoid talking about it with my best friend. You should invent a de-aging potion."

"If I ever manage that, I will be too busy enjoying my riches to entertain you."

"Like you wouldn't invite me to your private island."

"With your luck you'd drown getting there."

"Not untrue."

They both spent a while staring at the potion.

"Best friend?"

"Too juvenile?"

"Not if the sentiment is honest."

"Always will be. Even when you're a jerk."

"One minute," Snape said. Then, softly, "And the sentiment is returned."

"Severus!" McGonagall's voice carried throughout Severus's chambers, accompanied by four sharp raps on the door.

Harry groaned and huddled deeper under the blankets. "Make her stop."

Severus was already out of bed and pulling on robes, based on what Harry could hear. "Stay in here. I refuse to suffer a lecture from Minerva before dawn."

"Yessir," Harry slurred, snuggling with his pillow. Severus despised Harry's oversized, cloud-soft pillows, but they were superior for hiding from sunlight and wakefulness.

On his way out Severus must have activated the Eccio ward, because Harry could hear his and McGonagall's conversation. Which was not conducive to sleep, but was reassuring.

"Severus! Potter's gone missing."

Not reassuring. Not reassuring at all. Harry scrambled out of bed and began pulling on his clothes. Where had he left the Invisibility Cloak?

"Missing, Minerva? How do you know?"

"None of his friends have seen him since Friday. The Weasley twins came to me this morning. The twins, Severus. They wouldn't have come if they weren't deeply worried. He isn't in his bed"

"Two days is hardly long enough for alarm. The boy was probably just hiding away from the sycophants he calls friends. There's no cause for concern unless he misses his classes today."

"This is serious. I know you care about Harry more than you let on, Severus. We need to find him."

"Try the quidditch pitch. He's been known to go flying when he can't sleep, and I assume his avoidance is due to brooding or some such."

Harry took the hint gratefully. He secured the Cloak and went to the window, Accio'ing his broom. He usually left it unsecured nowadays, just in case he felt like flying out of the castle. Severus wasn't wrong about his nighttime flying habits, though the man had neglected to mention that he would occasionally join Harry, sitting in the stands and sipping tea while he watched Harry do stupid and dangerous stunts.

There was only time for a few loops and a speed run under the stands before Severus and McGonagall arrived at the field.

Harry touched down, feigning surprise. "Professors! What's wrong? Has something happened?"

"What's happened is that your lack of consideration has sent your friends into a panic," Severus snapped.

"I did? I'm so sorry, Professor McGonagall! I didn't mean to worry anyone. I just needed some time away."

"As I said. Next time, leave a note. At least then they'll know you haven't been kidnapped." With that, Severus stalked away. He probably was truly furious, Harry guessed. Their wonderful weekend of non-stop research and childish games had ended on a sour note because Harry hadn't anticipated his friends noticing his absence. Ron and Hermione might not have, too busy doing sickeningly sweet couple-y things, but he ought to have had more faith in George. And Fred, eventually. Neville, Ginny, and Luna were used to him being randomly unavailable.

"I'm disappointed in you, Potter."

"I understand, Professor. It won't happen again."

"I'm sure that it won't. Come along, we'd best present you to your friends before they take it upon themselves to find you."

"Yes, Professor. I'll just put away my broom."

When Harry got back, McGonagall was eyeing him thoughtfully. "Where have you been sleeping, Potter? According to your housemates you haven't been in the dorm."

Harry blushed. "A friend of mine from another house found some spare room for me. I really didn't mean to cause any trouble."

Luckily, McGonagall was too tactful to ask which friend he had stayed with, as his only friends in other houses among the student body were Luna and Cedric. Actually, Cedric probably would if Harry ever asked. But Cedric and Cho were well-known to be madly in love, so Harry would be cast as a heartbreaker when gossip inevitably got out and assumed his intentions to be less than platonic.

If Malfoy got involved, they could call it the Seeker Scandal. Harry would have to remember to share that thought with Severus. The man would be amused.

McGonagall escorted him to Gryffindor Tower. "Reassure your friends, Mr. Potter. And get to class on time."

"Yes, Professor."

"You really want to try this?" Harry spun the soft pen between his fingers.

"I wouldn't have agreed if I didn't."

Harry swallowed. "Right. Then, um. Right." He carefully straddled Severus's waist, balancing one hand on the man's bare back.

"Well?"

"Give me a break. I can't think of what to write. Oh, I know." Harry put the pen to Severus's skin and drew the Stone-eye symbol. Severus's muscles twitched. He added an abstract sort of lion with a snake running through the patterns on its body, and continued outward from there with some swirls and scales. Harry finished by writing, Sweeter than chocolate, for the irony.

He leaned back and admired his work. "What do you think?"

"Far better than attempting to share drinks. Somewhat worse than lying together on the couch."

"Agreed. Swap?"

Severus made and agreeable noise and, through a feat of athleticism previously unknown to Harry, managed to flip their positions. Magic had probably been involved. The last thing Severus did was pluck the pen from Harry's fingers.

Severus scrawled something across Harry's shoulders, and Harry couldn't prevent a full-body jerk.

Severus immediately withdrew. "Unpleasant?" He sounded disappointed.

"Extremely pleasant. Do that again. Please."

Severus returned to his work with a long line of tiny letters all down the back of Harry's neck. Harry was going to have to get the man to take a picture before he washed all this off. What was Severus writing? Quotes?

Severus changed angles and wrote down Harry's back, then added a single word in large font branching off of that. On and on until Harry couldn't believe his back wasn't already black from ink.

When Severus finally capped the pen, Harry was completely boneless and would have happily stayed lying there for another hour. Or more. How long had they been at this, anyway?

"Better than the couch," Severus announced. He lifted himself enough for Harry to wriggle out from beneath him and sit, careful not to let the ink smear against Severus's sofa. "Close second to feeding you."

"Better than being fed, not as good as washing each other's hair. It'll probably lose the potency if we do this too often, though."

"Unfortunately, I agree. Next time we'll have you on your back. I suspect it will be an altogether different experience."

"Sounds good. One more thing?"

"Very well."

Harry stole the pen and wrote messily all across Severus's front, Best Friend of Harry J. Potter. If Found, Please Return.

"Insufferable brat."

"I don't know," Harry said mischievously. "I think it'd make a good tattoo."

Severus cupped the back of Harry's neck and squeezed, getting ink all over his hand. He poked Harry's face to smear some there.

"Jerk!" Harry protested, laughing. "Anything else on the list of curiosities? I think that was it."

"We belayed all forms of 'PDA' for now, so yes, I believe we're done."

Harry snickered. "Everyone is going to be so confused when we test those."

"You laugh now, but I'm the one who will have to reign in your temper when they mistake us for a couple."

"Yeah, yeah. What time is it?"

"Seven fifty-three."

"Please tell me that's late enough to go to bed."

"No. You'll wake up at three in the morning and moan about it. Get up. You can edit the most recent chapter while I work on the next."

"Fine." Harry didn't move. "Severus?"

"Yes?" the man replied, impatiently.

"I know we're not a couple, romantically. Obviously. But, um. We're still going to be together for a long time, right? Until we're both really old?"

"There are no guarantees. But yes, I plan to remain close with you for as long as I may."

"And I'll argue with you if you ever think you may not," Harry grumbled, smiling.

"As I will argue with you if you ever think I may not."

"Good."

"Exceptionally."

"Severus," Harry whined. "I'm bored."

"Mufflito."

"Finite Incantem. Don't be such a meany, Sev."

"Don't expect me to entertain you, brat."

"I'm graduating next month."

"Assuming that you didn't fail this essay. Which you will if you don't cease irritating me while I grade it."

"But we still haven't decided how to keep in touch!"

Severus put aside his paperwork and folded his hands carefully. "Harry. On the first Friday of each month you will be flooing here to spend the weekend with me. On every Saturday that we are not together, we will be floo calling for two hours from ten to noon. If either of us cancel on Saturday, we will move the call to Sunday. If this ever occurs twice consecutively, we will owl each other at least a two sentence note. At the end of your apprenticeship you will be moving back to Hogwarts, and get a suite connected to mine by secret passage. This is the most structured plan to keep in contact I have had in my life, and I was a triple agent for over a decade."

Harry slumped deeper into the couch, sulking but with a smile playing around the corners of his mouth. "Sorry, Severus. 'M just nervous."

"And you have every right to be. You are taking a step into unfamiliar territory, largely alone and with little idea of what to expect. But that does not give you leave to prevent me from fulfilling my obligations."

"Yeah, I know." Harry sat up. "Can I. Um. Can I sit against your legs? I think I could be quiet then."

"If it will keep you quiet, be my guest."

There was an awkward shuffle before Harry got himself folded comfortably under Severus's desk, head resting the man's knee. Harry sighed happily. "This should have been on the list."

Severus ran a hand through Harry's hair, but led by example and remained silent.

Harry woke from his half-drowse when Severus stretched. "Wha' time's it?"

"You've been asleep for two hours. How does your neck feel?"

"Surprisingly good." Harry yawned. "Must be dark by now, yeah? Still up for going to the Forest tonight?"

"Of course. I've finished the marking. You did well."

"'M a good assistant."

"A shame you're going into Defense. Potions has lost a valuable asset."

"My contribution to the field'll be convincing you to write textbooks. I'll be very appreciated."

"Undoubtedly."

"Everyone is staring."

"Hardly, Potter."

"No, Sev, everyone is actually staring. Even the first years." Harry's cheeks were beginning to go hot.

"You are somewhat famous."

"I don't think that's it."

"Perhaps they find you handsome. Tans are apparently all the rage, these days."

"How would you even know that? Never mind. Explain the boys, then. A large proportion of them should be straight."

"Envious of your good looks."

"I can't believe you managed to say that with a straight face. Pardon the pun. They're still staring!"

"They've never seen two teachers chattering like little girls," McGonagall interrupted from the far side of Severus. "A little decorum, gentlemen."

"I don't think that's it, either."

"A mix of both, most likely."

"That could be it," Harry agreed.

Dumbledore finished his speech and clapped, filling the tables with food.

"Chocolates, Severus, really? You're such a sap."

"Check the box."

"These are all coconut!"

Severus laughed, and Harry finally realized.

"They're not staring at me! They're staring at you! You're smiling! In public!"

Severus attempted, and failed, to control his expression. "I blame you, Potter."

"Why, Professor, I'm honored! To be credited with inciting the great Dungeon Bat to smile. Have I won an award? Will I need to make a speech?"

"I know where you sleep."

"I have unlimited access to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes."

"Boys. Please refrain from starting a prank war on the first day of the term."

"I do not participate in prank wars," Snape spluttered.

Harry patted his hands. "Of course you don't, dear. Eat your chocolate."

"You little - !"

If you're curious, George and Fred knew Harry was out of bed because they snuck in to prank him. I don't know what game Harry was teaching Severus, but it was Muggle and not chess. I suspect something with complicated rules and too many distinct pieces.

A lot of the aro-ace feels in this relate to my own experiences, so they're a narrow slice of the spectrum.

I have changed out one of the snippets from the original - the pen scene used to be our boys experimenting with necking. If you want to read that, same author name but on tumbr.

If you have an idea for a new snippet that fits this line in, I will give you a virtual hug, because I really wanted to use it: "Perhaps we've finally succumbed to the romantic notions of the masses."