A/N: I don't own the rights to the movie Life As We Know It (Obvi). I just thought it was a cute concept and wanted to do my take on it ;) Let me know what you think!
FALL: APOV
There are moments in your life you never forget. Your first kiss, maybe scoring the winning goal in your soccer game or the first time you see something that truly takes your breath away. One of mine was seeing the Trevi Fountain, one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my entire life. I stepped off the plane that brought me to Italy and didn't even check in to my hotel before I was beelining for the fountain I had been dreaming about seeing. Blame movies, books, everything that said throwing a penny into that fountain was some sort of magic. I closed my eyes, turned around and threw the penny over my left shoulder wishing for… well I don't even remember what I wished for. Probably life-changing pizza that I knew was just around the corner. Or maybe the moment you walk across the stage and they hand you that rolled up piece of paper that says "Congratulations! You're a graduate!" I've done that three times now. High school, college, grad school. And each one was more memorable than the last. When I graduated from business school early last year, my best friend was nine months pregnant at the time. I was walking up the stairs ready to walk across the stage when my phone began to vibrate in my dress pocket. At the time I ignored it, assuming it was one of my parents, or maybe my best friend, Allison in the audience. Once I was off the stage, I checked my messages and before I knew it I was sprinting. Sprinting in my brand new four inch Givenchy heels towards my best friend clutching my phone with the words "I'm in labor" still blaring on the screen. That's definitely a moment I will never forget. The moment that all seven pounds eight ounces of Emerson Grace Northington came into the world. Emma, my beautiful goddaughter. I had a connection with her the moment I saw her. Her piercing blue eyes mirrored mine. Allison's eyes were blue but nothing as soul-shattering as her daughters. I hadn't cried in months but the tears slid down my cheeks in buckets as I held Emma for the first time. I haven't cried since that day almost fifteen months ago. Not till today, another moment in my life that I'll never forget.
I'm sprinting, yet again through a familiar parking lot this time in sneakers, leggings and my Harvard hoodie. My hair pulled in a messy bun, my face completely void of makeup having just gotten ready for bed when I got the call. It was eleven o'clock and far past my weekday bedtime when an unknown number flashed across my screen. There'd been an accident… get here... Child not in the car… Next of kin… The words were playing in my head on a loop. I don't even know everything that was said, I was completely numb. I was shocked, confused but utterly and completely devastated. As soon as I got there, I was immediately pulled into a small room with a police officer and an emergency room doctor. They sat me down, handed me a glass of water and proceeded to tell me what I already knew. There had been an accident. My friends. My best friend, my sister, perhaps my favorite human in the world was dead. I can barely hear them through my own sobs as they explain that Allison and her husband Michael were involved in a fatal car accident.
"The car… you said it flipped a few times…" I stutter out. I sniffle and dab at my eyes for the millionth time.
"Yes ma'am" the officer says. "I am very sorry for your loss. You were listed as their emergency contact. He looks down at his paper. "You and a Christian Grey"
My brain is still spinning and reeling that it doesn't even react to hearing that bastard's name. "Did- did you call him? Is he here?" He's far from my favorite person, but I need him here. I need someone here. I don't even know how I'm holding myself upright.
"Yes ma'am, he is on his way. I believe he said something about work. I heard a lot of yelling in the background"
"He- he does something with- sports" I stutter out. "Producer.. Director… something." I sit down before looking up again. "You said Emma… their daughter… she is with a sitter?"
"Yes, child protective services has already picked her up and-"
"They're bringing her here, right? She should be here. With me." I put my hand over my mouth as I feel it tremble. My little pumpkin is… an orphan. My heart constricts thinking about how I not only lost my best friend but how my goddaughter lost her mother.
"She has already been placed in the care of a temporary foster-"
"What!? No no no no" I say falling over my words. "I need to see her… she needs me and-" I feel myself getting worked up again.
"Until we know the next step, she is under the care of the state as orphaned children are."
"Fuck that!" I hear the words thundering through the room and while I usually find his barking orders and his overall usual attitude ridiculous I need someone that I know will be on my side.
"Excuse me- Christian is it?" the officer says. There's a brief thought that goes through my mind that they'll take Christian to jail. Can you go to jail for saying fuck to a cop?
He moves towards me and stands next to me. "Bring my goddaughter to us. NOW"
"Tomorrow you can contact child protective services and go from there. For now, there is nothing we can do. Again.. I am sorry" he says before he slips out of the room leaving Christian and I alone.
I am shaking like a leaf as I stand slowly. "Chris- Chri- Alli and Mike" I start to sob when I feel one hand stroking my back and one hand bringing me towards a broad chest.
"I know, Steele. Fuck… I know" I feel his head and I think his chin is resting on my head. "This is... " he blows out a breath. "I can't believe this"
"It hurts…I feel like my heart is actually breaking inside of me" I say trying to convey the pain I'm feeling in this moment. It makes me wonder if it will ever cease. I pull back a little to look at him. "I want to call CPS anyway. There has to be something we can do. I don't want Emma with strangers. She should be with us"
"I agree" he says and I notice that his eyes are red and glossy as well and I wonder if the moment I was in his arms he shed a tear for our friends too. We are outside of the hospital when I call the number that the officer provided and put it on speakerphone immediately. The call was less than productive and ended with Christian calling the man on the phone an incompetent, lazy secretary. I sigh as I end the call before pinching the bridge of my nose.
"So you don't save your charms for just me then? You're this much of a dick to everyone?"
"Everyone that deserves it! He was completely useless, Steele, you know it"
Christian is the only person that ever calls me Steele. I can think of only one time when he's called me Ana. The first time I met him, five years ago when Alli and Michael first started dating. Alli and I had just graduated from college, where we had met and we were living together in an apartment in Seattle. When Alli met Michael, I knew it was the real thing. The way she talked about him, the way she looked at him… she was in love and unashamed to admit how quickly it all happened. Within two years they were married. And now… I shake my head ridding the thoughts of this current unbelievably terrible situation. But before all of that, about two months into their relationship, I went out with Alli and Michael and Michael's best friend- one Christian Grey. Ass. He was rude and pompous and just assumed I would be like the slew of girls that drop to their knees and pray that he lets them suck his dick. No way. He got drunk, hit on our waitress and then proceeded to leave early because "Thursday night wouldn't be available for… Thursday night." Evidently some women don't even have names. Just a day of the week for which they spread their legs. Classy. He called me Ana that night but once he learned my last name he decided that was much better. That Ana was a boring name. "A boring name for a boring girl", he teased. I was anything but boring if he bothered to even ask anything about me that night. He realized weeks later that although I am somewhat of a neurotic woman that owns her own bakery, I do have my fair share of fun. But at that point he had already decided to call me Steele. I have a very work hard, play hard attitude but maybe I did work too hard and it probably showed. Weekends however, were when I turned off my phone and let completely loose. So when we met on a Wednesday after I'd had the day from hell and wanted to be in bed by nine and not out at some stupid nightclub, he had labeled me a career obsessed, boring future spinster that is married to her job. I chalked it up to a shitty date and just prayed it would be the last I heard from him. But things got serious between Alli and Michael and before I knew it there were birthdays and holidays and Christian and I walking down the aisle together as best man and maid of honor.
We are walking through the garage towards my car when I stop him. "Do you think you can come over?" I say weakly. I feel if every bit of energy has literally been taken from my body; I wonder if I'll even make it home. "I just… don't want to be alone right now" I feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. I look up into his eyes and I see a look pass over his face that I don't recognize before he nods.
"I'll meet you at your place"
"Okay" I say. "Be… safe" I say nodding at his helmet that he has tucked under his arm. He nods back and then I'm in my car- a brand new white Range Rover that I got last month as the bakery has finally gotten onto stable ground. I rest my forehead on the steering wheel and take a deep breath to prepare myself for the twenty five minute drive back to my apartment. I turn on some music desperate for anything with a beat. I settle on my favorite oldies Pandora station and take off. I pull into my garage and already see Christian's bike in my assigned visitor space. I move through the lobby and see him sitting on the couch his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. We make it to my apartment with no words exchanged between us the magnitude of what's happened rendering us speechless. I collapse to the couch the second I make it inside and look up at him. "Help yourself to whatever. I-" I start when I see him move towards my kitchen and start looking around.
"God you're a chick. You got anything stronger than this" he says pulling out a bottle of Chardonnay.
"There's vodka in the freezer"
"Anything else?"
"Christian you know there's a bar there" I say pointing at my armoire where I store all of my things needed for drinks.
"Oh right…" he says. "I forgot it was you that has this badass collection. Always forget you're a bonafide party girl underneath those grandma skirts."
"Grandma skirts? Christian it's a pencil skirt. And I'm sorry that I don't wear my skirts around my see you next Tuesday like your lovely ladies" I say narrowing my eyes at him.
"Your…?"
"See. you. next. Tuesday" I say spelling the word out in the air with my index finger.
"Your cunt?"
I roll my eyes. "Fuck you"
"So you can say fuck but you can't say cunt?"
"Can you stop saying it please!" I yell as he opens a bottle of whiskey and pours himself a healthy glass. He moves toward me and sits down beside me.
"Fuck" he says. "This is…" he rubs his face and turns to look at me. "What is going to happen to Em?"
"Family I guess"
"Whose?" He says staring at me. He holds up four fingers I assume to indicate what would be four grandparent options. "So Michael's parents are out as Michael never knew his mother and his father died two years ago. Alli's mother is a raging alcoholic. Functional yes, but who knows for how long and I'm fairly certain CPS won't think that she is the best fit and her father is… old! Like too old to be raising any infants"
I blow out a breath. "There has to be someone else that would be good for her"
"Neither of them had a ton of family, Steele you know that. All they had was each other. They were each other's family. They were each other's worlds"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I was up half the night tossing and turning. Every time I tried to close my eyes, I saw my best friend. The first time I met her when we were moving in freshman year, when we graduated, when she picked me up off the kitchen floor after my boyfriend of three years broke my heart, when she was in labor. Labor. Baby. Emma. Orphan. What's going to happen to her? Will she go to a foster family? She can't! Does that mean I'll never see her again? Will they want her to have no part of her old life? The thoughts hurt my heart and I feel like I haven't slept a wink when my alarm goes off. I move towards the living room and find Christian sitting up on my couch.
"Hey"
He doesn't look up from his phone. "Morning" he grumbles.
"I hope the couch wasn't too uncomfortable"
"Certainly wasn't my bed at home"
I swallow before nodding my head. "Sorry I-"
"Coffee" he says successfully cutting me off.
I'm used to the usual back and forth but I'm not really up for it right now, given the circumstances that has him in my goddamn apartment in the first place. "There's a Starbucks around the corner" So much for no back and forth, Ana.
He snorts. "Fine." He grabs his keys putting his leather jacket on. "I'll meet you at CPS in an hour"
I look at the coffee maker and then back at him. I should have just said I would make him the fucking coffee. Now he's leaving and I don't know if I'm prepared to be alone right now. Having him here last night was a tiny bit of comfort and I worry how I'll feel once he leaves and I'm completely alone. I could ask him to stay? No.. he's made it clear since he woke up that this was an inconvenience to him. "I was going to make you some coffee, dick"
"Don't sweat it. I'll see you later, Steele" he says as he reaches for the door.
"Wait" I say stopping him in my doorway. He turns to look at me giving me a look that screams what else could you possibly want? "Thank you for staying" He nods once and without another glance the door closes leaving me alone with my thoughts in my empty apartment.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
We are sitting in an office in the Child Protective Services building in front of a caseworker. She's a bit on the older side and she hasn't looked at us once since we sat down. "Case 54239 deceased parents of fifteen month old Emerson Grace Northington-"
"Emma" I interrupt her the tears forming in my eyes just saying her name. "She's not just a number in the system"
She looks at me over her glasses and sighs. "Emma. Next of kin still being evaluated" she closes the file and looks at us. "Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey"
I nod my head. "Yes that's us"
"Okay you both need to sign here"
I pick up the pen when Christian puts his hand over the paper preventing my pen from making contact with the paper. "Sign for what? To see our fucking goddaughter? Get the fuck out of here"
"Christian stop saying fuck" I say quietly.
"Fuck" he mouths at me and I huff.
The woman points her pen at him and I think it's meant to be a warning. "It's not just to see her, it's for the release."
"Release?" I ask. Things haven't exactly clicked as I see a door open and in walks a strange man holding Emma. I'm immediately on my feet moving towards them. As soon as she sees me her arms shoot out and I pull her into my arms. "Emma! Hi pumpkin" I say kissing her forehead. The tears spring to my eyes immediately when I feel Christian next to me. I kiss her again before handing her to Christian. As much as Christian has always pissed me off there's no denying how wonderful he is with Emma. He adores her and the feeling is very mutual. I watch for a second as he cradles her close to his chest and places a kiss on her forehead. She puts a hand on his cheek and he pretends to bite it causing her to giggle and I smile for the first time in fourteen hours. I sit back in the chair and Christian follows suit in the adjacent chair although he's not paying attention to anything but Emma.
"So you said something about a release…?"
"Yes, the Northington's lawyer faxed over the paperwork regarding Emerson late last night."
"Okay…?" I say unsure of where exactly this is going.
The caseworker blinks her eyes a few times at us and then reopens the file. "In the event of our untimely death, we Allison Caroline Northington and Michael Charles Northington in sound mind declare that our daughter Emerson Grace Northington shall go to her godparents Anastasia Rose Steele and Christian Trevelyan Grey."
Christian and I both shoot to our feet, Christian slower than I do given that he's holding Emma. "WHAT!?" We shriek.
"I take it from your reaction that this was not discussed with you first?"
I look at Christian with wide eyes as he looks back at me. We shake our heads and then look at the caseworker. "No. We- I- There has to be some mistake. We aren't…" I look at Christian. "We aren't together!"
"She wishes" he says smugly and I shoot him a glare.
"Alli and Michael… they… what?!" I say unable to form a coherent sentence.
"It says so clearly right here. There's also some other things in here. Really their lawyer should be discussing all of this with you but since you're here I'll give you the rest as it pertains to Emerson." She hands me a piece of paper that declares that not only are we the guardians of Emma, they left us their house for us to live in while we raise Emma. THE FUCK?
"They want us to live… in their house… together? That can't be right?"
"It does not say that" Christian barks. "You have to be reading it wrong. Give me that"
"I know how to read Christian" I bark back. Christian starts to read the paper all while Emma is trying to grab it. She eventually gives up and proceeds to try and eat Christian's cheek leaving a slobbery kiss in it's wake.
He chuckles before pulling her away from his cheek. "Stop distracting me, munchkin. I'm trying to read" He presses a kiss to her cheek.
"The state will pay for the mortgage on the house so long as Emma is under your care until the six month period is over in which case you will need to decide if you will be proceeding with adoption."
"A-adoption? Like.. she'd be… ours?" I say looking at Christian and then back to the caseworker. Christian… the father of… my child? Goddddd, why do you hate me so much?
"That is usually how adoption works" she says looking at us again from over her glasses.
The room is silent with the exception of Emma's gurgles and I shake my head wondering how in fifteen hours I became responsible for another human life. I can barely take care of myself sometimes. Can I do this? At this point there really isn't a choice. Emma can't be with people that… don't know her. That didn't know her parents…. "There's no one else?"
"If you do choose to relinquish responsibility, she will be placed in a foster care until other arrangements can be made. Whether that be someone inside of Emerson's family or an outsider."
"No.. no.. that can't happen. Not to Emma."
"You said in six months we can re-evaluate" Christian says finally breaking his silence. I was beginning to think he had turned into a mute. I had never known him to be quiet. Ever.
"And what Christian, we give her back?" I say narrowing my eyes at him. "If we walk out that door with her, I don't intend to ever walk back through it."
"Oh so you're ready to raise a child? For the next eighteen years? Really?"
"It doesn't have to be six months" the caseworker interrupts. "We understand that this is a lot to take in on top of losing your friends. Especially since it seems that you've been blind sighted by this piece of information. You are probably unable to even process this. Emma is still very young. If you chose not to take this on, it would have very little if any lasting effect on her. We find children this age adjust well to a new family"
"No! No…" I pick the pen up and scribble my name across the line intended for me. "No" I say slamming it down. "In or out, Grey" I say.
He looks at me and then down at Emma and I know he's as scared as I am but I also know he loves Emma. More than anything. He may not be able to stand me and is less than thrilled about staying in the same house, but he would do anything in the world for Emma. I feel a tear slip down my face as I see him sign his name next to mine sealing our fates. Well at least the next eighteen years. It may not be official yet. But Emma was ours.
The next hour is spent going over how the next several months would go, how our mortgage would be taken care of and getting the information on our official caseworker that would be making random visits. I'm so numb that I don't even notice that Emma who is back in my arms has been gnawing on my hair for the last few minutes. I feel someone pulling it back for me and I look over to see Christian rubbing Emma's head. He gives me a small smile before it's gone and he turns back to the paperwork. I feel like by the end we've signed our names in blood and we walk through the halls quietly towards the exit.
"So what- I'm supposed to just sell my fucking apartment and move in with you?"
"I'm not too keen at the idea of getting out of my lease either" I say rubbing my head. "I guess we could look into subletting. I can't even think about it right now" I say. We get to my car and all I can say is thank God that they had car seats because I was not prepared. I see Christian place it in my backseat and then look at me. "What?" I ask.
"You have to tie it in?" He says raising an eyebrow at me as if to say "duh"
"Why me?" I ask.
"I don't know how to" Christian shrugs before he runs a hand through his hair.
"And I do?" I look down at it and then back at him. "I think you just put it through this part here" I say referring to the underside. "Shit.. what if something happens…" I say.
"Just fucking move" he says moving me gently. He'd probably throw me across the garage if Emma weren't in my arms.
"Stop saying the F word so much, there are little ears around. You know Alli hated when you swore"
He shoots a look at me and then back to the car seat. About 20 minutes later, we think we have it all figured out. "Maybe you should ride with me" I say. "And then come back later for your bike"
"What the f-hell? You want me to leave it here?"
"I just… I'll feel better if you sat in the back with her. We don't know for sure you put this in correctly"
"It's in correct, Steele"
"Do you know for sure? What if someone hits me?"
"Oh my God" he says pinching the bridge of his nose. "You need to relax."
"Maybe I should call an Uber and leave my car and then I can ride in the back with her… but then what if the driver is a bad driver" I know I am rambling at this point when I see Christian walk away and get in the car slamming it closed.
"Get in, Steele" he growls.
I take a deep breath before climbing into my driver's seat. After a twenty minute drive, I'm at my best friend's house. A gorgeous, four bedroom Georgian style house. I've always loved this house and now it was… mine? None of this felt right. I'm what… living Alli's life? I look up to the heaven's above and silently question. Why did you leave me? Christian uses his spare key to let us in and we take a look around the house and all I can see everywhere are Alli and Michael. I set Emma down in a playpen that's in the living room and feel the beginnings of a panic attack coming on. I move to the kitchen for a glass of water when I feel his presence around me. "I have to get my bike" he says. "And go to my apartment and… get some shit I guess. When I get back you can go get what you need"
"You can borrow my car… if you want. I assume you can't transport much on a bike" I say not looking at him.
"Thanks but I'll just ask my brother to help." I smile thinking about his brother. Elliott Grey- so unlike Christian. Funny and kind and warm. Nothing at all like his douchebag younger brother.
"Get the stars out of your eyes, he's dating some girl"
"Okay I don't have stars in my eyes, asshole. I just like your brother. Hard to believe you two grew up together. You're so different" I know that Christian, Elliott and their sister Mia were all adopted by The Grey's but usually siblings act pretty similar when they grow up together… right? What do I know... I'm an only child. I've only met Elliott and Mia a handful of times but they were always very sweet.
"I'm going to call him to come get me. You think you'll be okay while I'm gone?" He asks and I wonder if he's asking because he's genuinely concerned or if he's just being a snarky asshole that thinks I'm incapable of taking care of Emma on my own.
I nod. "Yes I'll be fine."
"Great, because I have a game tonight"
I sigh. "Fine, I have to work tomorrow though"
"I can make that work"
"We should probably work out some kind of a schedule. Just to you know... keep everything straight?"
"Fine" he says before he leaves the room. I follow closely behind him to see him pick up Emma and sit on the couch with her. I lean up against the wall out of sight and hear him begin to speak to her.
"Hi Princess…" he says softly. "This whole situation sucks doesn't it. I'm really pissed at your father right now. You know that? But not at you, Em. No not at you" I hear him sigh and he's silent for a moment. "I love you more than anyone in the whole world, okay? And I'm not going to let anything happen to you. And Steele loves you too… even though she's a royal pain in my ass." I hear him kiss her forehead and I roll my eyes. Stop swearing. And I'm a pain in YOUR ass? I think to myself. "We'll watch TV when I get back"
I hear her whine when I assume he sets her down so I walk into the room hoping he doesn't think I was eavesdropping on him showing his heart to someone. Had no idea he had one in there.
"I just texted my brother to pick me up… I- I haven't even told him about Michael and Alli… or any of this"
I nod because I don't know what to say. How do we even begin to tell the people in our lives what's going on? So my best friend died and… left me her life. She left me her daughter. Christian and I have barely discussed any of this with each other how do we go about telling everyone else? I change the subject. "I'll- make something… if you want to eat"
"I'll probably grab something with El"
I shrug. "Whatever"
"I'll be back in a few hours."
"Okay"
He looks at me and then at Emma and then he's gone. I hear the faint sound of the door locking before I drop to my knees feeling the impending panic attack coming at me at full force. How am I going to do this? Be… someone's mother? Not Emma's godmother… where I pick her up for a few hours and then give her back to her actual mother. Those days are done. She needs me now and… I have to do this. For her. But… how!? And with Christian of all people? Alright breathe, Ana. Just get up off the floor. I manage to pull myself to my feet after about five minutes and move towards Emma. I pick her up and I begin to think about how dramatically the course of my life has changed. Yesterday morning, I woke up, I went to yoga, went to the bakery, bought a new dress for this concert I was supposed to go to Saturday. A concert that I'm no longer attending. Went to the grocery store. Came home. Tried a new recipe. Had some wine. Took a bath. And in a blink of an eye my world changed. And now… I share custody of my goddaughter… with Christian Grey. A man I can barely tolerate. Living in a house with said man. My life as I know it, is over. I feel nothing but guilt for thinking this way as I look into the eyes of Emma as they begin to droop. I trace a finger over her tiny face and I feel the tears lodging in my throat when her tiny hand grips my finger as her sleepy eyes lock on mine.
"I love you so much Emma. I'm going to take care of you pumpkin, I promise" I sigh as I let the words of my promise wash over me and look up as if the answers to all of my questions are going to fall out of the sky. Now what?