Chapter 4

When he slowly came back to his senses he realized that he was now in the garden of the elementary department. Which meant that he was too far away from the college dormitories. For each department was made sure to be far away from each other as much as possible in order to avoid conflict or bullying between younger and older students.

Flavio didn't know if such action would help but so far he hadn't seen any older students picking on the younger ones, that was as far as he was currently concerned though.

Walking around, he thought to himself that the World Academy was sickeningly rich in his eyes. The way the buildings were created like it was a mix between a medieval castle and a magical academy found in a shoujo manga. The windows were covered with glasses found in cathedrals, with all its colors and shimmers when light passes through it. The intricate designs and carvings one could find in each pillar, wall, any surface at all. The way the metals and woods were twisted and turned so delicately in order to form the illusion of preserved vines and flowers. It was so beautiful and sickening at the same time in Flavio's eyes.

And he doesn't know why. He just doesn't know why because it was all pretty and appeasing for the eyes yet it made him so sick to the stomach.

He wanted to throw up.

(Because deep down Flavio knew he was just like the designs. Bended until it was beautiful yet nothing from the start.)

He sat down on the edge of the fountain. The angel holding the jar of water didn't soothe his troubled soul at all.

This was getting bad, things were getting worse, and Flavio was stuck deep in the middle of everything. All the doubts surfacing, all the monsters whispering in his ears, they were there around him. Circling like he was a prey ready to be devoured at any moment.

This was unacceptable.

Flavio could not let the world he had painstakingly created for himself to shatter just like this. He just could not.

He bent down, he was trying to shield his face away from the ever observing scenery around him by looking at the ground. His hands were covering his face but the eyes were not and one could see that he was staring intently on the ground with wide and unfocused eyes enough to be mistaken as being deranged.

He could not let himself to be devoured by the same monsters that ate Lovino away.

He will not die, he will not vanish.

He needed to stay. He was here to stay for good.

With a sigh, Flavio finally decided that desperate times calls for desperate measures. He closed his eyes and went deeper inside his mind. This was a type of meditation or memory manipulation or whatever other people calls it that he had learned to use in this kinds of scenarios.

Blank

He needed to color the blacks with whites.

Blank

Bury the thoughts that were threatening to break the walls apart.

Blank

Erase the feelings that were making him a mess.

Blank

Just…simply forget them all.

Be a blank slate. A white canvas. Too scared to be colored, too scared to be left alone.

"Art."

The voice brought him out from his deep thoughts, though it was already too late for he already forgot what he was doing and thinking before getting in the place where he was currently sitting on. Just…when did he get to the elementary department? Weren't he supposed to go back in the dormitory to finish up his current project in mind?

Looking to the side, Flavio saw a young man sitting a few centimeters away from him. An elementary student he safely assumed. The kid had a light blond, almost white, hair kept in braid on each side, he was wearing a red beret on top of his head. Looking closely, Flavio noted that the kid had violet eyes but in a different shade compared to Matthew, a mole could also be found under the left eye and Flavio was reminded of one Roderich Edelstein.

Upon further inspection, Flavio saw that the kid was holding a pencil and sketchpad. Obviously trying to draw something but Flavio was not sure if it was within the garden or something inside the boy's mind.

"Everything is an art." The boy continued but didn't spare Flavio a glance, "War is art, peace is art, freedom is art. Everything around, be it outside or inside, is an art."

A heavy stroke on the side, a curve in the middle, a shade lighter on the upper part and a shade darker on the lower part.

"Be it dark, be it light, both are arts in their own ways."

The pencil stopped moving momentarily and the eyes were shifted towards Flavio.

"Your face, your eyes, it shows great forms of deception and illusion. A beautiful art, a falsity within the forest of more fakes. Magnificent in your own way yet deadly and destructive. A path with twists and turns."

The last words haunted Flavio for the rest of the day.

"You are a beautiful dying art."

A week passed since the incident of Flavio meeting in what he assumed as a ghost, and he had noted that he had some blank parts in his memories. He sighed, something happened again that required him to use his defense mechanism. It was helpful and at the same not whenever he had some lost memories. Helpful because he could maintain a sense of clarity, not helpful because there were sometimes bits and pieces of information that seemed important and now lost.

He leaned on the wall, a notebook and pencil in hand. He looked down from his bed and noted that the cheery atmosphere around their room was replaced by a heavy one. He saw how Matthew and Gilbert tried to maintain a happy façade in front of him and how they shared shifting glances between each other when they thought that Flavio was not looking at them.

Did he forget something he was not supposed to? Just what happened last week?

He pursed his lips in a tight line, if there was something that Flavio could respect it was privacy. If his friends were not ready to tell him what was bugging them then he would patiently wait.

The thought was like an acid juice burning his mouth.

He answered another question in his self made reviewer for his upcoming exam in physics.

"I can't take this anymore!" Gilbert shouted and broke the stifling silence around the room. The sudden outburst cause Matthew to fall out of his own bed and for Flavio to flinch a little but still managed to avoid ripping his paper using the pencil.

"Gil?" it was Matthew who spoke while he was trying to sit down and adjust his glasses that had fallen out of his face, "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?!" Gilbert repeated as he stood up from his desk and spread his arms like he was preparing for a big speech, "This is what is wrong! We are all stressed! We need to relax! Come on people, our room is supposed to be a safe haven not another place to wire out our nerves!"

"And what do you want for us to do?" Flavio leaned down on the rails of his bed and directed his question towards Gilbert with a raised eyebrow.

"Hot spring!" this was declared with a proud smile only to received confused looks, "Oh come on! Haven't you guys heard that the Asian Club passed a lot of proposals to the student council? Two of those proposals were currently approved. The building found between the college department and high school department was given to them for their Hot spring baths and Arnis classes. Although the hot spring is obviously artificial." The last sentence was added as an afterthought. "It is open for everyone and it is not that expensive. They made sure that everything is student pocket friendly, kesese."

"That's great!" Matthew jumped on the idea, obviously excited at the thought of being in a Japanese style warm bath, "When are we going?"

"Right now! Birdie, bring clothes, soaps, towels, and other products you use in your body! Flavio!...Flavio? Dude, are you okay?"

While the two was discussing their current plan for the night, Flavio was having a red alert moment. Why he was having a red alert moment he didn't know but his body was telling him that he must not let other people see his body without any clothes. That he must make sure that his wrists were covered with something.

Even though he never spared a glance on his wrists in reasons he did not know also but he knew he should not or it might break him.

"I'm…I'm not going, you guys enjoy yourselves." He was about to retreat further to the side of his bed when a hand, no a pair of hands, reached out to him and he found his friends giving him mischievous grins (an expression that was not fitted for Matthew in Flavio's opinion). They caught him and forced him out of his comfy mattress.

"W-what are you guys doing?! Unhand me this moment!"

"Oh! Someone is being shy!" it was obviously Gilbert who seized his left shoulder.

"Don't worry Flavio, we are not going to judge you." Matthew tried to pacify but the light was being reflected in a way that Flavio could not see the pair of violet eyes.

"Nononono! I am not going! Leave me alone!"

They might think he was being shy but he was not. He was frightened at what is going to happen.

During his struggles he didn't realized that his sleeves was pushed down. He only did when the laughter and teasing that momentarily echoed around the room stopped abruptly. When he looked up, Flavio saw that Gilbert and Matthew were looking at him with shocked expressions.

"Flavio…what is this?..." Matthew carefully cradled the wrist which was bearing a white horizontal scar; Gilbert did the same with the other wrist that reflect the same ugly marks in Flavio's eyes.

Liar.

"I'm not a liar!" Flavio knew he had screamed internally before passing out.

Everything turned black. The next time he woke up, he had forgotten everything and went on his usual routine.

He didn't see the way Matthew and Gilbert looked at him with worried eyes. He didn't remember the way he screamed like someone was about to kill him. He didn't remember lashing out for a moment before falling limp on his friends' arms.

He didn't see that everything will be in chaos in the cultural festival that will happen two weeks from now.

The next week was awkward between the three. At first Flavio didn't even notice it, but with time it became hard to ignore. Their glances and stares. Their worried expressions. What was going on with those two?

Perhaps it had to do with why Matthew had been crying last week. But shouldn't Gilbert's worried glances be directed at the Canadian if that were the case? And shouldn't Matthew himself be looking down or out of it? Flavio was glad his friend seemed to have moved passed whatever it was that had upset him, but it did nothing to settle his confusion. His nerves were shot by the end of the week.

"Everything okay, Flavio?" They would ask at the most random of times. At first Flavio had been pleased and somewhat flattered that his friends were taking such a notice. When the questions proliferated he could only feel uneasy at them. They made him feel like he was missing something… something important.

He couldn't dwell on such a thing though. As he often couldn't stress enough, second semester was busy and stressful and now that the student body was helping in the preparations for the World Academy cultural festival, there was not a second to spare. Volunteer sign-up sheets were pinned across the student center of the campus, requesting help for activity booths, food stands, setup and clean up committees. Flavio signed up for setup and, though he probably shouldn't have, he was throwing himself into it more than anyone.

He hung up flags, banners, decorations along the halls of the student center and later outside near where the booths would go. He asked around for more volunteers and helped to map out where each country would be stationed. As the festival grew nearer and more of the student body began to mill around, setting up their booths and chattering about inviting their families, Flavio danced around pointing and suggesting and overall doing everything he could to make sure the event went along smoothly.

Finally the day of the event arrived and Flavio could relax. After initial setup for that day, consisting of checking people off on the volunteer sheets and making sure each booth ran smoothly on its own, Flavio was free to go pick up his Papa at his dorm room.

Why had he told Antonio to meet him there again?

"...So there he goes to kick the ball, everything perfectly calculated so he could make that one goal. He's running and picking up speed when it happens. Next thing you know he's on his back seeing stars! He accidentally stepped on the ball!"

This story was greeted by enthusiastic laughter and, as Flavio stepped into his dorm, he caught sight of Antonio, Gilbert, and Matthew laughing their pants off. Flavio put a hand to his head.

"Papa! Stop telling those stories! They're embarrassing!"

"Oh, but that is the point in telling them, is it not?" His Papa grinned mischievously and Flavio reddened, not angry in the least, but thoroughly embarrassed.

"Don't be embarrassed, Flavio!" Matthew reassured him, "You were cute when you were younger."

"Oh, this happened last year." Antonio added helpfully, sending Gilbert over again in laughter. This elicited a small chuckle from Matthew in which he attempted to cover up as Flavio continued to watch embarrassedly.

"Okay, you," Flavio went over to his Papa, ushering the man up from his chair, "Need to come with me. Time for cultural education and getting away from any more opportunities to tell embarrassing stories from high school."

"Sí, sí," Antonio dutifully nodded his head as he allowed himself to be guided out, "Lo siento, Flavio." He apologized, but Flavio was no dummy. He could see the smile on his face.

When Antonio was safely in the hall, away from the friends Flavio wished to save face with, Flavio poked his head back into the dorm. "Hey, I'll see you guys at the festival?"

"Yeah! I invited my brother along, so keep an eye out. I want you to meet him!" Gilbert answered enthusiastically. It seemed like the two were giving a rest to their whole worrisome complex from the past two weeks, much to Flavio's relief.

"How about you, Matthew?"

"Oh, well," Matthew scratched at his arm, "I'm not sure. My family won't be here so…"

"Nonsense, Birdie! You can hang with me and West! Besides, I'll just feel like a third wheel since he's bringing-"

"Sorry, I gotta go guys!" Flavio spoke up suddenly, "But I will see you both at the festival! Bye!"

"Bye, Flavio!" The two chorused.

Without another word, Flavio shut the door behind him, ready to lead his Papa to the festival and showcase the event he was proud to say he'd played a big part in putting together.

The festival came together quite nicely if Flavio said so himself. The turnout of people was tremendous and, not only were students milling about the booths and under the flags hung over the streets, but many had taken to inviting their families and friends just as had been advertised. Parents were led along by their kids to proudly showcase the campus they had been studying at for the past semester if not longer, younger kids, assumably siblings or even an older student's own children danced about in the open grass with other kids they had practically just met, paying no heed as adults would to new interaction, and masses of young adults skipped around, arm-in-arm with friends and significant others. It was truly a community event, open to all.

Flavio smiled thinking about it. He had done a good bit in organizing this. This spectacular event had been partially because of Flavio himself. And he was proud of that.

He and his Papa were having a great time themselves, just as the many people Flavio took the time to observe. They strolled down the main green of campus, laughing and talking with each other and ultimately having just enjoying one another's company. This time of thing used to be normal for them, and it still was. In Spain the two had been so close, often watching movies on the couch on weekends or running errands together. They had been apart for a long time now that Flavio was away for school but when Antonio had shown up they had immediately clicked back together. It was one of those unique relationships that Flavio wouldn't trade for the world.

But neither would he ever trade the friendships he had made there at school either.

And speaking of friendships… there were his two roommates now. Flavio waved at them, hoping that even from across the distance between them he could catch at least one of his friends' eyes. Sure enough, Matthew looked up from where he had been listening to a conversation Gilbert was having with someone and spotted Flavio, smile brightening and turning back to tug at the sleeve of Gilbert's t-shirt. Even from there, Flavio could tell Matthew was apologizing for interrupting the conversation between Gilbert and a fairly tall blonde and couldn't help snickering to himself. Matthew will be Matthew.

He turned toward his own company and saw that his Papa had a pleasant smile on his face. "How about I go get us some pretzels over there from the German booth while you find your friends? I can catch up with you and, if the stereotype serves true, your German friends may like the food!" Antonio said cheerfully and Flavio laughed under his breath.

"Yeah, Papa. I know Gilbert likes them, so his brother might too." Flavio replied and glanced to see the group making its way toward them. The tall blonde seemed to be following them and Flavio deduced that he must be the "little" brother Gilbert had mentioned inviting. He felt his Papa pat him on the shoulder and watched as he disappeared into the crowd. Flavio continued to watch his friends cut a path through the booths and bodies lining the street and thought he saw the top of another head following closely behind Gilbert's brother. It bobbed happily, as if skipping along.

But Matthew hadn't invited anyone to the festival. That was what he had said this morning, hadn't it? Did that mean this was another of Gilbert's family? It seemed unlikely as the darker hair and complexion of the man didn't look as though it belonged in the Beilschmidt heritage. And his height could not rival that of the two brothers. Maybe the kid was adopted. Wow, that would have been really insensitive if Flavio had made that mistake aloud.

"Hello, Flavio." Matthew greeted when they were close enough and Flavio shifted his attention to his Canadian friend. "The festival is amazing! You did well."

"Thank you, but a lot of people helped." Flavio scratched his head modestly, a proud smile upturning his lips, "Credit goes to a lot of people, but, yeah, I didn't expect it to be such a huge success."

Flavio turned his gaze on the others who were now with him now, taking note on several things. One, that Gilbert's brother, if that was who it was, was much much taller than his older brother and looked like he lifted weights in all of his free time. The guy was what the word 'brawny' had been made for. He serious face was intimidating a little, but Flavio prided himself as a good judge of character for the most part and, after examining his face for a minute he could see the traces of a softer side. Especially to the perky man who stood beside him, bouncing on the balls of his feet and holding the blonde's hand. Flavio passed up the opportunity to think of the tall man's complementary colors in favor of shifting his gaze to the extra person of the group, the one he had not been warned of beforehand.

But just as Flavio's eye seemed to connect with those of the auburn-haired man, a strange look passed across the man's eyes. Recognition?

"Lovino?" The word shook Flavio to his foundations. The man's voice rang through the air like bells, singing sweetly to the world around them, but clanging and clashing in Flavio's echoing skull. Flavio stilled, unsure as to why that name of all things was in a place like this - on a day like this when all seemed well and wonderful in Flavio's life.

Flavio's magenta eyes looked fearful, confused, and slightly panicked as he continued to look at the man. The shorter man's own eyes were huge and he gaped at Flavio like he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. The color of those eyes, a soft cocoa, reminded Flavio of his own under his contacts. They looked like Lovino's, except for Lovino's looked more hazel and definitely more haunting. The man's were brighter, alight with natural happiness, something that had never been common for the lost boy with the darker hair.

On instinct, Flavio furrowed his brows in the way he only did when he was either perplexed or engulfed in emotions that weren't his own. In that moment, Flavio couldn't tell the two apart.

The motion of Flavio's contorted features seemed to confirm the man's suspicions somehow and he stepped forward, a hopeful visage sculpting his face. "It is you…" He said softly, untrusting of his own words, yet seemingly sure of them nonetheless, "You look so different…"

"Wait, you guys know each other?" Gilbert asked. Flavio didn't know how to respond and he looked between the others. They all had their eyes trained solely on him. Every gaze on Flavio and he started to feel his skin burning from the unwanted attention.

"Um… I don't… Uh…" Flavio attempted to answer, quite intelligently. He was hoping that perhaps the kind man would clue him into what he was missing here, but the other didn't seem to think there was any question in their mutual remembrance. It wasn't long until the other started to notice,growing confused and doubtful themselves.

But, damn it, the guy looked familiar. The fluffy look to that auburn hair. That cheery smile and bright brown eyes. His olive complexion, quite similar to his own. He could practically already hear the man's laughter singing through his silent ears.

Then the same laugh rang through the air and Flavio's heart stopped. It was exactly as he had envisioned. The merry tune sent a pang of joyous familiarity into his heart. And something else. Darker, foreign emotions. The laugh was short and sweet enough to make Flavio's head dizzy. The strain resounded like a memory.

Suddenly there were enthusiastic arms around him in an all-encompassing hug. A cheek was rubbing against his chest and auburn hair on his face. The other started to giggle again as he exclaimed, "It's been so long, fratello! How have you been? I barely recognized you with your hair and your eyes- You look molto buono! Sorprendente!" At this point the excitable young man switched completely into another language that Flavio, somehow understood. Going by the sing-song nature and lilting accent of the language, Flavio decided it must have been Italian. And he could understand it perfectly. Were Spanish and Italian that similar?!

It wasn't until this thought occurred to Flavio that he finally came to his sense and shoveded the other away. Flavio stepped back quickly, eyes the size of saucers and excuses and apologies already falling from his mouth as he watched the man stare at him in surprise.

"I- I'm sorry! I think you may have the wrong person. I'm not - I don't - I don't know you." His hands were up in a placating gesture and served as an extra barrier between them. Flavio didn't think the man meant him harm at all nor did he believe he could cause much of it going by those noodle arms, but the space was needed and all the same. Flavio required room to breath, to gather his thoughts.

The man looked genuinely confused, but Flavio's heart was beating too loudly for him to take this into full consideration. For some reason, the simple misunderstanding was causing fear to course through his veins, when for anyone else it would have only been a matter of laughing awkwardly and brushing it off. What was wrong with him?

"Lovino?" The anxious voice asked again. Wait, when had the man gotten so nervous?

Flavio envisioned himself grinning back at the man's own weakening smile. A smirk from him usually had the effect to brighten him up and he didn't like that look the other was currently wearing. It looked so unsure, so confused, so everything that Flavio remembered from a life long forgotten. He wasn't supposed to remember whatever this was. It wasn't for him to remember. He was no longer that person…

Feliciano, everything is okay.

Flavio flinched. It hadn't been his voice, but he knew it must have been the same lips. His lips had formed those words once upon a time, so very long ago. "Feliciano…" he whispered to himself, trying out the name on his tongue. An old name in a new voice. The confused man across from him perked up at the sound of it, his own name. He said something, but the words fell on deaf ears. The world was completely desolate of noise other than the pounding of his heart and a whirlwind of meaningless words from an old voice whispering in his head.

The world was a blur and Flavio couldn't figure out if it was from a lack of oxygen or the obstruction that his tears provided to his vision.

He took a single step back, looking around at the fuzzy figures around him. One of them stepped forward, an arm outstretched to be placed on his shoulder, but Flavio shrugged them off in his panic. It hadn't been Feliciano, who he knew despite his foggy vision was the indistinguishable figure in the middle of the group, too afraid to approach after Flavio had pushed him away. Flavio didn't care. He needed space. He didn't want anyone close to him. It was too crowded, too many bodies, not enough room to breath-

The murmurs around him grew distant as Flavio raced away from prying eyes. He hadn't noticed himself running away until the solid concrete below him changed to soft grass, but he didn't slow down or even think what he was doing through. His head felt like it was ready to explode and the only way to save himself was to leave immediately. Leave now before disaster struck again and things got worse and Flavio couldn't seize control of himself or his surroundings or what was happening-

He never wanted to go back. He never wanted to see that face again. Never hear that voice- the voice that was still with him as he ran away, tearing across campus.

The voice that, in all these years, never had and never would leave him.

Antonio had no idea what was going on when he had come back to find Flavio stumbling away at an impossible speed for someone who looked unstable on their feet. That was, until he saw Feliciano and it all came together. The shock, the hurt, the confusion that painted the young Italian's face - it all told Antonio what disaster had occurred while he had been absent and the normally cheery man cursed under his breath.

What was he to do now? He had dealt with Flavio's problems before - every breakdown, panic attack, identity crisis - yet he was lost in the light of this new development. Something he had been hoping to avoiding since Flavio, then Lovino, had first started to live with him and had hoped they could avoid, well, for the rest of their lives. He should have known that no one's luck was that great.

And now he had no idea what to do. Antonio knew Flavio better than anyone, but what could he do now for him? Now that the unthinkable had happened. Now that Antonio could not protect Flavio from his past and the abuse of his younger years. Antonio had been so naive to think he would never have to deal with this. He was a young parent, even still. Antonio had become a single parent to a fragile teenager from a broken childhood and all he had wanted to do was protect the boy.

And now it was all falling apart. Because the past caught up with everyone.

"Uncle Antonio?" Feliciano exclaimed and Antonio looked up to find the younger Italian brother looking at him in desperation. He was searching for an answer. It was obvious that Flavio was also who Feliciano thought him to be, especially now that Antonio was there too and the poor guy looked ready to burst into tears. Feliciano hadn't known this would happen and it wasn't the kid's fault.

Antonio couldn't worry about that right then though. He had his own kid to find.

"We have to find him." Antonio found himself saying, looking to his son's two roommates. They both looked shell-shocked by all that was happening too, but, upon hearing Antonio's words, they snapped out of it.

Antonio would have smiled if the situation wasn't so serious.

You've found some loyal friends, Flavio. He thought before Matthew spoke up.

"We'll split up. The campus is huge, but we can find him."

Gilbert nodded, looking uncharacteristically serious, yet the look still somehow suited him, "I'll check the eastern green. He likes the greens around campus, but, obviously, the main one here is a bit crowded."

"I'll go see if he's in your dorm." Antonio added, a determined look to his own usually happy-go-lucky features.

"I guess I'll go west then." Matthew said, already looking in that direction as if contemplating the different places he could check. After Gilbert briefly told his brother that he and Feli should check out the rest of the festival without them, he and Matthew took off in their respective directions. Antonio was about to leave himself when Feliciano spoke up again.

"I want to help, Uncle Antonio." There was a strength in his voice that made Antonio stop. He had never heard Feliciano speak in that way before and he wondered if it was a result from the long years they had spent apart or the situation itself. Perhaps it was both. "I want to help Lovino." He clarified, but the wording only made Antonio frown.

He loved Feliciano; he really did. He had been out of Flavio's life for too long though. He didn't know what was going on and Antonio was sure it would only make things worse. His number one priority at the moment was Flavio and letting Feliciano into this would only complicate it all. He knew he should never have pushed away the boy from his brother all of those times. He should have told Feliciano what was going on with his brother. If he had, maybe Flavio wouldn't have been confronted with the Lovino dilemma. Maybe Flavio and Feliciano could have still been brothers.

"I'm sorry, Feli. The only way you can help him now is to stay away. Give him some space. I…" Antonio griped his fist that rested at his side, cursing himself again, "I have a lot to explain to you. To both of you."

Then, with this, Antonio walked away. He had to find Flavio and fix what he had mistakenly thought he could protect. He had to make things right.

"Anything?" Gilbert asked when he ran into Matthew beside the Psych building across campus from where they had started. The other just shook his head, worrying his bottom lip and showing his palms n a gesture of helplessness. Gilbert frowned, concern plainly on his face. "Me neither."

"Come on. There's still plenty of places we can check." Matthew grabbed Gilbert's hand and started leading in a new direction. They continued to walk silently, both looking every which way for a sign or clue of where their friend could be until the silence around them was broken by Gilbert's voice.

"Do you have any idea what this is all about?" He asked cautiously, unsure if they were allowed to talk about it or if they were supposed to pretend it hadn't happened.

Matthew peered at him. "I… No, I don't." More silence and they continued to walk. The festival had been long left behind and the campus buildings growing less and less frequent. Eventually, Matthew spoke again.

"Fratello is Italian for brother." Was all that he said and Gilbert was confused what that had to do with anything until he remembered Feliciano's words.

"Do you think Flavio and Feliciano are brothers then?"

Matthew shrugged. "I don't know. None of it makes sense. He also called Flavio 'Lovino'."

Gilbert nodded but said no more. It was odd. The whole situation just seemed so… out of whack. It was possible it was all a big misunderstanding, but that didn't explain Flavio's reaction to it all or how Feliciano definitely knew Antonio. Uncle Antonio was what he had called him.

Cousins perhaps? Close friends to the family? Why had Flavio said he didn't know Feliciano then? Had they never met?

Ugh, this was all giving him a headache to think about.

Enough of a headache that he barely even noticed that Matthew's hand was in his, pulling him determinedly along to find their friend. In any other situation it may have been godsend for Matthew to be holding his hand, but at the moment it was the last thing on Gilbert's mind.

Then suddenly Matthew stopped. Gilbert would have run into him if he hadn't been watching where he was going and when he halted inches away from the other he looked around his shoulder. "What-" he started to ask, but broke off when it was obvious what Matthew had stopped for.

There he was. Flavio. He was sitting on the side of a large fountain, face hidden in the shadow of his blonde hair as he gazed down at the wish-laden water. They were in a garden far away from their side of campus. Short paths led around the fountain, but mostly the lawn was covered in a rich, well-maintained blanket of grass. Bushes lined the outskirts of the square of land and the few buildings around looked much like the ones in their department, but shorter. The old brickwork and stained glass reminded Gilbert of castles back in Germany that were scattered all over the place. The area looked much too manicured to be the beautiful countryside he knew and loved though.

In Gilbert's thoughts, he hadn't noticed when Matthew had slipped away, retracting his hand from his own and stepping toward the fountain. He approached carefully and sat beside Flavio, saying nothing as the blonde continued to stare into the clean clear water. Gilbert didn't know what to do. Did he approach too? Wouldn't that just crowd the guy? He didn't know about Flavio, but when he was upset he liked to have a lot of room to himself. It helped him clear his head; plus he hated the feeling that he was burdening others with his sorry ass.

Gilbert bit his lip. That didn't sound like Flavio though. Now that he thought about it, had he truly ever seen Flavio upset before? Frustrated, yes. Maybe a bit angry when he felt like his teachers were being unfair or if he catches wind of some poor soul getting bullied, of course. Upset over something regarding himself though? Gilbert couldn't remember a single time. He'd had his suspicions and there was that thing last week, but- damn it, this was different.

Something was seriously off with Flavio.

"You guys shouldn't be here." Flavio finally spoke up, not moving a centimeter from where he sat. His head was still bowed and his voice was low.

"Of course we should. You're our friend, Flavio. We wanted to make sure you were alright." Matthew reassured him, going to place his hand on Flavio's shoulder like he had tried back at the festival. Like then, Flavio shrugged it off again. Not as frantic as last time. More violently than anything.

He whipped his gaze up, brows furrowed and a look of pure fury on his face. It took both of them back. Flavio had never given them that look before. He had never been one to be angry. But what they saw now, it wasn't Flavio.

"Don't call me Flavio!" He yelled, standing up from the fountain with fists balled at his sides. Matthew jumped up too, as surprised as Gilbert was at the outburst. Matthew said nothing and Gilbert took that as his cue to step forward.

"Hey, man. Chill. Everything's alright."

"Idiot! Everything is not alright! Who the hell do you take me for?" The malice in his voice was strong and Gilbert could only blink at his friend. It was as if his friend had had a complete 180 degree personality flip.

But Flavio's words and tone had only spiked Gilbert's own defenses. "What the hell, Flavio? We're trying to help! Don't you think we deserve some kind of explanation after you just took off like that? We're your friends, so tell us what's wrong so we can help!"

"Don't." The blonde across from him grounded out, repeating his statement from earlier, "Call me. Flavio."

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean? What do you want us to call you? You aren't making any sense, Flavio!" In hindsight, tagging the name on again probably hadn't been the best decision, but Gilbert were freaking angry and when he was angry he tended to throw his verbal filter into the wind.

"Gilbert-" Matthew tried to cut in, but before he could get very far with his statement Gilbert felt something hit his gut. Hard.

"Oof!" Was the last thing Gibert said before he felt his butt hit the concrete. He was dazed for a second before he looked up. Flavio stood there were one fist out, breathing heavy and face flushed. Gilbert was shell-shocked for the second time that day. Flavio would have never done that. Gilbert knew Flavio- he had thought he'd known Flavio.

Flavio wasn't acting at all like Flavio right now.

Then Matthew was standing between them, not facing either of them, but barricading them from each other's wrath all the same. "Please, Fl-" Matthew started only to catch himself on the name that now seemed to piss off its owner. Instead Matthew turned his head toward the blonde, not moving his actual body an inch to do so, before saying again, "Please. Let's just go back to the dorms. Antonio's there. I'm sure you can talk to him, right?"

Matthew seemed to be grasping for straws, but the name seemed to ring a bell in Flavio's mind. His language didn't calm in the least though. His temperament didn't change. "Antonio? That bastard? Why would I want to see him?" It was with these words that Gilbert realized that his voice had changed too. Ever so subtly. Now the accent was just a little different, but Gilbert couldn't quite put his finger on how.

"Well, he's family, isn't he?" Matthew replied. His voice wavered a little and Gilbert knew he must have been desperate if he was playing the 'family' card. Especially with how his own relationship with his family was.

This seemed to be the right thing to say though, because Flavio visibly relaxed. He crossed his arms and mumbled down at his chest, "I suppose…"

Gilbert breathed a sigh of relief, though he was still holding his gut where one of his two best friends had punched him. He made a mental note to never underestimate Flavio again.

"But don't," He warned, looking at Gilbert as he said it, "Call me Flavio again."

The tension in the air was palpable and Gilbert simply looked at his friend, wondering again who had traded Flavio in for this scowling and highly irritated version.

"What do we call you then?" Matthew spoke up.

Then the answer to Gilbert's questions was answered when the angry man replied.

"Call me Lovino."

"Antonio said he was just about to leave the dorm, but I caught him in time. He'll wait for us there." Gilbert said as he put his phone in his pocket. Matthew had later deduced, when he didn't have so many of his thoughts trained on the whereabouts of his friend, that the garden they had been in was all the way in the elementary department on the other side of campus. This meant that the walk back took a lot longer than was necessarily comfortable and left a lot of silence between the three.

Which meant a lot of time to think for Matthew.

Ever since Flavio had said those words (ever since Lovino had said them?) it had been as if a massive jigsaw puzzle had exploded in Matthew's brain. He'd thought he would have a few pieces to pick up, perhaps find a few along the way as they eventually discussed with their friend on what seemed to be wrong, but now the pieces had multiplied, doubled their amount, tripled. Each piece so distorted and their tiny pictures so vague that it was impossible to piece them all together to illustrate a scenario that made sense.

Lovino. That had been what Feliciano had called him, but why was their friend so adamant about using it all of a sudden? And why was he acting so different? And hostile? And secretive? He knew he could talk to them, right? They were his friends and Matthew liked to think they were pretty close friends too.

It was troubling to say the least and Matthew was determined to get to the bottom of it.

Another glance to his side alerted Matthew to some sort of change in Flavio's demeanor. As they had walked the prolonged length back to their dorm, it seemed Flavio had slowly but surely relaxed back into a semblance of someone Matthew knew. Now he looked like Flavio again, but despite this, Matthew knew he could not be so careless as to think that was the end of it.

Flavio's shoulders were now slumped, eyebrows still furrowed but not as though in anger like before. He showed signs of a calmer demeanor, yet tension still coiled tightly in his back as he walked, both hands pocketed. He certainly was recognizable again as none other than Flavio Fernandez Carriedo, but his attitude still remained morphed into something Matthew had never seen on his friend. He couldn't shake the feeling that they were getting a rare glimpse at the person behind who Flavio projected himself to be. It worried Matthew, but, at the same time, he knew seeing this, all sides of Flavio, and accepting it for what it was, was apart of being his friend.

When Flavio stopped in his tracks, Matthew was the first to spot it. Matthew halted as well, a pace ahead, and turned to his friend whose gaze couldn't seem to find a suitable place to settle. Matthew was patient though and simply waited. Behind him, he could hear that Gilbert's footsteps had stopped too, but he didn't turn to look.

"Sorry for freaking out, guys." Flavio's voice came at last. He crossed his arms tightly over his chest, still refusing to look either of them in the eye. Matthew smiled softly, reassuringly, even as he knew Flavio wouldn't see it when he refused to look up.

Flavio scratched his arm and continued, "It's… uh, complicated. And a really long story. I don't like to talk about it…" Flavio mumbled this last sentence. Matthew was focusing on straining his ears to hear when, suddenly, Flavio snapped his eyes up to meet his, the magenta hue startling to look at when he had only been seeing the dark shadows below Flavio's hair all afternoon. "I'll tell you guys if you want to hear though."

Matthew could only blink at his friend, taken off guard by his sudden directness.

"I owe you guys at least that much." Flavio continued, a scruple of guilt reflected in his irises. Matthew's chest ached for a moment in empathy. Flavio's conscience weighed with a burden that didn't belong with him. Matthew recognized it and he wished he could grip his friend by the shoulders and drill sense into his head. He wanted to tell Flavio that the regret he was feeling was made up by his own mind; that whatever it was he was keeping so closely locked up inside him would never tear their friendship apart.

But Matthew stood silent, dumbly watching that look in Flavio's eyes. He was saved when Gilbert spoke up.

"Let's go somewhere private then."

Gilbert herded them both away.

Flavio's emotions swirled like a tidal wave in his body. His gut whirled in anxiety. His mind twisted in confusion. His heart beat like it never had before - a hummingbird in his chest, flittering at a thousand miles per minute.

He chewed on his lip as he faced his two friends across the table. He was nervous beyond belief and confused past imagine, but he was no longer completely overwhelmed which he supposed must have been an upside. He couldn't maintain eye contact for more than a brief moment and instead relied on the constant view of cream on his coffee. The warmth from the cup should have been a comfort, but Flavio's thoughts were far beyond the hands wrapped around the beige paper cup.

The place they were in was quite empty, probably because most people on campus were at the festival. They sat in the far corner of a cafe, right next to a window that overlooked a wooded piece of land that, by the looks of it, was not frequented by many. Inside, the cafe's atmosphere was one of warm colors and sweet smells. The tables were a dark brown and the walls another warm shade. It was the type of place where their specialty changed everyday and was carefully decorated upon a chalkboard above the register.

It looked like a quiet place where students came to study and friends frequented for comfortable conversations over a nice brew. Flavio knew it would be a cozy place when more people were there. The bakery would have fresher pastries and the baristas would be hustling about from the different coffee machines.

But now the quiet seemed suffocating, Flavio's only comfort away from the searching eyes of his friends the simple smell of fresh cookies. Flavio idly wondered to himself why a new batch was made when customers were so scarce that day…

"Flavio?"

Flavio blinked and tore his gaze from the window it had lingered to. When his gaze fell on Gilbert, then Matthew, they both stayed silent. Fear knotted suddenly in his chest and he forced himself to swallow the knob in his throat. He nodded, hoping this would ease the tension around them.

"Right…" his voice came out nearly a whisper and he absent-mindedly scooped a bit of cream from the top of his coffee. He didn't taste it immediately, instead leaving it to perch on his pointer. He watched it, as if it could have the solution to all of his problems. "Where do I even start?"

"How about with Feliciano? Or why he called you Lovino?" Matthew offered. Flavio was grateful for the help, but, even so, he still could not find the words to describe this… situation. His life.

"Feli… he's my brother." The cream began to slip from his finger and Flavio quickly popped it into his mouth. He nodded to himself and let his gaze meet those of the two across from him, unwavering. "My name is Flavio Fernandez Carriedo. Before then I was Lovino Vargas."

At Matthew's and Gilbert's confused looks, Flavio grabbed a stirrer from a cup of them near where the wall and the table touched. It was short and skinny and red and Flavio plopped it right into his coffee where he began to stir absent-mindedly. Usually he enjoyed let the cream settle atop his coffee, but today he needed something for his hands to do.

He hummed and spoke again. "At sixteen I changed it. I didn't like who I was, so I thought I could be someone else. Lovino was weak and unhappy…" Flavio felt his shoulders hunch a bit at the memory. Should he go into the full story? His stirring quickened its pace.

"Lovino- I- I made some mistakes. I didn't know this until later, but it turned out that Antonio, who had only been my uncle at the time, had taken notice. I don't think anyone knew the extent of it until later, but he knew Lovino was very unhappy."

"Lovino wasn't the easiest kid to take care of. No one really liked him. It was difficult to live beside a younger brother who was… perfect. And to have the only adult in his life never care for him. Ugh- me. I meant me. I just-" His voice broke slightly. He continued in a whisper. "It's just… still really hard for me."

The cafe was silent. It was as if any surrounding people had realized the severity of their conversation and cleared out. Flavio wondered if it was from respect or from a reluctance to be around. Flavio didn't raise his eyes from the polished surface of their table.

"When… I tried to… kill myself. That was when Papa adopted me." If it had been quiet before, the silence was deafening now. "I changed my name and tried to forget about the past. Dyed my hair. Changed my eyes. You would never recognize me, especially if you looked at Lovino's personality."

"So, yeah. There's my story." Flavio raised his head, looking up into his friends' eyes. "I'm not who you thought I was. I'm not actually this person, 'Flavio'. I lied and you're my two best friends and I'm sorry." Flavio's hands were shaking and he held them in his lap. All he could do was sigh. "If you hate me-"

"Hate you?" He was interrupted suddenly by Gilbert's demanding voice. "You can say a lot of bullshit, but insinuating we would hate you for something like this is where I draw the line. What do you think, Matthew?"

"Gilbert's right. Why ever would we hate you for something like this, Flavio?" Matthew asked, eyebrows furrowed.

Flavio merely blinked at them. "I lied to you. I'm not Flavio."

"Lie?" Gilbert spoke again. "Flavio is who you are, isn't it?"

"Well… legally…" Flavio said, unsure as to where his friend was going with this.

"Legally smegally. It's who you say you are, isn't it?"

"But does that-" Flavio started.

"Sure it does, Flavio!" Gilbert exclaimed. "You are who you say you are and no one can say differently. They aren't you. They can't say what feels right to you. What is best for you. What your identity is. If you feel like Flavio, then you damn well are Flavio."

"B-but it's my past. I let you think I had been with Antonio all my life."

"What does that matter?" Gilbert shot back. "For one, you never explicitly said that, did you?"

"Well, I guess not…"

"And another, why the hell is it our business anyway? We're your friends, yeah, but you have no obligation to tell us things that you'd rather leave in the past. It's not our business - we're glad to make it our business if you'd like and it's awesome that you're telling us now to clear some of this shit up - but if it's really something that's best left alone I like to think we'd be respectful of that wish."

Matthew spoke up, his much softer voice providing contrast to Gilbert's passionate plea. "Flavio, we don't hate you. Actually, we're really happy you told us. I like to think that it means you trust us."

Their drinks were long forgotten. Flavio had a tear streaking down his face and he quickly ducked his head to wipe at it. They didn't hate him? How? How had he come to find two people so good?

But, most of all, how could they not hate him when he struggled everyday not to do the same? How could he hope for anyone's friendship when he couldn't even stop him from hating himself?

He had nothing left to say. He only had tear after salty tear to watch fall into his lap. He didn't look up when he heard the chairs across from him scrape against the floor and felt two pairs of arms wrap around him into a tight embrace. They held him as he broke down into quiet tears, shaking and burying his face in their shoulders. The three were there for a very very long time and by the time Flavio's tears had quieted, he realized that he did in fact have something left to say.

"Thank you, guys."

They're late.

Those were the words echoing around Antonio's mind. Earlier he had received a message from one of Flavio's (Lovino's?) friends and told him that they found their adopted son, but that was an hour ago and it did nothing to calm his nerves. What if his son needed him? What if Flavio was suffering a breakdown? Antonio read it in some of the books he had in stored at home that sudden introduction to a possible trigger could result to emotional or psychological breakdowns. Antonio didn't know how to handle it in person but he hoped all the books and videos he had seen before may help him.

It might have been out of character for him to study anything related to psychology but if it was for his son, even adopted, then he was willing to do anything. He had even forsaken his own personal love life just to make sure that Flavio could have the chance to grow full of hope and happiness.

Tossing the main problem deep down inside the treasure box of negativity may not have been the smartest thing that Antonio could have done though. Francis tried not to pry too much about Antonio's personal life but he did give his Spanish friend the number of a certain psychiatrist.

Should I make an appointment for Flavio? But...he has been dealing with this for so long…

Antonio rest his hand on the front pocket of his jeans where his wallet was hidden inside. The card number was safely in tuck between the bills and credit cards. Was he going to make a right decision or will it make matters even worse?

"Zio Antonio?"

He stopped his pacing back and forth, just how long was he walking in circles? He shifted his gaze towards the supposedly younger brother of his adopted son (Flavio/Lovino he was not sure anymore). As much as Antonio didn't want to point fingers a part of him wanted to blame Feliciano for their current predicament. Though he still have some sense that the younger Vargas was not at fault right now, at least not directly and intentional.

They were waiting on the hallway just in front of the room of Flavio, Gilbert, and Matthew. They could not go inside. Antonio could ask anyone in charge to open it for them (he could be really persuasive when he wanted to) but that would be invasion of privacy towards the residents of the room and Antonio didn't want to contribute anymore trigger for Flavio.

Feliciano was sitting on the ground, legs sprawled outward and holding an...orange cat? Antonio didn't even want to know when and how Feli got the time to get the cat. Leaning on the wall beside his Italian nephew was the younger brother of Gilbert and standing so awkwardly that Antonio could not help but took pity on him. On the other side was their Japanese friend leaning on the railings and watched the clouds passed by as if it was an interesting thing to do. Well, Antonio could not really blame the other two, this was not their business after all.

"Zio Antonio?" with a defeated sigh, Antonio made a noise at the back of his throat to signal that he had heard his nephew, "What's happening to my fratello?"

Antonio tapped his fingers on the wooden door as he contemplated on how to answer the question. He knew he has the obligation to tell Feliciano on what was the truth of their situation but at the same time he didn't know if he has the right to utter a word of it without Flavio around.

It was like someone gave him the decision when his phone rang twice before he answered it. All the time Feli's attention was centered at him, patiently waiting for an answer to his question.

"Papa?"

"Flavio! Are you okay? Where are you? Is your friends with you? Dios mio, mi hijo, are you alright?!"

"I...I'm fine...Papa…" he heard his son took a deep breathe on the other side of the line, "Gilbert and Matthew are with me too…"

"Oh, that's good to hear." the tension on his shoulders was lessened even for just a little bit.

"Papa, is...is...Feliciano Vargas with you right now?"

Antonio noted the way that Flavio said the name of the younger Vargas. So his son did remember Feli but was not yet ready to assume his role as the big brother after years of building a life where Flavio was just an only child even if he was adopted in the first place.

"Si, along with his friends."

A slight look to the side and Antonio noted that Feliciano perked up a bit when he noticed that he was being discussed between his uncle and brother.

"I-I don't think….I don't think I can handle….I mean…" a choked sob escaped, not loud but enough to be picked up by Antonio's ears, "Papa...I can't...not now…help me…"

Antonio would be the worst father ever if he will not help his son who was obviously in need. The pleading words couldn't be a more hint for it. It was not even a hint, it was a straight to the point asking for help.

"Okay, I'll handle things on this side. Just...just take a rest, si? Are you going back to your dormitory?"

"S-si."

"Then I shall call you back after I finish my task!"

"Papa...gracias…grazie"

And the line went dead. With a sigh, Antonio returned his attention towards the other three teenagers with him.

"All right, get up guys and follow me. You two," he pointed towards Feli's companions, "can come with us or not. You're not really obligated to be drag in our family problems."

There was a shared glance happened between the two guys that Antonio was pertaining to and it seemed that they both reached a conclusion. For now, they did not deserve to have a front row seat about the problem. Feliciano could just fill them if the Italian wanted to share. And it seemed also that Feli landed on the same idea. With a nod, Kiku and Ludwig, if Antonio remembered it correctly, walked away from them.

"Well, that was easy. Your friends are really something, Feli."

"Ve~ Luddy and Kiku are the best friends I could ever ask for!" it was said with pride and pure adoration.

"That's good. Now! Let's go, I'm sure you have a lot of questions."

"Ve? Where are we going? Aren't we going to wait for fratello to come back first?"

"Feli." Antonio turned around to look directly on his nephew's eyes. Now that he was sure that Flavio was safe he was prepared to spill all the beans that he knew. Even if it means that he would hurt certain feelings. "He's not your brother right now. He has not been your brother for four years now."

"Ve?"

Feliciano could still remember the day his brother was hospitalized. The day that marked him being the only child in the Vargas household. He thought that when Lovino was finally out he could help his brother to recover. He didn't expect that his brother would not come home with them when he was discharged. Feli begged his grandpa to do anything so that they could have Lovino back, his fratello was his only link that was the closest in being family.

But he heard the whispers. The passing words on how their grandpa would lose the battle of custody.

He spent four years not seeing Lovino. Every attempt he was making to see his brother again was always taken down.

Then finally, finally, he was able to see Lovino again. But it turned out it was not Lovino that he knew. Not the one he calls fratello.

"So...are you saying that I'm the reason why fratello committed suicide back then? Why fratello made himself forget of the past?"

"Well, not really fully forgetting the past. It's more like boxing all the memories and store it somewhere on the back of his mind." Antonio took a deep breathe of his cigarette. They were on the garden near the college department. From their spot they both could see that some of the stalls were slowly packing up. It seems that the events were divided between morning and night shift. No wonder that the school included in the invitation the list of hotels nearby just in case the visitors wanted to stay for the whole event.

"Isn't it the same thing?!"

Antonio choked on his cigarette and coughed a few times to get his breathing right. He didn't expect the loud voice with a tone of sorrow in it. Yes, he did expect Feli to cry but he didn't expect him to lash out like this. On the second thought, maybe Antonio must have seen the possible reactions of the other once he had finished his side of the story.

"Flavio."

"Eh?"

"That's his name now, right? Flavio Fernandez Carriedo, the only son of Antonio Fernandez Carriedo."

The sky was tinted with orange now that Feliciano gazed at it. That was it, right? He just really could not accept that his brother was long gone. He was chasing after a shadow that was long ago swallowed by darkness...or light depending on how you will look on their situation.

What kind of brother Feliciano was to not notice that his older brother was suffering all this time?

Did he still have the right to call Lovino (Flavio?) his fratello?

"You know," Antonio stopped Feliciano's musings, "I think you should just give him time."

"Time? More time to forget me? To forget our real parents?" it was not meant as an accusation but it was still received as such judging from the way that Antonio winced under his breathe.

"That's not what I meant." Antonio scuffed his cigarette under his shoes before throwing it in a nearby trash can. "I think Flavio realized that he needed help. A professional help."

"He needed such thing years ago, Zio Antonio." but deep down Feliciano understand the reasoning of his uncle. Being afraid of making mistakes especially if someone who was single his whole life was thrusted in to the role of being a parent suddenly, even Feliciano would doubt if a professional could help or only make matters worse.

"Just...give him time, Feli."

He already waited for four years. He could wait for more. He could do that.

"How would you feel about meeting Dr. Braginski?"

That was eight months ago. Flavio, at first, wanted to say no when his Papa said about setting an appointment for therapy sessions. He knew he needed it that time but his pride and fear still ruled his judgments. He only agreed though when Gilbert and Matthew decided to attend the same sessions under the same doctor. His friends said that they also need to seek a professional, their issues might not be as severe as Flavio but they knew they needed to talk about it also sooner or later.

Eight months.

Eight months of accepting the past. Eight months of accepting that Flavio and Lovino was one and the same. Eight months of watching the figure on the corner of his eyes slowly dissolving until it was no more.

Eight months and he was once again walking the familiar roads of Italy. His hair was still the same, with its artificial blond color, his eyes still wore the contacts he had bought during his first year of college. Sometimes, if only for a brief moment, he still thought that all of these changes were just a mask to hide his past. But then he learned also to associate it as the marked of a new chapter in his life. He was still Lovino but it was not bad also to be Flavio.

"There is no such thing as constant in life. It is just merely an illusion."

That was what Dr. Braginski told him. That it was normal for people's personalities to change over time. Flavio was just more conscious about it unlike most people who do it subconsciously. One might be shy when a child then become bolder as they grew older. That was like Lovino to Flavio case. They were still the same person.

A turn to the left and a few steps forward, Flavio stopped in front of a very familiar house. With a deep breathe, he rang the doorbell. After the third ring the door was opened. With a smile he said:

"Ciao, Feli."

It's just another window to be opened. Another outlook in life.