Summary: Lovino made a big decision after a certain event. If no one appreciates Lovino Vargas then he will exist no more. World, welcome Flavio Fernandez Carriedo, he is the adopted son of Antonio Fernandez Carriedo (HumanAU).

Disclaimer: We do not own Hetalia~

Chapter 1

The moment someone decided to jump off the rails called life was the moment a person would realized that they were weak and a coward to face the harsh realities and start blaming the people surrounding them about their miseries…and then they were going to start blaming themselves giving them that push needed to jump off and embrace a good friend called death.

Lovino didn't exactly know when it had started. Actually…was there someone out there who knew when this downward spiral started in their own life? Like they could point out the exact date, hour, or even seconds when the trap door opened and they fall into the pits of numbing darkness? Lovino bet that no such person was there…if there was then he didn't know if that person was the luckiest for knowing when he succumbed to the clutches of depression or the unluckiest because they knew but didn't do anything to rescue themselves.

The thing was, Lovino didn't exactly know. But he knew that all of the events piled up to the point where he finally decided to jump off the rail, metaphorical speaking, and was ready to meet the grim reaper that would accompany him to the next place someone like him should go. He didn't mind being stuck in purgatory, or even in hell, but he knew that there was no way the doors of heaven will open for him.

Funny thing was, only fifteen years of living in the earth and he was ready to kick the bucket.

Just because he really feels that he was just a waste of space.

Ah…if only that when he was gone then hundreds of millions of people will rejoice*…but at last, the world did not work that way and he would be just like a stain finally taken care off.

Let's see if the events could be summarized with little amount of words as much as possible. His parents died when he was at the age of six and left him and his little brother (who was two years younger than him) with their Grandpa on the side of their father's family. At the age of eight Lovino realized that his little brother, Feliciano, was a literal angel sent from the heavens (the words echoed in his mind) with all his smiles and cuteness and over all sweet attitude that Lovino could not do. The adults were wary around Lovino due to his infamous temper tantrums so they always focus their affectionate attentions towards the younger one and only make sure that Lovino got all the sustenance he needed but aside from that…no one wants to stay with him longer than they needed to be. He knew this as a fact for Grandpa didn't know also how to act around Lovino but always make sure that the older child got all the foods and materials he needs to keep him alive and avoid boredom. At the age of ten, Lovino realized that anything he do would always be compared to his younger brother.

At the age of thirteen, Lovino realized something. If everyone would just be: "Oh! Feli that painting is so cute!", "Feli won the art contest! That's my Grandson", "Feli, let's play together!", "Feli, do you want to know how to cook pasta?", "My, my, we have another genius Vargas here!". If everyone could only see his little brother and only acknowledge his little brother's presence then…why does Lovino continue this useless existence of his?

His existence is lower than the dust in the wind. At least dusts could get even a little bit of recognition when it irritates the eyes. Lovino was avoided even when he resort to be annoying just to feel that he was not invincible, that he was a real breathing human being. That he was not just someone's imagination.

At the age fourteen, Lovino just got tired of everything…no, he didn't get tired actually. He became numb, he lost interest at anything. Huh…he was not really sure if this numbness started at this particular age or if it was already there longer than he cared. He would stare at the ceiling for long hours at night and he would be lucky if he could get a wink of sleep for an hour or two. Getting out of bed was torture, a pain that would not even register in his mind but he knew that the waking up process was such a drag. Why continue the day if it would always ended up as the same just like any other days? He was just functioning like a robot with a fix program.

At the age of fifteen…Lovino found himself taking a bath. He was alone in the house and decided that it would not be bad to take a warm bath for an hour or two, right? So he was there, body submerged in the water and only his head floated so he would not drown himself accidentally. He did not fancy dying due to drowning and he was sure that his natural reflexes would prevent him from drowning in the first place. He lifted up his arms and stared intently at his unmarred skin, particularly the wrists. He wondered that time…why most suicide stories he used to read always the ones where the character cut their wrist and died from blood loss, or drinking a lot of pills, or the usual jumping off high places, or the classical ones: dying from asphyxiation? He just wondered…and this wonderings led him to try. If he will die then that was a bonus for him. Getting up from his warm bath was too much trouble for him though.

And then an idea struck him. It's been a long time since he cut his nails.

The next thing he knew was that he heard voices, arguing to each other. At first it was muffled and Lovino thought that whatever happened to him was still making him dizzy. But as he was dragged to the land of the living the words started to make sense in his brain.

"—ether you like it or not I will take Lovino under my custody!"

"What makes you think I will allow you to do such thing?!"

"I'm his Uncle, and I am sure the court will back me up! Especially after this incident! You can't take care of two children, not if you will play favoritism!"

Lovino didn't want to hear what they were arguing about anymore and since he was still between the spell of sleep and the antidote of consciousness… he decided that it was not bad to be enveloped by the spell again.

When he was strong enough he was taken home by his Uncle Antonio. No, not Grandpa's home but Uncle Antonio's home.

They asked him why he tried to kill himself and he told them that he was not. They asked him why he wounded his skin and he told them that he wanted to test out if what he had read in the stories were true. After receiving faces of disappointments and pity the doctors decided to keep him under 'suicide watch' for a while, just to make sure that Lovino would not make an attempt again. When it was deemed that he won't try anymore, Uncle Antonio greeted him in his room and said that from that day on they would start living together.

The technicalities were a blur for Lovino and frankly, he didn't care at all. Feliciano did not need him in the first place anymore. Actually, Lovino thinks he was a mistake. Maybe he was not supposed to be born at all and because of this mistake his little brother was sent down from the heaven in order to fix it.

So Lovino's existence was a very grave mistake.

The day that the papers about the custody was about to reached its last stages, Lovino asked his Uncle to do something for him.

Uncle Antonio asked him multiple times if he was sure and Lovino always answered him that, yes, he was positively sure and nothing could change his mind. No one could make him change his mind about this particular thing.

At the age of fifteen, Lovino Vargas died.

At the age of fifteen, the world welcomed Flavio Fernandez Carriedo.

Flavio Fernandez Carriedo was a confidant boy. Stylish, bold, flirtatious, happy. He was everything Lovino had ever wanted to be and soon, the name 'Lovino' was lost to Flavio. Nothing but a distant memory. A bad dream. Flavio lived with his Papa, the man he had known once upon a dream as 'Uncle Antonio', in his happy home in Spain. He went to school and learned Spanish and acted as the normal kid he never could have been before. People liked him in Spain and he liked the people in return. He no longer resorted to hatred and closing people out. Everything from before had been shed away with his old identity. Usually an old life couldn't have been forgotten so quickly, but there was something about this new one to Flavio that made it so easy to forget. Instead of blocking out the people around him, he blotted out the past.

Flavio was friends with everyone, though he did not grow particularly close to anyone single person. Perhaps that was a side effect from his past life, but the boy didn't mind all too much. He had his Papa to keep him company on the days when he wasn't out with a loose group of friends or in school. His Papa and him were closer than anyone Flavio had ever had the pleasure, or displeasure, of knowing.

About a year after Lovino had disappeared, Flavio approached a new topic with Antonio. It was something he had been thinking about for a while by then. He had no idea how his Papa would react to such a request, though it wasn't a terribly life altering choice as the last had been, but he was still nervous to ask. Everytime he looked in the mirror he never saw himself though. He saw him. The one he had been before. The weak one. The broken one. The one he wanted to forget. He saw Lovino, and Flavio couldn't stand seeing those eyes and that face and that hair. That was the reason for Flavio's new change. There wasn't much he could do about the sight he saw in the mirror, but there was one thing he had been contemplating for a while. One thing that could help.

"Papa, can I dye my hair?" Flavio asked out of the blue one day. They had been cooking dinner together like any night when he had sprung the question. Antonio had continued to poke at his frying tortilla, not even looking up. He seemed casual, but Flavio could hear a trace of worry in his voice when he replied.

"Sure, I don't see the harm in it. Why do you want to dye it, though? You have great hair."

Flavio had shrugged. "Just 'cause, I guess."

Antonio had looked over then, pursing his lips. "Alright." He gave an encouraging smile and Flavio could tell he what he was thinking. He knew Flavio must have been remembering his days in Italy. He knew Flavio must have been thinking about Lovino.

"Okay." Was all Flavio said in return before he went back to his own task. There had been no more talk of that until Flavio had come home later in the week with bright blonde hair. Despite the worry that Antonio had previously had though, his Papa had seemed quite thrilled when Flavio showed him. Flavio hadn't lived with him for very long at that point, but at that moment he had known…

This was what a family was supposed to be like.

Years went on, of course. Flavio continued his education throughout high school, excelling in the classes he enjoyed and even doing well in the ones he would have preferred to never touch again. He went on dates like a normal teenager did and hung out with friends. He had movie nights with his Papa and took up design as a hobby. For his seventeenth birthday he got a sketchbook and finally decided that fashion design was what he wanted to pursue into his adult life. He wanted to learn everything he could about sewing and sketching and fabric and color. He worked relentlessly on his newfound passion and, by the time he was eighteen, he was designing his own clothes and accessories and had even commissioned a few projects for friends.

When it was time to apply for college at the end of high school, Flavio searched for the best school for design out there and, by some miracle, he was accepted. He earned various scholarships for his unique designs and by entering multiple contests. Flavio would be going to the best institute for design in the world at barely any cost, all because of his genius with a needle and thread and his keen eye for fashion.

And, so, when Flavio stepped on campus of the World Academy school in Switzerland for the first time, he couldn't help the swell of pride that pounded in his heart. When Antonio embraced him in a gleeful hug, tears streaming down his face at his boy's accomplishment, Flavio smiled a smile he hadn't worn since he was young and naive. Out there where he stood only with his own accomplishments to hold him up, he felt free. Freer than even his home in Spain made him feel.

Because, at last, Flavio Fernandez Carriedo was his own person.

-/-

"Are you sure you will be alright, mi hijo? I don't want you to get lost; the campus here is so big!" Flavio's Papa asked for what seemed like the millionth time. Flavio rolled his eyes at the man's perseverance.

"Yes, Papa. I'll be fine, really. We already found my dorm number and I only have the one bag of luggage to take up."

"Are you sure you wanted to pack so light, Flavio? You have so many articles of clothing you left behind in Spain. What if you get cold and need an extra pair of socks? What if you decide to wear those white pants of yours, but you left your red shirt at home? I know you love that outfit-" Antonio worried further, prolonging his time until he had to leave his son for so long. It would be the first time since Flavio had been fifteen that they would be apart for so long.

"I said I'm fine, Papa. I told you, I'll be designing plenty of new clothes while I'm here, so, even if I'll miss my stuff from home, I'll be making plenty to replace it."

"But you'll write to tell me if you need anything, right? I'll send a package whenever you need me to."

"No, I won't send a letter. I'll text you. Like a normal person in the twenty-first century."

"You're so sarcastic, mi hijo precioso. I'm sure they will love you!" Antonio paused for a moment, holding Flavio at an arm's length away from himself. Pride sparkled in his eyes. "You're so grown up now, Flavio. I can't believe it."

Flavio shrugged, but didn't hide the smile that was tugging at his lips.

Then Antonio patted Flavio's back and dropped his arms. "Go get them! Kick college's butt and show the world what design really is!"

"Thanks, Papa." Flavio smiled outwardly. Once long ago he would never have been able to show emotions so openly. Now it was natural. Now being happy was something to be proud of for Flavio.

His Papa gave him one last hug before he turned and strolled away, turning back every now and again to see if Flavio was still there. Sure enough, Flavio watched him go the whole way. Once Antonio was out of sight, Flavio finally gripped the straps on his bag and turned on his heels, facing the apartment building that his dorm would be in. It was marked with a big letter D on the side to make it easier to identify. Flavio looked at the scrap piece of paper in his hand again to make sure he had the right number even though the digits were practically seared into his memory by now.

Building D. Apartment 4C.

Here he was. At last, Flavio had made it. What awaited him inside would possibly change his life forever… or, in the very least, change his school year.

So Flavio carried his feet forward, lugging the heavy bag with him. He had played off how heavy the thing was so that he could get Antonio to go. He loved his Papa, but this was something he wanted to do on his own. He wanted to face World Academy and all it had in store for him alone or perhaps with some friends he picked up along the way.

Would he make friends here? It was an odd notion to Flavio. He'd had many friends in Spain, but none of them had been close at all. He'd always had Antonio, but now his Papa wasn't anywhere around. He was on the other side of Europe and a tolled call away. Video chat was free, but Flavio knew he wouldn't have time for that every night when he'd have busy college life to attend to. That left the possibility of friends in this very school. Perhaps in his very dorm.

And he was about to meet them now.

Flavio was confidant, yes. Years of life in Spain had built that confidence. Without Spain though, old insecurities were slowly resurfacing. What if his roommates didn't like him? What if they ignored him like Nonno had? What if-

Flavio froze. No, he would not think of his old life. He would not.

Before he could think anymore, though, Flavio was standing in front of a door marked 4C. What the hell? When had he gone up the stairs? Oh right, he had taken the elevator…

Flavio gulped and reached for the doorknob. Don't think about it. Just go in.

The sight that greeted him once he entered the room was not what he had expected though. For one, he might have expected an empty room, devoid of any other items because no one else had entered the abode as of yet. For another, he might have expected one or even both of his roommates politely unpacking or even chatting with one another to get to know each other. A few items might have been about, but, all in all the room would have still looked sufficiently impersonal. For a last consideration, Flavio might have expected his roommates to be completely done unpacking, clothes away, luggage tucked under beds, books lined against their individual desks.

Seeing the room in absolute shambles had not been on any of the considerations Flavio had thought of. Clothes littered everywhere on the floor, books looked to have been knocked over from the desk, bed spreads were balled up and thrown across the room. And, in the midst of it all, two other boys stood, frantically whizzing about to clean it all.

One of the boys stopped momentarily when Flavio walked in. Flavio blinked and paused when he noticed the boy was an albino, with white hair, red eyes, and pale pale skin. Flavio had never seen an appearance so… compelling before. His mind immediately went to different fabrics and hues that would compliment the boy, many of them ones that he would have never considered for anyone else.

"Roommate number three has arrived." The red-eyed boy said, a wicked grin on his face, then immediately going back to his frenetic tidying. At his words, though, the other boy stopped.

"Oh, hey." He smiled softly and Flavio's eye for design picked up on the cues in the boy's appearance that made him unique right away. The boy was soft, for lack of a better term. His hair was a downy blonde with a single loose hair springing away from the rest as if in an uncharacteristic act of rebellion. He was surprisingly tall for someone so transparent, though Flavio hated to label someone in such a way. He didn't know how else to describe it though. Lovino had been invisible for a good part of his life enough for Flavio to know what it was like, even if he didn't associate with it anymore.

The last thing Flavio noticed was the boy's eyes, which was strange for the designer, for he usually looked for eye color first. Eye color was a key aspect in a person's individual colors, after all. This boy's eyes were hard to notice though, but, when they were, they were definitely hard to forget. His eyes were violet. The fainter parts of the iris seemed so light they could possibly be blue, but when one looked closer they could see a magical mixture of lavender and dark plum. It was quite entrancing and Flavio wondered if the boy would let him get closer - maybe he could commit it to memory and find a dye that particular shade. Perhaps the boy would let him design for him sometime during the semester. He would love to do so - for either of his new roommates.

Oh, wait. They were his new roommates. He didn't even know their names yet! Going a little fast, Flavio.

"Hello." Flavio greeted, pushing his racing thoughts to the side in order to pretend he was a normal person who was now the third roommate of this dorm. By the looks of it, he was quite possibly the most normal of the three at the moment. Flavio wondered if that would last very long though.

The purple-eyed boy stepped forward, over a large pile of clean, yet wrinkled shirts. He held out his hand, "I'm Matthew."

Flavio took Matthew's hand. "Flavio." He introduced himself. Matthew smiled and Flavio felt a little more at ease.

Then the other boy jumped in, breaking Matthew's and Flavio's hands apart and holding out his own arm. "And I am the Awesome Gilbert! Mr. Awesome is fine, though!"

Matthew took on with an amused smirk, "You can't expect us to actually call you that." Hm, apparently the kid wasn't as soft as Flavio had thought.

"If he wants to be called 'Mr Awesome' then why shouldn't we? It seems only fair." Flavio spoke up, his own grin adorning his face.

Gilbert laughed, "I like you, man. What's your name again?"

"Flavio." Flavio responded again. He was reminded of a time long ago when he had first used that name.

"My name's Flavio."

"What? No, but your name is Lovino. You can't just change your name like that."

"I prefer Flavio though. Why can't I change it if I like it that way better?"

"Because you can't! You're Lovino. That's the name your mama gave you, right? Don't you like your mama?"

He had been fifteen, but apparently no age was the limit for when one could cry in front of a schoolmate. Yes, he loved his mother. He had loved her more than anything. But just because she had named him Lovino didn't mean he had to keep it, right? She wouldn't have wanted him to keep a name that caused him so much pain, would she?

When he had come home after that he hadn't talked to Antonio for the whole night. A few days later he had asked his Papa if he could legally change his name.

"Alright," Gilbert was talking again and Flavio snapped out of his thoughts, "So we got Flavio, Mr Awesome, and Birdie over here."

Matthew sputtered for a moment at that comment. "W-w-what?! B-Birdie? Where in the world did you get that?"

"Because your hair's soft," Gilbert proceeded to pet Matthew's head, like he was some small creature, "Like a baby bird."

Matthew's face became red and he swatted Gilbert's hand away.

Gilbert snickered and turned back to Flavio. "You want a nickname? We both got one." Gilbert pointed his thumb between himself and Matthew.

"I'm not calling you 'Mr Awesome'." Matthew stated, but Gilbert ignored him, waiting for Flavio's answer. Flavio just shook his head.

"Just Flavio is fine." He responded. I prefer Flavio… Flavio flinched again at the memory and shook it off.

"Alright! The Roommates of 4C: Meeting One can adjourn. Thank you all for participating and, please, no bringing home one-night-stands. The room's cramped as it is."

"Something tells me that the people who should be worried about that would be us." Matthew retorted.

"Oh, I didn't take you for the judgy type, Birdie."

"What? No, I'm-"

"Come on, guys! Let's get this dump cleaned before the RA pays a visit."

Gilbert sprang into action, ignoring the protests from Matthew that he was not listening and began to clean with surprising speed. Flavio exchanged a look with Matthew, who had an exasperated expression on his face. Flavio just shrugged and went to help his loud roommate with cleaning the room for whatever reason it had been trashed in the first place. After not too long Matthew sighed and went to help as well.

It wasn't quite Spain, but, as he picked random articles of clothing off of the floor, cleaning alongside his new roommates and friends, Flavio thought that perhaps he could learn to call this place home too.

(*) phrase from the song "Self Inflicted Achromatic"