DOQ Week Day 6: I Miss You

A/N: Sorry!

She's perfect.

Wet and tight and perfect.

Her skin is warm to the touch, as befitting her nature. It's soft, though, soft and fair, her back speckled with a few tiny birthmarks that he's taken to kissing whenever she's close enough for him to do so.

Her hair swishes over her shoulder blades, thick blonde locks that bounce every time she pushes back into him. The golden undertones catch the glow of the nearby lamp, and shine like the sun despite the near darkness around them. She's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful, and she is all his.

He can feel her tighten around him, can hear her moaning his name as she asks him to go harder, faster, and Robin complies. His thrusts are deeper now, rougher, just the way he knows she likes, and Mal cries out in a way that reminds him of her. His mind is in overdrive, and it flies back to other nights, nights with the three of them enjoying each other in every possible way, tasting and touching and kissing until the sun comes up.

"Fuck, yes, don't stop," Mal rasps, pushing harder against him, her rear slapping against his thighs from where she's poised on all fours atop their bed. Robin moves in earnest, seeking that high, marveling at how good she feels, how wet and fucking amazing she is right now.

"So close," she tells him, and it sounds almost like a plea, one that does not fit on her lips. Mal does not beg, it's not who she is. But then, there are so many things that aren't like they used to be.

He surrenders to the feel of her, tight and wet and warm, so fucking warm, all riled up as he leans over her, his chest snug against her back, one arm looping around her, his hand venturing down her front. She jerks a bit when his fingers tickle her belly button as they move lower, lower, until he's rubbing tight little circles over her clit and she's screaming a desperate Yes! Just like that, just like that, don't stop.

It's music to his ears, as it always has been, hearing what he does to her. There's a second set of moans and cries that he doesn't hear, though, a second set that his mind can't help but conjure, because she's not here right now, and it feels incomplete to hear Mal without Regina, without her little whispers of how beautiful they look, her tiny gasps as she touches herself while she watches them.

Fuck, and now the thought of her is in his head just like that, he can almost see her right there on the bed next to Mal, fingering herself with her bottom lip caught in her teeth, her eyes intent on his as she tells him to go faster, tells him that she wants to watch him come, wants to watch Mal come on his cock.

Gods, she's fucking beautiful, his Regina, the perfect naked picture of her so easily brought to the forefront of his mind as he moves his hips into Mal. She doesn't feel like Regina, she feels like Mal, raw heat and fierce need, a perfect contrast to the quiet embers of Regina's desire, the soft touches and almost tentative kisses she bestows on him before her instinct takes over and she's riding him hard while Mal sucks at her nipples.

He can almost feel her now, and every little cry Mal gives him, every Fuck, Robin, so good he hears in that soft-spoken voice of hers, only adds to the fantasy. He wants Regina here, with them, he's not whole unless the two of them are there.

Because it's Regina who rasps how much she needs him inside her, Regina who tells him to fuck Mal harder, Regina who scoots up right under Mal and licks and sucks at her clit while Robin thrusts.

It's Regina who kisses Mal while they are both on the bed, touching and exploring while he watches. It's Regina who runs her fingernails down his torso, lower and lower until her hand wraps around him, and pumps with just enough pressure to make him yell out how much he wants her.

It's Regina's husky voice, not Mal's honeyed one, that screams out I love yous when they're like this, and it is Regina's wet sex that he slides in and out of while Mal rides his face.

Gods, and now he's thinking of that. Of his cock inside Regina. Of Mal coming on his tongue while Regina rolled her hips faster and faster, until she'd scream and tighten around him, her body falling forward to kiss up his chest and eat Mal out with him.

"Fuck, Regina," he gasps, and the stunning woman before him stops her movements. The dark hair he'd been seeing changes back to blonde, and the brown eyes he remembers full of lust are now blue, stormy with the tears building in them, tears Mal tries so hard to keep in.

"Mal, no, I didn't, I wasn't..." he sighs, defeated. "I'm sorry."

She's crying now, Robin catches those tears she'd been battling fall down her cheeks before she wipes them off. He tries to apologize again, but it's too late. She's drawn away from him now, his cock still hard, dripping with her own arousal, and he's there on his knees on the bed, erection raging on while this insane moment passes between them.

Robin bows his head, unable to look her in the eye. He wants so badly to hold her, to hug her and kiss away the pain he's put her through, but he knows Mal so well he can tell it's best to give her space. To avoid touching her until she welcomes it.

Silence stretches between them, Mal's breathing growing quicker the more she cries, until she's able to rein it in and her inhales and exhales are longer, deeper, calmer.

"It's okay," she says at last.

He doesn't move, continues staring down at the sheets when she speaks.

"Robin, look at me," she orders, though her voice remains soft. Robin obeys, and notices she's not even bothering to conceal her tears now.

He's hurt her, he knows he has, and hates himself for it, because he'd promised he never would. He'd promised he would cherish her and make her happy always.

And then she says four words. Four tiny words among choked sobs that break him like nothing else ever could.

"I miss her, too."

His heart shrivels up inside him, and next thing he knows he's crawling over the bed and taking her in his arms, his eyes prickling with tears as he holds her, kissing the top of her head.

"It should've been me," he says for what feels like the billionth time since it happened.

It's been two years, two excruciating years full of moments like this. Moments where it's all they can do to hold on to each other while the pain takes over and rips them apart inside. He'd thought it would grow duller, that maybe one day it would reach a point where the gaping wound in his soul wouldn't be so fresh, so terrible. But that day has not yet come, for him or for Mal.

She cries as she shakes her head, tells him that no, it should've been her.

"She was your soulmate, it should've been me, you two should be together right now, living the life that you deserve. Happy."

He shushes her, one hand on her cheek as he lifts her head up to look at him.

"No life would've been happy for us without you," he tells her, meaning every word.

"And no life is happy for us without her," Mal supplies. Robin doesn't have the heart to lie, to tell her it will be okay. Because it can't be. Not ever.

But Regina sacrificed herself for a reason, and she'd told them that reason just seconds before she did it, on that awful day where she'd trapped them on the spot with a freezing spell and surrendered to the Black Fairy.

I love you both too much to watch you die for me, she'd said, as always not thinking of just how cherished she was, how necessary, how loved. So live, live for me, and be happy.

And so they've tried, they've tried so hard to honor that request. But he can't be happy without her, and neither can Mal, and Regina had to know that, she had to. And still she left, gave herself over to an evil sorceress in exchange for their lives, despite how much they tried to stop her.

Robin holds Mal closer, his erection now subsided, and hoists her atop him, where she curls into his chest and cries silently. His lips plant kisses on her forehead, then on the tip of her nose when she moves her head back to look at him.

Her cheeks are stained with tears, and he imagines so are his.

Because there's nothing, absolutely nothing they can do to make this better.

Regina is dead, and a piece of them is gone forever.