AUTHOR'S NOTE: See the comment section for this, because this chapter's note is really long ;)
CHAPTER LV (Piper's POV)
I devoted myself to taking care of my father while trying as much as I could not to think about her. However, it became an impossible task to push her away from my mind. More often that I would like to admit, I caught myself calling her name desperate to have her by my side; I could not drown the craving I had for her presence…I needed her more than anything else in the world, especially in those hard moments when I needed support. She was the only one who could offer me comfort to cope with such a hard moment. There were so many things that I was going to have to face and I just did not feel capable of carrying everything alone…I swallowed my pride now and then to call her with true purpose, at every second, at any moment, but of course, the answer remained the same; she never came.
The only way I had to feel her close, was in my dreams that were always so painfully vivid. She kept haunting me every single moment I fell asleep in the armchair next to my father's bed. One afternoon, I had been too tired and after seeing my father so peaceful, I decided to go to my room and lie down for a while in bed. It was not my intention to fall asleep so soundly…
"Piper…" She called me heavily with purpose, as she used to do in our passionate encounters when she whispered my name to the ear with ragged breathing to then say the words I had secretly been wishing to hear her say to me "I love you…" I heard the words that for so long she had refused to say back to me
I woke up startled by the proximity of the voice. I could have sworn that she had been there next to me for how realistic the voice had sounded; I frantically looked around for her, smelling the air trying hopelessly to discern her unique fragrance…My heart skipped a beat when my nose indeed registered her essence, without remembering that I was wearing her stupid overcoat. I had it on me when she left me and I stupidly kept wearing it to find some comfort in its smell…It was the only tangible thing I had left of her.
"Alex?" I foolishly dared to call her out loud. It struck me how much it hurt to utter her name after so many days without doing it… "Alex…" I repeated already dispirited as I grasped the truth when finding myself alone in the room; my heart sank heavy with desolation "Damn you…" I said to no one in particular… "Damn her and my dull delusional mind!" Of course it had been only a fantasy of my mind; she would have never said that she loved me.
After that event, I even refused to sleep, dreading the cruel imaginary that my mind could give me of her, but at some point, fatigue wore me down again and I of course fell back into a bottomless pit full with nothing but memories of us. There was no way I could ever forget her, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise, because deep down I was certain that I never again would experience the sense of absolute happiness that I felt while being with her. But she was gone, making me realize that the sense of happiness was only an illusion that vanished as soon as she disappeared from my life; from then on I only had one option left…to move on and to learn to cope with my life without her, one day at a time, although it was excruciating to conceive my future under those circumstances…
Either way, my father's sickness kept me occupied and with a purpose to stay strong. even when in deep misery, I had to make an effort to remain strong for my father's sake, so after having shed the last tear, I forbade myself to cry for her ever again, still, my heart ached profoundly for her absence, as if the very essence of my being had been taken away from me…she had taken it away with her.
Taking care of my father had become my sole purpose, hopeful that with my presence he might be able to recover, but as the days passed by, I had to come to terms with the hard reality. He was not getting better, even though he tried to fool me, always putting on his best face for my benefit. In his last days he was so diminished that he couldn't go on pretending he was getting better. I was certain that his end was near when he began giving me lectures about the responsibilities that I was going to assume as the Queen. I did not want to hear him talk about that specific subject; first, because if he no longer had the strength to hide his bad state, that meant that death was lurking nearby and the simple thought of my father dying was too much to bear, and second…I did not feel strong enough to take over the kingdom; I did not think I was ready for such a task. Fear invaded me before the certainty that I was about to lose the other most important person in my life…I did not think I could stand a second blow.
But there I was, attempting to stay determined to at least give my father some relief, so he could die in peace, although I think that the last thing he could feel in his last moments was peace. In his last days he did nothing but repeating, over and over as if it were the most important lesson of all, that I should not trust anyone. I would have thought that he was delirious because of the relentless fevers that he began to suffer at the gates of death, if not because I began paying attention to my surroundings by his insistence. As I did so, irregular situations that arouse suspicion in me were really easy to glimpse.
It became clear to me that once my father died, problems would arise, mostly, because I had the feeling that some of the main Lords would not endorse my coronation. There were only few Lords that seemed to remain faithful to my father; those who stayed near their King and put themselves at my orders. Some Lords even had already sworn allegiance to me and offered me their swords and lives to protect me. It struck me that Lord Bloom had not yet made an appearance; in fact, I had not seen him or his son lately. If there was someone in the kingdom with enough power to take the throne away from me, it could only be the house Bloom.
I was so disheartened then and so tired, that I could not care less about keeping the throne for myself. If house Bloom wanted it, then I'd just let them have it. I would not fight for it, I thought. But something in me changed drastically when my father died, three weeks later after my return. The last thing he managed to tell me before giving his last breath was an urgent plea, and he did so with a sense of lucidity in his eyes that I have not seen in the past days. He had made me promise to continue his legacy, clinging to my hands as for dear life. As soon as I made the promise, he immediately relaxed his whole body and a sense of peacefulness took over his features…
"You will be a better Queen than I was a King…" He whispered with a proud smile…
"I love you father…" I told him several times; I wanted for him to be the last thing he heard from me…
"And I love you, my little frog…" After that, he fell asleep to never wake up…
In the room, only a handful of people were gathered to witness the last breath of the King. Besides me there was the captain of the royal guard and one of the most loyal men to my father, Big Joe, we called him, not because he was especially large but because his victories and feats made him worthy of the nickname; he was accompanied by two other guards who were under his command. The butler, my father's assistant and dear friend, whose daughter, Polly, happened to be my best friend from childhood, but I had learned that during my absence she got married and had moved to a distant land, to my great disappointment. Her friendship would have been a great consolation then. And finally, there was my mother, who remained motionless standing on the end of the bed watching from some distance; she did not shear a single tear for her King. A long time ago, when I was old enough to understand some things, I had come to the realization that my mother did not love my father. I thought one of the reasons why we got along so badly, was my good relationship with my father, that's why she had always tried to get me away from his influence, telling me that I did not need to learn anything from him because the crown, after all, would be for one of my brothers.
And how ironic life was…the throne after all, had finally been destined for me, and the best way to honor my father's memory was to accept my fate. Apparently, becoming the Queen of the High Lands was something I could not avoid. I wondered as I kept watching my father's lifeless form through clouded eyes by the veil of tears, if that was the plan that life had for me from the very beginning of my existence…an inescapable duty…I thought with bitterness.
"May our King rest in peace for all eternity…" Big Joe's voice startled me, taking me out of my internal struggle. I turned my attention towards him, who was standing by my side and when I locked my eyes with his, he knelt before me with a gesture of profound respect "Long live the Queen…"
"Long live the Queen…" The others present joined in chorus, everyone except my mother, I could not help noticing. I decided to ignore the lack of respect on her part. I had more important things to think about, like my father's funeral…
A whole week of funeral rituals were mandatory when a King died. I was moved to the core by the myriads of people who came from all over the kingdom to pay their respect. I had always known that my father was loved and respected by the common people, yet it filled me with boundless pride to see the masses of people gathered at the gates of the castle making long queues to kneel before the King one last time. They also expressed their condolences to me with a love that was tangible in the air…They love me too…the realization encouraged me to make amends with my fate and even accept it with grace and for the first time, I really imagined myself reigning.
The week could not have been more strenuous. The last day was reserved for the burial ceremony, only reserved for those closest to my father. I thought I could not stand on my feet any longer and I was only wishing to finally have some time alone to mourn my losses in private, sensing that I would crumble to the ground obstreperously at any moment. The death of my father and Alex's departure were simply two things impossible to bear, and I did not feel able to stand everything that I had been withholding. Before the attentive glances I received from people, I was forced to maintain a stoic attitude. As the future Queen, I was not allowed to show weakness, so mourning in public for my father's death would not have been well received by people, who expected of their new ruler to be a strong person.
The burial was a simple but beautiful ceremony, and soon it came to an end. After saying goodbye to my father one last time, I hurried to retire to my room looking to escape from the public eye to release the tears I had been withholding for so many days and daydreaming with having a good rest on my bed after having been deprived of sleep for so long. But apparently, the time to rest was a luxury for someone who was about to become the Queen…On the way to my room I was intercepted by Joe, the captain of the royal guard. It troubled me his worried gesture above the sadness for his king´s death…
"Your highness…" He addressed me with solemn respect and bowed before continuing talking "I know that maybe this is not the best time…nor the most appropriate to bother you but…" He stopped for a second to run his mustache with his fingers, clearly awkward with the situation "I'm afraid that there are urgent matters to discuss with you…" He finally said lowering his voice as to not be heard, although we were the only ones in the hallway as far as I could see…
"What's going on?" I demanded to know in a whisper, sensing his urgency to keep the conversation private. He looked around fretfully before answering
"It's nothing important…" That time he spoke out loud, maybe a little louder than normal "It can wait a few days your Highness…" He added nonchalantly but his tension was palpable "Take some time to rest…" After he said that, very quickly he took my hand with his and gave it a light kiss of respect, but I felt against my palm a piece of paper that I quickly caught with my fist when he let go of my hand. He gave me a complicity look, turned around and left. I knew the paper would contain some important message, so I kept it secretly in some fold of my dress and continued my way to my room. In there, sure that nobody could see me, I unfolded the little paper to read it…At noon, look for Venus…Obviously, it would have been impossible to locate it in the sky in the middle of the day; I quickly imagined the statue of Venus in the garden of the gods… that's were he wanted me to go; maybe in there awaited me some important information, maybe another note…
The cryptic message got me extremely anxious. There was barely an hour left for noon and the anguish of knowing what he could possibly want to tell me grew with every passing second…as much as fatigue. But I did not allow myself to go to bed fearing to fall asleep and miss the appointment. I thought days passed as I waited the moment. My heart began to race while I watched the rising sun on the sky from my balcony until it reached its zenith. When the great golden disk was in the highest point, I decided it was time to go. I walked calmly once out of my room as not to raise suspicion…
"My lady…" Someone's voice made me stop when I was barely two steps away from my room…I turned towards the men who had called me so disrespectfully
"My lady?" I replied with disbelief "Your highness…you mean" I corrected him
"Pardon me…" He apologized but did not address me rightly "I have orders not to let you leave your room…" The man was one of the royal guards, I knew from his armor, but I had never seen the young man before. Maybe he was a new member of the guard…
"You have orders?" The only people he could get orders from were his captain, Joe, and me… "Should I remind you who I am?"
"No…your highness" I could not help but notice how forced he sounded to say the words…
"You can't give orders to me…I give orders to you" I had to remind him looking at him severely, after which I continued my way
"You put me in a very difficult position" The insolent young man cut my path by standing firmly in front of me…
"I demand to see your captain, Joe Caputo, so he explains to me what this is all about…" I snapped truly infuriated
"I do not receive orders from Caputo…" He said with certainty "Big Joe is no longer the captain of the royal guard…" The news felt like a slap in my face. The whole matter worried me. I feared that something bad had happened to the only man I could trust blindly
"Where is he!?" I blurted out demanding to know "What happened to him!?"
"I'm not allowed to discuss that matter with you…" I would have loved to hit him, and maybe I would have done it if he had not been protected with his stupid armor from the feet to the head…
"I demand some kind of explanation why I can't leave my room or walk freely around my house!" I exclaimed outraged "I don't know and I don't care who is giving you these stupid orders but you better bring someone here to explain to me what the hell is going on!" I snapped completely losing my manners but I couldn't care less at those stages…
"Piper…" I heard my mother's voice coming from the hall and from behind me. I turned around feeling a sense of relief
"Mother…" Maybe she could explain to me what was all that about. To my great surprise, she hugged me as soon as I was within her reach. Few times my mother had shown that kind of physical affections. Of course, I did not hesitate to return the gesture. Only the gods knew how much I needed it… "Oh mother…" Inadvertently, the moment brought tears to my eyes; a mixture of joy and sadness…
"What's going on, honey?" She asked me sweetly, a rare quality in her, but I guessed she was trying to be a little loving with me after so many vicissitudes. After all, we had only each other, so maybe it was time to start closing distances between us and ease our relationship. I broke the embrace to explain her…
"This…insolent idiot won't let me leave my room" I could not mince my words
"Piper…" She called me reproachfully, maybe for calling the guard an idiot "He is only trying to protect you…it is his job"
"Protect me from what?" What could happen to me in my own home?
"Let's go inside to talk about it…" She suggested and I agreed. Accordingly, we both walked back to my room…
"How are you my dear?" She asked when she closed the door behind us…
"Tired…" I honestly answered "And sad…" I added as hot fresh tears came out of my eyes without being able to stop them
"You cannot afford it…" She wiped my tears from my face brusquely "Now is the time when you need to be stronger than ever…" The determination in her voice took me aback "Hard times are coming Piper…for both of us" She said as an ominous premonition. The last bit caught my attention…
"For both of us?" I would have thought she meant hard times were coming for the whole Kingdom, not only for us…
"Your father's death has left us in a very perilous position" She said apprehensively
"What…what do you mean?"
"We are now alone my dear…" That I knew, obviously "Without your father's protection, I don´t know what's going to happen to us…"
"But…you have nothing to worry about mother…I will take care of us…" I wanted to appease her worries
"You can't take care of us, Piper…" It bothered me the condescending demeanor she used with me
"I'm the Queen now mother…" And you should stop treating me like a little girl…I stopped myself from saying
"You are not the Queen yet…" She clarified with admonishing tone
"Yes, of course…I know that…but, I will be very soon…" The proper thing was to wait for a month after the King's death for the new coronation
"Oh sweetheart…" She said derisively "You still don't understand, don't you?"
"What is that I do not understand?" I delivered the question ever so cagily, sensing bad news
"There are so many things that you still ignore about how the world works…" She looked at me with a pitiful gesture and continued to tell me with solid certainty "You won't be the Queen of the High Lands"
"Excuse me?" I was barely able to speak after the blow her words brought to the pit of my stomach
"You don't have enough support to make it…" That I already suspected, but not to the point of being an imminent decision "The main Lords won't approve your coronation" She continued "Wake up Piper…this world is ruled by men; in no way they will accept that a woman commands over them"
"That woman is their legitimate Queen…"
"A woman who has been playing with the darkness who knows in what immoral way!" She spitted dropping the false pretense of caring mother…
I stood frozen, watching her intently and thinking about the words she had just said. I could not say what shocked me the most. The fact that she clearly knew what had happened between Alex and me…the fact that she believed that whatever happened between us, it had been a game…or the fact that she referred to it as something immoral when it had been the purest thing that my heart had ever come to feel. Of all the things I wanted to say in that moment, a single question escaped from my lips…
"How do you know?" I had only talked about my love for Alex with my father, and even when he did not react very well when learning about it, in his kind heart he found the way to accept it as it was…but there was no way my mother could have known…
"You are not even going to deny it?" She retorted aghast "Did you really fall in love with that wicked monster?"
"She is not…" She is not a wicked monster…Every fiber of my body was ready to defend her, but I remembered the damage she had done to me and I changed the course of my words to ask her again… "How do you know?"
"You have brought disgrace to this family…" She did not answer my question, although it had already hit me how she could have find out as she continued talking about all the ways in which I had stained the name of the family "How could you do such thing? I thought that at least we had raised you with a high sense of morality…"
"You…" I hissed with disgust at the realization making her stop. With the recent tragic events I had completely forgotten about that specific matter "You sent those men" I accused her as I recalled the incident in the woods, when some men had come to my rescue in the name of the King, seriously injuring Alex "The ones who were supposed to bring me back to the High Lands…" I knew already that my father had not been part of that scheme to bring me back
"I…I don't know what you are talking about" She tried to deny it of course, but that was the only way she could know about my feelings for Alex, since I had confessed them before those men so they would leave us alone
"Then tell me…how do you know about it?" I inquired as the rage was starting to rise up
"About what?" It was late to playing innocent
"About my love for her…" I recognized openly
"Oh Gods!" She exclaimed horrified holding her hands to her ears like she did not want to hear about it
"You had to do with that failed attempt to rescue me, am I wrong?" There was no way she would ever admit it and I really did not need her to confirm what I already knew, but I did want to know something more "Who else was behind that plot, mother?" I inquired ardently "Answer me!" I yelled at her at one point, not able to endure her silence "House Bloom?"
"You are sick! You have been corrupted by the darkness and in no way you will sit on the throne!" Her words would have hurt me if not because my soul was already crushed with heavy sadness…
"And who will sit on the throne? Lord Bloom?" I asked bitterly, already knowing the answer by Joe's warnings after my father's funeral…
"His son…" It had to be a joke if that idiot was going to keep my throne…my father was surely writhing in his grave with the news. I could not allow it, no matter the consequences "Do you remember Larry?"
"Of course I remember Larry, mother" I retorted with disgust, letting her know that if in any case I remembered Larry, my thoughts of him were not nice at all. My eyes began to burn with rage when finding out the hard truth "You have been conspiring against the throne…against your own daughter!" I threw in her face
"A daughter that I lost when she fell in love with darkness…" She answered back with repudiation "The kingdom does not deserve such punishment to fall on your stained hands…" At last her words hit me hard in the middle of my chest, painfully…
"Stop it!" I had to beg her, finally crushing down, reaching the limit of all I could take "Please stop…"
I did not deserve to be told any of those hurtful things and I did not deserve everything that was happening to me…I had saved the kingdom for a certain destruction…I had sacrificed my life for all of them…I had fallen in love with someone who did not know how to return my feelings…I had been deceived by the person that I thought would never be able to hurt me…I had lost my father and then, my own mother was plotting against me to leave the throne in the hands of another family. I burst into tears filled with rage, pain, sadness, deception, frustration…all of it at the same time. How is it that everything had become so complicated in such a short period of time?
My mother gave me a moment until I was able to catch my breath after the sudden outburst. I made the most of the silence to think about the situation. So Larry was going to sit on the throne…but…why had they tried to rescue me? Why my mother had come to me just five minutes ago behaving so lovingly?
I released a bitter laugh when realizing what was really happening. My mother looked at me with troubled face thinking that maybe I had gone crazy…
"They need me…don't they?" I asked with mockery. House Bloom maybe had the support of the main Lords, but without a doubt, they lacked people's sympathy…to govern without the support of the plain people was an impossible task to carry, at least not in a peaceful way. I, on the other hand, had them on my side…my father was loved by them and it was clear during his funeral that they esteemed me highly too "They need me to rule…"
"They don't need you Piper…House Bloom will take the throne with or without you…" By force, I understood "But we can still get something out of all this…"
"I don't see how…" I replied with sullenness
"An alliance between our houses will allow us to keep our status…" And there it was, her real motives. She was only watching to keep her wealthy position…
"See mother…unlike you, I'm not interested in maintaining a social status…"
"But you care about the people…" She knew my weak point "If you accept the alliance, as it was meant to be from the very beginning, you can reign together with Larry…" I turned my back to her and went to the window. I did not want to hear about that option. I felt trapped again, without any kind of control over my life, like when I was thirteen years old and they had let me know that my future had been decided "He loves you so much…" I snorted in disbelief and asked her sardonically, still looking out the window
"Even after knowing that I fell in love with the Warden?"
"He doesn't know…" That was a surprise, enough to make me turn around to see if she was being serious "He doesn't know about…her…" She repeated with a gesture of disgust before my look of doubt "He doesn't even know about the failed attempt to rescue you…" That had to be true, because Larry at least would have known that Alex was immortal, while the armored men attempted stupidly against her life…
"Wow…" I exhaled as if heavily shocked "Lord Bloom must be really desperate for power to let his son marry a deviant person like me…"
"Don't be cynical, Piper…" She reproved "It's politics…"
"And clearly, you are very good at it…"
"Think whatever you want from me…but you know what? I still think that I have done what I thought was best for us…Many things have happened during your absence Piper…" I did not want to hear her, but for some reason I let her talk, maybe I was just too tired to discuss anymore "Your father's position weakened the moment you left…he had no heirs and he became apathetic to all the problems around him, so little by little he began losing the support and respect of the main houses…" She related calmly "When your father fell ill, the chaos began…" She remembered troubled "Lord Bloom came to me one day and proposed me to rescue you to make the alliance that was always meant to be…you and Larry…the heirs of the two most powerful families in the whole kingdom, reigning together…It was only logical!…" For the split of a second, I was able to understand her point of view and the reasons that led her to stand by Lord Bloom's side "What I never imagined was that you were happy in that place…" She said with a grimace "So the plan suffered a small setback…House Bloom would have to reign without you…of course that changed when you returned…"
"I wish I had never done it…"
"But she got rid of you…" I felt as if I had been slapped on the face "And here you are…with the opportunity to continue with your father's legacy…" She continued oblivious to the damage her words had caused
"Under the shadow of a King…a Queen consort" I thought with revulsion
"Still…a Queen…" She shrugged casually. It made me wonder if that's the reason why she had married my father…a social status "Think about it and do it thoroughly…the kingdom's destiny is in your hands" She said at last, making it clear that the conversation was over, and she prepared to leave the room…
"What happened to Joe?" I got to ask before she opened the door to leave
"He will be judged for conspiring against the crown" She said casually and left, making it quite clear to whom the Crown belonged to then…
"Oh Joe…" I regretted his fate. Surely, he knew too much about House Bloom's plans and probably he had tried to prevent them to take over the power… "Damn it" I cursed out loud when finding myself completely hopeless without being able to help him; I could not even help myself isolated in my room, how was I going to help Joe?…it was a truly desperate situation…
I stood by the window for a long moment, observing the horizon as if there lay the solutions to all my problems, even though my feet hurt terribly after having been standing for so long those past days at the funeral. Then I went to sit in front of the fireplace and hours went by as I thought deeply about the options I had before me; there were not many actually, and the prospect of my future was not very bright. Just as things were, I had only two options…If I did not agree to marry Larry, I would lose the kingdom completely…but if I indeed decided to play along with Lord Bloom and my mother, in some way I could still hold some power and fulfill my father's last wish at least in some small way…but that would mean going against my principles and betraying myself by marrying a man I did not love and that, truth been told, I would never be able to love. Once again, I would have to give my freedom away, and after experiencing the feeling of being under control of my own decisions I did not see myself able to renounce that. Besides, I had to face a moral dilemma…it was not fair to deceive Larry like that; he was just a victim, the only one who did not know what was really happening…
There was a third option; to disappear and leave everything behind…if only she would come to take me back with her
"Gods…Alex…" I invoked her with all my might after hours engrossed in my thoughts, deciding that the third choice was the only viable one. I headed to my bed and sat on the edge; under the pillows, I kept hidden her black coat that she left with me. I took it and brought it to my chest "I need you…please come to me…" I begged closing my eyes and inhaling her faint essence that still remained in the garment "Warden…Can you hear me? Do you even care about me?" I waited a long moment with my heart over the edge, always with the silly hope that she would appear in the end "I need you to help me! You selfish creature! Could you at least do that? After everything I gave you!" I yelled out loud as if that way she was going to finally pay attention to me…
The first days after she left, I had even tried to understand her reasons, clinging to the possibility that maybe she had done it thinking that it was the best for me, completely convinced that she loved me…but then, I started to believe that she did not care at all about me. If she had truly loved me, she would have never abandoned me when I needed her the most. She did not love me, then why the hell did I keep hoping that she would appear at any moment?
The sound of someone knocking at my door startled me deeply as my heart grew with excitement because I immediately thought that it would be her who had finally heard my prayers. Idiot of me for thinking that…if it really had been her, she would not have had the need to knock on the door asking for permission. My heart deflated with the realization as quickly as it had jumped out of emotion with the first knocks…
Knock…Knock…Knock…Whoever was outside my room waiting for me to open the door, knocked again with insistence. I snorted extremely frustrated…Is that they are not going to leave me alone for a moment? I wondered as I walked strongly towards the door to open it with rage, willing to yell at anyone who was bothering me…but as soon as I saw the face of my visitor, I swallowed the urge to do it, mostly because he was the last person I would have expected in that moment…
"Larry…" I greeted him dejected, without bothering to hide my discontent when I saw him
"Piper…" However, he smiled at me widely, as gentle as ever to then ask me "Is this a bad time?" I shrugged with indifference because from then on every moment would be bad, I was certain about it
"As bad as any other…" I replied astringently causing him a look of sadness on his face
"I'm so sorry Piper…" He suddenly said with great affliction taking me slightly aback "I have not had the opportunity to express my condolences properly for your father's loss" He explained further, maybe before my subtle confusion
"Your absence and your father's were noticed at the funeral…" I retorted bitterly. Lord Bloom and his son had disappeared when the doctor said that there was nothing else to do but to wait…
"And I'm profoundly sorry about that too…believe me…" I could see the authenticity of his words, yet, I needed to direct my anger towards somebody, and he had made the mistake of going to visit me at the worst moment "I wanted to stay by your side, I really did…but…"
"But you and your father were too busy planning how to betray me…" I spit out the words to his face "Isn't like that?"
"You are not being fair…" He scolded me with a manifest frown
"I am not being fair?!" I raised my voice to the top of my lungs to ask in disbelief. It was completely absurd for him to blame me for not being reasonable taking into account the situation in which I found myself
"Piper please, lower your voice…" He widened his eyes as he spoke as if he wanted to communicate something important to me "This is not the best place to talk about this…" His sudden wary attitude reminded me of the way Joe had spoken to me that morning, so cautiously. I made an effort to cool my anger down, taking a deep breath and nodding at him with a gesture of temporary peace "I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk…" He promptly suggested with complicity
"I'm not allowed to leave my room, Larry…" I informed him truly annoyed
"Yes you are…if it's me who orders otherwise…" I glanced at him for that. Then the guards obeyed him more than they obeyed me…how aggravating! "Just so you know…I'm not the one who gave the orders to leave you locked in your room…" He clarified hurriedly, sensing the hatred of my look "We really need to talk..." He pleaded with his eyes before my silence
"Fine!" I agreed at last, although grudgingly, knowing in advance that nothing he said to me could be of help in my situation "Let me grab a coat…is getting cold outside…" I went back into the room and took the closest thing I had to cover myself…her coat. In spite of everything, it granted me a sense of comfort that nothing else could give me at that moment "Let's go…" I indicated Larry when leaving my room…
We walked for a good while without exchanging words. I was too upset to talk calmly, and he was too uncomfortable and nervous before my inevitable hostility towards him. Besides, it was clear then that it was no longer safe to speak within the walls of the palace. We went to the big gardens from the backyard. He offered me a seat on a bench next to a fountain but I did not accept the gesture and remained standing…
"Whatever you have to say, just say it…I'm listening" I told him harshly
"Stop being so tough with me…" He reproached me "I never agreed with taking the throne away from you, Piper…you have to believe me" He looked me openly in the eyes; I knew Larry since we were kids, we grew up together. I knew that he had not been part of that plot "I'm not happy about this decision either, trust me" He added with a grim
"And yet…you will accept the crown, won't you?" Even though he was telling me the truth, I was so annoyed with the whole thing that I didn't care about his stupid opinion or if it was his fault or not
"I don't have any other option…" What a lame excuse!
"You could refuse it" I spit the most obvious option to him, but it only made him laugh as if I had just said nonsense
"Clearly, you don't know Lord Bloom…" It struck me the way he had referred to his own father, so impersonally "You don't know what it is like to grow up with a father that is always disapproving everything you do"
"I grew up with my mother! Trust me, I know!" I told him upset
"But I only had one parent…" Larry's mother had died of fevers when he was only two years old "At least you had your father…" A twinge of pain pierced my chest. I knew my parent was dead, but hearing someone talking about him in the past made the reality so much harder. Larry must have noticed the change in my expression because he immediately softened his tone to continue talking "He was a good man…you must be proud to be his daughter"
"I am…" Tears clouded my eyes despite my attempt to remain composed in front of Larry
"You want to know why I accepted my father's plans to take over the throne?" He retorted "Because if I don't sit on the throne…he will" I frowned deeply, willing to listen "He is my father, and I love him…I do…" He stated "But he would be a terrible King, Piper…" It surprised me his sincere opinion about his father "He does not know about compassion, about taking care of the people, about fair justice…" He explained immersed in his reasons and stopped talking to make a long pause to finally say "But you do…" He said with a mixture of admiration and certainty
"What?" I asked taken aback with his last statement
"There's a lot of your father in you, Piper…he taught you so much…" I was lost with the change of the conversation. Why would he tell me those things if anyway, the crown was not going to be for me "And I...I could not do it alone..." Then in hit me...
"Are you asking me to help you to get the crown?" I inquired surprised by his shamelessness
"No Piper..." He denied, aggrieved for having thought the worst of him "I'm proposing to share it with you..." He corrected, although from my point of view, it meant the same thing "Anyway...Was not this the original plan?" He inquired "You and I were destined to join in marriage and sooner or later we were going to rule this kingdom together, Pipes..." The term of endearment sounded so wrong coming from him. I was about to forbid him to call me like that again, wanting to guard the nickname just for her...but it was not time to talk about it...
"I really...don't know if that's what I want, Larry" I expressed solemnly
"But...we were in love..." No we weren't...you were...I held the words back "We are in love...aren't we?" He seemed to try to convince himself of it "I mean...I'm still in love with you Piper..." So the moment had come, in which I would have to once and for all break poor Larry's heart...
"I..." I never loved you Larry...no, that is a terrible word choice, I thought "I'm not that girl anymore, Larry..." It was the most subtle and honest way I found to let him know that I did not love him back
"What...what do you mean?" He wondered with sadness
"I mean...that Piper you are in love with...she is gone. I have changed Larry...I am a completely different person now" I explained with a sense of wisdom
"Well...of course you are a different person..." He acknowledged "I do not even want to think about how terrible these past months have been for you in that...place with that...monster" He finished with a grimace of horror. But if he only knew that those past months had not been terrible at all but the happiest of my life...if he only knew that I had fallen in love with the monster because I had come to discover the most fascinating, tender and complex being under her terrifying facade and that, even though she had broken my heart, the sole idea of imagining myself with someone else that was not her was too painful to bear... "I still don't get it, you know..." He meditated aloud "How is it that she let you go?"
"She..." My voice got stuck. Talking about her made a lump in my throat, and I had to clear it to coninue "She is kinder and more...compassionate...than you can imagine..." He thought about it and nodded
"If you say so..." He granted me unconvinced "The important thing is that you are back and that...We could start all over again..."
"Larry...I don't..." I was about to argue that that would not be possible
"It is not my intention to pressure you...I just want you to at least consider the option..." He clarified "If you marry me, I promise you to do everything in my power to make you happy; that's what I want most in the whole world, and I really think we can be happy..."
"And if I say no?" I wanted to know what would happen if I refused. Larry smiled at me with sadness and exhaled deeply before speaking
"It will hurt...I won't lie to you" He tried to speak with lightness "But I promise I won't hold a grudge against you...at least after some days" He joked weakly making me laugh softly "You are a very important person in my life Piper, and I would like to continue counting on your friendship, no matter what" The honesty of his words moved me and the maturity with which he spoke surprised me greatly "Because...we are friends...right?" He asked tentatively
"We are..." I assured him with a fond smile, as I had no reason not to consider him a good friend. I realized then that he was actually a wonderful person and that maybe I had not wanted to see it before because my unjustified hatred towards him had not let me get to know him better. I had been so busy hating him for so many years that I had come to ruin our childhood's friendship
"I'm happy to know..." His face lighten up after my confirmation "Look...married or not...I think we can do big things for the kingdom Piper...we could continue your father's legacy" He proposed
"I would love that..." I accepted because that was better than nothing. At least he had good intentions by attempting to follow my father's legacy and his concerns about the Kingdom were genuine
"I beg you...do not reject me so quickly" He pleaded at last "Just promise me that you will think about it, please"
"I..." I found myself without reasons to reject his proposal immediately "I will think about it, but I need some time Larry..." I told him "Too many things have happened and, right now I just want..." What did I want? I was too exhausted to even think about what I needed "You want to know what I really want?" He was perplexed by my question, but he nodded paying close attention to my statement "I want to be left alone at least for a day...I want to be able to cry for my father's death without people's inquiring looks...and I want to sleep...for hours" I did not tell him that I needed time for my heart to heal too, still, I had never been so sincere in my life. He looked at me with eyes full of fondness and a sorrowful smile
"I will give you all the time in the world if necessary" He told me thoughtfully "Come on...let me walk you back to your room so that you can rest"
On the way back, I took the moment to tell him what had happened with Joe. He confessed to being aware of the situation but assured me that he was doing everything possible to leave Joe free of charges, claiming that he had acted out of loyalty to his late King, and that it was his duty to watch over me. It was the most I could do for Joe, but I trusted Larry to do something to help him.
I was finally alone in my room, after Larry ordered the guard to keep everybody away from my room because I did not want to be disturbed, until I told otherwise; a small gesture that I greatly appreciated. He wished me a good night and assured me that he would not bother me until I decided to see him. Despite the fatigue, my mind gave me no respite as it worked fast pondering about the latest developments. I thought it was time to start accepting the new scenario and reconsider my choices thoroughly. I went to light the fire in the fireplace and sat in front of it to observe the flames thoughtfully; a habit that I had acquired from her. Whenever something troubled her, I always knew where to find her; sitting in front of the library's fireplace. Then, I would go to her and sit on her lap, and we could spend hours looking at the fire without daring to change our positions. The chair where I was sitting felt too big for just one person, as the rest of things in my life...everything felt so big and empty without anyone to share with. I took a deep breath to fill the hollowness in my chest, even with only air and I tried to leave aside that line of thought, realizing that if I remained stuck in the past I was not going to be able to move forward. Not that I was ready to do it, but at least I knew that, for my sake, I would have to start overcoming the ghost of her memories...
I got up from the chair and walked to stand by the fire and let myself warm up for a while, mesmerized by the beauty of the dancing flames. With one thought in mind, I began to shed her coat slowly but unfalteringly, sure that it was the right thing to do, the smartest thing to do...I threw the coat into the fireplace and as the flames engulfed the precious piece of clothing, I felt a twinge of regret piercing my heart; if the fire had not been so voracious, I would have dared to take the partly scorched coat from the fire, but it was too late. Maybe, for better or worse, it was time to let her go…