Hand over heart. It's how she found herself sitting most of day. Thru dinner with Noah. TV time. Reading. Sitting in her chair looking out her window, glancing at her phone over and over again. Just waiting. Waiting. And unsure of what outcome she wanted.

A part of her heart (and brain... a large part) wanted his meeting to go south. For him to show up at her door in jeans and t-shirt (did he own that stuff?) and tell her he was fired. And she knew. She knew if he said those words she would grab him and kiss him and drag him into her apartment and keep him there. Keep him in her bed. Have him eat breakfast with her and Noah. She was already working up the phone call to Finn in her head of why she wouldn't be in. She pictured them dropping Noah at day care and then coming right back here to learn about every aspect of each other. With her hand over her heart, she pictured a long beach vacation in some exotic locale, just so she could listen to him speak in Spanish, which drove her crazy the few times she had heard him speak it. She closed her eyes, hand over her heart, as she could vividly see them lounging in a cabana as Noah plays in the sand. She could almost feel the sand under her feet as they walked hand in hand with Noah running in the waves in front of them. She would swear that his hands were on her hips as she pictured them dancing to some soft salsa music on the veranda of their villa, pressed as closely as they could be without being inside of each other. This could be moment, the moment that spurs her to retire. To finally take her time to just be. She always knew it would take the right person, the one who could give her a reason to find out about life beyond SVU.

She opened her eyes, looking out onto the city, hand still over her heart. She had done the job without him. But could she continue to do it now that he had been there? There were days that working with him kept her going. Cases that wanted to break her in half until she looked into his eyes and felt her fight come back. She knew that SVU would survive without her. Could she survive without SVU? And could she survive going in tomorrow if he wasn't there, having her back?

She only allowed herself to do this in the privacy of her home. Letting this out... while they still had a fight to fight, then it had to stay in her heart and her in head. But if the DA took the decision out of her hands, could she? Would he even want to?

Her phone rang. She looked over and took a breath.. "Barba. Hey." She said, trying to not give herself away.