Note: Bet you never expected to see this pop up again lol Been a while, huh? If you remember the trolling trick behind the first part, you're going to see where I'm going with this awful quick. And since presumably people will read or remember part 1 first, I didn't try so hard to fool you this time lol But it's still lots of fun!

The Salmon

Gray leaned against the ship's rail and peered over the side to watch the salmon flounder about in the water. He was supremely unimpressed by the sight.

"Quit playing around and get on the boat," he said.

"I can't!" the salmon wailed. "I'm going to drown!"

"You won't drown." Gray rolled his eyes. "What, did you suddenly forget how to swim?"

Water splashed and arced through the air in glimmering droplets as the salmon struggled frantically. A strange glub glub sound burbled up from the waves as the salmon's head went under, quickly followed by some wet coughs and sputtering as it broke the surface again. Gray watched in interest. This was possibly the most pathetic showing he had ever seen. The salmon was drowning. Drowning, of all things!

"N-no," the salmon croaked, voice thick and breaking as a new round of weak coughing dislodged some more water. "But get me out!"

The whole thing seemed silly to Gray. The salmon wasn't very bright, but swimming should pose no problem. One didn't have to be a great genius to swim, and it wasn't like the salmon was injured. Sick, maybe. Injured, no.

Personally, Gray was of the opinion that fighting through one's own struggles built character, and he wasn't inclined to help the salmon at the best of times. Anyway, this job had been annoying and he wasn't happy about being stranded in the middle of the ocean on a boat because he was utterly paranoid that Juvia might be stalking him from amid the waves—you never could tell with that girl—and he wasn't in the mood to deal with nonsense.

It didn't help that the salmon had been a terrible nuisance today, driving Gray to the point of grievous ill-wishing.

He glanced back over his shoulder, but the deck was empty aside from a couple sailors running about. The rest of the team was still belowdecks, finishing up their lunch and fidgeting about impatiently as they waited for the ship to make it back to Hargeon so that they could disembark and go home. Which probably meant that he couldn't count on them to get up here and solve this problem for him in time.

He wondered if they would be very angry at him if he let the salmon drown. Personally, he thought they should be grateful. Everything would be much quieter and less annoying that way. And if they wanted another friend so badly… Well, there were plenty of fish in the sea.

"Gray!"

Gray let out a long-suffering sigh and crouched down. "Come closer, then. If you think I'm jumping into that water for you, you're sorely mistaken."

The salmon was splashing about too frantically to hear the words, but luckily Gray was tall enough to reach when he shoved his arm and half his body out through the large gap between the railing posts. His fingers closed around smooth white scales, and he muttered a curse under his breath at how slippery the water made them.

Still, he held on with grim tenacity and yanked upwards with all his might until he could get a better grip and haul the salmon through the gap and onto the deck. The salmon flopped around on deck like a fish out of water, hacking up water and thrashing about. Gray looked on with faint disgust.

"I can't believe you," he muttered.

"I can't believe you were going to let me drown! And no touching!"

Hard, wet scales slapped Gray's face like a thick, slippery tail, and he fell back with a splutter. "Hey! I was just trying to pull you up, you fool."

"Well, don't touch it!"

Gray pulled himself to his feet with all the dignity he could muster, rubbing at the stinging welt on his cheek. The idiot had gone and done it now.

"You're so pathetic," he said coldly, leaning back against the rail and turning up his nose in disgust as the salmon curled up and moaned in a most pathetic fashion. "I can't believe you fell over the side and nearly drowned yourself for no good reason."

"I don't feel well!"

"It's exceedingly pathetic that you're so seasick that you can't even manage to stay on a boat and can't remember how to swim even once you fall off."

The salmon groaned again. "I wish I'd never come on this stupid boat."

"If wishes were fishes," Gray said unsympathetically.

The groan was even louder this time. "Don't talk about fish."

Gray blinked at the moaning heap for a moment and then tilted his head. "Oh, you aren't nauseous, are you?"

The salmon flopped over and peered upward with a squint. "Don't look at me like that with those beady little eyes of yours."

"…What?"

"When you look at me all predatory like that, it means you're going to be really mean to me."

A sly grin spread over the raven's face as he eyed the salmon in, yes, a very predatory fashion.

"I wonder if Happy will be back soon," Gray said innocently. "He might still be busy chowing down on fish."

"Stop," the salmon moaned.

"Maybe we should have a nice fish fry when we get home. I bet Happy would rather scarf them all raw, scales and all, but I think fish are better cooked, don't you? Mm, fish. Can't you just smell frying fish? Taste them? Yum, yum, yum."

"I'm going to barf," the salmon groaned, flopping about weakly.

The ship rolled and dipped gently beneath their feet, and Gray readjusted his stance automatically to accommodate for the motion as his stomach did a funny little drop and flip. He actually found the sensation almost pleasant, but evidently the salmon did not agree.

"Natsu!" Happy cried, and Gray looked over to see that he and the girls had finally emerged from belowdecks. "Are you hungry yet? There are some really tasty fish!"

The salmon turned positively green around the gills. "Make it stop…"

The boat lurched abruptly and Natsu, still in a heap right by the edge, rolled. His eyes widened in horror as he rolled right over the side again, the scales of his scarf gleaming a bright white in the harsh sunlight before disappearing from view. A loud splash signaled the start of this newest swimming lesson.

Gray folded his arms over the rail and scowled over the side. "Seriously? After all the work it took to haul you out of there the first time?"

"Get me out!"

"Natsu!" The others rushed over in a panic and peered into the water.

Lucy turned to Gray with tearful eyes. "Shouldn't you get him out?"

"Nah." Gray shrugged and propped his cheek on his fist. "Getting himself out will build character."

"I'm drowning!" Natsu wailed, flailing about weakly with a good deal of splashing. Could motion sickness really make him that pathetic even once he was off the boat?

"Drowning builds character too, pinky."

This was finally too much for Natsu, only adding insult to injury.

"For the last time," he cried, "my hair is not pink! It's salmon!"

Note: I never intended to add anything to this, but a few months ago I was wandering around and it hit me like a bolt of lightning. I mean, if I made fun of calling Gray "the raven" because of his hair, why not poke fun at Natsu's own hair quirk? (Btw, I don't remember if that was ever a running joke in canon? I don't really remember hearing it until I started reading fanfic, and then it popped up everywhere. Either way, it's ready-made ammunition XD)

I almost forgot about this, but I reread it tonight and cracked up and so here it is XD

emmahoshi: I don't remember hearing it in the anime/manga, but it seems to be a running gag in the fandom. I run across it from time to time. Apparently it's too emasculating for Natsu to admit that his hair is pink. *rolls eyes* Lol Gray just wants to see if Natsu will drown XD